How to approach girls?

[Joachim]

I have a problem.

 

I am a 17 year old male. There is a 16 or 17 year old girl in the high school i attend, who I just can't stop thinking about. I have never had any real relationships. I am considered semi geek at my school because I receive high marks. Not to mention the fact that girls most likely find me rather intimidating.

 

She is different, however. She is gorgeous and intelligent, and I just want to tell her. But I don't know how. She lives in the school dormitory. That means I can't just look up her number and phone her. I would have to get the extension for her room from her friends or somewhere else. I don't even know who her friends are.

 

I don't know what to do. Walking up to her and just telling her would be odd (as would just phoning her up). "Hi, you don't know me but I think you're amazing." Not to mention the fact that I don't want to say that in front of others as well, and I don't know how to meet her face to face I need some advice from other guys and girls. What is the best way to approach girls? How do I introduce myself? What would you feel was weird/not weird?

 

Joachim

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by Joachim

What is the best way to approach girls? How do I introduce myself? What would you feel was weird/not weird?

 

Whoa there Romeo, cool it on the "you're amazing" crap. Next time you see her, give her a nice smile. Not a creepy one, not a dorky one, not an antagonistic one, just a relaxed smile that shows interest. Practice it on yourself in the mirror, don't think that's stupid--it's not. The more comfortable you are with yourself, the more you will be attractive. Also, don't tell her she's gorgeous or intelligent. Chances are she already knows this.

 

Is she attached?

[Joachim]

I've smiled at her. I've tried to retain eye contact for as long as possible. I don't know if she even notices.

 

I don't know if she's attatched.

[amerikajin]

I'm going to tell you a few things I wish I would have known when I was your age. It wouldn't have necessarily made me a ladies man, but it would have made me more of one than I was.

 

The first thing you should understand when dating is that, in the short term, the dating process isn't so much about getting girls to be attracted to you; it's about understanding which ones are attracted to you, and then you have to eliminate the ones who aren't attracted to you and go after the ones who are. You have to read and know the real signals and then act accordingly.

 

Over time, you can increase the number of women who are attracted to you, though there's nothing magical about it. You just have to understand what women are generally attracted to and go from there. You can't change your face, but you can change your body and a few other things. Focus on what you can control, such as the following:

 

1) If you're outta shape, get in shape. Hit the gym and lay off the bad foods. I'm not just talking about being too heavy, either; some people (like I was in high school) are too scrawny and need to add some muscle.

 

2) Keep yourself clean at all times. Shower. Shave. Brush your teeth. Chew some spearmint gum. Don't smoke. Use deodorant. Keep your hair and general appearance neat. You don't have to dress up all the time, but always dress neatly however you do it.

 

3) Take an interest in something cool like a physical activity - something that you would enjoy. Ever considered the martial arts? I mean, don't do it just to get women - I can think of less painful ways to do that. But if you've ever considered it, maybe it's not such a bad idea.

 

In short, women are attracted to men who take pride in themselves. If a woman sees that you keep yourself in good condition, she'll know that you take pride in yourself.

 

Now, once you've got some chicks interested in you, the real art - the thing that separates the studs from the wannabes - is how they approach the woman.

 

Remember what I said in the beginning: you can't make a girl like you; you can only increase the odds that she will or won't. Finding the right woman is a lot like a sales job: you have to find out who's in the market to make a purchase. Only go after the ones who want you and don't waste a moment of time trying to pursue those who don't.

 

Like a good salesman, you have to look for buying signals. Does she smile? Does she touch you? Does she ever say things like "Maybe we can go do that together sometime"? Does she ask questions about you and show a genuine interest in getting to know you better? If you answered yes to one of those questions, you may have a fighting chance. If you answered yes to 3 out of those 4 questions, you're probably on to something. If you answered no to most or all of those questions, forget it. Move on. She'd rather watch C-SPAN than go on a date with you. But don't take that rejection personally. Attraction's not personal. It's just the way it is. You yourself have women you are attracted to...and women you're not. So it is with everyone.

 

If you think you've read her right, then you just have to go for it and get the phone number. That's when you'll know whether or not she's real or just a flirt. If she doesn't give you the phone number or asks you why you need it, then you're out. Again, she'd rather read transcripts from a Congressional hearing on FCC regulations...but don't take that personally.

 

One thing you'll find, too, is that the more you focus on the ones who have a known interest in you, the more likely it is you will attract the wafflers - the ones who aren't sure whether they like you or not. That's because confidence sells. Women like men are sure of themselves.

 

I could write more, but this will get you off to a good start.

[dyermaker]

Great advice up there.

 

Also, a lot of it is how you see yourself. If you see yourself as unattractive, people will think you are unattractive. It may be frightening that girls can read minds, but it's the truth.

[Joachim]

Thanks for the comments. However, I do have the confidence to keep trying to meet the girl I want to meet. Settling for someone else would be a timid act.

[amerikajin]

No, it's not timid, Joachim; it's just the smart thing to do. I don't mean you shouldn't go after a chick if you think you've got a shot, but once she's given you the clues that she's not into you, I wouldn't keep wasting my time with her. Take it from someone who used to be a dating dweeb, but now who knows the score.

 

You CAN make yourself more attractive, but even so, some women simply won't be into you and nothing you do will change that. It's just like with you. There are some women right now who will never be attractive to you, no matter what they do. Looks help, but they're not everything.

[Joachim]

It's not that I don't have a shot - The problem is I've never had the opportunity to speak with her. She doesn't even know me.

 

Also, I don't have a particular problem with attractiveness. At least I don't think so

[amerikajin]

If you're thinking about a girl in particular, the best thing to do is to try not to think about her too much. I think one of the biggest mistakes we make is at the very first stage of the pre-dating process. We guys have a tendency to lock onto a target like we're an F-16 chasing a Mig. Big mistake. I did that right up until about a year ago, when I realized after reading something that made me think. I completely had the wrong approach to it, and it changed everything (and I say this already having had some success in the dating department over the last six or seven years).

 

Don't fixate on a single target - no matter how appealing you think that single target might be. Most of us guys look at dating as though we're the predators going on the hunt, so we pick out our prey and then the chase is on. Now it's true that you always want to keep your eyes peeled for what suits you, but the truth is: successful men get women to do the chasing.

 

How?

 

By figuring out how to play the game - that's how.

 

You've got to read their signs and then learn how to act according to how they act. You wait for their cues before deciding whether or not you want to hand them your business card. I mean after all, which form of sales is more effective: in-bound sales...or cold calling? Don't talk to them unless they smile; don't get interested in them until they start showing real interest in you; don't start thinking about long-term until you're sure they're ready to buy whatever it is you're selling.