The market for 45-year old men

[just_some_guy]

Well, I am 45 and I sure wouldn't ming dating a man my age, who is available. I just don't have any idea where to meet available men my age. I no longer do internetdating because it was such a depressing experience and I had the feeling that men my age were fishing in the pond of 25-40 years old women.

I personally think I am better now at 45 than at 25. I feel a lot better about myself and I dress and feel a lot more feminine now.

 

You have to get out there and be with people, hopefully doing things you like to do. Internet dating is just not a good thing. It is a way to hide in a bunker and throw blind feelers out to see if "someone is out there."

 

Best thing to do is:

 

Take care of yourself.

Do the things that make life enjoyable for you.

Be among people.

 

 

The first is the most important. Happy, healthy people are attracted to other happy, healthy people.

[just_some_guy]

Where are you sought after guys finding the women ... is it at work, the stores, the clubs ....

 

My sons are 42 and have never married.

 

Are the women you are finding divorced and with children .. Have there been any that you would consider yourself equally yoked enough for possible marriage..

 

Let me know where you find them..

 

(my sons are caucasian)

 

 

I'm curious about the last comment?

 

Let's face it, if someone hits their 40's and has never been married, there's a strong possibility that something is wrong. It's a big red flag that says, "warning" to other people. Something is out of whack. Perhaps they are gay? (not saying that's wrong) Maybe they are just so hot that they get all the lovin' they need from the steady stream of women knocking on their door? Are they not good prospects? If all they have going for them is being caucasian, that's not a lot to go on.

 

Where are the women? They are all around. I tend towards women my own age to somewhat older than me, always have. Maybe because I'm not fishing in the 20's (let's party!) or the 30's (my eggs are ready and the clock is ticking, impregnate me NOW).

[stepka]

Well, I am 45 and I sure wouldn't ming dating a man my age, who is available. I just don't have any idea where to meet available men my age. I no longer do internetdating because it was such a depressing experience and I had the feeling that men my age were fishing in the pond of 25-40 years old women.

I personally think I am better now at 45 than at 25. I feel a lot better about myself and I dress and feel a lot more feminine now.

I had the same experience, but I was getting more attention from much younger men. I guess they thought I'd be easier to get in the sack? Don't know, but got away from that and back to old fashioned methods.

[WalkInThePark]

Be among people.

 

This is the difficult one. It's hard when you have a demanding job and no family. When you do activities (language course, sports,...) most people rush home after the activity to their partner/family at home.

 

Older than 40 and never been married = something wrong? I think that is a harsh and incorrect judgement. Are people who are married so much better? It's a fact that if you have never been married and you are over 40 that you get a stigma. I feel the strong reactions, and I guess one of the reasons I get them are because I am an attractive lady who has a lot going for her. Would it be better if I was a single mother with kids from 3 different guys? I don't think so.

[BB07]

Gunny......you've got a great attitude about life and love.

 

I think when you are ready, you are gonna find that woman who is gonna sit on the porch with you and hold your hand, look at you adorably and with love.

[You Go Girl]

Gunny......you've got a great attitude about life and love.

 

I think when you are ready, you are gonna find that woman who is gonna sit on the porch with you and hold your hand, look at you adorably and with love.

 

I agree! Gunny, you nailed it on this thread. You know the tricks, but you also know that the tricks are just that, and you don't need the ego boost anymore, you need something really fine! And since you are going to be looking for that, it is exactly what you find.

I believe very much that people find what they set their eyes on. A tunnel vision of sorts.

At 46, I may have lost my youthfull look. There's laugh lines, the start of crows feet, and a few gray hairs sneaking into the mix, and a little sag here and there, upper arms for example, aren't firm as they used to be.

But you know what? When I'm ready, everything is going to go just fine. I relate to people now so much more openly, I am secure in me, and basically, I don't compromise myself to get attention, nor am I aloof, proud, or pretentious.

There are TONS of benefits with a mature mind. Afterall, sex is just sex, and the quality of laughter in the bedroom is really more important than the stamina.

In our 40's, we're in our prime. Maybe when I'm in my 50's, I'll feel that 40 year old have a lot to learn! I hope so

And in our 40's, we can forget about the 4 year age difference rule, and go younger, go older, whatever we are attracted to. And, for those of us who are already divorced, carry the stigma, and no longer are trying to prove the perfect picket fence ideal, so many more doors are open because we're no longer trying to be the perfect anything. Ah, the relief of not having to be perfect for anybody!

Califnan, don't worry about them. Let them find their way. You have probably raised decent men who care about finding a good match, hence the delay in getting married.

BB07--Somerset Maugham is my fave writer!

[Gunny376]

I know lots of people, (men and women) in their forties and older, that have never been married.

 

Gen. Al Gray, former Commandant of the Marine Corps during the Reagan administration had never been married. (He had GF's all over the world though)

 

They called him up one day and told him that he was on the short list to become the next Commandant of the Marine Corps. There was just one problem? He wasn't married, and when you get up that high in the military/government? There's a certain amount of socialising and such that is expected?

 

He told them he call them back that afternoon. He called his long time civil service secretary into his office that had been with him every since he had became a one-star general. Explained the situation, they went out into town got their marriage license and got married that same day.

 

General Arnold Schwarzkopf didn't marry until he was almost fifty. In a sense? They were already married? To their military careers. Being in the the military is very demanding, and to be truly successful at it? You just about have to eat, sleep and dedicate yourself to working twelve hours a a day or more. Be willing to work seven days a week.

 

So much so, that several years ago the Marine Corps wanted to issue a regulation that you had to be at least a Corporal (the rank below a buck sergeant ~ and generally have four years of service under your belt)

 

The FemiNazi's threw a fit and killed that idea quick, fast and a hurry like.

[Gunny376]

I don't t think men under the age of thirty should be allowed to get married.

 

Right off of the bat? Women generally speaking are about ten years ahead of men emotionally out the gate. Women also know and have more relationship experience ~ relationships are what women do.

 

Prior to the age of thirty? Men simply are pretty much ignorant when it comes to the whole relationship ~ emotional bonding type thing. They simply lack experience.

 

From high school on they need to work on completing their education/occupational training, find a job, become good at what they do for a living, move up the food chain at work. Build a reputation for themselves for being reliable, dependable, responsible.

 

Build up their credit, save some money for buying and furnishing a house, having a minimum of six to twelve months income saved up to where if they lose their jobs for whatever reason ~ they can go a year without any money coming in.

 

I'm not down with this 50/50 thing, nor this business about my money is my money and your money is my money to.

 

My last LTR that I lived with for six years was a school teacher. I sat her down and we listed all of the household bills. Rent, electricity, land-line phone, gas, cable, trash pickup, groceries (Which I bought on base at the commissary ~ 30 to 40% cheaper than WalMart, although she did make out the grocery list)

 

Then I added her income (took me forever to get it out of her) added it mine. Came up with a percentage. Since I was active duty and had been in the Corps for sixteen years at the time? I made more money than she did. I even factored out her dental and medical premiums ~ since mine were basically free.

 

Basically it came down that between the two of us? It was a 68/32 % split. I would contribute 68% toward the household bills. She would contribute 32%. This put more money in her pocket, she didn't have to use the child support money except things she needed for her son, (or when she had an excess to put away for his college education.

 

The catch was? You want a new car? Can you afford a new car? You want a CATO's credit card? That's all on you as personally I don't need one damn thing out of CATO, Victoria Secret, Lane Bryant yada~yada.

[califnan]

I'm curious about the last comment?

 

Let's face it, if someone hits their 40's and has never been married, there's a strong possibility that something is wrong. It's a big red flag that says, "warning" to other people. Something is out of whack. Perhaps they are gay? (not saying that's wrong) Maybe they are just so hot that they get all the lovin' they need from the steady stream of women knocking on their door? Are they not good prospects? If all they have going for them is being caucasian, that's not a lot to go on.

 

Where are the women? They are all around. I tend towards women my own age to somewhat older than me, always have. Maybe because I'm not fishing in the 20's (let's party!) or the 30's (my eggs are ready and the clock is ticking, impregnate me NOW).

 

------------------------

 

No they are Not Gay...

 

I think they are nice looking .. I only added they were "caucasian" - because I don't see why they cannot marry alike women.

 

Yes, they are shy - had some bad experiences early on with girls who thought they were too presumptuous .. Not outgoing and popular in H.S., brief college - then to work in their father's print shop, until now. They have a friend who is almost 50, who has never married either ..

 

They have gone to the clubs - where 1st son has picked up some, who did not pan out .. Longest lasting ones moved in to his home (one Hispanic, one Asian) I said: "Why don't you pick out white ones", He says: "Because they are stuck-up bitches".. .. 2nd son started seeing that his twin wasn't doing that well, so he started to gain weight..

 

I think they hate rejection too much (and with prev bad experiences) to try to pick up girls while out shopping..

 

I guess one way of looking at it - is that we have avoided some divorces?

[Gunny376]

Sex?

 

Great way to start your day ~ or it can be a great way to end your day?

 

But the fact of the matter is? Once you've reached a certain age? Say forty or so? Even if your still making out like rabbits? Its what you do with the remaining 23-1/2 to 23-3/4's or even 23 hours (Hell) that's be the deciding factor as to how your relationship last.

 

The fact of the matter is? A lot of men are absolutely and completely clueless when it comes to having sex. First off? Hygiene. Take a shower, brush your teeth, rinse out the Copenhagen taste out of your mouth.

 

Learn how to kiss. So many men think that ramming their tongues down their wives or GF's throats is hot. Get a clue! You've been watching too much porno, (I dated this one girl in HS one time, and she thought I was such a good kisser ~ she brought her best friend to me for me to kiss)

 

Women need passion and anticipation ~ that's why Carly Simon wrote a song about it.

 

Read, "How To Satisfy A Woman Every Time and have her begging for more!"

 

The author is a little flaky goes about herbal supplements, vitamins, legalizing marijuana.

 

But she describes sex from a woman's perspective. And she describes one technique that is a simple and effective.

 

To build passion and anticipation? You have to work at it! It takes time.

 

My last LTR GF, I got frisky one day and she pushed me away and told me, "It doesn't come that easy! You've got work for it!"

 

Meaning I had to build up her anticipation and passion which I learned from reading the above mentioned book, along with another titled "Light Her Fire!

 

"Light Her Fire" only has about fifty suggestions about how to ignite passion, desire, and anticipation in a woman. And they're at the end of the book.

 

The meat of the book? Is that it gets you to thinking in creative ways of doing so. And its so simple, so easy, not expensive, ~ little things mean a lot.

 

Going out in the early cold winter morning while getting ready for work and warming up her car.

 

Leaving two cheap @zz roses you bought at a convenience store, left in your car, with her waking up to them with a post it note saying "Roses are red, and violets are blue! I'm at work but thinking of you!"

 

Leaving post-it notes throughout the house ~ knowing her routine ~ where ever she goes? Stumbling out of bed to get her favorite coffee cup, inside of the bathroom mirror door, inside her purse, inside her glove box, (Cards for no special occasions work well too!)

 

Go your @zz to an Applebees, a TGIF' a Shoney's and observe a exclusive women together and by themselves ~ no men around!

 

They're laughing, cutting up, talking smack and trash!

 

Girls just want to have fun, they want to laugh and smile and have a good time!

 

And they want to feel secure, they don't won't to go to bed each night worrying about this that and the other. Their husbands their cheating on them, their children, finances, bills, the mortgage, being evicted, being foreclosed on. Getting DUN's (Due Upon Notice) in the mail.

 

Women don't need nor want stress in their lives! Women worry way too much ~ because they have so much to worry about! Paying the bills, paying the bills on time, getting Jr to soccer practice, and Judy to her ballet lessons, grocery shopping, cooking supper, ~ not just just supper but good healthy meals,

 

Gaining weight? 10 or 20,000 years ago children survived off of their mother and her milk. They breast feed much longer than just a year or so?

 

Once a woman has a child? Her body automatically kicks in to retain fat.

To produce the nutrition her off-spring need to survive through their Mother's milk.

[Gunny376]

First off! If your a man? And your over forty? You don't have any business looking for a twenty-thirty something year old woman.

 

You don't need some twenty or thirty something year old that's getting all PO because your in a restaurant, drooling at the mouth ~ having a stoke or heart attack telling you to quit making those faces at you! Your starting to PMO!

 

You need to get with someone your own age! Someone who's got some Bayer Aspirin or nitroglycerin pills in their purse, telling them to just hang on, take this pill and I'm calling 911 right now!

 

 

Your fifty and you get with a twenty or thirty year old?

 

She's out for your house, your insurance, your retirement! Give me a break! You can't die fast enough fool!

 

All of your forty-something plus, being married 20 + years worried about this and that ~ about finding another man?

 

That's the least of your worries!

 

The problem isn't in finding a man ~ the problem is finding the right man.

 

They're out there, but they are hard to find. Same as finding a good woman!

 

Set your standards high and don't compromise!

[Gunny376]

------------------------

 

No they are Not Gay...

 

I think they are nice looking .. I only added they were "Caucasian" - because I don't see why they cannot marry alike women.

 

Yes, they are shy - had some bad experiences early on with girls who thought they were too presumptuous .. Not outgoing and popular in H.S., brief college - then to work in their father's print shop, until now. They have a friend who is almost 50, who has never married either ..

 

They have gone to the clubs - where 1st son has picked up some, who did not pan out .. Longest lasting ones moved in to his home (one Hispanic, one Asian) I said: "Why don't you pick out white ones", He says: "Because they are stuck-up bitches".. .. 2nd son started seeing that his twin wasn't doing that well, so he started to gain weight..

 

I think they hate rejection too much (and with prev bad experiences) to try to pick up girls while out shopping..

 

I guess one way of looking at it - is that we have avoided some divorces?

 

Learning how to be successful with attracting women? Is a learned experienced. Its not something that comes natural to most men.

 

It basically comes down to girls just want to have fun, laugh, and have a good time,

 

 

 

Happy people want to be around happy people.

 

I know a lot of bar tricks, card tricks, magic tricks. I flirt with any and every women I come in contact with. I compliment them, Be they young or old.

 

I'm 53 ~ my co-ed days are pretty much over. Even though I live in a college town. I can still attract the twenty to thirty years old. I know how to dance (took lessons) know a bunch of ways to entertain not just women ~ but people.

 

I've a magnetic ring that can move metal under glass, make watches stop etc.

 

But you know what? I can get with someone much younger than I? But after having sex?

 

What are we going to do the other 23-1/5 to 23 hour day?

 

I'm looking for someone that I compliment and who compliments me for those other 23 hours of each day. The one that brings me a cup of coffee in the evening and runs her hands across my face, as we enjoy the sunset over the ocean.

 

Not just a VLSS ~ A Vaginal Life Support System!

[just_some_guy]

I know it sounds harsh to say, but really, how many happy, healthy, well-adjusted, successful folks at age 40 have never been married? Yes, some by choice or chance.

 

The really healthy ones are still married, raising families, solving their problems big or small.

 

They're not on the web, posting about divorce and separation or never being married.

 

Most of us here on the board, probably have an issue or two.

[Gunny376]

The fact is?

 

Half of all first time marriages end in divorcce! They were too young and too inexperienced!

 

Of the remaing half? Only thirty six percent stayed togeter because of the children, the stratus quo, the property, religious convitions!

 

 

Only 13% percentt said they were happliy married!

[Gunny376]

I'm flirting, but guess I'm bad at it after being married for 23 years.

 

 

Dom't worry about it

 

We've all got to start fresh somewhere!

 

And fools such fools as we are? We that have a little living, dying, and cryng under our belt ~ have to find a fresh start somewhere ~ might as wlll "catch the us to Mexico" (Shawshank Redemption)

 

Take an old fool's advice!

 

Get busy living or get busy dying!

 

BTW?

 

You don' get old playing a fool!

 

You don't see too many old fools running around!

 

But you do see a lot of old folks with a lot of wisdom, knowledge and experience around~

Edited May 17, 2010 by Gunny376

[Gunny376]

Truth is? There are parts of me I'm proud of!

 

There are parts of me that I'm ashamed of.

 

I've killed people or ordered them to be killed. I'm not proud of that. They may have been combatants? But they were some-one's mother's child. If no one else other than they loved them?

 

God did! Be he Jewish, Christian, or Islamic "

 

Me? I've got myself a separation, divorce, can't find a decent job (employers don't hire vets ~ Substance abuse,alcohol abuse mental and spousal abuse PTSD)Fortunately

 

Fortunately I work for a Vietnam Vet. He threatened to fire me, or get help,

 

I'm seeing a psychologist and on atiui-dereesemt and anxiety meds. Been a 180. I'm seeing s pyschigsdt

[DadofTwoGirls]

This may seem obvious but meeting someone new is easy..it's meeting someone you like to be around or someone who doesn't mind the life you bring that narrows the field...obvious places...one can join a club a gym or do something off the wall..me for example start back in college next week..thought I was too old but after going through the process found out I am not...besides that my school advisor and me have hit it off and gone out once and now she wants to continue going out and even wants to come and watch me coach my daughters (she has no kids)..she's not the 'type' I would have considered before but has a bubbly positive personality..problem is I have no desire yet to see anyone because my girls would be really upset...they still think 'mommy' and 'daddy' will get back together.

[califnan]

Thanks to both Gunny and Dad .. I intend to come back to your suggestions/comments later today - when more time.

 

But Gunny, I wanted to share with you that the most active employer out there - Is hiring Vets.. It is the government .. Fortuneatly the govt always gives first opportunity to vets. I understand there are even more jobs coming up. Find out about them - get extended training for them if necessary ..

[Gunny376]

Thanks to both Gunny and Dad .. I intend to come back to your suggestions/comments later today - when more time.

 

But Gunny, I wanted to share with you that the most active employer out there - Is hiring Vets.. It is the government .. Fortunately the govt always gives first opportunity to vets. I understand there are even more jobs coming up. Find out about them - get extended training for them if necessary ..

 

 

The unemployment for returning Iraqi and Afghanistan Vet?

 

25%

 

Most of those so called State and Federal jobs?

 

Go to minorties.

 

I lucked out! I found a job with a low-stress,, no stress job and boss ~ Vietnam Vet who forced me (Or lose my job) to get help?

[stepka]

Dom't worry about it

 

We've all got to start fresh somewhere!

 

And fools such fools as we are? We that have a little living, dying, and cryng under our belt ~ have to find a fresh start somewhere ~ might as wlll "catch the us to Mexico" (Shawshank Redemption)

 

Take an old fool's advice!

 

Get busy living or get busy dying!

 

BTW?

 

You don' get old playing a fool!

 

You don't see too many old fools running around!

 

But you do see a lot of old folks with a lot of wisdom, knowledge and experience around~

 

So, what are you trying to say here? I just want to laugh and you said you make the ladies laugh.

 

Anyway, too much coffee today gunny? LOL, great posts though. I read somewhere that if a man wants to get into the mind of a woman and know what she wants, he should break down and read a Harlequin romance. I was intriqued and had never read one myself, so I read one, and guess what--they really did get that part right. (PS--I had to steal it from the library sale rack b/c I was too embarrassed to go in and buy it--all the librarians know me too well.)

 

Oh yeah, and social security ought to be hiring, what with all the baby boomers starting to retire.

[2.50 a gallon]

Califnan

 

Have your sons learned to dance?

 

In HS I was one of the shortest guys in the whole school. When I learned to drive as a Junior, I could barely see over the dashboard, and in fact my sister who was in the the 8th grade was two inches taller than me. Needless to say I was not the most popular kid in school and was quite shy. I went to the school dances, and there I observed that most of the guys did not know how to dance. And the only time they got the courage to ask a girl was during the slow songs.

 

So I remedied that sitch by getting my sisters friends to teach me the latest steps. This was most difficult as I truly was very shy.

 

It wasn't long before at the HS cances that I had the girls asking me, as Gunny says "Girls just want to have fun" and dancing is fun. It was the start of my getting over my shyness.

[2.50 a gallon]

Gunny has it nailed. Make them laugh and you are half way to winning their heart.

 

Many years back I was working nights, my first step upon leaving work was to stop and get me a cold drink.

 

On this hot July night when I went into the convience store the newest employee was this hot looking 20 something.

 

When I went to pay for my drink, my wallet which had seen better days, decided to come apart and scattered bills, credit cards and paper all over the counter.

 

As I began stuffing everything back together, I told her, "I suppose you have been wondering what you can buy me for Christmas. It would appear that you could put a new wallet at the top of the list."

 

She laughed, over the next months I found more ways to make her laugh, she was actually in her 30's, a friendship developed. And 2 years later when she broke up with her live in BF, she asked me over for a Bar - B - Q

 

In a few months we will be celebrating our 15 year anniversary, and she still remembers the first words I ever said to her.

Edited May 18, 2010 by 2.50 a gallon
word missing

[stepka]

Great story 2.50 but I just have to ask--why are you on the divorce thread? Not that you're not welcome or anything.

[2.50 a gallon]

Stepka

 

Thank you for asking.

 

There are many reasons

 

When I discovered LS I was in search for an answer on another forum. As I looked over the LS I stumbled upon the Divirce section and after reading some of the stories it became apparent the one voice that was lacking was the voice of success. By success I do not mean the restoring of the marriage, but more simply, that the hurting person, with time will survive, and in most cases a few years down the road they will survive and thrive, and most importantly, learn to love, laugh and live anew

 

Thirty years ago I found myself at the bottom of the pit in a new state without a friend to talk to. I even contemplated the possiblity of suicide. There was no LS to connect with and I was forced to climb out of the pit on my own. In doing this by myself I made a lot of mistakes. Mistakes that I might have not made if there had been somebody who could have given me some positive feedback. I wasted 15 years of my life being afraid of ever falling in love again.

 

A couple of years later a former co-worker found herself in the same pit. She did not survive. The life of a beautiful woman was snuffed out by her own hand. If only there had been someone there to tell her about success, that with time the hurt will go away, and someday you will find love again. Life will be even better than it was before the break up. And just maybe Sonja would still be around to enjoy the grandchildren she never had.

[sumdude]

I'm 42, divorced three years. I have no kids and the ex is way out of the picture. I've been at my job for 13 years, good pay, 5 weeks vacation, full benefits package. I'm out of debt and have pretty good savings in the bank. I'm in decent shape and also play guitar in band. I have multiple skills technically and otherwise. I can build a server, change a cylinder head, paint the house etc etc.

 

After taking a while to recover from the self esteem hit of my wife cheating, lying and suddenly walking out on me? After taking care of my dad as his health failed and his passing away and going through that grief. Taking the time to get back in shape, learn, read and more about attraction, relationships etc? Now I see how in demand I am.

 

I don't know if I'm jaded but my views on marriage and relationships have been forever changed. I see couples and can tell quickly what might be going on with one person while the other is either clueless or in denial. As much as I suppose I could be a 'player' and get in bed with variety I'm both too old to play that or just feeling it's not worth the trouble. My parents were till death, their parents were I just don't know if most my and of the current generation see things that way at all.

 

So yeah, being burned has created a bit of a commitment-phobe here.. But if someone comes along and really, really blows my mind? If like Gunny says I could see her wiping the drool off my face one day and if I can see myself doing the same? I might go there again. There but by the grace of god go I.

Edited May 18, 2010 by sumdude