Any Input?

[Mujan]

Separated after 4 yr relationship with the girl I really admired and loved. At such long relationship I really liked to settle down with her (27) - she refused to, she was probably more comfort with her mother at home I dont know. I think that with that thing I probably started to distance myself, because I really wanted to spent much more time with her and try to see where we are at at living together. There were beautiful things, there were ordinary everyday things, there were things that never happened. We did not have a sex for a year - although we used to break some stuff at my place during hardcore era. I dont know if the lack of sex drive from her was caused by stresfull periods in our lifes or something else. I accepted that although i was so sad inside of me becouse I knew that lack of phsyical connection will push us further away, being coward to talk to her about that becouse everytime we talked about something significant in our relationship she seems to get little upset and that sometimes made me step back for the peacfull solution and being nice to her.. During last few months we saw each other less and less, until finally she told me same old story about being friends, big part of her life, respecting, loving me but not seeing me in her life as a husband etc etc. We both cried endlessly, no bitternes, no hate, just pure emotions..

I tried to talk to her, but it was pointless (REMEBER THAT!), did not beg, but cried with her. Tried to explained that it after the split it will be like I want myself it to be and it will be as what I think will be best for me (friend stuff etc.) Dissapeared for a approx a month, she suddenly came popping around via web services. I bited, went for a coffe, didnt talk about anything about us, she gave mi a kiss after that. Me - overwhelmed. Several days of peace in my mind. Lie. Coffe again, movie after that in cinema, me trying to ask if she is uncertain and confused about all of this - she says yes. We agreed to talk about it sometime and met several weeks after.

We met, she did not anything to say except that I missunderstooded her and that she was (is) not confused and that she is not sure how ex boy girl should act together??... But why we could not go to cinema sometimes, go for a coffe etc etc.. I see that she wants me in her life but its just not the same. She is sorry for giving me false hopes becouse "they were not". They were. Or I thought that little things mean something, They do not. We agreed that we should turn this page in our lifes and I ask her to look around herself for a ex lovers now friends in a short period after long term relationship that she can count on one hand. IT DOES NOT EXIST after just several months. Maybe sometimes we can be. Maybe. And I hope we could be... Brother and sister (as what we becam at the and as she said). But not now.

I mad a mistake calling her one morning only to realize that I really dont have anything to say that will change a thing but make me and her feel worst. We aggreed to meet in few days. Dont know why. After several days of being really down she called me to catch up and that we should maybe meet next week. As my mind is out of control and remembering the words she said to me I told her that it is not that I dont wanna fight for her becouse I love her, but knowing that "I am not the man she sees as her husband" I simply can not have shallow relationship of any kind with someone I really love. That I hope that she understands it and to say if I am wrong. That she told me everything she wanted and that I respect that, and that whatever I do does not change what she said to me. That I need time for myself and that I am really sorry that she at this point doesnt understant her meaning to me, but at the same time that this cant go further this way, because at this point I can not do is and is not suitable for me. And that everything else at this point is a big lie...

I know that our relationship was dying way before it ended, although we had some great times in betweens.

Did I do wrong, did I push her away more. She will contact me again sometime sooner or later but I dont see the purpose of that if there is shallow talk we could carry.

 

I msgd her once just to tell that our friend (from my part) had an accident and earned a crushed skull. I know that was wrong, but I just needed to tell her...She did not respond. Txt msge later in a way:

"We both realize that we are having some problems for some time, and i decide to cut this relationship off, becouse you would do it if I didnt..I am sad that I hurt you, and I wanted to know what really happened to us, and would like to it be as in a best times of our relationship, but it isnt. I would like you to be happy cause you deserve someone better, someoune who will always be there for you, who will adore you, who will give you anything I cant. You are big part of my life and would be happy if you stay in it, but understad i f I choose different. Take care :*( "

Also suggesting me that I should never allow myself to have someone like she was with me during ending months of our relationship (or was she preffering on that month after NC period time hanging around giving false hopes to me - dont know), becouse ofcourse I deserve best..

Then I sent her mail weeks later theat whe should probably cool off for some time and that I would be glad if there are no new circumstanses in her life (new BF) or if she thinks that its pointless, to talk someday about things that were never really said during our relationship (using her phrase "coffe or movie sometimes"). She replied "yes, of course.." Whe than msgd one day about seeing eachother down the weekend, and we arranged to her from each other. SHe then called me (first time she called me after several weeks) for not making it on saturday, how about day after? Day after she again couldnt make it due to preparations for bussines trip, and she than suggested next week. In the meantime I called her for her birthday, not mentioning the agrement for next week, we had short convo about trip and she sid that she will called me later to talk.

Its that weekend, she didnt called, msgd, anything...

I would really like some input please. Thank you. Ask anything.

Edited May 16, 2010 by Mujan

[ScaredHubby]

It sounds to me like she cares about you and wants to remain friends, but simply doesn't want to be intimately involved anymore. I suspect that she feels she is 'letting you down gently' by slowly breaking off communication. I would suggest just asking her point blank. I think her answer may hurt you, but at least you will know and can move on.

[Mujan]

The fact is that I really want to say her some things that we really did not talk about and it has nothing to do with our realizonship but may be influencing it... Or did. Sorry for my english.

I know that it could be two sided blade. She did not call, guess I might have all the answers...

The fact is that I really see some things within me, within our relationship, and all that went wrong. I saw this way before BU. Its like I just wanna layout all that is there hoping she will undestand it. But we all know that its crap. Bottom line is - she left, I wouldnt ever (probably).