sweetmind20 Posted January 23, 2004 Share Posted January 23, 2004 a childhood love/friend whom i have known for about seven years, has come back into my life. the thing is, during the time we were apart (about two yrs.) i since lost my virginity and i am no longer in love with this person, as i forced myself to move on after he took off. now, i am completely aware that he has issues with trust and with relationships. he doesn't have any family and basically raised himself, therefore he is very cynical, yet vulnerable to the world around him. as a result of no family, he and i became especially close when we were younger. we grew to love each other very deeply. for him, our bond was something that filled his longing to be loved by another human being. everything seemed to be ok, and then he took off. i did not hear from him for about two years. two months ago, i get a phone call. he apologizes to me, and asks if i think we can salvage what we had. he's in the military and he has no one to come home to when he is on leave. he told me that i was the only woman he ever loved and that being treated like **** in the military made him realize all the more that you don't always know what you have until it's gone or taken. so, i saw his point. as much hurt and anger as i had toward him for leaving me, my heart still remained a crack open,and we have been getting closer again. then last night, he told me that he is still a virgin. (he's 22 and i'm 21) he said he knows that the reason he held out for so long is because he always knew it should be with me. now, i don't want to be a sucker for a one liner.. but i feel that this is genuine. while i know that you guys do not know either of us personally, i wonder what you think of a situation like this.. is it wrong to make love with someone in a situation like this? as kind of a favor? i know favor may sound like some prostiture term, but it's not like that at all. i will always have a bond with this person, and i will always love him. i just don't know if it's wrong to take his virginity. what do you guys think? Link to post Share on other sites
Kriz Posted January 23, 2004 Share Posted January 23, 2004 I'm usually a bit more balanced in my post. However I see no objections if you want to do it for him. As jester might say: Let it rip. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted January 24, 2004 Share Posted January 24, 2004 Well, I wouldn't advise doing it "as a favor". Only have sex because it feels right to YOU. And do use protection, and think about the aftermath. Cheers! Link to post Share on other sites
AprilFool Posted January 24, 2004 Share Posted January 24, 2004 How romantic Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 24, 2004 Share Posted January 24, 2004 I think it's wrong if he thinks there's something more there. And if you think this will make him less emotionally attached to you, you're definitely wrong. Draw up some lines in the sand, and don't let him trick you into crossing them. Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted January 24, 2004 Share Posted January 24, 2004 bear in mind i am a very skeptical kitten, by nature and by training. i also have quite evil male friends. (whom i love dearly) i am asking you gently, knowing how some men can be when it comes to maneuvering a woman they desire into bed, if there is any way he could be playing you? a couple of things have my warning bells going off: 1. he is cynical; which indicates at least an awareness of the games that can be played and a willingness to eschew romantic ideals. 2. he took off, with no word. this is a big one. 3. the dreamy starry-eyed quality of your post that is not, to my eye, nearly skeptical enough about a man who would take off and return with a great line. the best players in the world make women feel that they (the women) are in control. it's practically a code rule. and they are, until the guy takes off again. you have made no mention of how this man is romancing you. did he ask you for this favour? please tell me you have some concerns in general about this situation, and that you recognize the possibility that you will get hurt very badly again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sweetmind20 Posted January 24, 2004 Author Share Posted January 24, 2004 jenny, yes, my post must have appeared pretty dreamy-eyed.. a part of me is overwhelmed and somewhat happy that he is back in my life.. i somehow felt that there would be resolution.. yet i am cynical, and still very hurt and bitter about what he put me through... though.. i can't deny that those feelings, that need for some kind of resolution has made me feel as though i want to sleep with him. maybe for the wrong reasons.. maybe it would just mean more complications. i told him that if he ever took off again, that that would be it. thanks for your help... Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted January 24, 2004 Share Posted January 24, 2004 I thought you were engaged to someone else...am I confused? Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted January 26, 2004 Share Posted January 26, 2004 Think about it in this light for awhile: Do you think that it would be as special to him if he weren't a virgin? If the answer is "Yes", then by all means, knock yourself out upon his pillar of manhood...otherwise, he just feels like it's some sort of "step" that he needs to take in his quest for "man-ness" and you're just being manipulated. Link to post Share on other sites
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