Toodamnpragmatic Posted May 11, 2010 Share Posted May 11, 2010 As I am seldom here at all, I did see an interesting post (since disappeared by Dexter), calling out a post on the OW/OM Forum. What I read that really had me scratching my head (and different form what many others saw in the post) was the OW going on about how wonderful the OM was and that he was starting to come out to her and her friends and work colleagues after 5 years. She was idealizing every moment with him. Again it was another woman looking for the slightest affirmation from the married OM. She then stated uncategorically that she could have dates no problem and many men pursued her but her heart "wasn't into it". Got me thinking as to why a single man would want to date a woman who was a long-term OW. Face it, can you compete against the OM, and the fact often someone who is the OW, I doubt knows what a "regular" relationship is, and the fantasy world many OW's must build for themselves to maintain a long-term affair with a married man. Just wondering..... Link to post Share on other sites
BlueeyedJonesy Posted May 11, 2010 Share Posted May 11, 2010 THis is why As are so addicting..its secretive, seductive and thrilling...I've posted about this before that anyone outside of the A really isn't even considered competition. For one, they have no idea that they are competing for the love of their spouse, but the AP on the other hand does know. You see they steam it up and try to keep it hot..hair, makeup, fitness, lingerie, and plenty of other things(many OW/OM won't admit this but there are plenty on here who admit to putting on the A game) The WS plays a game and says what the AP wants to hear (because your not going to willingly get into an A with a boring married person just for sex....and if so then you need help) either way you slice it, its all wrong and decietful. I would never date someone knowing they had been a long time AP..knowing they intentionally distructed someone else's life for their own happiness isn't something I would find as an attractive quality in another human being. Just like I would leave my H in a heartbeat if he felt it was necessary to tear our family apart so he could play hide the pickle with another woman.... JMHO Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted May 11, 2010 Share Posted May 11, 2010 Got me thinking as to why a single man would want to date a woman who was a long-term OW. Face it, can you compete against the OM, and the fact often someone who is the OW, I doubt knows what a "regular" relationship is, and the fantasy world many OW's must build for themselves to maintain a long-term affair with a married man. TDP, I can't speak for WF, but I can speak for myself as a fOW who had a LTA with a MM. Why do SGs want to date OWs? Same reason any guy wants to date any woman - she's hot, she's fun, she's sexy, she's intelligent, she's great to be with... And, as any woman in a R can tell you - when you least want guys hitting on you (because you're already set up, happy and fulfilled) you have to bat away the swarms of guys trying their luck. Sure, if they know there's a MM on the scene, they may be less keen - but i've never noticed that, IRL. During my As, I was always open with both current and potential partners about having others - they knew they wouldn't be Mr Only, and they knew that I wasn't expecting them to be sexually exclusive either. Were any of them ever bothered by not being The Only One? Maybe. Did it ever stop any of them from getting involved? No. How many people have "it's complicated" R statuses? It's pretty common for people to date on a non-exclusive basis, possibly hoping something "more" will come out of it. It's a bit like an initial job interview - you don't only interview one person. If SGs are in the same "look and see" space, why would that be an inhibitor? As for knowing what a "regular" R is - I don't know any OWs who don't. Some wish for that in their As, others are in As because they don't want that. It's a mix. For an OW to date a SG, it typically signals that a "regular" R is what she'd like - though, often, she's still carrying a torch for the MM, so things don't really work out with the SG, however interested he might be. But sometimes it does, and it helps her to shake off the memory shackles of the MM and move on. Whether or not WF had a fantasy world thing going I'm not in a position to comment, but I've never been one for that kind of stuff. I leave that to young kids dating, newlyweds or those incurable romantics that stumble from one unsuitable R to another. While some OWs may indeed have spangles in their eyes, I'm sure they're no more numerous proportionally than any "in love" person dreaming of a future with their beloved. Despite your best efforts to paint us as a different breed, there's really not much difference between OWs and any other women, or men, out there. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted May 11, 2010 Share Posted May 11, 2010 Despite your best efforts to paint us as a different breed, there's really not much difference between OWs and any other women, or men, out there. Except for the horns and cloven hooves, right? Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted May 11, 2010 Share Posted May 11, 2010 Except for the horns and cloven hooves, right? Damn, reeb, you had to bring those up... Still, it's nothing a good hairdresser or manicurist can't get around Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toodamnpragmatic Posted May 11, 2010 Author Share Posted May 11, 2010 TDP, I can't speak for WF, but I can speak for myself as a fOW who had a LTA with a MM. Why do SGs want to date OWs? Same reason any guy wants to date any woman - she's hot, she's fun, she's sexy, she's intelligent, she's great to be with... And, as any woman in a R can tell you - when you least want guys hitting on you (because you're already set up, happy and fulfilled) you have to bat away the swarms of guys trying their luck. Sure, if they know there's a MM on the scene, they may be less keen - but i've never noticed that, IRL. During my As, I was always open with both current and potential partners about having others - they knew they wouldn't be Mr Only, and they knew that I wasn't expecting them to be sexually exclusive either. Were any of them ever bothered by not being The Only One? Maybe. Did it ever stop any of them from getting involved? No. How many people have "it's complicated" R statuses? It's pretty common for people to date on a non-exclusive basis, possibly hoping something "more" will come out of it. It's a bit like an initial job interview - you don't only interview one person. If SGs are in the same "look and see" space, why would that be an inhibitor? As for knowing what a "regular" R is - I don't know any OWs who don't. Some wish for that in their As, others are in As because they don't want that. It's a mix. For an OW to date a SG, it typically signals that a "regular" R is what she'd like - though, often, she's still carrying a torch for the MM, so things don't really work out with the SG, however interested he might be. But sometimes it does, and it helps her to shake off the memory shackles of the MM and move on. Whether or not WF had a fantasy world thing going I'm not in a position to comment, but I've never been one for that kind of stuff. I leave that to young kids dating, newlyweds or those incurable romantics that stumble from one unsuitable R to another. While some OWs may indeed have spangles in their eyes, I'm sure they're no more numerous proportionally than any "in love" person dreaming of a future with their beloved. Despite your best efforts to paint us as a different breed, there's really not much difference between OWs and any other women, or men, out there. But I realize how lucky I am at home and thank LS for that.... Now dating is one thing, but sleeping with multiple people while single is no different then having an "open relationship", which as we see is a very difficult concept..... Yes I was reading WF's post (no interest to read the 22 pages or know all about the past), but was struck as to how she put her man on a pedestal and I thought about relationships with married men, where it can be all highs (travel, hotels, meals out, great sex) and seldom the monotony of a living together and the everyday minutiae, though on second-thought that can be any relationship. As said I was just struck by WF's comments how easy it would be for her to have dates but she chose not to.... So what do I know:rolleyes:... Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted May 11, 2010 Share Posted May 11, 2010 where it can be all highs (travel, hotels, meals out, great sex) and seldom the monotony of a living together and the everyday minutiae It's what I call fast food love lives. Instant gratification, little to no work. I'd like to order off the value menu please. No wonder divorce and affairs are rampant. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted May 11, 2010 Share Posted May 11, 2010 I thought about relationships with married men, where it can be all highs (travel, hotels, meals out, great sex) and seldom the monotony of a living together and the everyday minutiae Some As are like that... but LTAs seldom are. They're usually like any other LTR - grumbling about blocked drains, taking out the rubbish, fetching kids from school, juggling finances to pay all the bills on time... In fact, pretty much like all the other Rs that start out with dining out, great sex, hot dates... After 5 years, you've pretty much had the warts-and-all scenario. You've got a history, same as a M, and the prospect of dating - and having to go through all of that, all over again, with somebody new, can be a terrifying prospect. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted May 13, 2010 Share Posted May 13, 2010 Despite your best efforts to paint us as a different breed, there's really not much difference between OWs and any other women, or men, out there. uh, there is a world of difference in character between those that won't sleep with someone who is married and those that do. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 As I am seldom here at all, I did see an interesting post (since disappeared by Dexter), calling out a post on the OW/OM Forum. What I read that really had me scratching my head (and different form what many others saw in the post) was the OW going on about how wonderful the OM was and that he was starting to come out to her and her friends and work colleagues after 5 years. She was idealizing every moment with him. Again it was another woman looking for the slightest affirmation from the married OM. She then stated uncategorically that she could have dates no problem and many men pursued her but her heart "wasn't into it". Got me thinking as to why a single man would want to date a woman who was a long-term OW. Face it, can you compete against the OM, and the fact often someone who is the OW, I doubt knows what a "regular" relationship is, and the fantasy world many OW's must build for themselves to maintain a long-term affair with a married man. Just wondering..... I suppose reading the whole (now) 24 pages would allow you to get a better glimpse of me so that you could answer your own question. Better yet, read my entire posting history at LS. The problem her is you really don't want to know. You just want to bash someone for enjoying their love with a MP. I was M for 25 years and you don't think I know what a regular R is? I worked with him worked for him, loved him, had his babies, cleaned his parents house and served their guests, watched all his nieces and nephews because he offered my baby-sitting services to his siblings whenever he felt they needed time to themselves, learned his language, learned his cuisine (and cook it quite well too:cool:), learned their style of dance, rocked his world at night, took care of him when he was sick, went to work functions with him, FOR him, went into business with him, planted gardens with him (okay, he helped me plant the garden) and the list goes on and on. I don't know what gets in your head about OW not knowing a regular R from an affair R. Maybe it is your age or is it just your ignorance? I say that respectfully because I believe you are choosing to be ignorant. It must be bliss or something. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 But I realize how lucky I am at home and thank LS for that.... Now dating is one thing, but sleeping with multiple people while single is no different then having an "open relationship", which as we see is a very difficult concept..... Yes I was reading WF's post (no interest to read the 22 pages or know all about the past), but was struck as to how she put her man on a pedestal and I thought about relationships with married men, where it can be all highs (travel, hotels, meals out, great sex) and seldom the monotony of a living together and the everyday minutiae, though on second-thought that can be any relationship. As said I was just struck by WF's comments how easy it would be for her to have dates but she chose not to.... So what do I know:rolleyes:...You don't know much because you're obvioiusly romanticizing it! I won't disagree that I put him on a pedestal. I tend to do that with any man I am in love with and perhaps that is a fault of mine. Is that a fault of your W's? Just wondering. I get the feeling that since you made the comment about me turning away dates that I can't get them or something. Interesting on two counts. The first is why would you think that? Am I ugly, fat, boring? I mean, how do you know? Secondly, do you think I cling on to MM because I CAN'T get any dates? Sheesh, you're crazy! You did mention this on Dexter's thread and I thought you must've misread something but I will go back on my thread and re-read what I posted on this almost non-issue about my turning dates away. The fact is TDP, when you love someone you don't want to date others. Maybe you've never been in love and don't know this but it happens to be the truth. Oh wait, didn't you say you were M? OK then, you surely know what I'm talking about. Why is it then that it's OK for you to turn romantic interests away but not me? You think I should just take on a date even though my heart is entangled with another? The question isn't why they would want to date me, the question is why would I want to date them. If and when I get over my MM then I will be ready to take on dates with other guys. I hope that is simple enough for you. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 Hmm... I'm having trouble seeing what this has to do with being an OW. When I date someone, I have tunnel vision, and it's like no other men exist. I wouldn't dream of dating anyone else. Just not my thing. WF may be the same, and that's why she said her heart wasn't in it. Just so happens the man she was dating was married. Not saying it's right, but there ya go. It's not like all OW will spread their legs for anything that shows interest, ya know? Thank you. So true. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 ya, and rather than calling out the despicable behavior in their little protected forum, I posted it in infidelity. Seems its ok to tout the beauty of having sex with someone elses spouse here, but calling out that behavior and having a discussion on it is unacceptable. What do you think the chances would be now that my post was deleted of getting that one deleted because I find it offensive? I wonder who called that one off anyway. I was enjoying it quite truthfully. So many people came to my defense. Dex, if you want I can email what I was able to copy and paste and keep for my own from your thread. Oh, and there is no need to call out anyone's behavior Dex. We live in the US, not Iran where they have enlisted Morals Police. They closed your thread because you ignored the TOS and tried to use a public forum to destroy someone. You didn't think the haters would read it in the OW/OM forum so you took it somewhere that you thought people would not only read it but become inflamed about it. That made me even happier about my defenders. I'm sorry you stew in your hate. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 I don't think most OW are capable of having a normal and healthy relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 I don't think most OW are capable of having a normal and healthy relationship. Can you please quantify that? I mean, why post something like that without backing it up? Is it because we wear lingerie and perfume all day long? Fluff our hair and look in the mirror? You think because we didn't clean up our exH's vomit off the bathroom rug during our M that we don't know what normal and healthy is? Come on Woggle. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 Can you please quantify that? I mean, why post something like that without backing it up? Is it because we wear lingerie and perfume all day long? Fluff our hair and look in the mirror? You think because we didn't clean up our exH's vomit off the bathroom rug during our M that we don't know what normal and healthy is? Come on Woggle. It is the affair aspect that makes them keep coming back for more. If you take that away they would get bored and start looking at the man is being a brother. They mistake drama for passion and without that drama they feel no sparks. Link to post Share on other sites
jennie-jennie Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 It is the affair aspect that makes them keep coming back for more. If you take that away they would get bored and start looking at the man is being a brother. They mistake drama for passion and without that drama they feel no sparks. Hilarious. I was in a 25 year long relationship with the father of my children, and I never stopped feeling sparks for him. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 It is the affair aspect that makes them keep coming back for more. If you take that away they would get bored and start looking at the man is being a brother. They mistake drama for passion and without that drama they feel no sparks. Well thanks for speaking for me because none of that is the truth. Why do you think so many OW leave the A??? For the very reasons you stated above. Love is what keeps people in As. When the pain becomes more than the joy, as in any R, you end it. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 Hilarious. I was in a 25 year long relationship with the father of my children, and I never stopped feeling sparks for him. Same amount of years for me but the love did die because he killed it. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 (edited) oops, wrong quote. Edited May 14, 2010 by White Flower oops Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 She then stated uncategorically that she could have dates no problem and many men pursued her but her heart "wasn't into it". OK I looked TDP. You said you didn't get passed my OP on my thread so I didn't go further either. Tell me where I said I have 'em lined up cause I don't see it. Link to post Share on other sites
Lovelybird Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 Hilarious. I was in a 25 year long relationship with the father of my children, and I never stopped feeling sparks for him. but you did choose another unavailable man and forsake your dear husband, didn't you? Link to post Share on other sites
lilagirl Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 Got me thinking as to why a single man would want to date a woman who was a long-term OW. Face it, can you compete against the OM, and the fact often someone who is the OW, I doubt knows what a "regular" relationship is, and the fantasy world many OW's must build for themselves to maintain a long-term affair with a married man. Just wondering..... This is fabulous. For Real? Do you believe that all OW spend their lives hoping from one MM to another... preying on the unsuspecting MM, waiting to destroy a family? Have you ever been in an A? Long or short term, I guarantee you it is like any other R, when it comes to emotions, disagreements, passion, etc. The difference is in the secrecy... and trust me... Any OW could do without the lying and hiding. The fantasy that is built is no different than any fantasy that is created in a relationship... when you are with someone you love, you envision your life with them, you want them to get along with your family, you think of them in your future... Yes there are many serial MM who create this fake fantasy for their ow, but there are also many strong relationships that are built through an A. I am just like any other girl. I have great moments, bad moments, bitchy moments, I am tired, I am full of energy, I feel horny, I don`t feel in the mood, I get stressed by the kids, I have too many errands... all of these things impact my Rs... whether it is with my spouse, or if my partner happens to be M. He gets the best of me, and the worst of me...its not blissful sex, wearing stiletos while dancing on the bed and drawing circles on each others arms all day ... I am a wonderful woman... and if my MM and I have a future... I am thrillled, and know we can work with each other through good days and bad. If we don`t... I am a great woman. period Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 This is fabulous. For Real? Do you believe that all OW spend their lives hoping from one MM to another... preying on the unsuspecting MM, waiting to destroy a family? Have you ever been in an A? Long or short term, I guarantee you it is like any other R, when it comes to emotions, disagreements, passion, etc. The difference is in the secrecy... and trust me... Any OW could do without the lying and hiding. The fantasy that is built is no different than any fantasy that is created in a relationship... when you are with someone you love, you envision your life with them, you want them to get along with your family, you think of them in your future... Yes there are many serial MM who create this fake fantasy for their ow, but there are also many strong relationships that are built through an A. I am just like any other girl. I have great moments, bad moments, bitchy moments, I am tired, I am full of energy, I feel horny, I don`t feel in the mood, I get stressed by the kids, I have too many errands... all of these things impact my Rs... whether it is with my spouse, or if my partner happens to be M. He gets the best of me, and the worst of me...its not blissful sex, wearing stiletos while dancing on the bed and drawing circles on each others arms all day ... I am a wonderful woman... and if my MM and I have a future... I am thrillled, and know we can work with each other through good days and bad. If we don`t... I am a great woman. period Great post and I learned a new OW trick...drawing circles on arms! Wow, where's the sharpie??? But really, just because I glorify my man (whether my H, boyfriend, MM, whoever) doesn't mean that I am not aware of things like when he tries to sneak off a fart (did I say fart?) or has milk breath or something stuck in his teeth. Just because I didn't post it doesn't mean I glorify him all the time. You're not here with me every day, you only see my posts. I think non-OPs enjoy when we're down about our MPs but are outraged that we could have one happy day with them. Link to post Share on other sites
Lovelybird Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 (edited) I think non-OPs enjoy when we're down about our MPs but are outraged that we could have one happy day with them. I think the major reason is that usually people don't want to see affairs and unfaithfulness and covetiousness succeed. You may say it is love, but for others it isn't only love, but also hurt for the wife, break code of honor, I guess most of people still want the ideal: faithfulness, boundaries, integrity....that kind of thing Edited May 14, 2010 by Lovelybird Link to post Share on other sites
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