simon2041 Posted May 15, 2010 Share Posted May 15, 2010 Hi All; As this is my very first post here, I just wanted to say that I've spent a fair amount of time reading some of your posts and I think the advice you're giving is really great. In fact, I can't think of a better group of people to put my query out to. Reading some previous posts, I came across the following post: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t54932/?highlight=browneyes22 Wow...this could almost be me... I'm in a similar situation as a sessional professor.....I have the opportunity to meet a great number of women of various ages.....and almost in every case, I'm able to clearly see where the professional and personal lines are drawn. I don't believe that it is right to date anyone that you are currently instructing. This is a conflict and I've never struggled with whether I should ever make an exception. It is no...plain and simple. However, once in a while you do meet someone that you think, "If the situation were different, I'd like to get to know them better". I met that someone....a former student of mine...she gave me all the signals that one would expect when someone is interested in you. I think I can read the superficial stuff...smiling at the teacher...laughing at jokes that aren't really that funny....the regular stuff...I generally let those things roll off...never take them seriously. But this girl was different. She put out really positive vibes to me and it piqued my interest. I had the chance to see her again about six months after she had finished her studies and I was no longer her professor. We bumped into each other at the mall and sat for awhile over coffee. I must admit I had a really nice time with her and we laughed and talked for well over an hour about everything....it was all very personal. I finally managed the nerve to ask her for a phone number so we could talk more and I immediately noticed her start to posture. She started to get very uncomfortable and I really was taken aback from it. It confused me. How could things change so quickly? I quickly backpeddled and said that maybe it wasn't a good idea, we were both busy, we'll probably bump into each other again...(anything I could think of to end the awkward moment) and then we said our goodbyes and I haven't had the nerve to talk with her again. So what is the deal? She flirted with me, she looked at me intently....I'm a reasonably good looking guy and she's not out of my league or anything...and we really did seem to be connecting....so what happened? In reading the post above, I'm wondering if it has something to do with the fact that I was her professor and that has caused some major issues for her....i don't know..I'm really confused about the whole thing... I would love to hear from browneyes22 to know if there is an update to his situation. Did it work out? Maybe there needs to be more time between when you teach someone and when you can start dating them? I don't know... Browneyes22....do you have an update? Anyone else...what do you think....where did I go wrong? Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted May 15, 2010 Share Posted May 15, 2010 Anyone else...what do you think....where did I go wrong? Sounds as if you misinterpreted her respect and admiration for you as her professor, for her romantic interest in you. Possibly your judgment was clouded by your own romantic interest in her, which led to you seeing (romantic) "flirting" and "intent looks" where none were actually present. It doesn't really matter how a similar situation played out for anyone else -- you gotta deal with your own reality, yes? Link to post Share on other sites
TwoForgiving Posted May 15, 2010 Share Posted May 15, 2010 I don't know her age but is it possible she was ONLY interested to date "her professor" for whatever reason she may have had: to improve grades, to showoff to friends, to garner some status, or to just be able to tell the tale of dating a professor later on in her life? Or maybe she has met some she is more interested in the months that have passed since she was your student? Link to post Share on other sites
Author simon2041 Posted May 16, 2010 Author Share Posted May 16, 2010 I don't know her age but is it possible she was ONLY interested to date "her professor" for whatever reason she may have had: to improve grades, to showoff to friends, to garner some status, or to just be able to tell the tale of dating a professor later on in her life? Or maybe she has met some she is more interested in the months that have passed since she was your student? Yes...could be any of these reasons although I thought I had a pretty good read on her intentions....that's what confused me the most... Perhaps i did misinterpret her intentions...perhaps she has met someone and somehow asking her out made her feel conflicted....don't really know for sure...thanks for your advice...I'll have to file this one under the Hmmmmm...File... Link to post Share on other sites
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