on-line breakup

[sskitties-]

I have been in a 7 yr. relationship with a younger man. He's 32, I'm 47. We really were very much in love. We bought a home togethor and made plans for a wonderful future togethor.

 

This past winter he took time off (well deserved) and spent most of it behind the computer. Long story short, one day he informed me that he was'nt happy and wannted to break up. A real shocker for me as I thought things were wonderful between us. He stayed upstairs and me downstairs and barely communicated at all. A few weeks later he informed me that he was flying cross country from here ,Pa. to Wash. State to meet a girl he had been talking to online. Again, long story short, she has moved here and he floats between here and there. It is so very hard for me altho I realize that he is so much younger than me and needs to experience things as I did. It ends up that this girl is mentally ill and her parents sent her a registered letter telling her not to come back home. Sooo, he comes home when she has a phsychotic episode and says he wants me to forgive him and then goes back to her a few days later. I am still in love with this man even after all the hurt he has put me thru. I am not leaving my home so I quess I am kind of a prisoner right now. I am so confused. I feel like I have absolutely no dignity left. Any suggestions??? I am truly at my lowest point ever.

[Taressa]

You've invested a lot in this relationship so I'm not ready to say give up.

 

You need to set some boundaries with your man. Calmly explain to him how his actions are hurting you. Reassure him of your love for him but let him know that you are going to place some distance between the two of you while he works through his feelings for you. Let him know it's not okay to cheat on you. Let him know it's not okay to return unrepentant to you. Then take a step back so that you're not the one to reap the pain of the selfishness he is sowing.

 

In the meantime take a closer look at the relationship itself. Something is lacking that he thought he found in this internet relationship. Is this a relationship worth saving? Ask the hard questions of yourself and him. One of the first is why there is not a deeper sign of commitment after seven years.

 

Some safe distance (mentally if not available physically), some renewed respect and respectability, and some time will prove this relationship seaworthy or failed.

 

Real estate is not a good reason to stay in a hopeless relationship. If you find no basis for hope, keep the communication open so you can make a peaceful settlement.

 

Stay smart and live love with your eyes open.

[sskitties-]

Taressa, Thanks so much for your input. You are so right about setting boundaries. As well as the question of committment after 7 yrs. Alot to think about. Thanks.

You've invested a lot in this relationship so I'm not ready to say give up. You need to set some boundaries with your man. Calmly explain to him how his actions are hurting you. Reassure him of your love for him but let him know that you are going to place some distance between the two of you while he works through his feelings for you. Let him know it's not okay to cheat on you. Let him know it's not okay to return unrepentant to you. Then take a step back so that you're not the one to reap the pain of the selfishness he is sowing. In the meantime take a closer look at the relationship itself. Something is lacking that he thought he found in this internet relationship. Is this a relationship worth saving? Ask the hard questions of yourself and him. One of the first is why there is not a deeper sign of commitment after seven years. Some safe distance (mentally if not available physically), some renewed respect and respectability, and some time will prove this relationship seaworthy or failed. Real estate is not a good reason to stay in a hopeless relationship. If you find no basis for hope, keep the communication open so you can make a peaceful settlement. Stay smart and live love with your eyes open.