tell me your thoughts- not sure if right section?

[Vodka]

I will try to keep this short.

 

I have a guy (I am a girl) that I would consider my best friend. Keep in mind he is a brutally honest guy and i doubt he would sugarcoat anything for my benefit. I have known him for about 5 years. Things happened once between us right before he was moving to the other side of the country but we continue to talk via MSN every day. He asked me the other day to tell him what feelings I had when it came to him and what did I want from him.

 

To me, if we do not end up together, he will be the one person I will always want, and always think about. He had an accident which has caused him to be off work for about 2 years now, with small hope he will ever be able to go back. He is always frustrated and in pain and is sometimes not the nicest to me verbally, but I just keep hanging in there because we are friends. I feel some sort of adoration to this guy. He is such a great person and it makes me so frustrated he has to go through all of this when he has such potential to do good things.

 

Fast forward a day or 2 later and I talked to him regarding him asking me what my feelings are towards him. I had hummed and hawed over even telling him, because I usually do not talk about my feelings.

 

I started it off by saying that I think he only continues to talk to me because he likes having the idea of some stupid girl liking him. He told me that that is not true at all, and that he wouldnt care if 300 girls liked him.

 

He said he asked because he was curious more or less.

 

He said distance would be the main problem, and that my self esteem could be too.

 

But that if there wasn't 4000 miles between us, it could work.

 

It felt good though, to say what I thought.

 

He then asked if I was asking if we would be in a relationship. He thinks the whole end in my head is to have a relationship, but it isnt. Not to start off with anyways.

 

I told him what I would be looking for is someone to hang out with, have sex with, and not see other people, without all the labels of bf/gf. I'm not big on having someone around all the time and having to see them every day. I like my alone time. He knew I wanted this 5 years ago, we were just both seeing other people and we didnt finally hook up until right before he was moving across the country. After it had finished, he said this is a funny situation we're in right? but i didnt know what he meant by that.

 

Previous to this, in February, he asked me if I thought I loved him.

 

I guess my question to you all here is why would you ask someone that? We never really discussed any feelings before this, and I cant even remember how it came up, but why would you ask someone that regardless? Why would you ask someone what they want from you? Is being CURIOUS really grounds to force a friend to tell them what they want from you? Would you guys every ask this of a friend? Especially if you thought it would never go anywhere?

[TaraMaiden]

He has strong feelings for you.

He's known you a long time, you probably know him better than anyone else... so basically, he's telling you that with everything you guys have between you, he wants to take it up a notch.

He's asking you to be his exclusive squeeze.

 

Perhaps he believes that in his current condition, finding, wooing and getting serious with someone else would be too much like hard work.

So frankly, he's figuring that it's best to stick with whom you know.....

 

That's the way I'm reading this.

[Vodka]

So, obviously with him living across the country, it wont work. If his job doesn't let him go, there would be a small chance of him being transferred back, but not guaranteed. Knowing the distance between us, would you still read the same from it as you did before?

 

Thanks for answering by the way!

[Vodka]

bump? Really look for opinions, especially from guys!

[TaraMaiden]

So, obviously with him living across the country, it wont work.

I didn't say this.

Plenty of LDR's last the distance, geographically and metaphorically speaking....That wasn't a factor I put forward.

 

If his job doesn't let him go, there would be a small chance of him being transferred back, but not guaranteed. Knowing the distance between us, would you still read the same from it as you did before?

Distance has nothing to do with it.

How you feel about him, and what his true intentions are towards you, are the crux of the matter, here.

 

Thanks for answering by the way!

Well if it helped.....

[WTRanger]

I'm a bit curious of your decision on this. That's a bit selfish isn't it? To want the entire relationship without it being labeled a relationship.

 

Are you thinking that you are compromising by being with him? Or do you want to keep your options open because you feel like you could do better then him?

 

I have to agree with Paradox, and say that's a bit selfish of you. If you want exclusivity, then I think you've got to attach a label to it.

 

Perhaps he asks because he's tired of the guessing game. Maybe he wants something a bit more stable, and if you aren't ready for it then he'll go seek it out somewhere else.

 

I understand the distance issue, but you have known each other for a while and that should make up for the distance. If you two really want to be together, you could be 40,000 miles away and you'd find a way to make it work.

[Vodka]

Ok well, I would want a relationship, but that would come with time I think. He likely knows I would want more.

 

But why do you think he even asked me that? Do you just think curiosity is the reason?

[You Go Girl]

Ok well, I would want a relationship, but that would come with time I think. He likely knows I would want more.

 

But why do you think he even asked me that? Do you just think curiosity is the reason?

 

This is how I would answer:

"Curiousity killed the cat." then laugh.

Then say, "but if you are seriously asking if I have feelings for you, then I might answer the question differently."