How Do You Know If You're Ugly?

[woodnorwegian]

I have serious issues regarding my facial appearance. I think I'm bizarre looking-I have a huge forehead, a huge nose and tiny lips, as well as a general broad face. I think I look like an alien, and most of the time, I wish I could go through life with a mask on. This is how paranoid I am: if I'm walking outside somewhere and cars are passing by, I'll look down because I don't want drivers to see my face. It's ridiculous, because drivers are paying attention to the road, and not some random person on the sidewalk, but I think to myself that they see me, and are thinking, "wow, that's a weird looking person."

 

I have had friends tell me there's nothing wrong with my appearance, but I think they are just being nice or are incredibly biased. I want to be realistic, and don't want to buy into thinking I'm attractive when I'm not. I don't want to delude myself, so once and for all, I'd like objective opinions, so I can put my paranoia to rest. If I'm ugly, then I want to accept it, if not, I know I have to work towards fixing my warped self-perception, if that's what it is.

 

So, please be honest about my looks, I can handle it.

[Yamaha]

listen to your friends.

[woodnorwegian]

listen to your friends.

 

If my friends are right, then how come I've only been asked out only a few times in my whole life, and I'm in my twenties, and almost all them have been men twice my age? That, plus I've never had a boyfriend. There must be something wrong with my looks.

[sally4sara]

Friends can lie and you might have a skewed perspective of yourself.

 

It largely depends on how symmetrical your face is and how closely you fit to the Golden Ratio.

 

http://goldennumber.net/face.htm

 

There are even online calculators you can use with an uploaded photo to see how closely your face matches up to it.

[Yamaha]

If my friends are right, then how come I've only been asked out only a few times in my whole life, and I'm in my twenties, and almost all them have been men twice my age? That, plus I've never had a boyfriend. There must be something wrong with my looks.

 

Do you believe your ugly?

[woodnorwegian]

Do you believe your ugly?

 

Yes, that's why I have social anxiety, and get paranoid even walking in public. If I could I'd wear a huge hat that covers half of my face everyday.

 

And to the previous poster, I don't know if my face is symmetrical or not, all I know is that the proportions are skewed. For instance, my lips are too small, and my nose is too wide. Also, my face is abnormally wide and flat.

 

In my avatar, I do look a bit better because I'm wearing lipstick, but even then, I can't help staring at the photo, because it looks so weird. I have obsessive tendencies in my personality, which explains a lot, but I honestly think I'm being objective when I say I'm ugly.

[Yamaha]

For instance, my lips are too small, and my nose is too wide. Also, my face is abnormally wide and flat.

 

Who told you this?

[woodnorwegian]

Who told you this?

 

 

No one, but I can see this just by looking in a mirror or at photos. Of course, my friends aren't going to say it, because that would be cruel.

[Yamaha]

You are defining yourself by the media.

 

Do you think your a person of worth?

 

Would a guy be lucky to have you as a gf?

[woodnorwegian]

You are defining yourself by the media.

 

Do you think your a person of worth?

 

Would a guy be lucky to have you as a gf?

 

I'd have to say I don't know the answers to those questions, but I do think there are standards when it comes to looks, and most people can agree in general whether a person is ugly or not.

[carhill]

How Do You Know If You're Ugly?

 

IME, when people you consider ugly shy away, there's your sign.

 

BTW, you're nowhere near that path, so no worries.

 

Here's a suggestion I get all the time (at my age I don't care anymore).... lose the glasses. Just try it.

 

For a woman, generally, about the only thing which puts a man off her is if he gets the vibe to 'stay away'. I call it the 'fist in your chest' effect. You may be unknowingly sending out such signals which cause compatible men to stay away. BTDT.

 

Hope it works out. I doubt you'll be dateless for long.

[Yamaha]

Are you shy?

[woodnorwegian]

IME, when people you consider ugly shy away, there's your sign.

 

BTW, you're nowhere near that path, so no worries.

 

Here's a suggestion I get all the time (at my age I don't care anymore).... lose the glasses. Just try it.

 

Hope it works out. I doubt you'll be dateless for long.

 

I've looked into getting lasik surgery, but I'm not a candidate with because I have think corneas. I also have really sensitive eyes, so contacts are an option, but not a realistic one. I would love to not have to wear glasses, but they're a minor detail compared to everything else I find wrong with my appearance.

[Star Gazer]

Yes, that's why I have social anxiety, and get paranoid even walking in public. If I could I'd wear a huge hat that covers half of my face everyday.

 

Even if Giselle or Cindy or Merisa or any of my other favorite models were walking down the street with that attitude, they'd be MUCH less attractive and far fewer men would approach them...

[woodnorwegian]

Are you shy?

 

 

Yes. Around people I don't know, less so with friends. Most ugly people or people who think themselves as ugly would be shy.

[carhill]

I've looked into getting lasik surgery, but I'm not a candidate with because I have think corneas. I also have really sensitive eyes, so contacts are an option, but not a realistic one. I would love to not have to wear glasses, but they're a minor detail compared to everything else I find wrong with my appearance.

Understand. Perhaps try contacts for social occasions. Stbx had lasik (she was near blind prior) and wore glasses to work and contacts otherwise. Worked really well for her.

 

Also, pay heed to SG's comment, which mirrors my opinion about the 'fist in the chest' effect. We all send out signals, social signals, which others pick up on. Dress, posture, grooming, expression. It's constant and it does matter. I'll tell you something which worked for me. Do a photo shoot of yourself and also look in the mirror. Find things you *like* about your appearance. I used to think all women saw was my premature baldness, but then I began to hear about other aspects of my appearance which they liked and this caused me to change *my* focus from the negative to the positive. Pamper yourself. You're worth it.

[bac]

do u have any beautiful/sexy parts of your body? try to focus on them.

if you have good hair, show it.

try to improve whatever you can do.

there are many things that can be changed such as body tone, weight, hair style, sexy clothes, sexy shoes, a sincere smile, white teeth, good make-up, do flirting, be smart.

if older men like you, you might want to try them.

IMO, Actually, being young means to be beautiful and valuable to older men.

IMO, as a generalization, any younger woman is more beautiful compare to any older woman, especially for older men.

[Yamaha]

Since you believe your ugly then there really isn't anything anyone can say to you to convince you otherwise.

 

It is your perception of yourself that is holding you back, not other peoples.

[Feelin Frisky]

I have serious issues regarding my facial appearance. I think I'm bizarre looking-I have a huge forehead, a huge nose and tiny lips, as well as a general broad face. I think I look like an alien, and most of the time, I wish I could go through life with a mask on. This is how paranoid I am: if I'm walking outside somewhere and cars are passing by, I'll look down because I don't want drivers to see my face. It's ridiculous, because drivers are paying attention to the road, and not some random person on the sidewalk, but I think to myself that they see me, and are thinking, "wow, that's a weird looking person."

 

I have had friends tell me there's nothing wrong with my appearance, but I think they are just being nice or are incredibly biased. I want to be realistic, and don't want to buy into thinking I'm attractive when I'm not. I don't want to delude myself, so once and for all, I'd like objective opinions, so I can put my paranoia to rest. If I'm ugly, then I want to accept it, if not, I know I have to work towards fixing my warped self-perception, if that's what it is.

 

So, please be honest about my looks, I can handle it.

 

I don't think you look like an alien or some grotesquery. For some reason however, you have become ego-centric and that ego either has been wounded in the extreme either by someone else, yourself or a combination of both. I'd have to know you personally a lot more to give advice, but from the distance at which I sit, you need to at least start repairing your ego. That doesn't mean that you have to look better, it means that you need to distinguish yourself at something and if people don't fall all over themselves to praise you, you need to be sure that you've been execeptional and give yourself the credit you should know in your heart that you've earned.

 

It's hard to know how and when to pat yourself on the back for an effort you're proud of. But steadily focusing on your looks and criticizing yourself for not being perfect is not healthful. No one is perfect. I myself know what it's like to be overlooked, even treated with snobbery because I've had a recurrent weight problem and people who take obesity for stupidity are ugly despite their looks. When I've really put myself to the grind stone and lost all the weight, perhaps pumped up a bit and tried to stay tanned all the time, I could see the changes in others--now it's "Jim, sit by us" while another group or party shows me the same type of attaction--"no, Jim, come over by us". It feels good but those people (accept women whose acquaintance I have yet to make) are shallow and in a word, ugly. They never really care to know me either way. They show no interest or show snobbery when I've blown up in weight and just want to be seen with me when I look like the hunk I worked hard on becoming.

 

Remember, your not the one that has to see you, keep your mind on success and spread your fixation with ego to how other people treat you. They are the ones I think about when my ego is not being stroked in positive ways. I am who I am and only one or two people have a clue who that really is.

[woodnorwegian]

Since you believe your ugly then there really isn't anything anyone can say to you to convince you otherwise.

 

It is your perception of yourself that is holding you back, not other peoples.

 

Yes, I had this problem when in therapy. My therapist was getting really frustrated with me about my self esteem, because nothing she said was getting through to me.

 

I think a huge part of it is I'm too worried about what other people think, I'm too self conscious. I guess, the only thing I can do is not be inside of my head all the time.

[bac]

 

In my avatar, I do look a bit better because I'm wearing lipstick, but even then, I can't help staring at the photo, because it looks so weird. I have obsessive tendencies in my personality, which explains a lot, but I honestly think I'm being objective when I say I'm ugly.

 

if your avatar is your real pic, IMO you are a beauty.

To me, your face looks spiritual and feminine like a face from an old and very expensive European painting. But, it is just my opinion. I personally do not like faces which look pretty much the same.

[witabix]

...........

 

In my avatar, I do look a bit better because I'm wearing lipstick, but even then, I can't help staring at the photo, because it looks so weird. I have obsessive tendencies in my personality, which explains a lot, but I honestly think I'm being objective when I say I'm ugly.

 

Wierd? What the hell are you talking about?

 

You are not ugly.

 

That's a nice face.

 

Oh Lord, I have heard this stuff from soooo many women.

 

I can never figure it out. The funny thing is 'ugly' is not an objective thing, its totally subjective. I think you look really pretty, you think you look like an alien. Maybe that means I find aliens attractive?

 

Who knows.

[woodnorwegian]

if your avatar is your real pic, IMO you are a beauty.

To me, your face looks spiritual and feminine like a face from an old and very expensive European painting. But, it is just my opinion. I personally do not like faces which look pretty much the same.

 

 

Wow, thanks, that makes me feel better. That is me in the avatar photo. It shouldn't matter what people think, and I should stop worrying about how others see me, but it does matter to me. I wish I weren't a girl, and then I wouldn't have to worry about my appearance.

[Yamaha]

People want acceptance from others but when that acceptance is driven to the point of obsession that is unhealthy.

 

You just need to learn to be happy and then you will stop needing acceptance from everyone.

[redmelon]

maybe if you went somewhere and had a professional makeover, that might help you feel better about yourself. Get a consultation on a new hairstyle, get makeup tips and things like that. Pamper yourself a bit and connect with your sexuality. A big part of how you appear to others is directly related to how you feel about yourself...