yes Posted January 24, 2004 Share Posted January 24, 2004 i'm sorry to flood the personal improvement section, but but but: a person whose opinion i trust said that i'm "reserved" (not to my face). having looked up 'reserved' as synonyms of 'distant' and 'cool', my question is - how to be less reserved?? i don't mean to be reserved but apparently i come across as such. any tips? it's likely same kind of advice as for my thread about cliques - being more chatty/smily/etc. but i'm putting this in a separate thread in case there're other ideas or tips. mind you, i realize that being reserved to an extent isn't bad at all, but i think my reservedness component needs to be reduced! thanks, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
brashgal Posted January 24, 2004 Share Posted January 24, 2004 Being reserved is not such a bad thing. I have sometimes wished I was more reserved instead of blindly charging into conversations, situations without hanging back for a moment to think "should I be doing this?" You can keep more of your private life private, something I sometimes wish I did as well. I think you know how to be more outgoing if you are looking to forge more friendships. But being reserved is part of who you are, what make you YOU. I'm not sure you need to change that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yes Posted January 24, 2004 Author Share Posted January 24, 2004 perhaps you're right brashgal .... thanks for thy reply -yes Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted January 24, 2004 Share Posted January 24, 2004 Believe it or not (and if you knew me, you'd have a hard time believing it indeed ) people used to think me 'reserved'. Problem is, you start to play what the audience expects. Things changed in a big way for me when I went out of town alone for the first time. I felt much freer to try on a persona which actually 'fit' me better - a somewhat gregarious one. To my utter delight, it got a very positive response - much more than 'reserved' me did. Needless to say, I was a convert. Now, I'm not saying I'm a party animal by any means (I'll leave that to Arabess and LFW ) but nobody calls me 'reserved' now Having said that, you need to figure out if you feel constrained in your actions to others; in other words are you holding aspects of yourself back? If so, you may find that allowing them to show turns out to be a positive thing for you in your social interaction. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yes Posted January 24, 2004 Author Share Posted January 24, 2004 i'm glad you had that conversion and it worked for you, moimeme! i think i do hold back aspects of myself because when i was lil, i got extensive training on how to be polite, including not speaking until spoken to (w/ adults) - and i still haven't shaken that off completely, i.e. i go for the setup of X talking to me as opposed to X and I talking. also, at home, saying something impolite (or in an impolite tone) can result in a week of silent treatment. so yes, i've learned to be quite careful about my interactions. this makes it very easy to interact with professors & such, but when it comes to people of my age or so ................... anyway, i hope to go out of town by myself this summer, so hell knows ... -yes Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted January 24, 2004 Share Posted January 24, 2004 anyway, i hope to go out of town by myself this summer, so hell knows Ah! There's your chance to fly I tell ya, I never looked back Link to post Share on other sites
Author yes Posted January 24, 2004 Author Share Posted January 24, 2004 once before i also went out of town all by myself for about a month, and i stayed same ol' me - no problem interacting, but only at an impersonal level. i did make two good friends, both about 5 years older than me - they did the X talking to me setup so i was very comfortable with them and still am friends with one of them, but i didn't end up hanging out with anybody but them! i hope it's cuz i was too young and not ready, somehow. -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted January 24, 2004 Share Posted January 24, 2004 I'm in a communications job, and I know how to be a good talker when I need to be. However people often see me as reserved as well! It's partly my personality, but sometimes I agree with Merry, to you start to fit the mould you are given. When I travelled overseas by myself, I found it very liberating. I could be anyone I wanted to be! I didnt turn into a party animal, because I'm just not that type, but I probably did find it easier to step out of my usual mould sometimes. That said, I also agree with Brashgal- that if it's who you are, then so be it! It takes all types to make the world go round, and we all compliment one another. Link to post Share on other sites
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