The market for 45-year old men

[flc]

After being divorced at 48 and having been out of the dating pool for over 20 years I entered in with some trepidation. I also found things a lot easier than I imagined. At my age I have very few self doubts, I no longer am concerned about looking silly in front of the opposite sex and I have a great carreer and the self confidence that comes with that.

 

So dating was a lot of fun, dated some women in their 20s and 30s but recognized that while it was short term fun there was no connection that would last. I also had no plans to start raising young kids from scratch, been there done that.

 

I finaly found a nice women a couple of years younger than me and we have been together for two years now and having a great time. Marriage may again be in my future at some point but at my age I am not sure that it is necessary unless my partner needs that step.

[just_some_guy]

Had lunch with a colleague today and arranged the seating so I could have view of a lovely woman about my age at another table. No ring on her finger. Gave her a smile as her party left and she smiled back.

 

That's as far as I can go. But I have to say, pretty women in my age range are all over the place.

[floridapad]

Here's what Ive learned. There are plenty of women in that age range but the quality ones will not date sperated men. They are leary and think they are emotionally unavailable. So, while I get alot of interest, as soon as I tell them I'm seperated, things change a bit.

 

Can't wait to get this D done.

[stepka]

Stepka

 

Thank you for asking.

 

There are many reasons

 

When I discovered LS I was in search for an answer on another forum. As I looked over the LS I stumbled upon the Divirce section and after reading some of the stories it became apparent the one voice that was lacking was the voice of success. By success I do not mean the restoring of the marriage, but more simply, that the hurting person, with time will survive, and in most cases a few years down the road they will survive and thrive, and most importantly, learn to love, laugh and live anew

 

Thirty years ago I found myself at the bottom of the pit in a new state without a friend to talk to. I even contemplated the possiblity of suicide. There was no LS to connect with and I was forced to climb out of the pit on my own. In doing this by myself I made a lot of mistakes. Mistakes that I might have not made if there had been somebody who could have given me some positive feedback. I wasted 15 years of my life being afraid of ever falling in love again.

 

A couple of years later a former co-worker found herself in the same pit. She did not survive. The life of a beautiful woman was snuffed out by her own hand. If only there had been someone there to tell her about success, that with time the hurt will go away, and someday you will find love again. Life will be even better than it was before the break up. And just maybe Sonja would still be around to enjoy the grandchildren she never had.

I'm glad I asked too--I was so afraid you'd take offense at that. That's a sad story about your co-worker and says great things about you--your wife must be very happy. I have high hopes that there is someone out there who will be just right.

Had lunch with a colleague today and arranged the seating so I could have view of a lovely woman about my age at another table. No ring on her finger. Gave her a smile as her party left and she smiled back.

 

That's as far as I can go. But I have to say, pretty women in my age range are all over the place.

That's as far as it's gone here too for the most part, and I'm like a kid in a candy shop with all the handsome men to look at and flirt with. It's mostly just looks though--haven't figured out how to talk to them yet. I met a drop dead gorgeous man in the library the other night and he was trying to talk to me, but I was too shy and then kicking myself all the way home.

 

Here's what Ive learned. There are plenty of women in that age range but the quality ones will not date sperated men. They are leary and think they are emotionally unavailable. So, while I get alot of interest, as soon as I tell them I'm seperated, things change a bit.

 

Can't wait to get this D done.

Same here. Same here. I'm gonna go celebrate when it's over. And it's the same with men--the quality ones won't date separated women either, but I decided I wasn't ready after all anyway. I've been separated about 16 months now so it's time to be divorced and then I'll make a greater effort to learn how to talk to them.

[califnan]

Califnan

 

Have your sons learned to dance?

 

In HS I was one of the shortest guys in the whole school. When I learned to drive as a Junior, I could barely see over the dashboard, and in fact my sister who was in the the 8th grade was two inches taller than me. Needless to say I was not the most popular kid in school and was quite shy. I went to the school dances, and there I observed that most of the guys did not know how to dance. And the only time they got the courage to ask a girl was during the slow songs.

 

So I remedied that sitch by getting my sisters friends to teach me the latest steps. This was most difficult as I truly was very shy.

 

It wasn't long before at the HS cances that I had the girls asking me, as Gunny says "Girls just want to have fun" and dancing is fun. It was the start of my getting over my shyness.

 

---------------------

 

You are so so right .. If you want a girl, you have to meet with her on her turf .. I bought them a gift of dance lessons many years ago - they would not use them, and made me get my money back ..

 

Obviously they are not desparate enough at this time for me to share the advise on here - in ref meeting and dancing etc .. Will try later.

[trippi1432]

Here's what Ive learned. There are plenty of women in that age range but the quality ones will not date sperated men. They are leary and think they are emotionally unavailable. So, while I get alot of interest, as soon as I tell them I'm seperated, things change a bit.

 

Can't wait to get this D done.

 

FP - It's not just the stigma of being separated...even with newly divorced men, many women will still look at the personality and what a man has done to work on himself....not what he did to save the marriage...not how bad the marriage was, but what they have humbly done to look inside themselves and see themselves for who they are.

[2.50 a gallon]

Califnan, Floridapad

 

My GF (no we are not married) is into cartoon characters, Mickey Mouse, Taz, etc. After getting to know me she has decided I am most like Grumpy from the Seven Dwarfs. (I do have a white beard and I do tend to dis my fellow drivers). I now have a collection of about half a dozen Grumpy T-shirts.

 

Last Christmas we found a store that was selling overstocked Disney items, where she insisted I buy a Grumpy baseball hat. He has crossed eyes, a puffy nose, and the bill is elongated and shaped like a white beard. I don't wear it all of the time, but whenever I do it gives her a chuckle.

 

Everybody likes my hat. No matter where I wear it, gas station, grocery store, there are all kinds of ladies stopping me and telling me they like my hat. They say one of the best places to meet women is in the grocery store, and it turns out that I have one of the great lead ins, as I cannot go grocery shopping without at least a couple of ladies whom I have never met tell me that they like my hat.

 

It seems that my hat and me have built up a reputation, especially at the stores that I frequent. The female clerks, all call me Grumpy. My reply to them, in my deepest voice is "I'm not Grumpy!"

 

Several times I have been out shopping in another store, not wearing my hat, when a check out clerk from another store, who is also out shopping will recognize me and ask "How is it going Grumpy"

 

If I were a single man, this hat could have gotten me lots of dates

[Ariadne]

I have begun to realize that being available and on the market as a 45 year old man isn't bad at all. There seems to be no shortage of woman in this age group, who want a man.

 

You've got that right.

 

There was this guy back home in his 40s who became a widow about a year ago.

 

The guy is not handsome, but he is at least clean cut and has a decent job in a bank (nothing special but a steady job that makes ok money). He is also a good family man with two daughters.

 

Well, the moment he became a widow, I told my mom that it'd be a matter of months till this guy is in a new relationship.

 

Said and done. I went to visit my parents a year later and my mother told me that he was already living with someone! That it had shocked the whole family how fast it was.

 

He started dating a coworker and in only a couple months she moved in with him, and now he is starting a new life with this new partner and he seems very serious.

 

So, two months on the market people before getting snatched by a coworker who probably had an eye on him since before the wife passed away (as she was sick for some time).

 

If they are single for long... you get what Gunny described or the eternal guys in match.com that nobody wants to date for some reason or another.

[Ariadne]

Good, dependable, mature, responsible, hard working, dedicated men and women are a valuable commodity at any age.

 

By the time a thirty or forty year old woman factors out all the losers, the guys that don't have jobs, can't find a job, hold down a job, drug users, constantly running into trouble with the law, getting locked up, just got out of prison (for the third time), are mentally, emotionally even physically abusive, don't own a car, still living at home with their parents, have four or six wives under their belt, paying bookoo in child support?

 

Well the pickings get kind of slim.

 

My experience as well.

 

Another story...

 

My HS bff back home is divorced now, in her early 40s, and back on the market dating.

 

Well, she went to a bar once and met this "wonderful guy" who was an agricultural engineer and handsome as well. They even moved together after a while.

 

Too good to be true? Single and available at a bar?

 

Well, yes. This is the last I heard from her on FB a few days ago:

 

"El Agrónomo resultó una mierda y por suerte se terminó. Apenas recuperada comence a salir y conocí a Andrés."

 

Translation: The agronomist turned out to be a piece of sht and luckily it's over. As soon as I recovered I started going out and met Andres."

 

(And from rumors I heard that he was abusive with her)

 

Well, Andres now is ten years younger and you know how that is going to end up as well..

[flc]

Even once your divorce is final you may have some issues for awhile. Many women of leery of dating someone who is recently divorced they assume they are going to be a rebound and don't want to invest the energy. It may take as a long as a year before this goes away.

 

In my case my ex and I were having trouble for a couple of years and finally called it quits. No separation just a divorce in 2mos time. Since we were so emotionally detached by the time of the divorce I started dating within a couple of months but women would always ask how long had I been divorced and until about 8mos went by I always saw the same look on their face when I told them the time period. Be patient

[wish2b]

It is much easier for men than women, I think. I have been divorced for 3 years. I want a companion, a friend, hell just someone to have dinner with when my kids are away. But I am soooo not wanting to be in the dating scene. I don't want to hassle and the trouble of meeting someone. Yes, scared of rejection too. I am 42 and NOT a size 4. I am really big into football and baseball. So, I am friends with a lot of men. I see how they can size a woman up and form an opinion in 30 seconds. That scares me to death. They say they can not believe that I won't let them set me up and that I am such a good catch. But I just have this theory that if it is meant to be, it will. I don't need someone to force someone on me. And I sure don't want to appear desperate.

 

Just because you are 45, doesn't mean you are washed up!

[phineas]

Here's what Ive learned. There are plenty of women in that age range but the quality ones will not date sperated men. They are leary and think they are emotionally unavailable. So, while I get alot of interest, as soon as I tell them I'm seperated, things change a bit.

 

I agree with this.

It also doesn't bother me because a few have remained in contact with me as "aquaintances" & I can only assume their waiting for the divorce.

 

Also, my STBXW's & her lawyer's games have me walking around with a scowl so i'm not exaclty the best company these days anyways.

[stepka]

It is much easier for men than women, I think. I have been divorced for 3 years. I want a companion, a friend, hell just someone to have dinner with when my kids are away. But I am soooo not wanting to be in the dating scene. I don't want to hassle and the trouble of meeting someone. Yes, scared of rejection too. I am 42 and NOT a size 4. I am really big into football and baseball. So, I am friends with a lot of men. I see how they can size a woman up and form an opinion in 30 seconds. That scares me to death. They say they can not believe that I won't let them set me up and that I am such a good catch. But I just have this theory that if it is meant to be, it will. I don't need someone to force someone on me. And I sure don't want to appear desperate.

 

Just because you are 45, doesn't mean you are washed up!

 

And letting someone set you up does not make you desperate. Why not just go out and have fun w/o too many expectations? I think people really do like to help and why not let them?

 

One thing I've been amused to notice is that the shoe is on the other foot now. When we were young, the choices were endless, but now that we're older, it's the men who have the choices and I'm not sure I like that. I work w/ a man who is getting a divorce and the minute his wife left him, the women started hanging around and inviting him out to cry on their shoulder. He's nice looking but still. . . give the man some breathing room.

[Gunny376]

I live in a small university town, population about 18,000 or so in a county with a population of about 33,000.

 

Of the 18,000 ~ about 5 or 6 thousand are college students. Of the remaining their either too young, too old (we're talking nursing home too old) otherwise already married, or otherwise involved with someone.

 

Then you've got to weed out the losers, users and abusers. The one's that will take up just about any man, who are looking for a sugar daddy, a meal ticket or early retirement plan.

 

So for me to find the kind of woman that I would be interested in? I would have to get geographic. Literally! It would be forty miles in either direction be it southwest, south, east or north.

 

Most of the ones around here were born, raised and lived their whole lives here. They're more accustomed to "good old boys" like Bo and Duke of the Dukes of Hazard type.

 

Having literally studied seduction, attraction, romance, having taken dance lesson, studied the application of humor and comedy ~ well most of them cannot handle me. That and I know how to cook better than most women.

 

I'm not worried about finding "Ms Right Now" I'm interested in finding Ms. Right.

 

Most guys when asked? What's your idea dream car, they can describe it down to the "t", but when asked what their idea woman is? Well its a pretty list.

 

Some who's confident, self-supporting, independent, has a sense of humor, is not easily offended, doesn't nor me around her all the time, who's secure to let me go and do my own thing, (I'm not the cheating kind), likes to laugh, cut up, and have a good time. Has a positive attitude.

 

I don't know the first thing about dress sizes, I just ask that you be height weight proportionate. My last LTR GF was 5'9" amd weighed in I would guess around 140 to 150 pounds ~ sometimes more.

 

I'm not really in the market right now, as I'm two to three months away from being completely out of debt. Car is paid for and only has 28,000 on her. I've got the six month emergency income in the bank (from my civilian job) plus I'm retired military with great medical and dental insurance.

 

My idea about sharing household chores is who ever hits the backdoor first gets busy getting busy. Even though I would tell her to sit back and relax if she had a long hard day (as we all do) Of course if get on top of and stay of things, its nothing but minor maintenance. And no I want through your white undies in with my favorite red shirt, no through them in the dryer on "Super Red Hot Sun" super heat!

 

She would like to have sex a minimum of four times a day and would run around the house butt naked.....................OK, Ok!

 

None of us ever got everything on our Christmas Wish List we wanted!

 

I wouldn't even consider getting into another relationship with any woman unless I was completely out of debt, had a minimum of six to nine months OMG ~ what are we going to do now funds set aside, (Would prefer a years worth), along with about five thousand set aside for auto, appliance repair.

 

And a romance fund ~ of $5,000 because one thing I've learned? What it takes to get her? Is what it takes to keep her! You've got to date your mate.

 

And if there's no finance? There's not going to be any romance. Oh sure you don't have to steal off to B&B every three months, nor even go on a vacation, or cruise. It could be as simple as putting on some music on the stereo, moving the coffee table to the side and throwing back the rug and dancing the night away.

 

Along with romance, having fun, having a good time, laughing? One thing I've learned about women? Is they worry too much. They worry about the past, the presence, and the future. And they worry about money! A lot. They worry about what their friends, family, and children will think.

 

And its not just about whether they can afford the big house on the hill, take a vacation to Europe, keeping up with the Jones? But about paying the mortgage, keeping food in the house, keeping the lights on and paying the utilities, have decent and reliable transportation, paying the medical and dental premimums and deductables.

 

You can bet your last bottom dollar that any woman I get with? Won't have any of those worries.

 

Not to brag? (Although I am proud of it because I've worked long and hard it for several years now) is that the "nut I've got to crack each month is down to $230 a month over and above my military retirement check. I've done without and gone without.

 

Cannot tell you the last time I've eaten out even at a fast food joint. Brown-bagging my supper to work. I buy most of my work clothes from WalMart ~ Fadded Glory. (I work in a lab and acid is hell on clothes! And on skin and your eyes if you get it on them! As I have done.

 

(BTW? If you get any kind acid close to or near your eyes? You can't and won't have any problem finding a fresh water supply! )

 

45 year old men? You need to concern yourself with finding the right woman! 45 year old women? You need to concern yourself with finding the right man.

 

He won't give a damn if your a size 8, 15 or however that works. And you won't give a damn that he's got a little bit of a "Budda Belly" and balding!

 

Alll you'll care about is that he makes you laugh, she makes you laugh, that you each make each other happy!

[trippi1432]

I'm 42, divorced three years. I have no kids and the ex is way out of the picture. I've been at my job for 13 years, good pay, 5 weeks vacation, full benefits package. I'm out of debt and have pretty good savings in the bank. I'm in decent shape and also play guitar in band. I have multiple skills technically and otherwise. I can build a server, change a cylinder head, paint the house etc etc.

 

After taking a while to recover from the self esteem hit of my wife cheating, lying and suddenly walking out on me? After taking care of my dad as his health failed and his passing away and going through that grief. Taking the time to get back in shape, learn, read and more about attraction, relationships etc? Now I see how in demand I am.

 

I don't know if I'm jaded but my views on marriage and relationships have been forever changed. I see couples and can tell quickly what might be going on with one person while the other is either clueless or in denial. As much as I suppose I could be a 'player' and get in bed with variety I'm both too old to play that or just feeling it's not worth the trouble. My parents were till death, their parents were I just don't know if most my and of the current generation see things that way at all.

 

So yeah, being burned has created a bit of a commitment-phobe here.. But if someone comes along and really, really blows my mind? If like Gunny says I could see her wiping the drool off my face one day and if I can see myself doing the same? I might go there again. There but by the grace of god go I.

 

Sumdude - I might wipe the drool off your face if your arthritis hasn't kicked in and you can still play that guitar. Kidding.

[sumdude]

Sumdude - I might wipe the drool off your face if your arthritis hasn't kicked in and you can still play that guitar. Kidding.

 

LOL as long as I can move my fingers a little I'll find some way to play! And not just the guitar.

[Ariadne]

Some who's... self-supporting

who ever hits the backdoor first gets busy

(I would tell her to sit back and relax if she had a long hard day)

sex a minimum of four times a day

Alll you'll care about is that he makes you laugh!

 

Anyone interested?

 

I wouldn't do this for love let alone for some guy.

 

Then you have to put up with them...(hang around everywhere, fart all over the place, put junk out loud on tv, leave clothes and towels around, take up the bathroom, eat all the food, etc, etc)

 

Might as well do all that alone and be in peace.

[You Go Girl]

Anyone interested?

 

I wouldn't do this for love let alone for some guy.

 

Then you have to put up with them...(hang around everywhere, fart all over the place, put junk out loud on tv, leave clothes and towels around, take up the bathroom, eat all the food, etc, etc)

 

Might as well do all that alone and be in peace.

 

Ariadne, feeling a bit jaded today?

For most of us, life alone is just that--alone. Now I like myself, but the thought of engaging myself in conversation everynight is depressing. What makes life interesting is other people.

[Ariadne]

Ariadne, feeling a bit jaded today?

For most of us, life alone is just that--alone. Now I like myself, but the thought of engaging myself in conversation everynight is depressing. What makes life interesting is other people.

 

Well, I don't live alone I live with my son so I have my share of love.

 

As far as talking I tend to prefer solitude and quiet more.

[2sure]

I am 45 soon to be divorced. Right now the idea of another relationship does not appeal to me...it will be awhile before I am emotionally available.

But when I am, I honestly do anticipate finding a happy partner.

[You Go Girl]

Well, I don't live alone I live with my son so I have my share of love.

 

As far as talking I tend to prefer solitude and quiet more.

 

Aha. For me, it's an empty nest now. And part of my fear of when I move into my place this summer is that I will be living alone. I've never lived alone in my life.

It's awfully quiet at my cottage when I do go there for a day or two. It takes me at least a few days to adjust to that, because I immediately feel the lack of another person like a huge depressing cloud.

 

But, you're still jaded if you're concerning yourself with the thought of their dirty socks laying around, lol

[Ariadne]

Aha. For me, it's an empty nest now. And part of my fear of when I move into my place this summer is that I will be living alone. I've never lived alone in my life.

It's awfully quiet at my cottage when I do go there for a day or two. It takes me at least a few days to adjust to that, because I immediately feel the lack of another person like a huge depressing cloud.

 

But, you're still jaded if you're concerning yourself with the thought of their dirty socks laying around, lol

 

I see. It sounds like you just need to adjust to the new place and it sounds like you'll love it. Cottage? How cool!

 

(And I've been divorced a couple times so I have some experience ).

[trippi1432]

LOL as long as I can move my fingers a little I'll find some way to play! And not just the guitar.

 

:laugh: Cute!! LOL!! Re-ordering my Ovation Electric Acoustic today...hoping this time they have it in the color I want. Time to start getting serious about learning to play.

[Gunny376]

Anyone interested?

 

I wouldn't do this for love let alone for some guy.

 

Then you have to put up with them...(hang around everywhere, fart all over the place, put junk out loud on tv, leave clothes and towels around, take up the bathroom, eat all the food, etc, etc)

 

Might as well do all that alone and be in peace.

 

I think you misunderstood me ~ I've a facetious sense of humor.

[stepka]

Anyone interested?

 

I wouldn't do this for love let alone for some guy.

 

Then you have to put up with them...(hang around everywhere, fart all over the place, put junk out loud on tv, leave clothes and towels around, take up the bathroom, eat all the food, etc, etc)

 

Might as well do all that alone and be in peace.

 

Uh, I think that's called wishful thinking dear. There's a need list and a wish list.