Gf broke up with me because she wasnt ready for a relationship

[drewdude]

hello LS, heres my story

I was with my gf for almost 6 months. The first few months were great, she was totally into me. She said I treated her better than any other BF she ever had. It even got to the point where she said she loved me. But I noticed she started getting distant these past few months. Especially when college started a couple of months ago, shes been really stressed out.

 

 

Even during those distant times though, she would still tell me she loved me and would cuddle with me when we slept. Because of her busy school schedule, our nites consisted of me just seeing her after class late at nite, where it would just be a movie with her, sex and then sleep...or just hanging in her room. She would always be too tired to hang out...

 

I didnt do nothing wrong and I was a great supportive bf and always stood by her side. So I finally asked her and talked to her in person why she was leaving me hanging lately and being so distant. Well her reason was basically because she doesnt know where shes at with college, work and life and shes just been very busy. She doesnt know what she wants. I told her I didnt want to lose her and she said that was up to me, and she said she didnt want me to hate her. And kept crying and saying how she was a bad person and how she didnt want to hurt me anymore...she also mentioned that she didnt deserve me.

 

I tried my best to compromise with her but she didnt want help. She said she still cared but she just cant have a relationship right now. She said maybe a few months from now things will be different but she needs a break and since I dont believe in breaks and waiting that long, we broke things off. So I gave her all her things back and that was it.

 

Now I find out shes having a party this saturday and it got me furious, I have no intention to go whatsoever but I cant help but think if this is all one big lie or if shes doing this to get over me...any advice you fine people can give me would be much appreciated...thank you very much

 

Im trying my best to stay focused on myself but its hard

[amz]

The best you can do is just leave her, give her space give her what she wants. Don't beg or plead with her don't get ****ed up one night then try ringing her....all of that does not work.

 

No Contact, let her see what life is like without you she will soon start too realise. How long? no one ever knows but if you love her you will let her go.

 

Its not going to be easy just to give up like that and go cold turkey but its for the best.

 

The first week of no contact is all good but once you start hitting that second week or third thats when it will be hard but hang in there im up to 22 days! my ex broke up with me saying that our relationship was getting to serious so i just said ok cool and went no contact.

 

Be happy its gets better.

 

If she loves you she will be back.

[hurtandheartbroken]

College is a very big transitional period in someone's life. New friends, new people, new experiences and a LOT OF WORK.

 

Sometimes you do all you can and it doesn't mean you didn't do enough or weren't good enough. She may just be wrapped up in everything "new" that she may feel that change is coming and doesn't know if what she has now will remain constant.

 

Doesn't mean it's the end. Doesn't mean it isn't. You may feel her having this party is betrayal and she's been lying but her social life and relationship with you may be seen in her eyes as separate so she can grieve one and still go on with her life as usual. Now if you said "She's on a date..." then...hey.

 

I agree with the above, not only to make her "miss you" but for you to go about your life and experience things yourself. She may find her way back to you and you'll emerge stronger for it. If not, then it wasn't meant for you. I wish you the best and keep us updated.

[drewdude]

The best you can do is just leave her, give her space give her what she wants. Don't beg or plead with her don't get ****ed up one night then try ringing her....all of that does not work.

 

No Contact, let her see what life is like without you she will soon start too realise. How long? no one ever knows but if you love her you will let her go.

 

Its not going to be easy just to give up like that and go cold turkey but its for the best.

 

The first week of no contact is all good but once you start hitting that second week or third thats when it will be hard but hang in there im up to 22 days! my ex broke up with me saying that our relationship was getting to serious so i just said ok cool and went no contact.

 

Be happy its gets better.

 

If she loves you she will be back.

 

wow your situation kind of sounded like mine...as in the relationship getting too serious/fast when in my opinion it really wasnt. She just turned off all of a sudden...but thanks for the words and any more would be appreciated. I plan on remaining NC as i have done so with others in the past and they usually landed up coming back, though who knows with this one. Thank you again, its been a rough 2 days but im hanging in there and my friends have been really supportive.

[amz]

If they say that the relationship was getting to serious to fast then give them there space and there freedom, its the best you thing you can do, well thats what i am doing. The more you try to contact them you are just pushing them away even more.

 

The worst feeling for me is thinking wow she doeent care because she has not texted or come back to me but you just have to hang in there.

 

No contact let them see what life is like without you.

 

It is hard tho....i miss my baby.

 

Good work for your no contact so far....keep us updated.

[TheGrimSweeper]

The best thing you can do is to never initiate contact with them.

 

If they contact you fine, but keep it brief and absolutely do not bring up the relationship at all. Don't sound rude, angry or depressed either. Act like your completely fine and happy and nothing is bothering you. You should always be the first to end the conversation too, I wouldn't let it go on for too long or you could risk starting to sound insecure or what not. I would also recommend strongly you delete her from MSN (dont block) and block her from your news feed on facebook and absolutely NEVER look at her profile. This allows her to contact you if need be but you don't see anything from her which helps a lot in moving on.

 

I'm going through something very similar at the moment, at first I tried to do the friends route which I realized was a terrible idea so I broke it off completely. After a few weeks of NC and doing what I've done above Im feeling way better in myself and its kinda strange as shes been messaging me a bit recently and she is the one sounding sad and insecure when talking to me now.

[drewdude]

Just a small update...I had talked to a mutual friend we have yesterday, whos really more for me than her and knows how good of a guy I am. Told her about the whole situation. She told me she actually ran into my ex this week on wednesday, the day after we broke things off. She had told me she had small talk with my ex, my ex didnt say nothing about the relationship but she did say my ex looked really really sad/down about something...and this was even after the party thing i heard about. Couldnt help but made me feel a little better(normally the dumper is happy in my experience)...Though im still not vying on the fact she will come back....

 

Its been day 4 of NC, whats odd is im not taking this as hard as previous breakups even though I really did love this girl and cared for her a lot. Do we just grow numb to things like this? because i have been through a lot in the past. I wont lie though, there are still shifts in moods where i feel great and others I feel bad/lonely...but i'm trying my hardest..NC. Working out has helped quite a lot and talking to new girls..hope she misses or realizes what she had someday...

[amz]

Day 4 you have done awesome!

 

Of course your ex will look sad and down even tho they don't talk about the realtionship they are hurting, dealing ETC. NC is the best tool to use im up to 4 weeks on Wed and there have been times were i was about to break but i didn't! you never know what your ex is feeling when you use no contact and neither do they!!!

 

We have alot in commom. All my other break ups have been so hard for me and i have always been begging them and asking them back....but with this one ive gone into NC and have completley shut out my ex.

 

One day you will wake up and you won't even care. They always come back when you least expect it.

 

Keep me updated

[EthanH]

ok, I have been in exactly your situation before, so I feel I have a very good understanding of how you feel now, how you are going to feel in the future and what mistakes not to make (I learnt the hard way)...

 

First of all, don't take comfort from the fact that she 'looks down'...of course she isn't going to find it hard, the dumpers on the whole aren't happy, having a party was also her way of trying to act like everything is fine, something my ex is a world champion at. At this time, you cannot and should not think about how she is coping. She made a big decision, and now she is missing all the things she liked about going out with you, every day she will be thinking about it, and even if she is 99% sure about her decision, that 1% of doubt is still very painful. An important lesson I have learnt is that just because she is missing you and is down, it doesn't necessarily mean she wants to get back with you in any way.

 

The time you have to be apart from her, use it... don't simply see it as waiting around for her, move your life forward, there was clearly something wrong in the way she saw you, she lost some kind of respect for you... so if you make yourself a better person, there is more chance of her changing her views, and if she doesn't you are still a winner... people want to be with strong characters, not doormats.

 

And I know all of this will just seem like random windowdressing for you, ie it doesn't really matter as all you want to do is get back with her and if you could do that and forget what the break-up should teach you, you would do it in a heartbeat. I know because sadly, i'm the same. I still want to be with my ex more than anything.

 

Also, remember that this is all about power. At the moment, you have none. You are sitting around hoping she takes you back. That is unhealthy for you both, and the potential for your relationship. You need to make it clear to her that you like her, but it isn't cast iron that you would take her back carte-blanche...it is a very tricky thing to do, because if you make her think you are over her and don't want her, most people after breaking up with someone will not change their minds, they feel they owe it to you and yourself to stick to their decision. That feeling of doing the right thing for you both will stop her from acting to get back with you and it is a very strong feeling when it kicks in. Also, she will forget the reason she broke up with you, it will just become a mass of negative feelings, and that is very hard to go back against.

[drewdude]

Yeah I understand that I shouldn't sit around and hope she takes me back. I will admit, there is slight hope that dwells in my head sometimes about getting back(nearly all of my ex's came back at some point with NC, I am a genuine good guy) but I do know/realize that I just may never hear from her again and move on, everyone's different.

 

NC, First few days werent that bad. Almost a week of NC...and now its hitting hard the past 2 days, even had a couple dreams of her...But im still going to stay strong and not contact. The last thing i told her when I broke up was that I dont play the waiting game(in response to maybe she needs a few months) and who knows what standing ill be in months from now.

 

Anyone get hit hard the first week?

[amz]

The first week or 2 was easy for me but this last week i have been having strong urges to text my ex but i have remained strong! once that feeling of temptation goes you feel so good, once you can fight those triggers its all good.

 

Remember this, she hasnt texted you so why should you? if you don't contact her then you will always be in the back of her head wondering what you are doing after some time. But if you text her you are back at stage one!!!!!

 

Keep in up Drew Dude.

[EthanH]

tbh, i found the first week the easiest, as i still had hope then, and i thought it reasonable that a week of NC was needed... it was after that I found it harder...

[drewdude]

Well i'm back again, once again, our mutual friend told me she landed up running into her again. She said my ex said her supposed reason was because "it was lust and not love" I call BS cause she did fall for me and told me she loved me. I think she was just afraid of being happy...So with that, i told my friend dont say anything about me anymore at all, dont wanna hear nothing from her anymore.....anyone ever hear something like this?

 

on a side note about my ex(who mentioned she didnt tell many people about this nor her own mom) on the day we had our first 'talk' during the middle of our relationship. She said she wasnt use to being treated good by guys and she did mention she was sexually abused by her own father as a kid who is no longer alive. But she didnt want to go get help

 

Almost 2 weeks of NC, even though it was a little hard to hear, I have no choice but to really move on now..

[sambo crockett]

Im sure that NC works good for some people but in my opinion I feel way better that I kept contacting the girl I broke up with. At first I didnt want to have her as a friend but also the thought of having her out of my life for good hurt even worse because we had become really good friends besides lovers. But anyway I suppose the point Im getting at is that you have to realize that you may never know your x's true motives for breaking up with you......no offense to any of the women on here but.....dude women are picky.....who knows it coulda been that one night you farted while you guys were having sex and then that was all she could think about from then on.....that acutally happend to me ..... or since you guys are in college she could have noticed an attraction to other guys and thought that she really wasnt ready to be attached to any one.

 

But heres what I did. Because Im so vocal and like to talk things out I kept calling her and in a controlled and normal manner kept asking her to be honest with me and tell me why she left me or felt she wanted some one else. When she finally told me the truth I felt so much better than I did before and we are now still good friends. Seriously the first time she acutally opened up and we discussed everything like two friends instead of jilted lovers I felt this huge weight come off my chest and I was totally happy. So NC works but I just couldnt wait for weeks and weeks to pass wondering in my head what was going on. If you think you can manage to talk to her and get her to be open and honest with you with out getting to upset at each other or acting childish than I think that might work out better than just never communicating with her again. But everyones different and if you think you cant talk to her with out getting to emotional than maybe you just might wanna stick to NC.

 

In my case I am WAY HAPPIER that I kept at her because not knowing her reasons just was killing me.......plus now I have her as a friend and some one to talk to about other problems in the future.

 

Either way dude good luck.......and try not to fart when your being intimate with your girl......apparently they dont like that to much

[drewdude]

hey all, I just wanted to thank you all once again for the read/replies. Im still working on recovery and hit 3 weeks of NC. I havent heard anything from her and nor do I plan on contacting her. I will admit though, I still think of her/miss her sometimes but I know NC was the best thing to do.

 

Other than that, so far things have been alrite. Been working out lots, I stopped chain smoking(I was HORRIBLE the first week and a half) and been eating regularly again. Also, hung out with an old ex gf of mine last week and kinda turned into a FWB. I guess to some that may be a bad thing, but It actually gave me back the self esteem I lost with the breakup 3 weeks ago, since i felt ugly. But now im feeling alrite, trying to set up dates with other girls when possible and looking for a new job...hows everyone else who replied doing?

[ADF]

Your GF is lying to you. Or at least not telling you the whole truth. I don't know what the whole truth is in your case, but I'll bet a million dollars you're not hearing it.

 

When someone uses a tired old line like, "I'm not ready for a relationship," you can be 99% they're lying to you. What's there to be "ready" for? When you really want to be in a relationship, "ready" doesn't enter into it.

 

As I said, I don't know what the whole truth is in your case. But if someone put a gun to my head and made me guess, I'd say there was another man involved.

[drewdude]

Though she was really stressed with college, I am not ruling that out completely ADF. Few of my friends told me that could be the case too. Of course ill never really know until/if she ever comes around again. Or if friends on campus tell me they see her with another dude.

 

I looked back on previous relationships and I remember another girl used that 'excuse' to me and low and behold, she was in cohoots with an ex bf. Though she did come back 4-5 months down the line, told me what really happened...after that, i made her kick rocks.

[vivrantflo]

And kept crying and saying how she was a bad person and how she didnt want to hurt me anymore...she also mentioned that she didnt deserve me.

 

 

heh, ADF beat me to it. Listen to him. I'd put my next 3 paychecks on the fact that she has another guy she's interested in.

 

From my experience, anytime a woman is breaking up with you, and mentions how she's a bad person, and that she doesn't deserve you, she really means it. The guilt of knowing that she's going from one dude to the next would prompt her to say that.

 

I may be wrong, but I've seen this happen so many times before...