game or not?

[another]

I'm in great distress. I seem to be acting up lately and I am not quite sure why. My mate is a bit of an introvert. I say this in regards to the fact he's kind of like a walking blank. He shows no real expression. I know when he's hungry, when he wants to make love,when he wants to play with his guitar, and when he wants to go for a walk. Other than that there isn't much. He's the greates example of laissez-faire. He doesn't see the need to rush, unless he wants to be somewhere or see someone. He's laid back and to some extent that drives me nuts. Sometimes, I'd like to shake things up. I don't know I feel like I'm being a great instigator. Is there something seriously wrong with me? He is the only person that makes me feel like this. He lives in a world that is practically carefree. How is it that he's so free from the doctrine of society. Why do I pull my hair out everyday trying to go somewhere, though I really don't know where it is that I am going, and fretting about things. Is it that I am just jealous of the way he seems to leisurely walk down the road to life. How could I be at peace about all this. Why do I feel like I need to pull the rug from under his feet. Meanwhile, at the same time I want things to run smoothly for him. He however doesn't seem to understand why I pull my hair out. In fact, he says that I like doing it. If I do why? And how could change that before it screws us over.

[Tony T]

Wow, very interesting.

 

While your boyfriend could show just a bit more emotion, it is my impression from your post that he is a highly rational, sane human being who does things the way he is comfortable and does not allow the rigors and trials of life to upset him. That is the ideal way to live.

 

You said he finds no need to rush. I would like you to sit and think about why you rush. What is your need to do so? What is the pay off? Where do you need to get in such a hurry? Will the world be destroyed if things don't get done right on time? Start thinking about why you do things the way you do. If you look closely, there is no sane reason for it whatsoever. Even emergency vehicles stop and red lights...and they do have a reason to rush. You are behaving as you were taught as a child and you can untrain yourself as an adult.

 

I will even take a bold step in guessing that when you have only one appointment the whole day and, say, it's at 4 p.m. you wait until 3:45 p.m. to start getting ready and rush your head off and are late...because you enjoy the adrenalin rush.

 

Your problem is that growing up, you probably lived in a more chaotic environment that you boyfriend and you aren't used to care free, sane living. Don't feel bad. Most people grow up in less than calm and cool family situations.

 

So now you are an adult and, having been raised with a bit more craziness than your boyfriend, you need additional stimulation to feel you are alive and involved in a relationship.

 

I think he is perfect for you. You need to know that he was God sent to show you how people with their act together go about their daily lives. Now I'm not saying to give up showing excitement and emotion about life's victories, but try to let your boyfriend show you that life can be lived without buying into chaos, problems, and all the other crap that most others create for themselves.

 

There are a lot of crazy people in the world who have absolutely no idea they are nuts because that's the way they were always taught the world was. I suppose it's a judgement as to how you want to live your life. If you prefer chaos, insanity, etc., find another boyfriend. If you think you could get used to a sane, calm, rational, low-key life, then stick around. I think once you get used to living like humans ought to live, you will enjoy it.

 

Remember, you don't have to be a "blank" as you referred to your boyfriend, but you can certainly live a more full, wonderful life without rushing around and upsetting yourself about everything that happens.

 

In my opnion, you have a great opportunity here...but, please, you are the one who has to decide what makes you happy. If you do stay, you may have to see a counsellor to help you overcome many of the ideas about life that were programmed into you as a child.

 

If you leave this guy, he will have absolutely no problem finding a lady who wants a wonderful homelife devoid of all the trappings found in many families.