One or both or neither

[CuriousQDe]

Another chemistry question. I'll say at the outset I've already made the decision, but I'd like to know what others would do with the choices I had.

 

Met Guy #1 a year ago (and full disclosure: I was rebounding). Both of us fresh out of divorce. He is a good guy. Tall and handsome. Stable. Great father. Awesome family, southern like mine. Quiet man of few words. Treats me very respectfully, but was soooo shy and so scared of getting hurt, it got in the way. We went on four dates before a single kiss. Just some hand-holding. This is on me. I wasn't offering anything, but if I said something like, I've got to run some errands, the way he'd react made me think he thought I was seeing someone else. I get that he had a right and a reason to be careful, and don't blame him, but I wasn't seeing anybody else and got tired of being asked this repeatedly.

 

But we also widely different interests and some seemed unmovable: I thought I'd surprise him and got tickets to go segue riding, gave him two weeks heads' up. He agreed to do it, said it sounded fun, but a day before admitted he wasn't keen on it and backed out. I live close to a sushi bar and asked him to join me for lunch there once. Again he agreed and then when he came he said he was too hungry for sushi and asked to go somewhere else. I tried it repeatedly, but eventually realized he was never going to just say, I don't like sushi. I don't get that.

 

I know these are minor things, but most of the time he was very content to sit and talk, especially in front of a TV. This is soooo not me, at least not in the beginning of a relationship. But because of all his other great qualities, I thought I'd see where things led. I didn't feel instant connection to him, but my head said don't be stupid and let go of a perfectly good guy. What good has operating on feelings done me? Well, his insecurities started to get in the way again and I completely backed off. Months went by with only a few texts and emails between us and I just started seeing someone else. Of course that's when he starts calling again. But we've talked. Told me he missed me and said he really wants to see me again. Wants to just let go of what happened in the past, saying "there's obviously still a connection between us because we've kept in touch."

 

Guy #2 (yes the one who tried to bed me on date #1), instant connection, intense attraction. We live two hours apart however. We've done a lot more talking since our first date even though right now he's on a birthday trip overseas. We text and talk everyday. But in the beginning we had some difficulties talking because his work keeps him EXTREMELY busy. I didn't mind because my work is crazy too. But combined with our distance I wondered whether we'd really have a chance to bond.

 

Well we have. We've had some deep conversations. First off, he's been divorced twice. This scares the living daylights out of me, but i feel like I can't be a hypocrite. Then he shared some things about his mother that also put the fear of God in me. It's too early, of course, to know how things will shape up, but what I think right now is that if we got more involved his work will become an issue and a relationship with his family would be out of the question. Looks like danger ahead, but do you ignore intense attraction and having the ability to talk for hours about any subject, laugh hard, cry hard, debate til you're blue in the face? Someone who's open to trying new things and is already the most well-rounded person you've encountered in a while? I mean, I feed off that stuff. I love it! He really excites me.