Views on marriage

[Mme. Chaucer]

Independent women claim all the men that men are intimidated by then and the attitude you expressed is why. You claim there is no good reason for a woman to be married to a man if she makes her own money so why shouldn't a man be weary of marrying a woman that can support herself.

 

Make up your mind. Sometimes you say that women are bad because "they" marry men only for money. Then you say "they" are bad if they are independent from their man financially.

 

Oh, wait. ALL women are bad, according to you. Except your wife, of course. Who is actually mostly like a man. Yeah, you're a super pure bigot.

[Woggle]

Make up your mind. Sometimes you say that women are bad because "they" marry men only for money. Then you say "they" are bad if they are independent from their man financially.

 

Oh, wait. ALL women are bad, according to you. Except your wife, of course. Who is actually mostly like a man. Yeah, you're a super pure bigot.

 

It is a catch 22 many men find themselves in. We hate feeling disposable in a relationship we don't want to be wanted for our money. It is a dilemna.

[BlackLovely]

Marriage is the best scenario for raising children.

 

If a woman doesn't want kids and can generate her own income I don't think it is necessary and she's probably better off without it.

 

What about an unhappy marriage? Isn't an amicable divorce better for children, than growing up in a toxic environment?

 

Are you suggesting that if a woman cannot support herself, she should get married in order to live off of her husband? I sincerely hope not.

 

As everyone on LS knows, I choose not to have children. I can also look after myself and I'm engaged. Marriage is not just for children and lazy parasites.

[BlackLovely]

Consider also how SoCal kids from the '80s onward were brought up; taught by their parents never to accept failure or second best, and to keep up with the Joneses at any cost. They want to stay single because they've been taught to be the king or queen of their own little kingdom. It was nothing like growing up in the '70s... if I'd been raised like the '80s kids were, I'd have thought I'd died and gone to heaven! Parents used to beat kids up for wanting the sort of nice treatment that kids get now. Child abuse was not considered wrong until '78 or so.

 

Heh, I doubt anyone born since 1980 would last long in the Depression of the '30s.

 

Sweetheart, I was born in 1982. My mother had NO QUALMS about opening a can of Abusive Whoop Ass on me. Most times, it was with very little provocation such as taking too long to find something.

 

I think that cultural factors influence child rearing. It's acceptable to constantly beat children in the Caribbean.

[Mary3]

It is a catch 22 many men find themselves in. We hate feeling disposable in a relationship we don't want to be wanted for our money. It is a dilemna.

 

 

The only thing that could possibly satisfy you is a women that was disabled so she could not leave you and could not spend your money.

[CLC2008]

I still believe in marriage.

[threebyfate]

I too wonder about women who haven't received proposals who hang around and around and around, hoping he's going to pop the question.

 

If it's that important to you, ask. If he hedges or says he doesn't believe in marriage, then walk.

 

It's insulting, hurtful and sad that someone you love, doesn't love you enough to consider you marriage material.

[You'reasian]

I believe in marriage.

 

I also believe in working out issues early on, rather then later. Kind of front loads the issues, but the rest is smooth sailing. If you don't work the issues out early, they fester and come out later to ruin what was becoming a nice relationship over the course of months/years.

Edited July 11, 2010 by You'reasian

[Eve]

Mostly I believe in marriage. Well, I believe it is the best environment for children when done well and provides security and focus for committed couples who want the Blessing of God and all that. I used to see sex as being probably the biggest commitment I could make with another but think differently now... since meeting Hubby. :love:

 

Is suppose those who want to force someone into marrying them, or feel compelled to marry when not in love are probably simply insecure.

 

I don't regard unions without faith at the center as being marriages. I see these as contractual arrangements to suit the couple.

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[allina]

I too wonder about women who haven't received proposals who hang around and around and around, hoping he's going to pop the question.

 

If it's that important to you, ask. If he hedges or says he doesn't believe in marriage, then walk.

 

It's insulting, hurtful and sad that someone you love, doesn't love you enough to consider you marriage material.

 

I feel the same way about the situations where the couple has their life together, are older, and she has been asking about marriage for years with zero results. I have seen the posts here, 10 years and he isn't "ready" or two kids and he isn't "ready."

 

However, I feel like LS has now completely swung the other way in to thinking that a couple must be engaged after a year or it will never happen. I think that's a horrible idea to drill in to the minds of young women. Most people aren't ready after a year, I sure wasn't! I think that there has to be some sort of rational balance here.

 

At the time of our wedding my fiance and I will be together for 4 years. We knew early on in the relationship that we will get married in the future. However, there was no timeline, no rush. When we started dating I was 23, just finishing college, and had no game plan for life. I loved him dearly and I was devoted to him, but marriage just wouldn't have made sense back then. Over the years we have accomplished a lot together. We got engaged around the 3 year mark and will marry around the 4 year mark

 

Each couple is different, but to push this idea that if a guy doesn't propose within x amount of time just isn't right. I would hate to see potentially amazing relationships get destroyed by this misleading idea.

 

 

I believe in marriage.

 

I also believe in working out issues early on, rather then later. Kind of front loads the issues, but the rest is smooth sailing. If you don't work the issues out early, they fester and come out later to ruin what was becoming a nice relationship over the course of months/years.

 

Agree and agree

[threebyfate]

I feel the same way about the situations where the couple has their life together, are older, and she has been asking about marriage for years with zero results. I have seen the posts here, 10 years and he isn't "ready" or two kids and he isn't "ready."

 

However, I feel like LS has now completely swung the other way in to thinking that a couple must be engaged after a year or it will never happen. I think that's a horrible idea to drill in to the minds of young women. Most people aren't ready after a year, I sure wasn't! I think that there has to be some sort of rational balance here.

I don't disagree that a rational balance between the two is a good idea. But I can only give my experiences for six proposals. Five were within or close to the first year, the sixth was my first love who was desperate to hold onto the relationship so he proposed but not within the first year or close to it. Even if I had wanted his proposal which I didn't, I would have ditched him for using it as a weapon rather than what my perception of marriage is, that it's two people who want to spend their lives together.

 

Each couple is different, but to push this idea that if a guy doesn't propose within x amount of time just isn't right. I would hate to see potentially amazing relationships get destroyed by this misleading idea.

Is it misleading? Refer to my above post.

 

But I do dissuade people from getting married too young.

[Leia]

my perception of marriage is, that it's two people who want to spend their lives together.

 

That's what it should be about. It saddens me to see that some of my friends got married for the wrong reasons and after 2 - 3 years, one is divorced, 2 have been divorced twice! They are all below the age of 30 too!

[CLC2008]

I don't disagree that a rational balance between the two is a good idea. But I can only give my experiences for six proposals. Five were within or close to the first year, the sixth was my first love who was desperate to hold onto the relationship so he proposed but not within the first year or close to it. Even if I had wanted his proposal which I didn't, I would have ditched him for using it as a weapon rather than what my perception of marriage is, that it's two people who want to spend their lives together.

 

Is it misleading? Refer to my above post.

 

But I do dissuade people from getting married too young.

 

Its not rational for a person to receive 5 proposals within the first year either.

[Leia]

Its not rational for a person to receive 5 proposals within the first year either.

 

As an example, in the ME ~ a woman can get proposals up to 5 - 10 within a year. One of my friends, was proposed to just after 3 months of she and the guy got to know each other. So I don't see anything irrational about tbf's proposals.

[CLC2008]

As an example, in the ME ~ a woman can get proposals up to 5 - 10 within a year. One of my friends, was proposed to just after 3 months of she and the guy got to know each other. So I don't see anything irrational about tbf's proposals.

 

The middle east is a completley different culture altogether Leia.

[Leia]

The middle east is a completley different culture altogether Leia.

 

True. But my examples are not from the ME. My uncle got to know a woman for 3 months and he already proposed.

 

I still don't see what's so irrational about getting proposed within a year? Or are you just taking a dig at a certain poster?

[Woggle]

I am a man and I get four proposals in two years.

[anne1707]

Its not rational for a person to receive 5 proposals within the first year either.

 

I would agree with. I would wonder what signs someone is giving out to their b/fs if they really were getting so many proposals within such a short timescale. I would also question the real sincerity of the proposals - especially if being so easily handed out when aged early twenties as I guess at least some of these were. It strikes me of a potential lack of maturity and attempting to have an "grown up relationship" when the parties involved may still have plenty of their own growing up to do and have an unrealistic idea of what marriage is about.

 

Proposals within a short time scale are different when older and more mature however (not going to argue with that one seeing as my H proposed to me within a year of us dating).

[threebyfate]

As an example, in the ME ~ a woman can get proposals up to 5 - 10 within a year. One of my friends, was proposed to just after 3 months of she and the guy got to know each other. So I don't see anything irrational about tbf's proposals.

No worries Leia. It's just another wind up.

[CLC2008]

True. But my examples are not from the ME. My uncle got to know a woman for 3 months and he already proposed.

 

I still don't see what's so irrational about getting proposed within a year? Or are you just taking a dig at a certain poster?

 

I thought you were referrring to the middle east when you said this:

 

As an example, in the ME ~ a woman can get proposals up to 5 - 10 within a year.

 

Aside from that, I do not view it as irrational for a couple to know within a short period of time, that they want to marry each other, but it is rare that the couple will survive long term, but yes, it does happen.

[CLC2008]

I am a man and I get four proposals in two years.

 

 

......................

[Woggle]

......................

 

It's true.

 

My ex wife

MY FWB

Another FWB

My current wife who I said yes to.

[harkkam]

Most divorces are filed by women. A man works really hard to earn his pay, build his career and what not, a family.

 

The man makes mistakes and doesnt get the message, woman falls out of love and tells him "sorry its too late"

 

then ensues a painful process.

 

Being a male knowing that women are not loyal but by looking at the numbers, its not about keeping your options open its about not getting kicked in the nuts when the chances are that your woman will.

 

Of course we want to live with our SO forever but usually women reach a point where no matter how hard you try they just keeping saying no to reconciliation.

 

I see this pattern on LS.

 

Men should Not get married

[Woggle]

Most divorces are filed by women. A man works really hard to earn his pay, build his career and what not, a family.

 

The man makes mistakes and doesnt get the message, woman falls out of love and tells him "sorry its too late"

 

then ensues a painful process.

 

Being a male knowing that women are not loyal but by looking at the numbers, its not about keeping your options open its about not getting kicked in the nuts when the chances are that your woman will.

 

Of course we want to live with our SO forever but usually women reach a point where no matter how hard you try they just keeping saying no to reconciliation.

 

I see this pattern on LS.

 

Men should Not get married

 

This is very much true. All women are not like this but I don't see how anybody can look at what happens today in most marriages and not see that men have some very good reasons for being afraid of commitment.

[Pyro]

I find it funny and pathetic when some individuals feel that when its the woman initiating divorce that its never the males fault or that he is part to blame.