Caught girlfriend on web cam sites / adult chat rooms?

[loverboy22]

I recently caught my girlfriend using web cam sites to find guys and ask them to get naked and put on a "show" for her. I have also caught her visiting adult chat rooms and having cyber sex with strangers. The thing is, she doesn't know that I know.

 

I don't know if I should confront her or not. She says that i'm the only guy she wants to see but then she goes online asking people to "perform" for her. I don't know how to feel about this. I wouldn't classify it as cheating but I dont want her talking to strangers for sexual needs when she has me, especially when she is getting other guys "get off" online. On the plus side, she has been very horny recently which as benefited me lol.

 

Can people tell me if what she is doing is normal? She goes on these websites quite a bit. I hope its not an addiction. We have been together for a while and I love her but what does this say about her? Should I confront her about it or let it be? Please share your thoughts.

[Bejita463]

If you don't consider it cheating, why are you here? What do you consider to be the problem, and what do you wish to accomplish?

[loverboy22]

I mean i guess im not sure if i should consider it cheating or not. What do you think?

 

I'm here because im trying to find out if this is normal. Wasn't sure if adult chat rooms were like the girl's version of porn lol

 

Should I confront her about this? If so, how?

[TaraMaiden]

I recently caught my girlfriend using web cam sites to find guys and ask them to get naked and put on a "show" for her. I have also caught her visiting adult chat rooms and having cyber sex with strangers. The thing is, she doesn't know that I know.

How did you find out?

Do you subscribe to any of these sites?

 

I don't know if I should confront her or not. She says that i'm the only guy she wants to see but then she goes online asking people to "perform" for her. I don't know how to feel about this. I wouldn't classify it as cheating

 

Ok, in that case, permit me to make it as clear as possible:

This is just about as close to cheating as you could get without actually finding her in bed with a guy. or maybe two....

 

She is cheating. it's as physical as she can make it through a webcam/on screen, but yes. if she does it behind your back, you're not supposed to know, and she tells you one thing and does another - that IS cheating.

 

but I dont want her talking to strangers for sexual needs when she has me, especially when she is getting other guys "get off" online.

 

THis would indicate that even though she 'has you' you are not enough for her. She gets her sexual kicks form this. it's probably all the more exciting for her because you don't know about it....

 

On the plus side, she has been very horny recently which as benefited me lol.

so.... if you're reaping benefits, are you willing to let her keep cheating on you, just because it's improved your sex life? Would you feel the same if you were actually physically sharing her with someone else? Because IMO, it's simply a question of time.....

 

Can people tell me if what she is doing is normal? She goes on these websites quite a bit. I hope its not an addiction. We have been together for a while and I love her but what does this say about her? Should I confront her about it or let it be? Please share your thoughts.

 

It's normal for her, obviously. Are you willing to accept it as normal for you?

 

What makes you think it's an addiction? I see it as exhibitionism and voyeurism. with a dollop of virtual cheating for good measure.....For now....

What do you think it says about her?

What do you think would happen if you confronted her?

 

Thoughts shared.....

[Bejita463]

I mean i guess im not sure if i should consider it cheating or not. What do you think?

 

I'm here because im trying to find out if this is normal. Wasn't sure if adult chat rooms were like the girl's version of porn lol

 

Should I confront her about this? If so, how?

 

Gotcha. Well, I can't tell you how to take it. I take it as cheating though. She's betraying your trust, whether you actually care about what she is doing or not, by hiding this from you. That demonstrates a lack of respect, and dishonesty, which is as bad as cheating at best.

 

I would confront her with it by leaving, were it me.

[Bryanp]

You judge a person by their actions and not by their words. Her actions speak volumes. Of course it is cheating. If the roles were reversed, do you think she would be as accepting as you? Staying with this girl in all probability will lead to a train wreck. Do yourself a favor and find someone else.

[loverboy22]

On another note. I know she wants a long term commitment. Shes has brought up marriage and kids a number of times. Does this change anything?

[Bejita463]

Not really, no.

[reservoirdog1]

Who cares if it's normal or not? Yes, it's cheating. She's seeking sexual fulfillment from real life people (through a webcam, but they're still real people) other than you. That's all you need to know.

 

The fact that she wants marriage and kids changes things in one direction -- the WRONG direction. She still doesn't know that you know. Which means that if you get married, she'll keep doing what she's doing. And probably more.

 

You're lucky you got a wakeup call about this girl now, before marrying her or having kids with her and becoming financially chained to her. If I were you, I'd get out now, while it's still relatively easy.

[TaraMaiden]

On another note. I know she wants a long term commitment. Shes has brought up marriage and kids a number of times. Does this change anything?

Only if she's specified who she wants that with.

or hasn't.....

[Feelin Frisky]

I recently caught my girlfriend using web cam sites to find guys and ask them to get naked and put on a "show" for her. I have also caught her visiting adult chat rooms and having cyber sex with strangers. The thing is, she doesn't know that I know.

 

I don't know if I should confront her or not. She says that i'm the only guy she wants to see but then she goes online asking people to "perform" for her. I don't know how to feel about this. I wouldn't classify it as cheating but I dont want her talking to strangers for sexual needs when she has me, especially when she is getting other guys "get off" online. On the plus side, she has been very horny recently which as benefited me lol.

 

Can people tell me if what she is doing is normal? She goes on these websites quite a bit. I hope its not an addiction. We have been together for a while and I love her but what does this say about her? Should I confront her about it or let it be? Please share your thoughts.

 

 

Looks like you got a sex pot on your hands. But that is not a bad thing as long as she keeps it "virtual". I'd rather have that than some repressed "ewww, sex, that's disgusting" icebox. If she starts to prefer that stuff instead of you, that's a problem. But usually it's better to have a woman who is sexually "ready"--one who masturbates and likes toys and stuff than one who tries to fake meapause a decade early.

[Dexter Morgan]

DUMP HER IMMEDIATELY....or you WILL regret it later.

[SarahRose]

I find it funny how the guys are so dead set against this when they would defend their porn use until the cows come home.

 

The argument she is using these real life people to get off to. Ummm porn is real life people on the video too. They ain't manikins.

 

I think the double standard is funny.

 

Guys who said this was bad and grounds for breakup - guess what? How you feel right now is exactly how a lot of women feel about your porn use but you still defend it saying it has nothing to do with your desire for her and it is just pictures.

[CrayonAngel]

I think its okay if both of you are okay with it, the fact that shes sneaky about it and you are here asking us how you should feel leads me to believe it wont work out. Ask her if shes okay with you doing it and if not then theres your answer. You have to meet in the middle..but if it were me I wouls say nooo way, not for me. JMO

 

on a side note how funny would it be to trick her by saying.."um I was looking at porn and a webcam add came up and the girl looked just like you but had smaller breasts" :lmao::lmao: sit back and watch her squirm!

[Green]

If you don't live with your gf you should just walk away from the situation. No need to confront her, just go to her place and let her know things arn't going to work out and you never want to see her again.

 

If you guys live togather it could be more dificult depending on if you own or lease and what the arangment is but I would still find a way to break up

[reservoirdog1]

I find it funny how the guys are so dead set against this when they would defend their porn use until the cows come home.

 

The argument she is using these real life people to get off to. Ummm porn is real life people on the video too. They ain't manikins.

 

I think the double standard is funny.

 

Guys who said this was bad and grounds for breakup - guess what? How you feel right now is exactly how a lot of women feel about your porn use but you still defend it saying it has nothing to do with your desire for her and it is just pictures.

Apples and oranges. Some hypotheticals:

 

1. A person jacks off to a photo in a magazine. Or, sees a photo in a magazine, remembers it, and jacks off to the memory. Cheating or not?

 

2. A person has phone sex with another person. Cheating or not?

 

The difference between porn and fooling around via webcam is that, in the latter case, you're dealing with something spontaneous, not pre-recorded, and with a living, breathing person on the other side. It's the sharing of sexual intimacy with another human being when it should be shared with your partner.

 

It's pretty difficult to share sexual intimacy with a porn photo or prerecorded porn video.

 

Lord knows I've tried.

[Ruby Slippers]

The difference between porn and fooling around via webcam is that, in the latter case, you're dealing with something spontaneous, not pre-recorded, and with a living, breathing person on the other side. It's the sharing of sexual intimacy with another human being when it should be shared with your partner.

 

It's pretty difficult to share sexual intimacy with a porn photo or prerecorded porn video.

 

Lord knows I've tried.

I see this as a pretty trivial difference. They're both just watching pixels on a screen, and possibly masturbating while you do. In one you get to type to the person in a little box. In the other you get to type in another little box to get an ever-renewing variety of people and visual material.

 

I think Feelin Frisky makes a good point, too.

[Dexter Morgan]

I find it funny how the guys are so dead set against this when they would defend their porn use until the cows come home.

 

not me, I despise it either way. although there would be a difference, in my opinion, of watching porn with people you aren't actually interacting with, and webcam sexing people on adult sites.

 

but I digress, either behavior, to me, is unacceptable when in a committed relationship.

[carhill]

Should I confront her about it or let it be? Please share your thoughts.

 

I'd just print out the evidence, plop it down on the table in front of her and deadpan 'good bye'

 

I've been into the newsgroups (that's old fart porn) off and on for a long time, and stbx was fully aware of it, and it is completely impersonal, like looking at Playboy, no different than her masturbating to a romance novel. Your GF is interacting virtually with other individuals and soliciting personal virtual sex acts and exposures. Yikes. I can't imagine doing that. Assuming you can't either, leaving is enforcing your boundary for behavior. Good luck

[reservoirdog1]

The reality is this. The only person whose views really matter are yours, and hers. There are a few things to consider.

 

1. You didn't know about her doing this until you stumbled upon it. She's keeping it from you.

 

2. If you're okay with her doing it, then you can tell her that, and voila... it's no longer cheating, because the dishonesty and sneaking around has been removed.

 

The deception is the problem here. If either of you were having sex with other people with the full knowledge of your partner, that wouldn't be cheating. If you know she's doing it, she knows you know, and you're cool with it... no more problem.

 

A good rule of thumb is "don't do anything with another person that you wouldn't want your partner to see you doing."

 

That's all I'm sayin'.

[samsungxoxo]

No it's not cheating.... not in my view. You're lucky to have a woman with a high sex drive and not your typical melodramatic drama queen who freaks out even if you were just looking at a magazine.

You should only start worrying if she focuses all the attention for 24 hours a day on porn than with you or if she it's transform into a face-to-face encounter. Otherwise, don't worry about it.

I'm not a drama queen either.

[Dexter Morgan]

No it's not cheating.... not in my view. You're lucky to have a woman with a high sex drive and not your typical melodramatic drama queen who freaks out even if you were just looking at a magazine.

 

 

oh ya, he's a real lucky guy to have a woman that gets off with other men on the internet.

[SoleMate]

I find it funny how the guys are so dead set against this when they would defend their porn use until the cows come home.

 

The argument she is using these real life people to get off to. Ummm porn is real life people on the video too. They ain't manikins.

 

I think the double standard is funny.

My thoughts exactly. Sounds like the gf is naturally and biologically very sexy (good thing for the bf, right?) and she is just taking care of her needs in a discreet way. It doesn't mean anything. The male partner is overreacting to something meaningless.

 

Get over it, buddy. It's just the way it is.

[carhill]

Hey loverboy, get yourself some female chat pals and stroke the johnson a bit for their enjoyment and solicit the same. No reason to have any boundaries, right?

[BeautifulMan]

Send me the link, i'll decide if its cheating or not.