The inevitable heartbreak--help!

[Agh!]

Hi all,

 

If you don't remember me, I posted a few days ago about my younger girlfriend who "needed time." Well, because of many circumstances, I was unable to give her time. She wanted to play the field, I didn't want to be anywhere near the field. It was unfair on her behalf to want me to stay while she was out in the scene...and it was unfair of me to keep her away from experiencing the Real Big World.

 

We both decided to part as friends, and I told her that once I began to heal up, I'd love to remain a very close friend. I love her too much to "keep" her...when she needs to go...but I still want her in my life. This is the best (and only) way to achieve that.

 

I had to let her go. It was the only thing that I could do. Waiting around while she experimented was not an option...and I knew she really needed to experience the world by herself. I couldn't protect her from everything.

 

Regardless, the rational part (that truly loves her) is okay with this. I realise that this was going to happen in the future...and perhaps it is best that it ended now. And, if the fates are very skimpy on both of our plates...well, that's a pipe dream. Need not even think it.

 

However, I cannot help but feel totally heartbroken. This really sucks. This whole last week during these problems, I barely got any sleep, barely could eat, was way emotional, and struggled to cope. (This is why I couldn't give her more time--I was a wreck.) Although I have a sense of closure (along with the assurance that we'll always care about one another), I cannot help but still feel shaken. I know this is normal...but it sucks.

 

How long is the normal process of heartbreak? (A scientific question for an unscientific phenomenon.) I know that this probably sounds pathetic or sad, but I've never experienced this before. She was the first girl that I truly loved...and I fear that this is gonna be a doosy of a recovery period. Normally if something ended, I would "mourn" for a few days...and I would be okay. This, on the other hand...well, it blows.

 

I would ask how to stop the bad feelings...but I know there are no hard and fast answers to this. What have y'all experienced when going through this sucky stuff? What have you done to cure this? I just want to know that I'm not the only one who has felt this horrid crap.

 

Once again, I am always screaming...

 

Agh!

[elf]

sorry to hear about your pain. i can't offer words of comfort tho. i can offer words of understanding tho. in the past i use to throw myself into working out, or work or reading, what ever i could find to do to take my mind off my pain. it seems to take forever for the hurt to stop and while in the thorws of the pain it feels it will last forever. fortunately time has a way to heal the pain, i hope it will go fast for you. i'm sorry i couldn't offer you any help, i hope things get better soon for you....

Hi all, If you don't remember me, I posted a few days ago about my younger girlfriend who "needed time." Well, because of many circumstances, I was unable to give her time. She wanted to play the field, I didn't want to be anywhere near the field. It was unfair on her behalf to want me to stay while she was out in the scene...and it was unfair of me to keep her away from experiencing the Real Big World. We both decided to part as friends, and I told her that once I began to heal up, I'd love to remain a very close friend. I love her too much to "keep" her...when she needs to go...but I still want her in my life. This is the best (and only) way to achieve that. I had to let her go. It was the only thing that I could do. Waiting around while she experimented was not an option...and I knew she really needed to experience the world by herself. I couldn't protect her from everything. Regardless, the rational part (that truly loves her) is okay with this. I realise that this was going to happen in the future...and perhaps it is best that it ended now. And, if the fates are very skimpy on both of our plates...well, that's a pipe dream. Need not even think it. However, I cannot help but feel totally heartbroken. This really sucks. This whole last week during these problems, I barely got any sleep, barely could eat, was way emotional, and struggled to cope. (This is why I couldn't give her more time--I was a wreck.) Although I have a sense of closure (along with the assurance that we'll always care about one another), I cannot help but still feel shaken. I know this is normal...but it sucks.

 

How long is the normal process of heartbreak? (A scientific question for an unscientific phenomenon.) I know that this probably sounds pathetic or sad, but I've never experienced this before. She was the first girl that I truly loved...and I fear that this is gonna be a doosy of a recovery period. Normally if something ended, I would "mourn" for a few days...and I would be okay. This, on the other hand...well, it blows. I would ask how to stop the bad feelings...but I know there are no hard and fast answers to this. What have y'all experienced when going through this sucky stuff? What have you done to cure this? I just want to know that I'm not the only one who has felt this horrid crap. Once again, I am always screaming... Agh!

[Guest]

holy ##### man, that is exactly what i would write in the situation that i'm in...we are in the same boat my brother!!! i had the same thing happen to me with my ex girlfriend...i'm not sure of the situation you are in but me and my ex are in college..the same one...and we broke up in april...we had been dating for four years(high school sweethearts).

 

 

 

I absolutley loved this girl, more than any other person or thing i've ever known. I would have died for this girl. I was almost sure that we were going to get married. Until that day. NOthing and let me tell you again NOTHING was wrong with our relationship, but after three years and ten months, she didn't want to be together anymore..i asked her why and she said

 

Steve

[Taressa]

You're my scream in the wilderness friend from last week, right?

 

You poor thing; it sounds like a rough weekend you've been through.

 

One important part of getting through this is your personal conviction and determination to do what is right. If you still hold hope for your younger woman to return try to figure out what backs up that hope. Sometimes we wear ourselves out by basing our hope on nothing more than wishful thinking.

 

Now, with your resolve strong about you, it's time to gather a support team. Friends will not only be good, distractive company to you but they will also keep you from doing stupid things in this and in future relationships. Rely on them now to help mend your heart and to keep you company.

 

Get out of the house, especially at those times you know you will be missing her (weekends when you normally would have been together, for one).

 

Do something self-empowering: finish a project, start a project, learn something new and master it, travel to a spot you've never been. Just do something.

 

I've not yet come across a time-table for recovery but I know that the heart-mending time corresponds directly to the effort you make in filling it with something new. Empty spots allow more room for ghosts.

 

Do one thing today that you enjoy.

 

Call at least one friend before your head hits the pillow tonight.

 

You're going to be okay.

Hi all, If you don't remember me, I posted a few days ago about my younger girlfriend who "needed time." Well, because of many circumstances, I was unable to give her time. She wanted to play the field, I didn't want to be anywhere near the field. It was unfair on her behalf to want me to stay while she was out in the scene...and it was unfair of me to keep her away from experiencing the Real Big World. We both decided to part as friends, and I told her that once I began to heal up, I'd love to remain a very close friend. I love her too much to "keep" her...when she needs to go...but I still want her in my life. This is the best (and only) way to achieve that. I had to let her go. It was the only thing that I could do. Waiting around while she experimented was not an option...and I knew she really needed to experience the world by herself. I couldn't protect her from everything. Regardless, the rational part (that truly loves her) is okay with this. I realise that this was going to happen in the future...and perhaps it is best that it ended now. And, if the fates are very skimpy on both of our plates...well, that's a pipe dream. Need not even think it. However, I cannot help but feel totally heartbroken. This really sucks. This whole last week during these problems, I barely got any sleep, barely could eat, was way emotional, and struggled to cope. (This is why I couldn't give her more time--I was a wreck.) Although I have a sense of closure (along with the assurance that we'll always care about one another), I cannot help but still feel shaken. I know this is normal...but it sucks.

 

How long is the normal process of heartbreak? (A scientific question for an unscientific phenomenon.) I know that this probably sounds pathetic or sad, but I've never experienced this before. She was the first girl that I truly loved...and I fear that this is gonna be a doosy of a recovery period. Normally if something ended, I would "mourn" for a few days...and I would be okay. This, on the other hand...well, it blows. I would ask how to stop the bad feelings...but I know there are no hard and fast answers to this. What have y'all experienced when going through this sucky stuff? What have you done to cure this? I just want to know that I'm not the only one who has felt this horrid crap. Once again, I am always screaming... Agh!

[LoveDude]

Heartbreak is a killer, especially the first month. After that though, you'll hopefully start feeling the pain fade. I find that it is good to look at the ended relationship from a balanced perspective. Too many times, people focus only on the good parts of the relationship, and that can make the pain last longer. Remember, there were difficulties as well. No relationship is ever without some problems, especially ones that don't exist anymore.

 

I'm not saying go on a women-suck phase (though that can work too), but just remember to toss the bad in with the good.

 

And like other posters have said, never stay home if you can avoid it. The more distractions, the better. Remember, this is just one relationship, and many more opportunities are around the corner. I've found that out the pleasant way, but only because I didn't let the situation bring me down too much.

 

The single life is full of opportunities that could otherwise have been missed.

 

Hopefully you'll feel better soon, but time is the greatest healer no?

 

Hi all, If you don't remember me, I posted a few days ago about my younger girlfriend who "needed time." Well, because of many circumstances, I was unable to give her time. She wanted to play the field, I didn't want to be anywhere near the field. It was unfair on her behalf to want me to stay while she was out in the scene...and it was unfair of me to keep her away from experiencing the Real Big World. We both decided to part as friends, and I told her that once I began to heal up, I'd love to remain a very close friend. I love her too much to "keep" her...when she needs to go...but I still want her in my life. This is the best (and only) way to achieve that. I had to let her go. It was the only thing that I could do. Waiting around while she experimented was not an option...and I knew she really needed to experience the world by herself. I couldn't protect her from everything. Regardless, the rational part (that truly loves her) is okay with this. I realise that this was going to happen in the future...and perhaps it is best that it ended now. And, if the fates are very skimpy on both of our plates...well, that's a pipe dream. Need not even think it. However, I cannot help but feel totally heartbroken. This really sucks. This whole last week during these problems, I barely got any sleep, barely could eat, was way emotional, and struggled to cope. (This is why I couldn't give her more time--I was a wreck.) Although I have a sense of closure (along with the assurance that we'll always care about one another), I cannot help but still feel shaken. I know this is normal...but it sucks.

 

How long is the normal process of heartbreak? (A scientific question for an unscientific phenomenon.) I know that this probably sounds pathetic or sad, but I've never experienced this before. She was the first girl that I truly loved...and I fear that this is gonna be a doosy of a recovery period. Normally if something ended, I would "mourn" for a few days...and I would be okay. This, on the other hand...well, it blows. I would ask how to stop the bad feelings...but I know there are no hard and fast answers to this. What have y'all experienced when going through this sucky stuff? What have you done to cure this? I just want to know that I'm not the only one who has felt this horrid crap. Once again, I am always screaming... Agh!

[Pete]

WOW. Your situation and Steve's are very similar to mine. Two months ago today I caught my girlfriend in bed with one of my best friends. This was 2 weeks after she said that she wanted to "take a break". During those 2 weeks I had been sending her roses, calling and telling her that we can work things out, etc. I was in love with this girl as well, although we had not dated that long. Here is your scientific answer. During the first week I was doing the same as Steve. Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep. Throwing up and I couldn't go 2 min without thinking about them. But here I am 2 months later and I could never have imagined that I could be doing this good. I have already gone on a couple of dates although they didn't lead to anything. I did like others have suggested. I worked out constantly. Its amazing how much you can bench press when you are angry. I also went out with friends a lot. Right now you feel like the pain is never going to end, I know because I thought the same. But 2 months later I am so much stronger and i have even begun to think that this might have been the best thing in the world for me. So understand that you will start to feel better and it takes time. Look at this as an opportunity to find someone else. Don't focus on the things that you liked about your ex. Focus on the bad, that helped me a lot. Confide in friends. Talking about it helps give perspective and you will likely hear similar stories that will help. Time will heal your wounds (I didn't believe that at first). I still cannot go a day without thinking about what happened, but I can go an hour sometimes without thinking about it. I also have begun going back to church. This helps, because I know there is a reason this happened to me and when I pray I let God know that I understand that and that I may not know why now I will one day. Maybe I am meant to met some wonderful girl that I will marry. There is a reason this happened to you. So you will make it and you have to take action for yourself. Just keep going