Would you call CPS?

[SouthernSunshine]

If you knew someone that has an eighteen month old child who hasn't been to the doctor since before the age of one, would you call Child Protective Services? The girl has not taken her baby to the doctor since the child was 10 months old. The child also has Eczema! I feel very guilty that I haven't already called, but I don't want to upset my friend because it's her family member, and she feels bad for the girl & her situation. I know that once I call CPS, the child will most likely be taken away. Maybe the child will go to the grandparents though, that would be much better than the negligent mother. We've tried talking to the girl, but she has an excuse for everything! I've even offered to take the child myself to the doctor, and she refuses by saying it's her responsibility, and she's making an appointment asap, (that was about 2 weeks ago)!

 

What would you do?

[Clep]

No I would not call CPS. Her shots are not due till 18 months and I think that does not warrant a call. I also do not think that CPS would remove the child, but offer the mother some support. I believe there would have to be some other signs of negligence for there to be a cause for concern.

 

Other than eczema is there a reason she should be at the doctor. Eczema is a condition that does not warrant regular doctors appts.

[D-Lish]

Maybe she can't afford a dr's visit? I'd be embarrassed if someone offered to take my baby to the dr if I couldn't afford it myself...

[DaisyLeigh]

There is no law saying that you HAVE to take your child to the doctor on the recommended schedule. Also, in many places, vaccines are not mandatory, except if you are going to put the child in school.

 

The eczema is not something that needs to be seen by a doctor all of the time, either, unless there is infection on top of it. My two older sons had it on their legs and I didn't take them to the doctor every time they had a flare up. I used some cream recommended by the pharmacy and it usually was kept under control.

 

I am not anti-doctor or anti-vaccine, but I don't think that this is something that CPS would be worried about.

 

Unless she lives in absolute filth, beats the child, and/or refuses to feed her, etc, I think that you need to back off.

Edited May 16, 2010 by DaisyLeigh

[Eve]

I cant imagine that CPS will be much different to Social care in the UK. With this in mind call only if you feel that Mum is somehow being neglectful overall, i.e dirty home, infected skin, emotionally incompetent etc. Oilatum is a good product I used for my girls when they had baby eczema. This can be picked up from a Chemist for not too much money.

 

Social Cares priority will be support for Mum to care for her child. One has to be pretty 'out there' to have their child removed nowadays.

 

It sounds to me as though the girl in question probably doesnt have consistent support that she can rely on.

 

Also last I heard, vaccinations are not mandatory.

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[SouthernSunshine]

Okay, I won't call. It's been a few years since my child was that age. It's a little disturbing to see a baby constantly crying, acting miserable with snot all over his face. I'll keep my distance from that place..

[Eve]

Okay, I won't call. It's been a few years since my child was that age. It's a little disturbing to see a baby constantly crying, acting miserable with snot all over his face. I'll keep my distance from that place..

 

This is sad.

 

Of course the child is not your responsibility or anything but maybe you could extend a little help? Two weeks is a long time to check in on someone who you have concerns about.

 

At very least source some groups in the area.

 

BUT, if this mum is isolated, call CPS for that reason. They may listen to that and link her in/even pay for the child to access some sort of groups. Sometimes a brief intervention can go a long way.

 

Isolation must be guarded against at all costs and any indication of this is ok to report.

 

I dont want to give you a guilt trip or make you feel as though you have to help but dont be one of those people who sit back after something bad has happened and say.. 'well the child always cried..' blah, blah. Not saying that anything bad is going to happen but this could be a window of opportunity. You may have had your head more screwed on back in your day but this girl may not and may not really have someone to confide in.

 

I have met women who to some they seem as though they are 'bad mothers' but really something was simply preventing them from reaching out.

 

Of course, she could just be lazy.

 

.. but yeah, I am sure you know what I mean.

 

Indicate isolation if this is key and any other observations but be specific towards any identified needs as well as any perceived safeguarding concerns.

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[brainygirl]

Did it occur to you that when you saw the baby it had a little cold? And that children that age are permanently coated with snot if they have a cold, and cranky?

 

eight months is not too long to go without a doctor's visit. The question you need to ask is, is the baby being fed and changed and kept out of dangerous or filthy conditions?

 

Excema is unattractive and a nusance, and a flair can certainly cause a little kid to be cranky, but it isn't life threatening.

 

And, as a single mom, how about instead of meeting her and her child once and judging, you offer some help? Offer to babysit for a few hours while she does some shopping or takes a walk.

 

I don't think that the state would take the baby anyway. They might set up a case plan where someone came a checked every month or so and they might have her set up an appointment and take the baby to the doctor for a checkup.

 

I've been the victim of a friend who had mental health issues who was constantly calling the state on my for non-sense things. Every time she called they would have to send out a pair of social workers who would look through my house and interview my oldest and examine my younger two. It was awful.

 

The complaints made? That I was feeding them only crackers (funny considering she had been over for dinner the night before). That I was giving them 2% milk instead of whole milk (the 2% is too rich and upsets my digestive system). That I was taking them from a warm house to a warm car with their coats on but not zipped. That my then ten year old choose to go outside without a jacket (he's warm blooded like I am). That they didn't have enough clothes (I made $600 a month at the time, wardrobe size was not on top om priorities). That there was a strange man in the house and yelling one night (my brother is strange in the tattooed, bearded and loud sense, but there was no yelling).

 

Each of these complaints was something that had to be investigated and a report written. They finally assigned us to a family preservation case manager because of the volume of complaints. The case worker came a few times and told me "look, you need to get away from this lady, if you move this won't follow you".

 

I moved with in three months of that. Since then, not one person has complained about how I raise my kids or keep my home.

 

Instead of judging, offer honest help or mind your own business. foster care is hell, don't put that child in danger of going.

[Trimmer]

It seems to me that somewhere around age 1, the doctors started telling us not to come back for a while, so by itself, the period of time you are talking about doesn't sound "negligent." And as others have pointed out, the mere existence of eczema isn't a huge deal by itself, either.

 

But you are asserting, with some certainty, that the mother is "negligent" and that the child would be better off with the grandparents. Is there more "evidence" that you have not shared with us here? Is it just a feeling you have - that this mother is a little bit down and out, and can't care for her child in the way you would?

 

Other than those two examples, can you give other examples of her "negligence?"

[SouthernSunshine]

It seems to me that somewhere around age 1, the doctors started telling us not to come back for a while, so by itself, the period of time you are talking about doesn't sound "negligent." And as others have pointed out, the mere existence of eczema isn't a huge deal by itself, either.

 

But you are asserting, with some certainty, that the mother is "negligent" and that the child would be better off with the grandparents.

 

Other than those two examples, can you give other examples of her "negligence?"

 

She's a regular Walmart shoplifter (she brags about her scheme, how she and her boyfriend shop only on Saturdays when it's busy, she loads up her grocery cart while her boyfriend buys a few things separately, then they both walk out of the store at the same time so that when the alarm goes off, her boyfriend deflects the attention from her to him by showing his receipt while she continues out the door with a shopping cart full of stolen merchandise), her landlord is threatening to evict her & her boyfriend, but she says she doesn't care, her kitchen floor has fallen through from water leaking, she and her boyfriend live with another couple that is very abusive, not only with each other but with their child, slapping food out of the child's hands, and throwing food all around the house, (I didn't witness the abuse, but she claims that it's happened, and still does) and the baby is always sick running around with out a diaper.

 

And, as a single mom, how about instead of meeting her and her child once and judging, you offer some help? Offer to babysit for a few hours while she does some shopping or takes a walk.

 

Did you read my original post? I have offered to help the girl by taking her baby to the doctor. I have also bought the child diapers, and Tylenol.

 

I didn't realize I was supposed to become a free babysitter for the girl as well.

Edited May 17, 2010 by SouthernSunshine

[sb129]

I let my daughter cruise around without a nappy alot, its the best treatment/prevention for nappy rash, and I would imagine that goes for eczema too. In fact we were told to give her nappy-off time by our health visitor.

My nephew had terrible eczema which he has now grown out of but he would often walk around butt naked to give his skin a break.

 

My daughter isn't due to see any medical professional for another 8mths either, and she just had a cold, I didn't bother taking her to the doctor because I figure she is more likely to pick up something else there than keeping her at home. They only ever tell you to keep their fluids up and give them paracetamol if they get a fever, and to call them if their fever gets high.

[sb129]

SS- no I wouldn't. I wouldn't dare to judge another parent unless there was obvious evidence of physical harm.

 

If I had some concerns I would possibly bring it up with a mutual friend, but its dangerous territory.

 

My close friend is constantly getting parenting advice from her (child free) sister in law, and it irritates the hell out of her.

[Trimmer]

She's a regular Walmart shoplifter (she brags about her scheme, how she and her boyfriend shop only on Saturdays when it's busy, she loads up her grocery cart while her boyfriend buys a few things separately, then they both walk out of the store at the same time so that when the alarm goes off, her boyfriend deflects the attention from her to him by showing his receipt while she continues out the door with a shopping cart full of stolen merchandise), her landlord is threatening to evict her & her boyfriend, but she says she doesn't care, her kitchen floor has fallen through from water leaking, she and her boyfriend live with another couple that is very abusive, not only with each other but with their child, slapping food out of the child's hands, and throwing food all around the house, (I didn't witness the abuse, but she claims that it's happened, and still does) and the baby is always sick running around with out a diaper.

Now, you've got to admit, this is a little more detailed and pertinent information, as opposed to "no doctor from 1 year to 18 months plus eczema..."

 

While I agree that running around without a diaper - taken by itself - is a good "airing out" time, you have to look at the whole picture and all the information, and that's something you will have to analyze, and you really won't probably be able to paint a sufficient picture here for us to really help you in your analysis much (look how you left the most worrisome points out of your first post...)

 

You need to ask and answer: is the child's health and/or safety at risk? That's what it comes down to. It sounds more and more like the living situation is not a particularly good one, and the talk of this other couple, and their physical abuse, does raise my worries, but I can't be sure from your description here.

 

What is the mother's attitude about this other couple: she tells you about them, obviously, but does she think it's no big deal? Is she afraid of them?

 

ETA: Is the child that this other couple is being physical with another child of their own, or the child of the mother you are talking about?

Edited May 17, 2010 by Trimmer

[SouthernSunshine]

Now, you've got to admit, this is a little more detailed and pertinent information, as opposed to "no doctor from 1 year to 18 months plus eczema..."

 

While I agree that running around without a diaper - taken by itself - is a good "airing out" time, you have to look at the whole picture and all the information, and that's something you will have to analyze, and you really won't probably be able to paint a sufficient picture here for us to really help you in your analysis much (look how you left the most worrisome points out of your first post...)

 

You need to ask and answer: is the child's health and/or safety at risk? That's what it comes down to. It sounds more and more like the living situation is not a particularly good one, and the talk of this other couple, and their physical abuse, does raise my worries, but I can't be sure from your description here.

 

What is the mother's attitude about this other couple: she tells you about them, obviously, but does she think it's no big deal? Is she afraid of them?

 

ETA: Is the child that this other couple is being physical with another child of their own, or the child of the mother you are talking about?

 

God I feel horrible! I don't know what to do! I don't want to be the bad guy! I don't want the state to take the baby from the girl, she loves her baby. She just struggles financially, and stays with her boyfriend who's not very bright. She admits that her boyfriend is scared of the guy in the couple, but she didn't say she was.. I know she must be! The couple is a girl who recently got out of jail, and the guy that's abusive to the girl, and the kids. The couple also has a 2 year old child. I didn't post all of this stuff because I wanted a quick answer without going into all the details.

[Trimmer]

God I feel horrible! I don't know what to do! I don't want to be the bad guy! I don't want the state to take the baby from the girl, she loves her baby. She just struggles financially, and stays with her boyfriend who's not very bright. She admits that her boyfriend is scared of the guy in the couple, but she didn't say she was.. I know she must be! The couple is a girl who recently got out of jail, and the guy that's abusive to the girl, and the kids. The couple also has a 2 year old child. I didn't post all of this stuff because I wanted a quick answer without going into all the details.

Yeah, the problem is that all these later details, in my mind, are more concerning than the no-doctors-visit-for-a-while plus eczema stuff, which sounded like your only concerns from the first post.

 

What is your impression of her: you say she loves her child - do you believe that she really wants to do what is right, and best, for the child? Is it that she just needs help getting to that goal, or is she truly negligent? You spoke of her grandparents... Are either or both of her parents on the scene, and are they any kind of resource before resorting to CPS? Are the grandparents? There are just too many layers to give an easy "quick" answer...

[SouthernSunshine]

Yeah, the problem is that all these later details, in my mind, are more concerning than the no-doctors-visit-for-a-while plus eczema stuff, which sounded like your only concerns from the first post.

 

What is your impression of her: you say she loves her child - do you believe that she really wants to do what is right, and best, for the child? Is it that she just needs help getting to that goal, or is she truly negligent? You spoke of her grandparents... Are either or both of her parents on the scene, and are they any kind of resource before resorting to CPS? Are the grandparents? There are just too many layers to give an easy "quick" answer...

 

I'll just have to back off from her, and her situation. I don't know her that well, just what I've seen, and what she has told me. She talks like she loves her baby very much, but her actions paint a different picture.

[Jilly Bean]

Honestly, even though the parents are white trash, that's not enough to have DPS take a child from the home.

 

Unless there is clear cut and demonstrable abuse or neglect, they won't remove the kid anyhow.

 

What really is your goal here, Sunshine? Do you genuinely feel the girl is in danger or being neglected? If so, then the answer is clear. But, if you just don't agree with their parenting skills, there isn't much you can do about it, unfortunately.

[turnera]

I'm not quite sure what you are saying is wrong with the baby.

 

Rash?

 

Abusive parent?

 

Dirty house?

 

What exactly are you thinking that CPS would do for them?

[Kenyth]

What they (or rather her and the baby) need is someplace to go/live where they can get help learning how to parent and live on limited finances. They need help getting on their feet. I'm guessing you don't want to be this person. It's a big responsibility, so I can't say I blame you. Do they have parents? The child may not be abused, but it is certainly not being nurtured in this environment. It's amazing what effect the standard of living can have on a developing child.

[donnamaybe]

She's a regular Walmart shoplifter (she brags about her scheme, how she and her boyfriend shop only on Saturdays when it's busy, she loads up her grocery cart while her boyfriend buys a few things separately, then they both walk out of the store at the same time so that when the alarm goes off, her boyfriend deflects the attention from her to him by showing his receipt while she continues out the door with a shopping cart full of stolen merchandise),

 

She is driving the prices up for everyone else! I would call the store and alert them to their little game. Hell, I'd even provide pics of the couple. Then security could be ready for 'em. I know this isn't the topic of this thread, but this just PISSES ME OFF!

 

A-holes!

[turnera]

She is driving the prices up for everyone else! I would call the store and alert them to their little game. Hell, I'd even provide pics of the couple. Then security could be ready for 'em. I know this isn't the topic of this thread, but this just PISSES ME OFF!

 

A-holes!

You're right! I didn't even think of that.