Emotional abuse?

[Parasailing01]

Sugarmomma,

 

You are correct, no one can make that decison for me, I need to.

 

It will come to me one day, it will.

 

Thank you!

[Parasailing01]

I am going to work on my marriage, I hope I am not being naive, we will see, I will give it my best shot!

 

Thank you all for your feedback

[BB07]

I am going to work on my marriage, I hope I am not being naive, we will see, I will give it my best shot!

 

Thank you all for your feedback

 

I wish you well......parasailing. Did you look at the link I provided in my prior post? It will help you get more clear on if what your husband is doing is abuse or not. Abusers.....if he is one, are masters at making you feel sorry for them. Just keep that in mind......OK.

[Eclipse11]

Thank you BB07 for that little tip there...I felt sorry for my ex-boyfriend all the time, it was what kept me in the relationship with him and even now I feel guilty...however I can see that some of it was manipulation sometimes...

 

Also, like the original poster, I doubt my feelings so much, I think I am being too harsh, it must be me...it's like our heads can see the damage if we think but our hearts deny that it is taking place...( though my partner was only a touch abusive I think ) - I find it the strangest thing...you're always wondering if you are right...Eclipse x

[Parasailing01]

Thanks so much BB07, I did look at your last post with the link.

 

Thanks so much for your support I will keep you posted, I hope it works, if not I know exactly what I will do next time which is leave.

[cyabye]

Has anyone out there ever been emotionally abused, is this what my husband is doing to me, I feel it is but I am not sure, if so, can people change or does this type of behavior stay?

 

Ugh. Nevermind.

 

cya

Edited June 30, 2010 by cyabye

[amerikajin]

...I do not have anger issues.

 

I simply do NOT believe her story!!!

 

It doesnt make any sense! She knows her husband is abusive but yet from her first post her direct words was leaving her marriage for an OW with her kids in tow. It said nothing about his emotional abuse!!!

 

She's lying and blameshifting and rewriting her marital history like many WS's do. You girls just dont see it.

 

I do...

 

I've seen it time and time again. Oh he's so abusive so I had to cheat.

 

I need someone to meet my issues, he just doesnt understand me.

 

I see through the bullcrap. Why are you ladies so naive to not ask the hard questions. Be for real!!!

 

I agree that she should not be having the affair, but it is entirely possible that she is having an affair in part because of how her husband treats her. By that I mean that this could be the motivation for the affair, which is not the same as saying it is an excuse for an affair -- there's never an excuse.

 

But I think it's entirely possible that having an abusive husband, emotionally or otherwise, could be a factor in what is driving them apart, and when people are driven apart, affairs do happen. They shouldn't, but they do.

 

Of course, as you say, there could be more to it. Maybe the OP is not telling us things the husband might. Maybe the OP has been told to get a job. Maybe the OP isn't good at showing affection. Maybe the OP has always been a lesbian and concealed it, and maybe the husband wonders why he doesn't get sex as often as he would like. And maybe because the OP has not been forthcoming about her sexuality, maybe the husband is confused, hurt, and angry, which manifests itself in his abusive words. Again, there's no excuse for that either, but it is a consequence of concealing the truth.

[Eve]

In my opinion, this is not emotional abuse proper, rather on both sides there is much emotional immaturity.

 

Emotional abuse proper is hard to prove and usually comes alongside other types of abuse. The OP does mention financial abuse and there seems to be a lot of shouting going on, that does not seem very productive.. but overall I would say the situation is simply one of two confused people living their lives.

 

Love is not mentioned, just the responsibility of two children. The children will most probably end up as mini versions of their parents, now I would call that emotional abuse..

 

The OP could probably call the situation emotional abuse though to those outside of the relationship. But no, I see this as a tit-for-tat scenario that has gone horribly wrong and both sides have little left of the original marraige to work with.

 

Hopefully therapy will do them some good. As long as they dont use the techniques against each other.

 

I cannot comment on the affair or sexuality issue.

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[jimrich]

My husband has said the following things to me and I am wondering if this is emotional abuse. The things he says to me have been subtle up until this point.

.... Does it feel abusive to you? Your responses or reactions to what he says or does is the indicator. If it hurts, it's most likely abuse or if you know he intends to hurt you, it's abuse. The more significant question is: What should you do about abuse?

 

What do you do for this family? meaning he works full time ad I work part-time, housework, pick up kids and everything else?!

...Was that intended to hurt or humiliate you? Did you feel hurt or humiliated?

 

Last night in the car we came back from a function, he was drunk. I made a comment that I did not get to see him that much and I would have liked to spend more time with him. He comes back and says the whole ride home, How can you be so f....g stupid! you are so stupid!!! the whole ride home he did this to me. Today he was still very angry and apologized, I am so hurt that he did this.

... OK, it hurt and would probably hurt most folks, depending on his intent or how you perceive the comments. So what's the next step? Take it or confront it? Get into counseling? Divorce? Complain but do nothing? Laugh him off? What?

 

When we were having sex, his sister was visitig from out of town, she kocked on the door and he got really mad at me because I would not finish having sex with him. I stopped so I could get the door.

... So how did you handle his anger? You never say what you do or how you handle any of this ABUSE!

 

He is financially controlling as well as controlling about household chores. He got very angry at me the other night because the laundry was not folded?

.... And you, a grown adult, did what in response?

 

I have never had someone ever treat me like this and I am hurt, I am also afraid that it will get worse.

.... It most likely will if you are not willing to stand up for your self.

Is it me or is this emotional abuse?

..... I'd say it's emotional abuse. What are going to do about it besides complain? I know I would not put up with that!

[hoping2heal]

My husband has said the following things to me and I am wondering if this is emotional abuse. The things he says to me have been subtle up until this point.

 

What do you do for this family? meaning he works full time ad I work part-time, housework, pick up kids and everything else?!

 

Last night in the car we came back from a function, he was drunk. I made a comment that I did not get to see him that much and I would have liked to spend more time with him. He comes back and says the whole ride home, How can you be so f....g stupid! you are so stupid!!! the whole ride home he did this to me. Today he was still very angry and apologized, I am so hurt that he did this.

 

When we were having sex, his sister was visitig from out of town, she kocked on the door and he got really mad at me because I would not finish having sex with him. I stopped so I could get the door.

 

He is financially controlling as well as controlling about household chores. He got very angry at me the other night because the laundry was not folded?

 

I have never had someone ever treat me like this and I am hurt, I am also afraid that it will get worse. Is it me or is this emotional abuse?

 

The hallmark of abuse is controlling behavior. Have you told him how you feel?

[rakodako]

yeah i think so. also, is there a chance that he can be cheating on you? I know abbuse starts/gets worse if the guys is cheating.

 

just a thought.

[Parasailing01]

I am back now, May 2011, and am divorced as of April. I am ready to move forward and live my life. My kids and I are doing well. Overall, we are all doing well. Thanks to all of you for your responses!