How do you handle such friendships?

[dressing up]

There are two ways of handling friendships you think have run their course. You either cut them off because you don't want to spend time being around people who don't mean much to you anymore. Or you turn them into acquaintances because you feel that having one more friend is better than one less.

 

I'm torn between the two choices so I would like to know how you feel toward such friendships.

[KikiW]

I turned mine into acquaintences due to there being several mutual friends involved. I didn't want it to turn into our mutual friends having to try and decide who to invite to the party, or have there be awkward tension if we were both there. Only those EXTREMELY close to me know the truths about those friendships, the rest (even those I turned into acquaintences) either know something's up but won't bring it up, or just assume I have become very busy and can no longer hang out like I used to.

[quankanne]

depends on the nature of the friendship: Is this person toxic to your emotional wellbeing (i.e., an emotional vampire), or just someone you've found you have less and less in common with as time goes by? Is it someone who uses your friendship but doesn't really give back or add to it?

 

I've downgraded friendships over the years, mostly because we've grown apart. Once or twice (including with a sibling), I've cut the relationship off because that person was just absorbing too much of my emotional energy and it seriously affected how I handled everyday things ...

[dressing up]

I turned mine into acquaintences due to there being several mutual friends involved. I didn't want it to turn into our mutual friends having to try and decide who to invite to the party, or have there be awkward tension if we were both there. Only those EXTREMELY close to me know the truths about those friendships, the rest (even those I turned into acquaintences) either know something's up but won't bring it up, or just assume I have become very busy and can no longer hang out like I used to.

 

 

Yours is similar to my situation because some mutual friends are involved. I'm this close to cutting them off too because it's too much to be around the particular friend. I felt that I never knew this side of her before and the more I know her, the more I don't know her.

 

I don't feel like she's a good friend anymore. She doesn't even spend much time to hang out with me. After trying to revive the friendship after a while, I figured there's no point in doing that, especially with a friend whose pretenses among other things annoy me. I feel that if she has time to write on facebook her inane updates, she has time to contact or hang out with me. But clearly facebook has a higher priority.

[dressing up]

depends on the nature of the friendship: Is this person toxic to your emotional wellbeing (i.e., an emotional vampire), or just someone you've found you have less and less in common with as time goes by? Is it someone who uses your friendship but doesn't really give back or add to it?

 

I've downgraded friendships over the years, mostly because we've grown apart. Once or twice (including with a sibling), I've cut the relationship off because that person was just absorbing too much of my emotional energy and it seriously affected how I handled everyday things ...

 

 

She's not toxic but self obsessed and pretentious (characteristics I never knew before). We have some things in common and used to be able to talk about loads of things but now she doesn't have time for me. Facebook and her other new friends have priority.

 

When you cut friendships off, do you tell those friends? Or they just eventually fall off?

[FitChick]

It depends on how annoying the friend is. As I get older, I realize that time is precious and I don't want any emotional vampires in my life.

[dressing up]

Fitchick, I agree. She annoys me so I have no qualms cutting her off (after having tried to revive the friendship). But the problem is we have mutual friends so I don't know what to do to prevent the whole group being affected or my friendship with the others.

[carhill]

Friendships and social groups ebb and flow all the time. BTDT as a result of stbx and I divorcing. People adapt. Don't sacrifice your own sanity for a social group, IMO.

[dressing up]

Friendships and social groups ebb and flow all the time. BTDT as a result of stbx and I divorcing. People adapt. Don't sacrifice your own sanity for a social group, IMO.

 

 

Sorry for my ignorance but what's BTDT?

 

In your opinion (mine being a friendship, not relationship), should I tell the rest of the group that I would prefer not to hang out with the particular person or just slowly disconnect?

 

I'm not belittling relationships, but at least I can break up with someone in a relationship. It's a little harder to break up with a friend.

[carhill]

BTDT = been there, done that

 

What I did in our case was to be clear with our mutual friends that we are divorcing but that I still value them as friends and expect that mutual friendships will continue and I have no issue with any social occasions. Whatever they are comfortable with is fine with me. To me, its *how* you end the friendship (or marriage, in our case), not that it ends. Worth a try?

[dressing up]

BTDT = been there, done that

 

What I did in our case was to be clear with our mutual friends that we are divorcing but that I still value them as friends and expect that mutual friendships will continue and I have no issue with any social occasions. Whatever they are comfortable with is fine with me. To me, its *how* you end the friendship (or marriage, in our case), not that it ends. Worth a try?

 

 

Sure. Though I'm a little worried about how the friends would try to talk me out of it, probably not that different as how people would talk people out of a divorce. It's a little messy and more than I want. I just want a clearcut cut. I'm black and white and have little room for grayness.

[carhill]

Yeah, I remember when I was black and white. Marriage cured me of that

 

In any event, best wishes. It'll all work out

[dressing up]

Thanks!

[jedc53]

It depends on the nature of the friendship.It can be tough sometimes.You may be making new friends while still trying to keep old friends.It can also be hard to know what to do when you don’t agree with a friend.

[dressing up]

It depends on the nature of the friendship.It can be tough sometimes.You may be making new friends while still trying to keep old friends.It can also be hard to know what to do when you don’t agree with a friend.

 

 

How would you handle it if you had mutual friends with a friend you feel doesn't bother to spend time with you because she's too busy making new friends (the kind of friends you probably just see at parties but not keep in regular touch with) and trying to find new men to fill her life.

[blueyedgrl85]

If it's possible to see your mutual friends separately without causing a big commotion, then try that. But given the description of your friend, this may not be possible. It might be time to just move on quietly and find a new group of friends who are more like you.

[dressing up]

If it's possible to see your mutual friends separately without causing a big commotion, then try that. But given the description of your friend, this may not be possible. It might be time to just move on quietly and find a new group of friends who are more like you.

 

 

It might be easier to tell the mutual friends how I feel so they know not to mention her name but I don't think it's fair to bring them into it.

 

Sometimes I think it's better not to introduce all my friends to each other. When situations like this arise, it can be tricky.

[cld101]

I would chose the second choice because I prefer to have many friends rather than having none at all.....

[dressing up]

I would chose the second choice because I prefer to have many friends rather than having none at all.....

 

 

It's inevitable that I've chosen the first way since I've not been motivated (voluntarily or involuntarily) to revive friendships that have run their course.

 

I just keep making new friends.