trippi1432 Posted June 7, 2010 Share Posted June 7, 2010 The important thing to learn "post-divorce" is now you've got a good and clear pretty picture of not only what your looking for? But what you not looking for! AMEN!! :rolleyes::rolleyes: So if I take out alcoholics, drug abusers, cheaters, players, womanizers, men that don't work and even those that don't own a car...statistically, what am I looking at Gunny? Heck, I will even give you a wide berth for the age group....let's say 30 to 60. LOL!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted June 7, 2010 Share Posted June 7, 2010 AMEN!! :rolleyes::rolleyes: So if I take out alcoholics, drug abusers, cheaters, players, womanizers, men that don't work and even those that don't own a car...statistically, what am I looking at Gunny? Heck, I will even give you a wide berth for the age group....let's say 30 to 60. LOL!!!! Retired Marine Gunny's who have not only been through the Gates of Hell but have heard the Bells of Hell! "Hell's Bell''s" BTW? We're in short supply! Hell you made my day! I don't want my next relationship being based purely on sex, but setting on the porch "swinging" and her laughing, shinning and grinning~ drinking sweet ice tea~ or margaritas? As I've said? What are you going to do and talk about the other twenty-three and half hours of each day? There's one twenty-something year old I could easily steal away from her husband? I know what to say, how to say it, and when to say it. I know what moves to make and what moves not to make and when and how. Problem is? She's married, (I didn't appreciate that being done to me and I'll be DAMNED TO HELL if I'll do it to someone else!) :mad: :mad: :mad: Link to post Share on other sites
You Go Girl Posted June 7, 2010 Share Posted June 7, 2010 The reason I don't want to formally 'date' anybody is that I don't want the person on their pseudo best behavior, nor the stress that a man is paying for something for me. I have to know if I LIKE the person. Going directly to formal dating bypasses this screening test. LIKING a person, in formal dating, isn't even considered. It's bypassing the test of LIKE, and going directly to "romance". Romance, schmomance, I don't need such societal pretentious role playing. I'm too old for romantic dating, and I don't fall for the ruse anymore. Real people, being real. Now that's something I could embrace. Show me your responsibilities, your enthusiatic hobbies, your real life. Sitting uptight in a nice outfit in a restaurant testing the waters of romance is a recipe for disaster for me. If I like somebody, I might even fall in love with them. If I wanted to be romanced, then there's some need for princess attention. That doesn't mean the guy should lack manners, generosity, or decency, neither should I, just no putting on 'airs'. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted June 7, 2010 Share Posted June 7, 2010 A date for me in this day and age is "Im going to here or there and do this or that~ would you like to join me?" Something I would like to do alone even if they declined or were a "no-show" That would be initially ~ were things to progress? Of course there would be some inclination toward romanced and seduction. But I belive you have to start out with the fundamentals and the basics. Per Bruce Willis latest interview in "Men's Health" magazine he knew his current wife for three years working out at the same gym. She's a "no-body" just some gal that wanted to keep in shape and who wasn't impressed that he was one of the top five grossing movie stars in Hollyweried. The impressive thing about Bruce Willis is that he worked extra hard at just being and living a normal life. That's why he and x-wife Demini Moore moved and lived in the middle of "no-where" land Idaho? Who in tha" Hell wants to live in Idaho? Not that there's not good people from there and that live there? But Alabama aside I cannot imagine a more laid back, sitting on the porch, Swinging in the chair rocking chair "Yep" type of people? And you know what? That's a good thing! I just might make my way up to Idaho one day? Link to post Share on other sites
You Go Girl Posted June 7, 2010 Share Posted June 7, 2010 I think Trippi would enjoy a more formal date than me. She's been told 'go get me a beer' and 'gimme some money' whereas I have been wined and dined and told 'let's go shopping before dinner so I can buy you a gown and some pearls to wear'. We often seek the opposite of what we know! Something healthy right in the middle, a little wining and dining, a little realistic tea on the porch, both. I shouldn't set myself up for only a coffee. Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted June 7, 2010 Share Posted June 7, 2010 I think Trippi would enjoy a more formal date than me. She's been told 'go get me a beer' and 'gimme some money' whereas I have been wined and dined and told 'let's go shopping before dinner so I can buy you a gown and some pearls to wear'. We often seek the opposite of what we know! Something healthy right in the middle, a little wining and dining, a little realistic tea on the porch, both. I shouldn't set myself up for only a coffee. You got that pretty much right YGG, I have a different set of "rules" now per say. I used to go with thinking I saw more in a guy than what he truly was capable of....I called it strength of character before they ever proved they had it....that will have to be proven to me up front from now on. It's not so much the wining and dining, it's the respect that I never received....if you don't open the door for me....take me home or I will call a cab. The list keeps building..... Wow, maybe this coping skills and cognitive behavior skills are working, if I have no respect for myself and allow a man to treat me like that, then I have set the course for him not to respect me and for me not to respect him. There is a HUGE reason why I say that. I came to not respect my ex, he did plenty to hurt me emotionally before I even knew our relationship was in dire trouble (going back to 14 years ago). Not rewriting history, don't need to as his phone call to me a few months ago with his apologies on not treating me well, not knowing why he didn't, but that he was sorry....that's proof enough to me that I was the only one in my entire network of family and friends who just took the issues as being "natural". Everyone saw it, we fought over it, but it really made no difference as his perspective was the only one that was right. At any rate, wining and dining, a hot dog at a local dive, an Irish pub (which I love) or even just sitting on the porch swing drinking tea or mimosa's and margarita's (which I loved to do with my friend who died 10 years ago), those are all great things...but doing them with someone that doesn't respect you or vice versa.....not as much fun. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted June 7, 2010 Share Posted June 7, 2010 AMEN!! :rolleyes::rolleyes: So if I take out alcoholics, drug abusers, cheaters, players, womanizers, men that don't work and even those that don't own a car...statistically, what am I looking at Gunny? Heck, I will even give you a wide berth for the age group....let's say 30 to 60. LOL!!!! well, if flat broke because I have a mortgage, home equity loan & child support fits in there you'd have me at 38. Hence why i'm not really worried i'll be alone forever after my divorce is final. Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted June 7, 2010 Share Posted June 7, 2010 well, if flat broke because I have a mortgage, home equity loan & child support fits in there you'd have me at 38. Hence why i'm not really worried i'll be alone forever after my divorce is final. LOL!! Well, if the porch swing is paid for, a mortgage is fine....:o Got one of those myself and an equity loan to finish out the ex's half of the debt. Knew he wouldn't pay it, but didn't want my name drug through the dirt. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 LOL!! Well, if the porch swing is paid for, a mortgage is fine....:o Got one of those myself and an equity loan to finish out the ex's half of the debt. Knew he wouldn't pay it, but didn't want my name drug through the dirt. Porch swing - i've got that penciled in for spring of 2011. the fence,deck & landscaping is this summer. Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 Porch swing - i've got that penciled in for spring of 2011. the fence,deck & landscaping is this summer. LOL!! Too funny, got the fence, deck......landscaper is getting the blueprints next week. No porch swing, but I have two of the most comfortable hanging Cape Hatteras hammocks. If you come hang the other one, you can use it!! :laugh::laugh: Ex never hung the other one for fear that, God forbid, he would actually have to have a conversation with me. :o Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 I think Trippi would enjoy a more formal date than me. She's been told 'go get me a beer' and 'gimme some money' whereas I have been wined and dined and told 'let's go shopping before dinner so I can buy you a gown and some pearls to wear'. We often seek the opposite of what we know! Alright now, was that a Pretty Woman Julia Roberts reference? Buy me a gown and a necklace to go to a formal dinner...and thinking about it, I did do that for a Christmas Party one time, but I bought my own dress and necklace and went stag. At any rate, would just like to be treated with some respect...chill out with a glass of wine on the back porch and share some down time....not have to hear someone yelling..."Hey.....Uncle X (which would be my ex that doesn't drink anymore) just threw up or pee'd all over the kitchen!!" in their hysterical little voices of drunken minions.....LMAO!!! :D:D Link to post Share on other sites
You Go Girl Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 Alright now, was that a Pretty Woman Julia Roberts reference? Buy me a gown and a necklace to go to a formal dinner...and thinking about it, I did do that for a Christmas Party one time, but I bought my own dress and necklace and went stag. At any rate, would just like to be treated with some respect...chill out with a glass of wine on the back porch and share some down time....not have to hear someone yelling..."Hey.....Uncle X (which would be my ex that doesn't drink anymore) just threw up or pee'd all over the kitchen!!" in their hysterical little voices of drunken minions.....LMAO!!! :D:D I think you're cluing in on the oh so important step of not selling yourself short. Respect is definitely a part of that, a HUGE part. So while I was respected most of the time, and doted on and pampered, I was basically told by him in a vague roundabout way that he would have his porn addiction, alcohol, and lack of honest open communication in exchange for this princess treatment. Ask no questions, he would tell no lies type of marriage. What kind of respect would you call that? Honestly, that just made me feel duped to a degree I can't even articulate, hence my incredible anger. Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 I think you're cluing in on the oh so important step of not selling yourself short. Respect is definitely a part of that, a HUGE part. So while I was respected most of the time, and doted on and pampered, I was basically told by him in a vague roundabout way that he would have his porn addiction, alcohol, and lack of honest open communication in exchange for this princess treatment. Ask no questions, he would tell no lies type of marriage. What kind of respect would you call that? Honestly, that just made me feel duped to a degree I can't even articulate, hence my incredible anger. YGG - I think you hit the nail on the head on that one, I've been told that I sell myself short not only in my relationship, but at work as well....hence, nervous breakdown. Trade-offs should be fair in any situation, be they marriages or work-related. I'm going med-less today.....if anyone sees anything on the news about some psycho woman....IT'S NOT ME!!! :laugh::laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 AMEN!! :rolleyes::rolleyes: So if I take out alcoholics, drug abusers, cheaters, players, womanizers, men that don't work and even those that don't own a car...statistically, what am I looking at Gunny? Heck, I will even give you a wide berth for the age group....let's say 30 to 60. LOL!!!! Well since this list is just as easily applied to women and men you can add... Is just a plain psycho drama queen/king House is more like a zoo with all the animals. Is just plain angry at the other gender. Nothing/no one is even good enough. Has way too many 'friends' of the other sex.. ** I have no kids so this is more my preference. I have no desire to add step daddy to my resume. ** Has 3 kids and the ex is never there to take them or at least pay support (no private time) ----- or ------ The ex is constantly around, in his/her business and causing problems. Oh the list goes on.. currently I'm just not looking anymore. I'm still friends with a couple of the women I've been involved with since the divorce. We were friends before things happened and found a way to stay friendly after too. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 LOL!! Too funny, got the fence, deck......landscaper is getting the blueprints next week. No porch swing, but I have two of the most comfortable hanging Cape Hatteras hammocks. If you come hang the other one, you can use it!! :laugh::laugh: Ex never hung the other one for fear that, God forbid, he would actually have to have a conversation with me. :o LOL! Actually I have a ceiling fan to put in for a lady friend. She's cooking me dinner in exchange. hatteras - Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 Well since this list is just as easily applied to women and men you can add... Is just a plain psycho drama queen/king House is more like a zoo with all the animals. Is just plain angry at the other gender. Nothing/no one is even good enough. Has way too many 'friends' of the other sex.. ** I have no kids so this is more my preference. I have no desire to add step daddy to my resume. ** Has 3 kids and the ex is never there to take them or at least pay support (no private time) ----- or ------ The ex is constantly around, in his/her business and causing problems. Oh the list goes on.. currently I'm just not looking anymore. I'm still friends with a couple of the women I've been involved with since the divorce. We were friends before things happened and found a way to stay friendly after too.] You got that list right as well....sometimes the drama seems to just find us as my therapist stated.....magnet....currently, I am working on reversing the polarity of my magnet....and dam* it feels good!!! :bunny: On the rest of your list....down to nothing is good enough...don't go to my mother's house....LOL!! The rest is a no brainer on the topic of divorce and children....unfortunately it's the good, bad and ugly of divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
You Go Girl Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 My outlook is this--we're all blemished at this point. Whew! That takes the heat off! I was so afraid that I would have to be perfect. Ummm...NOT! A grounded man with his feet planted firmly in the gravel. Whatever mistakes he's made, if he's sane, has his ego where it belongs in humility, then he can't be all too difficult to reason with. I can't ask for more than that. Admitting we're imperfect, flawed, scarred, whatever way you want to put it: and another person too tired of losing games to even want to play them. Do you know how sweet that sounds to my ears? Like common sense isn't so common...neither is finding an honest grounded person. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 Admitting we're imperfect, flawed, scarred, whatever way you want to put it: and another person too tired of losing games to even want to play them. Do you know how sweet that sounds to my ears? Like common sense isn't so common...neither is finding an honest grounded person. I just had my second appointment with my psychologist today? I took a psychological test that confirmed (and also cost $600) that I was depressed, had anxiety disorder, had hyper-attentiveness, and had been internationalized? No screaming eagle s***! Got me to thinking? Most people don't join the military? Of those that do? Most don't join the Marines. Of those that do? Most are discharged within one year of signing the enlistment papers, of those that remain? Most don't re-enlist, and of those that do? Most don't re-enlist? Only .05 of each 100 Marine recurits make it to retirement at twenty years? Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 My biggest issue? Survior's Guilt! They died! I didn't? Link to post Share on other sites
You Go Girl Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 My biggest issue? Survior's Guilt! They died! I didn't? I can't even imagine Gunny. I would have a difficult time sorting out just what it means to be alive after all you've experienced. I'd be pumped all the time too. People taking life for granted around me would annoy the helloutta me. But being grateful for a sunny day, laughter with a friend, the taste of a ripe piece of fruit, simple things, may just be the way to appreciate life the most. Leave the big questions sometimes for whatever higher power there may be. We can't carry all the burdens on our shoulders, but we sure can enjoy what comes our way that is beautiful. And isn't that the best way to celebrate life? Like I learned in Al-anon--you didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. Look up and smile at the sun and say, yeah, enemy fighters--you tried to kill me too, but here I am, and I'm a survivor! I'm alive! And rejoice in your own life! You're here to enjoy it, so do! Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 Thanks, but it unreal its like one of those slow motion movies where you have bullets zipping by you. That only leave a scratch or a scare on your face? Few know little comprehend living a nano-second within a second? A fraction of a second within a second. Make life all the more precious! It changes you ~ I seldom watch television anymore ~ the Weather Channel and perhaps the news ~ for all of about five minutes ~ just to catch the top headlines. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 I'd be pumped all the time too. People taking life for granted around me would annoy the helloutta me. You cannot imagine. As soon as I get my head out of my @zz and my head and @zz wired back together I'm going to be all about helping these guys / gals coming back from Iraq and Afghanistan putting their lives back together! Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 Well since this list is just as easily applied to women and men you can add... Is just a plain psycho drama queen/king House is more like a zoo with all the animals. Is just plain angry at the other gender. Nothing/no one is even good enough. Has way too many 'friends' of the other sex.. ** I have no kids so this is more my preference. I have no desire to add step daddy to my resume. ** Has 3 kids and the ex is never there to take them or at least pay support (no private time) ----- or ------ The ex is constantly around, in his/her business and causing problems. Oh the list goes on.. currently I'm just not looking anymore. I'm still friends with a couple of the women I've been involved with since the divorce. We were friends before things happened and found a way to stay friendly after too. I know a woman, her mother lives with her & her mom has like 3 dogs & 3 cats. No-way. That's wild kingdom + annoying rude old person. That's a "OH, hell no!" double whammy. My fiance's mom lived with us for a little bit once. Sheer hell. I couldn't do a darn thing in my own house without her making some kind of comment. I litterally banished myself to the farthest corner of the house to get away from her. I was ready to kick both my fiance' & her mother out of my house after the 2nd month. Link to post Share on other sites
You Go Girl Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 My fiance's mom lived with us for a little bit once. Sheer hell. I couldn't do a darn thing in my own house without her making some kind of comment. I litterally banished myself to the farthest corner of the house to get away from her. I was ready to kick both my fiance' & her mother out of my house after the 2nd month. That's just rude, and overstepping boundaries. She was a guest in your home and should have acted like one. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 That's just rude, and overstepping boundaries. She was a guest in your home and should have acted like one. I thought she would & it was only supposed to be a few weeks until her state aid kicked in & she got her own apartment. That turned into a few months. She literally had no-where else to go. My finace' did not have any family other than her father & since they were divorced that just wasn't going to happen. I was damned if I did & damned if I didn't. I've learned my lesson. If I ever live with a woman again WE will be the only adults living there. Link to post Share on other sites
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