My unrequited love is driving me crazy..

[StrangeFascinations]

It's never an easy experience. I just want to say that I'm so glad I've found a site like this. I've been dealing with these feelings for ages now, and I've only just decided that I want some advice. Hopefully you guys can help me..

 

I also want you to know that I am indeed a teenager. I'm sorry if my story seems melodramatic or typical in anyway. I also apologize because it's rather long.. but.. I only ask for you to hear me out.. I just really want someone to help me.

 

I'm 16 (almost 17). Despite that, I've never had a boyfriend. This has nothing to do with the fact that no guys have been interested in me; because they have (not many, but there have been some). The truth is that I just don't see the point in entering a relationship when I feel nothing for the person in the first place. I'm not a girl who puts herself out there, or falls for guys easily. I've had crushes, sure, but I get over them easily.

 

It was last year that I met the most amazing guy. Call me sappy, but to me he's amazing. He's not the brightest or the most good looking by any means, but he is the only one that I can ever be myself around without caring about what anyone else around me thinks. He's in the year below me, but it doesn't matter to me. We have a strong friendship. We talk to each other almost every school day, messing around or having pointless conversations and talking about our lives.

 

It didn't take me long to realize I was crazy about him. I was thinking about him a.. a LOT. Maybe more than I should. I just loved everything about him, even when he had those sideburns everyone hated; I just thought they were cute! It may be just infatuation, it may be obsessions, it may be just a massive crush.. but whatever it was, it was and still is the biggest thing in my life.

 

The saddest thing was, I was convinced he felt the same way back. It was always me he paid the most attention to in a crowd. He blew of his friends to hang out with me at lunch break. He's not a confident guy at all, but he was a sweetheart.

 

A few months into our friendship, he asked me for my phone number. I was over the moon when he asked me this. He said it was because he wanted to hang out with me over the weekends and breaks, and since he didn't know his own number, he wanted mine so he could call me. I happily gave it to him, thinking that this could be a step forward in our relationship.

 

Well, can you guess how this ended? Days passed. Weeks passed. Months passed. So much time passed, and not once did he call me.

 

I ask him why, and he says it's because he doesn't have any credit on his phone. It's fair enough I suppose, but it makes me sad that we doesn't want to make any effort to get some credit to call me. Also, it's been a year now and he hasn't had credit on his phone. This must be some kind of excuse right?

 

Yeah, I'm probably thinking too much into this. But it's not just this! It's everything he does. I read EVERYTHING he does too deeply. So much, that I convinced myself that he doesn't like me. I mean, he's always talking about 'hot girls' in front of me, and is always flirting with girls in front of me. It's horrible. It's truly horrible. I cried almost everyday about this. I also checked my phone every hour, in hopes that maybe he's called me. It's always the same result.

 

I spent 3 hours in the shop, picking out a Christmas gift for him. I gave it to him, and he didn't even day thank you. He didn't show and gratitude or anything. Everything I give him, he doesn't seem to care. So.. that's also hurt me.

 

He's not a bad guy by any means. He feels bad when he hurts my feelings and is always trying to make me laugh. Still though, it made me so sad. Eventually, I knew I had to get it out of my system. I had to confess to him. Now look, I've never confessed to a guy before. Not only that, but it wasn't long ago since I was in an in patient hospital for teenagers and adolescents with emotional difficulties (I was in because of my extreme social anxiety). I was not very confident, and I tried to confess in person, but it was just so hard for me to do. So, I wrote it in a note, and put that note into his birthday card. It may of been a dumb thing to do.. I know, but I felt I had to do this. I had to do it in order to move on...

 

So, after that day, I tried to avoid him because I felt to awkward. Somehow, I bumped into him. I was expecting a reaction.. but he pretended like nothing had even happened. He was asking why I was avoiding him. I was confused. Days passed, and I started to get annoyed at him. I asked him: "Did you not even read my note?" He said he did, and got quiet and embarrassed. Things felt a bit awkward to us, so I said "Sorry, I guess I shouldn't of put that pressure on you." He said it was okay, and we didn't talk about it again.

 

I thought that this must be it. He doesn't feel the same way, so it's obviously just not meant to be.

 

But it didn't end..

 

He still flirts with me, and he still pays all his attention onto me. He still flirts with other girls in front of me (which I find rather insensitive) and he gets jealous and annoyed when I talk about this new guy I've become close with, asking me things like "he's not your type or anything.. right?" and "is he ugly? He sounds like an ugly idiot."

 

He's driving me insane. Why does he still lead me on like this? Why doesn't he understand how much he's hurting me? Why is he being like this..

 

Yesterday was my last day of school. I live in the UK you see, so we all finish school when we're 16. He's in the year below, so this meant I was going to leave him, and he was going to stay at that school. I was rather relieved at this as I was getting away from him. Hopefully now, he can live a happy life and I don't have to stress about it. The last day, he gave me his number. He said that I can call him if I want to do something with him, since he has no credit and blahblahblah. I took it and said thanks, but I don't know if I wanted to call him. Well, I WANTED to, but I wasn't sure if it was a good idea.

 

At the end of the day I left and said goodbye. He asked if I would visit the school sometimes, I said I wasn't allowed to unless I had exams. So, we said our goodbyes. I was sad. I cried actually. It was sad to know that it was probably over between us.

 

The day after I left though (which is today) he made himself a facebook account and added me on it. This surprised me because he told me about how he never really wanted a facebook or an MSN or anything like that. I suddenly burst into tears again. I accepted it, of course, because he was a friend of mine and he didn't actually do anything wrong. But on his profile it says that he's looking for a relationship and dating and stuff.. I won't be able to ESCAPE his life now..

 

I mean, I should probably just delete his account from my facebook. But I feel horrible doing that. He's not a bad guy. He's as insecure as me in some ways..

 

I just want some advice. I've been crying almost everyday about this.. hell, I'm even crying about it now as I type this. You can tell me how stupid I am, because I know I'm stupid. I should just move on, but I just can't.. I just can't... I just want someone to help me. I'm just to sick of being like this.

 

So.. what do you make of it all?

[newdawn]

Well, you are both young, and likely he doesn't know what he wants. So he is keeping you available to himself in case he decides he wants you. Is this fair? No, but it happens all the time. I'm much older than you and have known men my age to "collect" numerous women, keeping them all on hold, as a way to have immediate "options" if they need them.

 

He may mature, and decide to pursue you. However, he may not. Like I said, I know men in their 50s who "collect" and never pursue, and have been doing this for decades. So there are no guarantees.

 

If I were you, I would delete myself from his FB. It will be hard, like a breakup, but it will preserve your peace of mind in the long run and it will allow you to be free of constant reminders of him. Don't feel guilty for putting yourself first. Putting him first isn't helping anyway. He has your phone number and can pursue if he wants to.

 

Focus on you, overcoming any anxieties you may have, learning and doing things that bring you joy. You will find he is not the only interesting male you can bond with. There are others who can move through the stages of a true relationship, not a "faux" relationship that holds no risks for them. There are courageous men out there, our job is to recognize and reward them, not the undecisive ones.

 

Women are designed to bond with others, particularly with our man. Just remember, the caliber of your life will be determined by the character of the man you bond with. That's truth girl, so select with care!

[GrayClouds]

If you find that something you do hurts you, then just stop doing it. While it feels romantic and all the movies makes us believe if we just try hard enough we will get your happy ending.

 

But this is drama not life and in life love is not about having to prove your worth loving. In real life it is about working hard to see that you are worth loving and then having the confidence to hold out until you meet that person who agrees with you. If you have to beg for someones love, you will get someone who neither loves you or respect you, at best they will use you.

 

You deserve someone who does not have to think is you are lovable, they should be knocking down your door to prove it. Let this one go, no more face book no more chasing, no more stroking his ego, no more wasting your time with someone who does not value you as he should.

Edited May 16, 2010 by GrayClouds