The market for 45-year old men

[seibert253]

I'd like to divert back to the original topic for a bit.

 

If I was "back on the market", it wouldn't be for long.

 

I'll be 45 in a little more than a month.

I'm in great shape, group fitness instructor and personal trainer on the side, Law Enforcement is my primary career

 

But, even with my physical attributes, I'm very confident in what I do, and who I am. This seems to be the key, especially with the ladies in their 20's. Man they love to flirt and be flirted with. I get propositioned or asked out at least once or twice a month. Most of these are from women in the 21 to 28 year old range. (still havn't figured this out)

 

Confidence, showing the ladies respect, and having a sense of humor seem to be the key. (18 inch biceps do not hurt either)

Ladys want a strong, confident man, who puts them first. Seems nowadays the younger lads just aren't gettin it done.

 

Just my .02

[phineas]

I've only got 16 1/2" biceps.

But, i'm almost into size 36 pants & will be in 34's by end of July if I keep going the way I am.

 

I'm 38 by the way.

 

If the STBXW ever finds the time to get the divorce papers notarized I might just be single by then.

 

But, I feel like i'm in prison now. still legally married & undateable.

Once i'm on parole do I really want to start dateing?

 

During my seperation i've been aproached by many women my age.

Just about every single one of them are complete flakes.

 

They insist on being friends with me. They call me. They make plans to hang out (non-date) then poof. last minute they cancel & I don't hear from them again or not for weeks or they just fall off the face of the earth for a few weeks.

 

They don't return my text or phone call (they only get one of each from me until they get back to me) & act like nothing happened & try to change the subject when I tell them I arranged my schedule, got a babysitter ect. so we could do something then ask them why they flaked.

 

I never get an answer or good reason & I just stop talking to them.

They text me, call me ect & I just ignore it.

 

it's happened lwith at least 6 different women over the last yr.

 

The market is there, but most of the produce has turned.

[trippi1432]

I've only got 16 1/2" biceps.

But, i'm almost into size 36 pants & will be in 34's by end of July if I keep going the way I am.

 

I'm 38 by the way.

 

If the STBXW ever finds the time to get the divorce papers notarized I might just be single by then.

 

But, I feel like i'm in prison now. still legally married & undateable.

Once i'm on parole do I really want to start dateing?

 

During my seperation i've been aproached by many women my age.

Just about every single one of them are complete flakes.

 

They insist on being friends with me. They call me. They make plans to hang out (non-date) then poof. last minute they cancel & I don't hear from them again or not for weeks or they just fall off the face of the earth for a few weeks.

 

They don't return my text or phone call (they only get one of each from me until they get back to me) & act like nothing happened & try to change the subject when I tell them I arranged my schedule, got a babysitter ect. so we could do something then ask them why they flaked.

 

I never get an answer or good reason & I just stop talking to them.

They text me, call me ect & I just ignore it.

 

it's happened lwith at least 6 different women over the last yr.

 

The market is there, but most of the produce has turned .

 

I'm sorry, I had to laugh at this!! Ya know....women in this market feel the same way about the men in this market!!! LOL!!

 

Just some advice, there is a reason to just be friends at first on both sides...it's to find out if you are even compatible. I know that I will not be in another relationship again with anyone until I have had the time to get to know them, find the red flags to see if I can deal with them or not and determine if they are more than friend material...that doesn't happen in a day.

 

And advice for you guys....lamenting about your ex...how she screwed you over, cheated on you...calling her superlatives, or even how you aren't over her.....means you pretty much aren't dating material just yet. Same thing for women as well....when you are ready, you will just be ready.

 

As to the biceps....well, different strokes for different folks I guess....but I prefer emotional intelligence and good conversation - something I didn't have for 15 years.

[Ariadne]

I'd be pumped all the time too. People taking life for granted around me would annoy the helloutta me.

 

You cannot imagine. As soon as I get my head out of my @zz and my head and @zz wired back together I'm going to be all about helping these guys / gals coming back from Iraq and Afghanistan putting their lives back together!

 

Sorry about your troubles.

 

It sounds like you've been through a lot but you seem to have your stuff together.

 

Maybe just a little tying of the last strings.

 

I'll suggest you listen to this guy, it might help. Lots of wisdom and a very soothing tone for some reason.

[trippi1432]

Sorry about your troubles.

 

It sounds like you've been through a lot but you seem to have your stuff together.

 

Maybe just a little tying of the last strings.

 

I'll suggest you listen to this guy, it might help. Lots of wisdom and a very soothing tone for some reason.

 

 

Ariadne - Thank you - been looking for something like this to just listen to.

[phineas]

I'm sorry, I had to laugh at this!! Ya know....women in this market feel the same way about the men in this market!!! LOL!!

 

Just some advice, there is a reason to just be friends at first on both sides...it's to find out if you are even compatible. I know that I will not be in another relationship again with anyone until I have had the time to get to know them, find the red flags to see if I can deal with them or not and determine if they are more than friend material...that doesn't happen in a day.

 

And advice for you guys....lamenting about your ex...how she screwed you over, cheated on you...calling her superlatives, or even how you aren't over her.....means you pretty much aren't dating material just yet. Same thing for women as well....when you are ready, you will just be ready.

 

As to the biceps....well, different strokes for different folks I guess....but I prefer emotional intelligence and good conversation - something I didn't have for 15 years.

 

They knew I was still married & not looking for a GF.

All I was looking for was someone to do something with as friends.

All I wanted to do was get to know them. not specifically to look for red flags but well just to get to know them.

 

I have no clue what happened.

 

I DO NOT offer any info about my STBXW other than she "thought the grass was greaner" & "after trying to work it out decided divorce was my only option"

 

I have one woman friend I talk to regularly. She is my sounding board & I hers. That's really it.

 

The other women though all asked me the same questions:

 

Is she out of the house.

Is all her stuff out of the house.

Is she allowed back in the house.

How hard is she screwing you financially in the divorce.

 

It's like their reading off a standard checklist.

I couldn't NOT answer those questions. but I kept the answers short & moved on to something else when I could.

 

 

I personally am over her. But just because i'm over one relationship doesn't mean I want to start moving towards another with someone I barely know.

 

I agree with you, taking time to get to know someone is the best way.

It wont get me laid, but It will help keep me from winding up balls deep in it with a nut-job that can no longer hide the crazy 3 months in.

[trippi1432]

LMAO!!! Ok Phineas......and I would have to agree with your last statement. :o:o:o

 

Just being here shows how "screwed" up some of us still are...sigh.

[Ariadne]

Ariadne - Thank you - been looking for something like this to just listen to.

 

Cool! You are welcome.

[phineas]

LMAO!!! Ok Phineas......and I would have to agree with your last statement. :o:o:o

 

Just being here shows how "screwed" up some of us still are...sigh.

 

'eh. I like this place. I think i'm going to be just fine. i'm no guru, but at least I can pass on the advice the regular's pimp-slapped me with when I first started posting.

[What_Next]

I agree with you, taking time to get to know someone is the best way.

It wont get me laid, but It will help keep me from winding up balls deep in it with a nut-job that can no longer hide the crazy 3 months in.

 

Phineas, thank you for the laugh. I really needed it today. I've been through so many emotions and so many thoughts over the past month. The one that has been coming into my mind lately is the what if scenario in terms of my marriage dissolving.

 

I have fear, excitement and about every other emotion one can have when it comes to re-entering the dating scene. Realistically I am quite a distance from this point, but it will come. The only thing I resolved myself to at this point is that I do not want to be alone and I am more than willing to try a relationship again. Most definitely not right away, I might even sow my oats for a while .

 

Honestly I wouldn't even know where to begin to find or attract someone from the opposite sex right now. Leaving it just to chance is of course the best option, but I've found myself wondering lately about online dating type websites. Too many other irons in the fire right now to worry about that though. It is a distraction to think about the whole process and some of the time lately I need that.

[sumdude]

'eh. I like this place. I think i'm going to be just fine. i'm no guru, but at least I can pass on the advice the regular's pimp-slapped me with when I first started posting.

 

It's kinda funny. When I first came to LS it was on the "Getting Married" forum... then the "Family" and "Marriage" forums... then the unexpected move this "Divorce" forum.. eventually moving over the the "Dating" forum. LOL A long strange trip it's been.

 

I never really 'dated' per se much before my marriage and haven't exactly dated since. Most relationships for me just kinda happened if that makes any sense.

[Feelin Frisky]

I have begun to realize that being available and on the market as a 45 year old man isn't bad at all. There seems to be no shortage of woman in this age group, who want a man. Being that I have all my own hair and teeth, in good health, with a good physical appearance, a good personality, high earning potential and low personal craziness, it seems that my attractiveness to potential mates is pretty high.

 

Makes me wonder why was/am I trying so hard to save a marriage in such an unhappy, unhealthy state, when better prospects for a mate seem to be in oversupply. Sure, it means having to filter out the not so good prospects, and indeed, there are many that fit that column. But it is a target-rich environment.

 

That's very different than my 20's, when I was a nerdy, hard-working, struggling fellow who wasn't the life of the party. Seemed a lot harder back then to get a woman's attention. Or maybe I've changed, or both.

 

It's part of old world thinking based on short life spans and it is trumped up by today's commecial pseudo culture that one is a freak if not hitched by say, 30. It's nonsense. It is mostly after one's early 30's that reality sinks in and a person matures to rid themselves of hand-me-down notions or believes in perpetuated myth.

[phineas]

It's kinda funny. When I first came to LS it was on the "Getting Married" forum... then the "Family" and "Marriage" forums... then the unexpected move this "Divorce" forum.. eventually moving over the the "Dating" forum. LOL A long strange trip it's been.

 

I never really 'dated' per se much before my marriage and haven't exactly dated since. Most relationships for me just kinda happened if that makes any sense.

 

Makes perfect sence.

My STBXW for example.

I worked with her for months.

Then when she moved to a different building she asked me out for a beer.

Then asked me if I wanted to get take out & movie.

Then damn near raped me.

I figured, well i'm getting sex & I like her why bother seeing other women?

So yeah it just kinda happened also.

[phineas]

Phineas, thank you for the laugh. I really needed it today. I've been through so many emotions and so many thoughts over the past month. The one that has been coming into my mind lately is the what if scenario in terms of my marriage dissolving.

 

I have fear, excitement and about every other emotion one can have when it comes to re-entering the dating scene. Realistically I am quite a distance from this point, but it will come. The only thing I resolved myself to at this point is that I do not want to be alone and I am more than willing to try a relationship again. Most definitely not right away, I might even sow my oats for a while .

 

Honestly I wouldn't even know where to begin to find or attract someone from the opposite sex right now. Leaving it just to chance is of course the best option, but I've found myself wondering lately about online dating type websites. Too many other irons in the fire right now to worry about that though. It is a distraction to think about the whole process and some of the time lately I need that.

 

Well, I had one relationship where I worked with her at a fast food joint for months before we dated.

Ok, she was my manager.

I was 20~21 & she was 28.

 

Dated for almost a yr then bam!

 

she told me she loved me.

 

Then bam again!

 

She mentioned off handidly she sometimes did cocain for fun & I should try some because it "really isn't that bad".

 

Uhhh WTF?!?!

 

Who is this person?

 

I was balls deep in it then.

But she was cheating on me so that made it REAL easy to walk away.

[Gunny376]

Just being here shows how "screwed" up some of us still are...sigh

 

I would tend to disagree with this ~ its a known fact that our life experiences alter our brain bio-chemistry.

 

When I first retired out of the Corps? I had an old HS friend who came by and saw me at my parents house. I hadn't seen him since HS ~ over twenty years.

 

Ken told me ~ "You've changed! Your not the same person you use to be back in HS!"

 

Fifteen years hence that conversation I find myself seeing a psychologist and on AD's and Anxiety drugs with a diagnosis of depression, anxiety and PTSD. I should have gone years and years ago ~ but in the military (especially the Marines) back during my time? Going to see a psych about anything? Meant an immediate career "ender"

 

That and with military psych unlike civilian psyche's anything you say can and will be used against you.

 

You admit to having sex with someone not your lawful wedded spouse? Under the UCMJ (Uniform Code of Military Justice) that's a court martial offense and can land you a reduction to private, six months forfeiture of pay, six months in the brig (jail) and a "Big Chicken Dinner" ~ Bad Conduct Discharge ~ which brands you a federal felon. For the rest of your life whenever you move? You have to register with the local sheriff's office, and in some states cannot vote, own a firearm nor even land.

 

Ditto with adultery, sodomy (which under the UCMJ is basically having sex with anyone other than your lawfully wedded spouse in other than the missionary position)

 

Point to be made for most of us in Life? Most of us aren't going to get through this life without singing the "blues" at least once or twice.

 

I would say that most of the people that post in the divorce/separation section married way to young, with way too little relationship experience, knowledge, with a complete lacking of communication skills, understanding of the opposite sex, ~ and well just absolute and complete ignorance (Some find this term offensive ~ but I use it in the context of that you just didn't know any better at the time)

 

Not to suggest that I have all of the answers to all of the questions nor all of the solutions to all of the problems?

 

But to you trippi1432? Like I back in the day? Just was trying to accomplish, do to much, be the "perfect" _______________ to too many people and trying to do to much at one time.

 

And the Hell of it is? They're completely oblivious to the sacrifices, hardships, hard work, dedication, investment of time, energy and effort you made.

 

Oh! I know!

 

I haven't done twenty years in the Corporate World that you have? But I"ve done my twenty years in tha' Corps.

 

I never sought recognition (in fact I avoided it like the plague), nor medals, plaques, ribbons to hang off of my chest.

 

"I seek the respect, love and admiration of my friends and family! The rest of you can go to Hell!"

 

John Wayne after receiving criticism over making the movie "The Green Beret"

[trippi1432]

I would tend to disagree with this ~ its a known fact that our life experiences alter our brain bio-chemistry.

 

Not to suggest that I have all of the answers to all of the questions nor all of the solutions to all of the problems?

 

But to you trippi1432? Like I back in the day? Just was trying to accomplish, do to much, be the "perfect" _______________ to too many people and trying to do to much at one time.

 

And the Hell of it is? They're completely oblivious to the sacrifices, hardships, hard work, dedication, investment of time, energy and effort you made.

 

Oh! I know!

 

I haven't done twenty years in the Corporate World that you have? But I"ve done my twenty years in tha' Corps.

 

I never sought recognition (in fact I avoided it like the plague), nor medals, plaques, ribbons to hang off of my chest.

 

"I seek the respect, love and admiration of my friends and family! The rest of you can go to Hell!"

 

John Wayne after receiving criticism over making the movie "The Green Beret"

 

Gunny, you might not have all the answers, but you know when to say the right things. I've been kicking myself and hating myself for making all those sacrifices, investments, trying to be too much to too many people.

 

Hearing this from someone like you....who has been through way much more, has seen way too much and been through things I could not even fathom....this means a lot Gunny. You gave me my first cry of the day, but it's a good cry.

 

Thank you for that and much more. :)

 

Trippi

[floridapad]

Wow I go away to Costa Rica for a week and this thread is still alive and strong.

 

Well I'm happy to report that the market for 45 year old men in Costa Rica is absolutely incredible. Spectacular in fact. Now, how do I get one of those beautiful Latinas back home.

[bopjo1]

So the market is good for men in their 40's. What about the 50's? I just turned 51 and feel like an old man.

[habs53]

Wow I go away to Costa Rica for a week and this thread is still alive and strong.

 

Well I'm happy to report that the market for 45 year old men in Costa Rica is absolutely incredible. Spectacular in fact. Now, how do I get one of those beautiful Latinas back home.

On a plane, how else.