Girls have never been attracted to me.

[Jerry18]

Hi,

 

I'm in college right now. I don't understand why girls aren't attracted to me. They do want to be my friends, but nothing romantic happens. I've tried different ways of asking them out. It has ranged from asking them out right after meeting them to asking them out after being friends for a few months. I've never had a girlfriend before, and I'm almost 20.

 

I don't think I look like Brad Pitt, but I think I'm higher than 6. I'm not fat. I weigh 150lbs for a 5'11" body. I'm pretty smart, I have a 3.7+ GPA. I'm not a nerd either, I do a lot of interesting things outside of school.

 

I can think of a few solutions, but that's like greasing a square wheel. It doesn't solve the problem entirely.

 

1. Work out more.

Right now I go to the gym once or twice per week. I could do it more often, especially with a summer vacation.

 

2. Join more events to find more girls.

Well, my success rate has been 0% so far. So 0% of a big pie is just as small as 0% of a small pie.

 

3. Go to clubs and bars. (Never gone to those places before)

I want a long-term relationship. Also, why can't I get girls when they're mentally 100%?

 

I'm reluctant to say that there's anything wrong with my personality because it has been working great for everything other than girls. Also, shouldn't there be girls for every type of personality?

 

I just don't know what to do anymore. I think it's karma because I rejected a girl in Grade 9. After that, every romance attempt has failed miserably.

[amagordos]

I don't know, you sound like a nice guy. Maybe girls are intimadated by you or you're giving them the wrong signals. Us girls get scared of rejection too you know. I know you have been rejected, but that doesn't mean that there aren't girls that like you. You just went after the wrong girls. Perhaps you should start approaching girls you have more in common with. I know because I have always liked guys that had very little in common with me and they always turned me down, when i told them I liked them.

[Tim The Enchanter]

Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You appear to be after pity, rather than saying to yourself "my lovelife sucks, I need to be much more proactive".

 

I can't believe that you don't go out to bars and clubs, yet you're at college. This is the best chance you will ever have in life for meeting and dating as many girls as possible. If you're not going out to bars and clubs, what are you doing with your free time? Pretty much every university and college has tons of clubs and societies where you can meet likeminded people. Plus there are loads of sports groups and other activities. Frankly, university is like being at a high brow holiday camp. Don't waste this opportunity, because life will only get harder for you when you are in the real world of jobs and making a living.

 

I'm not trying to make light of your situation, but you really do need to realise that it is only you who are capable of making changes. I've been in your situation - I went through school without ever having a girlfriend, or even going on dates. By the time I got to university, I made a conscious decision to put myself out there - be it in clubs, parties or bars. I was amazed to find that I COULD get girls to like me.

 

I tell you this, though. There's nothing more likely to put girls off you than moping and feeling sorry for yourself. Stop being irrational and blaming things on past events.

Edited May 14, 2010 by Tim The Enchanter

[Jerry18]

EDIT: I'd just talked to a friend. She said I look too young for my age. Should that be a concern? I'd always thought that was a positive thing, but now I'm starting to have doubts.

[Tim The Enchanter]

 

You'll also find that most people in the working world now only go to bars on Friday after work. The ones who end up going more then that and are 25+ years old probably need to start growing up.

 

People who go to bars on days other than Fridays, and are older than 25 need to grow up? I'm sorry, but that is a ridiculous thing to say.

[Eeyore79]

You don't sound unattractive, and you're obviously a nice guy if girls want to be friends with you. I can only assume that the problem is you're not creating attraction with girls; you're being too much of a nice guy and not demonstrating your masculinity and sexuality, so girls only see you as a friend, not in a sexual way.

 

I think you're just not approaching girls in the right way; fortunately there are loads of resources online about how to create attraction with women. There are millions of pickup artist videos on Youtube, websites like this http://www.seduction-chronicles.net/mystery-method/

 

If you saw the series "The Pickup Artist" they took several really nice guys who didn't know how to talk to women, and taught them how to create attraction. You can watch it online at http://www.pickupanalysis.com/index.php?option=com_hwdvideoshare&task=viewvideo&Itemid=14&video_id=436

[tman666]

Easy man. If you've got a baby face, grow a knarly beard.

 

Seriously though, you need to bulk up my friend. 150 5'11" isn't going to cut it unless you're super ripped and a social superman. Don't give in to the whole "I don't want to get too big" mentality, or you'll stay small forever. Get in the gym and train hard at least 4 days a week. I don't care how busy you think you are, you can spare 45 minutes for lifting 4 times a week. And don't just train your beach muscles. Get in there and do squats, deadlifts, and presses. Also, you're at college. You have access to dorm food, which means you have basically unlimited access to clean, good food. Eat big to get big.

 

Also, if you're looking for a long term relationship, don't go clubbing. It's a rare occasion that you find quality females in bars, clubs, house parties, etc. Don't be a douche and try and "pick up" girls. The only girls that allow themselves to be "picked up" are not the ones you're looking for. Be confident and talk to all of the girls in a way that shows how happy, stable, and easy going you are. Talk to the hottest ones, talk to the ugliest ones. Even if you are desperately wanting a girlfriend, you can't show it. You have to be comfortable with yourself as a single dude before any girl is going to pay any attention to you. They can smell fear.

[Disillusioned]

I'm in college right now. I don't understand why girls aren't attracted to me.

 

Well there's the problem. Most people go to college to get an education which will land them in a decent job, so they're not there to treat the campuses as meat markets.

[tman666]

Well there's the problem. Most people go to college to get an education which will land them in a decent job, so they're not there to treat the campuses as meat markets.

 

Have you ever been to a college campus???? They're the very definition of meat market.

[Cracker Jack]

I'm sure that isn't true at all, man.

 

It might seem like that, but that's because things aren't necessarily going well for you in that area right now. I mean, "never" is a long time, and there had to have been girls that gave you attention to an extent. It might not have been a big deal to you back then, but its happened.

 

I also agree that you shouldn't continue to feel sorry for yourself. I often would do this, but most of it is my fault for being shy an stuff. Just think about what you can potentially offer to a woman and go from there. Only you can improve yourself in this situation--and feeling like you can't is merely taking a step-back.

[brokenblade]

Hi,

 

I'm in college right now. I don't understand why girls aren't attracted to me. They do want to be my friends, but nothing romantic happens. I've tried different ways of asking them out. It has ranged from asking them out right after meeting them to asking them out after being friends for a few months. I've never had a girlfriend before, and I'm almost 20.

 

I don't think I look like Brad Pitt, but I think I'm higher than 6. I'm not fat. I weigh 150lbs for a 5'11" body. I'm pretty smart, I have a 3.7+ GPA. I'm not a nerd either, I do a lot of interesting things outside of school.

 

I can think of a few solutions, but that's like greasing a square wheel. It doesn't solve the problem entirely.

 

1. Work out more.

Right now I go to the gym once or twice per week. I could do it more often, especially with a summer vacation.

 

2. Join more events to find more girls.

Well, my success rate has been 0% so far. So 0% of a big pie is just as small as 0% of a small pie.

 

3. Go to clubs and bars. (Never gone to those places before)

I want a long-term relationship. Also, why can't I get girls when they're mentally 100%?

 

I'm reluctant to say that there's anything wrong with my personality because it has been working great for everything other than girls. Also, shouldn't there be girls for every type of personality?

 

I just don't know what to do anymore. I think it's karma because I rejected a girl in Grade 9. After that, every romance attempt has failed miserably.

 

I can't really say for sure, but... Some girls may want you to show a more assertive side as it comes to relationships.

 

I'm the same way (well, I'm 26 so I'm out of college and there are actually some women who seem to be attracted to me, but women are more flirty by nature)

 

There probably are women out there who would find you attractive, but you may never know that if you don't talk to them more.

 

It could be that you are not assertive enough. Maybe when you meet a woman, strike up a nice good conversation and at some point ask for her number. You can say

 

It was nice to meet you and to talk to you. You seem like an interesting person. Can I have your number and maybe I'll give you a call and we can go out together."

 

Or something to that effect, don't use these exact words this is coming from someone with no game. (I mean, I do have a Playstation 2 but everyone is looking for the PS3:p)

[alaskafire08]

If you are honestly looking for a long term relationship, stay out of the clubs! I'm a woman; we're not at the clubs to meet Mr. Right - only Mr. Right Now.

 

Keep in mind that if you create a true friendship first, love will follow. Lasting love will not blossom out of a shallow relationship. Above all, women need a man who can be a friend! Think back to any of your long term friendships and remember how you built that trust.

 

If you have developed a friendship with any of these girls, then ask her out for a non-romance based 'date'. A movie, a concert, a museum... Say hello & goodbye with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. After a few of these dates, you're (both) going to know if you'd like to develop a long term relationship, and won't fear rejection.

 

I had a male friend that I was quite attracted to. I wanted to date him in the worse way! I simply said, "I am so tempted to ask you out for dinner~" to my surprise his response was, "I'm so tempted to let you!" We've been married for nearly 30 years! He makes me laugh every day.

[Brady_to_Moss]

Well there's the problem. Most people go to college to get an education which will land them in a decent job, so they're not there to treat the campuses as meat markets.

 

What? College is a complete meat market..my roommates would be with different girls every weekend and some had orgys...college is nuts

[Yamaha]

Do you see a girl and show HER interest?

 

Interest begets interest so start acting interested in women and I bet there will be more than a few who will return the interest. Also let her know you see her as a women and not a female buddy. This will help you in being friends only with women.

[chocolate_boy]

I've gone through stages like this in my life, it's odd, no female interest for a couple of years, then a few years of lots of activity lol. Who know why it happens.

 

Give it time dude.

[Jerry18]

Do you see a girl and show HER interest?

 

Interest begets interest so start acting interested in women and I bet there will be more than a few who will return the interest. Also let her know you see her as a women and not a female buddy. This will help you in being friends only with women.

 

Well, I've tried that in the past and girls got turned off. I always hear that they want a challenge. How can I provide a challenge if I'm the one who's always given them attention?

[AD1980]

Im in the same boat some some of us werent blessed with beign attractive to the oppsite gender..and people throwing fluff aorund like looks dotn matter its about confidence and personality thats garbage u need looks to get your foot in the door at the very least..

 

I dont let it bother me though..I think im better off.Most women dotn seem like kheir worth the trouble and headache that you have to go through to find and keep one..Its kind of a blessing that were weeded out of the dating pool.