Neighbor who is obsessed & won't take NO for an answer...

[FarmGirl]

I don't really need advice on this I don't think but if you have some fire away...

 

Mostly I need to RANT about it & get it off my chest.

 

If you've read my other post(s) you'd have seen I'm in a tough relationship that I am trying to end. You'd also have seen my mention of the older neighbor guy who I really liked (as a friend) & had a lot in common with. Then you'd have seen how he asked for more from me & I said no.

When he is around me, he always touches me or holds my hand or hugs me. It's quite uncomfy for me & I always make excuses to move away from him or change the subject. Honestly I did consider "something more" for about 2 minutes...so I am guilty on that count...

 

That said, I haven't had a good *romp* since March 2002. So I think I'm oozing the "need to get laid" thing

 

Anyways, I totally gave this guy the wrong messages by not drawing a firm line in the sand in the beginning & now I am reaping the rewards...he is also going thru a divorce where his wife is leaving him for a man she met online...so he's a bit messed up by it....

 

I've had to go on stealth mode on Facebook to keep him from stalking my every move, and if I forget to block him from seeing a post I always hear about it some way or another. Example: 2 yo locked me out of the house last week. I made a snarky Facebook post about it & forgot to block him from it. He came over that night & was talking to my fiance at the door (literally he chased the fiance down the street & to our front door to catch up to him...) & mentioned me being locked out to my fiance.

Later the fiance asked me how the neighbor knew (ie *was* he over...)...

 

I need to block him permanently on FB but do not want to arouse his suspicions & make things worse on our tiny little dead end street...so I let him see a few posts here & there on purpose & have him blocked on FB chat - which he always used to use to talk to me...

 

I have my email set up so his emails go straight to the trash & my cell phone set so his calls go straight to VM!

 

He always drives by really slow and stares over here...same when he walks by too.

 

I am recently laid off...but while I was still working he would bring his granddaughter over to our yard to see the chickens. When he asked to do it once, I had no idea it would turn into an every day thing. Hence my surprise on a day I stayed home from work & came bounding downstairs in my jammies to find him on my back porch in my FENCED back yard...creepy no!??? I had also told him the week before that I would be home that day...so it was a huge invasion of my privacy in my opinion.

 

That very day I messaged him & asked him not to come over anymore when we were not home and not to come over when my fiance isn't home because I was uncomfortable how it looked to others & the fiance. He acknowledged the message & dropped it.

 

Fast forward a week - I drive in to our street and he is walking his granddaughter...I wave & think 'oh crap'. I see him in my rearview mirror as he turns the stroller & hustles back towards my driveway. Quickly I call my mom (I know what a wuss I am) & start chatting with her. Meanwhile I get the 2yo out of the car & he comes up and is trying to talk to me. I cover the phone and say hi...(pointing at 2yo) he's very sick (true) and you might not want Syd around him...I turn & start towards the house and he keeps trying to talk...so I wave, enter my house and shut the door.

 

Again I send him a msg "I asked you not to come by unless fiance was home, which part of that was unclear to you". He replies "How am I supposed to know?". I say "We had this conversation LAST week and you acknowledged it...". Then I stopped replying to his texts.

 

At some point during this he calls & leaves me a long VM about how he doesn't understand where I am...have I gone out of town...don't understand why I won't call back etc...I saved it...ugh.

 

The following Monday he texts "I have cat food for your cats can I come by?" I don't reply. 10 mins later he is on my doorstep hanging out talking really loud (but not knocking...). I ignore him & wait about 7 or 8 minutes in silence until he leaves...later he texts "did you get catfood?". Me = "Yes thank you!" Him = "Why can't you talk to me?". I don't reply.

 

Fast forward again to this last Friday...fiance was late coming home from work, car noticeably NOT in driveway. Text from neighbor "Can I come over & talk?". Me = "No I'm busy cooking dinner, fiance home any minute..." He texts back "Ok then I have Syd on Monday maybe I can come over then".

I didn't even reply. I was furious!!

 

Today he starts calling me (it's Monday after all...) and walking by really slow with his granddaughter. Call went straight to VM & I went about my business as usual...

 

Everytime he stops by he leaves notes & flowers with hearts and things all over them. Ostensibly from his granddaughter to my 2yo, but it's still uncomfortable for me...

 

Here's the thing...I feel like a prisoner! I used to take 2 yo for walks. I used to open my front curtains, have the windows open, music blaring...but if I do he will come over since you can see straight in our house from the road.

 

I KNOW I did this by not putting a halt to his behavior early on. But honestly in my defense, until he really came on to me I thought his touchy feely ways were just part of his nature (he's an ex hippie/ buddhist...quite odd but cool)...how was I to know he was after something a little more tasty.

 

Anyways...that's my rant. Thank you for listening.

[carhill]

One country person to another, this might get the message across. Look carefully

[FarmGirl]

One country person to another, this might get the message across. Look carefully

 

I'm a damn good shot too!

Thanks for the laugh!! I needed it!

[carhill]

BTW, out here, the sheriff says to always put a dead calf on top. They stop at the dead calf

 

When a neighbor gets a bit too 'friendly', in my case meaning they're angling for my services for free, I get out the front loader and start digging the pond a little deeper

[FarmGirl]

@Carhill I'll ask the goats which one of them wants to be "it" in case I need to hide the evidence

 

disclaimer: in case anyone thinkgs I'm serious...I may be non religious but I do subscribe to the thou shalt not kill thing!

Edited May 17, 2010 by FarmGirl
d'oh typo

[CollectiveVelvet]

Is your neighbor a single parent now? It may be that he just desperately needs adult convo. Or desperately needs a play date for his granddaughter. Or it could be that he's a creepy stalker trying to get you alone.

[FarmGirl]

Is your neighbor a single parent now? It may be that he just desperately needs adult convo. Or desperately needs a play date for his granddaughter. Or it could be that he's a creepy stalker trying to get you alone.

 

He & his soon to be XW are still living together. He babysits his granddaughter 3x a week. His granddaughter is a lovely little girl & I really enjoy her, but honestly trying to avoid his wandering hands is making me crazy.

 

He has asked to 'take it further', I said no and began avoiding all time alone with him afterwards...

 

On one hand because he's so nice I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, but on the other hand ALL of my instincts are telling me to stay away.

 

I've started locking my doors during the day

 

Me = sad

[CollectiveVelvet]

He & his soon to be XW are still living together. He babysits his granddaughter 3x a week. His granddaughter is a lovely little girl & I really enjoy her, but honestly trying to avoid his wandering hands is making me crazy.

 

He has asked to 'take it further', I said no and began avoiding all time alone with him afterwards...

 

On one hand because he's so nice I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, but on the other hand ALL of my instincts are telling me to stay away.

 

I've started locking my doors during the day

 

Me = sad

Oh boy. Cut this off at the knees. I did not realize that wandering hands was actually wandering hands. Time to get your fiance active in telling this guy to f-off. Seriously.

[TaraMaiden]

He & his soon to be XW are still living together. He babysits his granddaughter 3x a week. His granddaughter is a lovely little girl & I really enjoy her, but honestly trying to avoid his wandering hands is making me crazy.

 

He has asked to 'take it further', I said no and began avoiding all time alone with him afterwards...

 

On one hand because he's so nice I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, but on the other hand ALL of my instincts are telling me to stay away.

 

I've started locking my doors during the day

 

Me = sad

 

You really need to be a bit firm about this, and lose your temper a little...

 

"Listen, I don't know how you could have missed this, but I happen to be with somebody. I'm engaged, and I really don't appreciate your intentions of less-than-subtle hints. I'm asking you nicely, now to quit pawing me, touching me, or making suggestive gestures.

I'm not interested, and I want you to get that through your head, ok? So I'd quit while I'm behind, if I were you."

[2sunny]

YOU are the cause of it all...

 

YOU need to state your boundaries and be perfectly clear. no excuses. no games.

 

leave no question in his mind that he continues to cross the line of privacy and you need to have no contact with him.

 

if he doesn't get the message clearly - call the police next time he pretends to visit your chickens... trespassing charges ought to make him stay away.

 

why are you so wimpy about setting a clear boundary for a neighbor? and be specific - he should not be touching you - should be asking permission to come to your yard. and block him permanently on FB. otherwise - you have no one to blame but yourself.

[TaraMaiden]

I re-read your original post, and frankly - the guy is way out of line.

Hhe has crossed boundaries and frankly, I'm of the opinion that he knows it.

 

He also knows you're a decent, civil, pleasant lady, and he's taking advantage of your good nature and counting on you not kicking up a fuss.

 

If I may say so, you're being a little too nice.

You're a prisoner in your own home, you'v changed your behaviour and you can't live as freely as you'd like.

But I hate to say it - this is behaviour you've chosen. By your own initial reticence, you've painted yourself into a corner.

 

Well guess what?

Grab that paintbrush and start painting yourself out of it.

 

You have to toughen up, let your fiancé in on everything that's going on, tell him exactly how distressing you find it, and read this guy the riot act.

 

Grab your life back.

Nobody else is going to do it for you, and the way things are going, he's going to push his luck a little too far one day, take liberties and leave you feeling very bad, and very vulnerable.....

[TaraMaiden]

Oh....

 

Snap, 2sunny....!

[FarmGirl]

You really need to be a bit firm about this, and lose your temper a little...

 

"Listen, I don't know how you could have missed this, but I happen to be with somebody. I'm engaged, and I really don't appreciate your intentions of less-than-subtle hints. I'm asking you nicely, now to quit pawing me, touching me, or making suggestive gestures.

I'm not interested, and I want you to get that through your head, ok? So I'd quit while I'm behind, if I were you."

 

You're exactly right. I've been very tactful. The time for tact has come to an end.

[FarmGirl]

YOU are the cause of it all...

 

YOU need to state your boundaries and be perfectly clear. no excuses. no games.

 

leave no question in his mind that he continues to cross the line of privacy and you need to have no contact with him.

 

if he doesn't get the message clearly - call the police next time he pretends to visit your chickens... trespassing charges ought to make him stay away.

 

why are you so wimpy about setting a clear boundary for a neighbor? and be specific - he should not be touching you - should be asking permission to come to your yard. and block him permanently on FB. otherwise - you have no one to blame but yourself.

 

I agree on the blame thing.

 

I also know that I have a problem setting & keeping boundaries (it shows in current relationship too).

 

I'll get to the bottom of this immediately as the last thing I need while dealing with a failing relationship is an aging hormonal man chasing me around hehe

[brokenblade]

I don't really need advice on this I don't think but if you have some fire away...

 

Mostly I need to RANT about it & get it off my chest.

 

If you've read my other post(s) you'd have seen I'm in a tough relationship that I am trying to end. You'd also have seen my mention of the older neighbor guy who I really liked (as a friend) & had a lot in common with. Then you'd have seen how he asked for more from me & I said no.

When he is around me, he always touches me or holds my hand or hugs me. It's quite uncomfy for me & I always make excuses to move away from him or change the subject. Honestly I did consider "something more" for about 2 minutes...so I am guilty on that count...

 

That said, I haven't had a good *romp* since March 2002. So I think I'm oozing the "need to get laid" thing

 

Anyways, I totally gave this guy the wrong messages by not drawing a firm line in the sand in the beginning & now I am reaping the rewards...he is also going thru a divorce where his wife is leaving him for a man she met online...so he's a bit messed up by it....

 

I've had to go on stealth mode on Facebook to keep him from stalking my every move, and if I forget to block him from seeing a post I always hear about it some way or another. Example: 2 yo locked me out of the house last week. I made a snarky Facebook post about it & forgot to block him from it. He came over that night & was talking to my fiance at the door (literally he chased the fiance down the street & to our front door to catch up to him...) & mentioned me being locked out to my fiance.

Later the fiance asked me how the neighbor knew (ie *was* he over...)...

 

I need to block him permanently on FB but do not want to arouse his suspicions & make things worse on our tiny little dead end street...so I let him see a few posts here & there on purpose & have him blocked on FB chat - which he always used to use to talk to me...

 

I have my email set up so his emails go straight to the trash & my cell phone set so his calls go straight to VM!

 

He always drives by really slow and stares over here...same when he walks by too.

 

I am recently laid off...but while I was still working he would bring his granddaughter over to our yard to see the chickens. When he asked to do it once, I had no idea it would turn into an every day thing. Hence my surprise on a day I stayed home from work & came bounding downstairs in my jammies to find him on my back porch in my FENCED back yard...creepy no!??? I had also told him the week before that I would be home that day...so it was a huge invasion of my privacy in my opinion.

 

That very day I messaged him & asked him not to come over anymore when we were not home and not to come over when my fiance isn't home because I was uncomfortable how it looked to others & the fiance. He acknowledged the message & dropped it.

 

Fast forward a week - I drive in to our street and he is walking his granddaughter...I wave & think 'oh crap'. I see him in my rearview mirror as he turns the stroller & hustles back towards my driveway. Quickly I call my mom (I know what a wuss I am) & start chatting with her. Meanwhile I get the 2yo out of the car & he comes up and is trying to talk to me. I cover the phone and say hi...(pointing at 2yo) he's very sick (true) and you might not want Syd around him...I turn & start towards the house and he keeps trying to talk...so I wave, enter my house and shut the door.

 

Again I send him a msg "I asked you not to come by unless fiance was home, which part of that was unclear to you". He replies "How am I supposed to know?". I say "We had this conversation LAST week and you acknowledged it...". Then I stopped replying to his texts.

 

At some point during this he calls & leaves me a long VM about how he doesn't understand where I am...have I gone out of town...don't understand why I won't call back etc...I saved it...ugh.

 

The following Monday he texts "I have cat food for your cats can I come by?" I don't reply. 10 mins later he is on my doorstep hanging out talking really loud (but not knocking...). I ignore him & wait about 7 or 8 minutes in silence until he leaves...later he texts "did you get catfood?". Me = "Yes thank you!" Him = "Why can't you talk to me?". I don't reply.

 

Fast forward again to this last Friday...fiance was late coming home from work, car noticeably NOT in driveway. Text from neighbor "Can I come over & talk?". Me = "No I'm busy cooking dinner, fiance home any minute..." He texts back "Ok then I have Syd on Monday maybe I can come over then".

I didn't even reply. I was furious!!

 

Today he starts calling me (it's Monday after all...) and walking by really slow with his granddaughter. Call went straight to VM & I went about my business as usual...

 

Everytime he stops by he leaves notes & flowers with hearts and things all over them. Ostensibly from his granddaughter to my 2yo, but it's still uncomfortable for me...

 

Here's the thing...I feel like a prisoner! I used to take 2 yo for walks. I used to open my front curtains, have the windows open, music blaring...but if I do he will come over since you can see straight in our house from the road.

 

I KNOW I did this by not putting a halt to his behavior early on. But honestly in my defense, until he really came on to me I thought his touchy feely ways were just part of his nature (he's an ex hippie/ buddhist...quite odd but cool)...how was I to know he was after something a little more tasty.

 

Anyways...that's my rant. Thank you for listening.

 

Don't ever blame yourself for a man's creepiness. He should realize that there are other women out there in the world and you have made your final decision.

 

People like that who are obsessed and apparently have their whole world revolving around you usually have some other deep down problems and if you let yourself get involved with such a person any deeper than you already are, it can result into horrors beyond your imagination.

 

I am a guy, but believe it or not, I can relate. I am in a wierd area. I have tons of people stalking me around, they slow down their cars just to gawk at me. One guy sits by me in the library at the computer and instead of concentrating on his computer he is constantly staring either at me or my computer screen.

 

Um... You can look up the same thing on your computer screen.

 

One of my friends pointed out to me that when I went back to the magazine section to talk to him (different friend) this guy turn around from his computer and just stared at me. (Me being a heterosexual this kind of makes me uncomfortable.) One time I got up to go outside which I always do he gets the nerve to say "Where are you going?!" (Just the way he said it was like he was saying "Get your ass back here!!!" I mean he was loud and obnoxious, everyone started looking)

 

I told him "Mind your own business." I wanted to say, "Look, you don't own me, so I don't have to answer to you and if you try to own me, I have news for you, it will get painful."

 

He is something of a friend, I mean I've talked to him and done some things for him. Sometimes I have to say no, because some of the things he wants me to do for him are rather messed up (like trashing property. wtf?!!)

 

He seems cool at times, but I don't know if he has some kind of intentions about me.

 

Unfortunately, you will meet some dangerously wierd people. I'm sorry you are going through this. He sounds like he doesn't have respect for your personal space or life.

[Mary3]

If the old man who has a crush on you gets his hands on some Viagra , Watch Out !

 

I would not be alone with him. He makes alot of excuses to come inside.

 

One day he is going to show you his Willy Wonka....Be prepared , lol !

 

Or change your number , block him in every way shape and form and don't open the door. The only way the sexy senior is getting in is to climb in the window.

 

End this or be prepared for a wheelchair ride with applesauce baby !

[mixwell]

Damn this guy sounds a little creepy to me.. You should bluntly tell him to back the hell up.. I can see if you guys are out in the boonies though him wanted someone to talk to but he seems like he is really pushing the limit here..

 

Another thing I noticed is you said you haven't gotten a good romping since 2002.. You said you had a fiance, he hasn't romped you since then or what ?