Dating someone who was the Long-term OW...

[OWoman]

I forgot to mention this one last thought. You, as well as the OP tend to define the OW or AP as that and only that. I am not defined by my affair. It has only taken place the last few years of my life and by focusing on that only you discount the rest of my life. I wasn't born an OW and I will not remain the OW. If I am not stuck on it, why should anybody else be including my future partner?

 

True enough. I was an OW, and now I'm a W. Happily M, to a wonderful H, still so patently that everywhere we go people ask if we're still newlyweds. None of my past experiences, on its own, defines me. I define me, and I define myself on my own terms. Anyone who can't deal with the full rich complexity of me shouldn't waste my time trying to be a friend / lover / anyone I'd willingly spend any time with, for all of our sakes.

[White Flower]

Anyone who can't deal with the full rich complexity of me shouldn't waste my time trying to be a friend / lover / anyone I'd willingly spend any time with, for all of our sakes.

I saved my son's life three times and my daughters' lives twice. Why doesn't anybody call me a hero? Oh, I guess it's because that was during my kids' formative years and everyone has forgotten now.

 

Yesterday, I helped a woman my age learn how to set up an email account because she needed to apply for a job online. Simple stuff for you and me, but nobody had ever taken the time to show this woman anything. She cried with gratitude that I was patient with her. Why is nobody calling me a good Samaritan? Oh yeah, that was only one moment out of my life.

 

I take care of my handi-capped aunt who cannot walk. I literally lift her into the shower everyday and take care of needs that most people never have to think about. Lifting her wheelchair into my car breaks my back but it is neccessary so I do it, never complaining. But being an OW cancels that out I guess.

 

You guys with your Scarlet Letters...you only see red. Try looking for rainbows.

[Dexter Morgan]

True enough. I was an OW, and now I'm a W. Happily M, to a wonderful H, still so patently that everywhere we go people ask if we're still newlyweds.

 

ok, I know this is off topic, but I just have to say, you say this above, but in a past thread you said monogomy wasn't natural and that nobody should be tied down to having sex with the same person for the rest of their life.

[White Flower]

How does that counteract what she said? Anyway, if she did say it, that doesn't mean somebody shouldn't do it if they really want to.

[reboot]

ok, I know this is off topic, but I just have to say, you say this above, but in a past thread you said monogomy wasn't natural and that nobody should be tied down to having sex with the same person for the rest of their life.

 

*shrug*

 

I felt the exact same way when I was young, until at the ripe old age of 27 I met a woman that changed my mind.

[Dexter Morgan]

*shrug*

 

I felt the exact same way when I was young, until at the ripe old age of 27 I met a woman that changed my mind.

 

she said this not too long ago while married to the guy she says she is happy with.

 

If I was married and my wife knew I said, "I don't believe in having sex with the same person for the rest of my life".....whaddya think would happen?

[White Flower]

she said this not too long ago while married to the guy she says she is happy with.

 

If I was married and my wife knew I said, "I don't believe in having sex with the same person for the rest of my life".....whaddya think would happen?

She might ask you if you were interested in an open M? She might share you? She might D you? Any number of possibilities. It's a big world out there.

[Dexter Morgan]

Oh good grief! White Flower, are they STILL beating up on you? I'd think they'd be tired of it by now.

 

not from me. I wasn't even addressing her. So don't know what you are talking about.

[White Flower]

Oh good grief! White Flower, are they STILL beating up on you? I'd think they'd be tired of it by now.

LOL, you're too funny jthorne. Naw, this thread has calmed down a bit. But they're still swingin at me over on N-R's thread.

[reboot]

LOL, you're too funny jthorne. Naw, this thread has calmed down a bit. But they're still swingin at me over on N-R's thread.

 

We got your back.

[OWoman]

ok, I know this is off topic, but I just have to say, you say this above, but in a past thread you said monogomy wasn't natural and that nobody should be tied down to having sex with the same person for the rest of their life.

 

she said this not too long ago while married to the guy she says she is happy with.

 

Indeed, am happy with. There is no contradiction. My political viewpoint doesn't change with my situation - I don't suddenly stop being an anarchist because I gain a share in the system, or suddenly become a monarchist because I live in the UK.

 

Just as I have a job within a capitalist world economy while still being staunchly opposed to capitalism, so I can continue to denounce the inherently exploitative and oppressive foundations of the institution of M while being M myself. Sexual exclusivity IS unnatural - there is plenty of science to back that up - just as the wearing of clothes is; yet people choose to do both every day. I have no issue with the exercise of choice and free will - but I have huge issue with societal decree that obliges people to live one way or another, when that way is opposed to nature and instinct for reasons grounded in exploitation.

 

M is not what I would have chosen. It was necessary in order for us to be able to live together, as citizens of different nationalities. Getting M was not embracing the sanctity of an institution to which I am opposed, it was a pragmatic means to an end - the only viable one. Compromise is necessary when you live in a world order not of your choosing. The same way that I didn't vote Conservative - and lament the fact that they got in - but have to deal with the reality of a Tory government, so I can denounce the institution of M while still being M.

[OWoman]

If I was married and my wife knew I said, "I don't believe in having sex with the same person for the rest of my life".....whaddya think would happen?

 

My H isn't insecure in the slightest! He knows exactly where I stand on this (and pretty much everything else!!) and he also knows that he keeps me more than satisfied Sure, people grow and change - and our needs may too - but we communicate constantly so we both know what's going on with each other.

[White Flower]

We got your back.

And I'll always have yours.

[JAGeezer]

I forgot to mention this one last thought. You, as well as the OP tend to define the OW or AP as that and only that. I am not defined by my affair. It has only taken place the last few years of my life and by focusing on that only you discount the rest of my life. I wasn't born an OW and I will not remain the OW. If I am not stuck on it, why should anybody else be including my future partner?

 

To the OP: if any man looks at my past and deems me unfit to be a part of his life simply because I was once the OW then he is not good enough for me. If he looks at it as sin, then he is not good enough to be a Christian because even Jesus died for the sinners he adored so much. I could not accept a hypocrite as my partner WHICH is, by the way, the reason I asked MM to shyte or get off the pot. I was tired of looking at a hypocrite.

 

Peace to you all.

 

I'm sorry, but yes you are most certainly defined by it. You are a person who incorporates a fatal personality flaw that allows you to do something, for your own pleasure and enjoyment that most people acknowledge to be wrong, which stands a good chance of destroying lives and bringing misery and suffering on innocent people. You knew this and did it anyway, because you wanted to. This does not argue that you are, in any way shape or form, a good person because you rescue puppies and kittens in your spare time when you aren't working at stealing someone else's husband.

 

To borrow an old pop culture analogy on "attaboys", every time you do something right you get an attaboy. Note, one "aw ****" wipes out all of your attaboys and you have to start all over again. An A is about the biggest "aw ****" you can manage without attracting the attention of the criminal justice system.

 

Nope, I wouldn't involve myself with someone who'd done that, as a WS or an OW or OM, not even as a friend, and given a choice I won't do business with them either. They may be all that and a bag of chips now, they may appear to be wonderful people, they may even be honestly and completely reformed, but their history defines what they're capable of in service of their own appetites and desires, and that's nothing I would want as a part of my life or my family's life ever again under any circumstances.

 

JAG

[White Flower]

I'm sorry, but yes you are most certainly defined by it. You are a person who incorporates a fatal personality flaw that allows you to do something, for your own pleasure and enjoyment that most people acknowledge to be wrong, which stands a good chance of destroying lives and bringing misery and suffering on innocent people. You knew this and did it anyway, because you wanted to. This does not argue that you are, in any way shape or form, a good person because you rescue puppies and kittens in your spare time when you aren't working at stealing someone else's husband.

 

To borrow an old pop culture analogy on "attaboys", every time you do something right you get an attaboy. Note, one "aw ****" wipes out all of your attaboys and you have to start all over again. An A is about the biggest "aw ****" you can manage without attracting the attention of the criminal justice system.

 

Nope, I wouldn't involve myself with someone who'd done that, as a WS or an OW or OM, not even as a friend, and given a choice I won't do business with them either. They may be all that and a bag of chips now, they may appear to be wonderful people, they may even be honestly and completely reformed, but their history defines what they're capable of in service of their own appetites and desires, and that's nothing I would want as a part of my life or my family's life ever again under any circumstances.

 

JAG

Good luck JAG. Go ahead and see the world the way you need to see it. I wish you peace.

[OWoman]

You are a person who incorporates a fatal personality flaw that allows you to do something, for your own pleasure and enjoyment that most people acknowledge to be wrong, which stands a good chance of destroying lives and bringing misery and suffering on innocent people.

 

so, if instead of "destroying" lives and "bringing misery and suffering" on [sic] innocent people, it enhanced lives and brought relief and joy to innocent people, the scoring ought to be reversed and all your "*****"s should be wiped out by one "ottogirl" (or whatever you called it).