trulyme Posted January 25, 2004 Share Posted January 25, 2004 Broke up with my ex about 2 months ago. I still had contact with her for about a month after we split trying to get her back and doing the little things to try to get her back. Well, I gave up on that and since the first week in Jan I have not tried to contact her in anyway. Today, she talked to me via instant messaging. We always see each other online but today she finally said hello. Telling me that she hates her job and that she is going to start to casually model. I chatted up with her for a few minutes and told her how busy my life is (cause it truly is) then told her I have to go. I was out last night and actually got approached by a couple women. Kinda made my night. I find it rather easy to meet other women but still realize that I was the one that broke up with my ex and would like to see what is still there. I do understand that by her IMing me it really means nothing. At the same time, she did open the line for communication. Simply because I would have never IMed her or called her because I was sticking to the no contact rule finally. Part of me still plans to do that. Is this the best route to go still?? I messed up in the relationship, so I feel like I have something to prove. I know this is not right. Anyways, continue with no contact still? Thanks, truly Link to post Share on other sites
bee-in-kewl Posted January 26, 2004 Share Posted January 26, 2004 2 questions to ask yourself. - Do you still care about her? - Are there new ladies in the mix now (sounds like there may be)? - If you still care go for it... but don't push, just be casually available. She may be checking to see if she's still got some leash on ya!! Be her friend, but tell her your purpose... yeah it sounds cheese, but it works. JUST KNOW YOUR BOUNDRIES. She may want boyfriend perks, but limit it to friend status. - The other side is that "There's other fish in the sea." Is she gonna hold your screw-ups against you forever... Don't just say your sorry, she's heard it a million times. Find out if she's forgiven you? That's what you really wanna know. If she hasn't and never will... start diggin in your jeans for the number of that lady you met the other night. Link to post Share on other sites
dlb311 Posted January 26, 2004 Share Posted January 26, 2004 Why did you break up with her? Then you can determine if its worth giving it another try. Sometimes relationships just aren't meant to be forever. And sometimes they are and people break up to realize they want the one person in their life forever. So why did you break up with her? How old are you and also how long were you two together for. Its been a month about since contact. She missed you. She may want a friend or she may want you back. Time will only tell. Just take it slow. Maybe call her in a few days and see whats she is doing if she wants to get together for lunch or dinner or even coffee. And see how it goes, you can tell when someone is interested in you. Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author trulyme Posted January 27, 2004 Author Share Posted January 27, 2004 I am 23 and she is 24. We dated for about 7 months. I broke up with her becasuse it was tough to convience myself that I had just met the one. I liked 90% of what she brought to the table. The other 10% after looking back seems very insignificant. I thought, im 23 how can the chase for Mrs. Right already be over? I felt like there was more to it. We were totally compatible it was just the wrong time in my life to give her my all like she deserved. Still its only been 2 months now. So I broke up with her. Tried to get her back of course. But she was having none of it. She said I hurt her. Which I totally understand and have no comtrol over her feelings now. So I just kinda laid low. Been on a couple dates with other girls........but its still kinda fresh on my mind. I think im gonna just wait for a little longer then ask her out to lunch or something. Who knows, the sight of her will either make me want her more or less. Link to post Share on other sites
bee-in-kewl Posted January 28, 2004 Share Posted January 28, 2004 There was that ONE relationship...exact same thing, and at the exact same age...I wonder if it's a phase during that age. To be honest, after about 3 years of knowing you screwed up and wishing you'd get that second chance that never comes... I finally chalked it up under "Life Lesson #..." It doesn't always have a happy ending. I think realizing that has taken me a little closer to being able to have more mature and realistic relationships that I would never have been able to have before. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
julieg Posted January 28, 2004 Share Posted January 28, 2004 looking back on the guy that i thought was the one and might have been had i not broke it off. i too thought i can't just settle with this guy after all i havent been shopping very long and i'm only 20 yrs old. now after many many years have gone by i say i wish i had had this site to consult. maybe things would have ended up differently. it is one of life's lessons as someone said and a catch-22. if i had settled with him i would have always wondered if the grass is greener. i have friends who are now divorcing their first loves- they think the grass is greener for me who married after my 30th b-day. i dont know the answer it is one of life's mysteries. Link to post Share on other sites
Author trulyme Posted January 28, 2004 Author Share Posted January 28, 2004 Its like you find a girl with all the qualities you are looking for.....but then you still wonder if it gets even better then her. Its a horrible disease in my eyes. That is why I am trying to work on it. I have went out on a couple dates, and these women have not even touched the surface of where my ex did. So I know that she means a lot to me. I am going to just take it slow and see if we still have something or if we have grown apart. This kinda goes back to a gentlemans post on here about quantity over quality. Seriously, that is almost what it comes down to also. Finding a great girl, then telling yourself you did it once, you can do it again. Maybe it is too much hormones, lol.....I dont know. Grass is greener people, chime in here and help out. How do I tell myself that there are weeds on the other side of the fence and not perfect green grass?? Andrew Link to post Share on other sites
dlb311 Posted January 28, 2004 Share Posted January 28, 2004 Life is never greener on the other side. That is why we think something must be better or is this really what I want. Its just that temptation of life to want more then what you have. But then you regret it in the end. My ex broke up with me because he said he started to be unsure of us, He was always the more sure one out of the relationship and he left. I was so hurt but then 5 months later he came back and now we are still working on it. But its hard for me because I know I love him and he and I can and will or should have a wonderful life together its just hard to think about the girls he dated while he was trying to figure it out. Even if I was the one he realized he wanted. I am still waiting for my ring. Then I will feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
calithin83 Posted January 29, 2004 Share Posted January 29, 2004 GOSH men confuse me, they have something nice and they throw it away cos they think there might be something better, just cos theyre curious how it is to be with another girl and theyre just not ready to settle down and just be committed to one girl cos of there age orlack of experience. I think that 7 months with this girlw as short, u shoudlve stuck to the relationship and u guys could have had more loving and fun times together, but instead u are afraid and that fear is stopping u from having an awesome relationship...but i understand ..MEN dont want commitment at a young age cos they fear theyre missing out on something yet when theyre let loose they realize that theres not much theyre missing out on and thats when they want that special girl to share special moments with but byt that time its too late cos that special girl has a new special boy......... i dunno..i think that humans are just never satisfied with what they have adn they always want MORE, or something different....CHill out! Link to post Share on other sites
Kanuk Posted January 29, 2004 Share Posted January 29, 2004 Lord knows thats true. Women do it too. I just got dumped months ago for what i'm guessing is a similar reason. I was never told however, so i can only assume. And i have a friend who was dating anothe freind of mine for 3 and a half years. She just went on a 'break' with him cause she didn't know what else was out there (she's never dated before him, not even a date, let alone relationship). Why do people do it? I have no idea. I've only dumped one person in my life and that was only because we just didn't work together, and lord knows i tried to make it work. Other than that, I've always been the dumpee. Why do people do this 'grass is greener crud'? I just can't understand it. Link to post Share on other sites
texastapper Posted February 12, 2004 Share Posted February 12, 2004 I think people are too busy looking around for that make believe dream person, and no matter who they are with it is never good enough. I am guilty of this and I lost the best thing that ever happened to me because of it. When you are in a relationship that is great and everything is perfect sometimes you get to comfortable and without you even realizing it you are comparing apples to oranges. Its the dumbest thing I have ever heard but now that I look back on things, that was what I was doing. I had this vision in teh back of my head that there was this spectacular looking person out there, that fit the perfect mold and well I was thinking that I was overlooking the best person in the world, which was right in front of my face. My advice to anyone putting themselves in a situation like this and they feel like they are going to walk out of a relationship and be happy and see all that grass on the other side, take 10 minutes and slow your mind down and think things through. Is it really worth all that you have put into this relationship to pull away from someone that truly cares and loves you, just so you can increase your statistics with somebody that carries no true meaning to you. Other than those rediculous dreams you have about them! People are just in too much of a hurry these days, and that even goes along with relationships, there in a hurry to get together and a hurry to break up....STOP AND SMELL THE ROSES PEOPLE...LIFE IS PASSING US ALL BY Link to post Share on other sites
dario Posted February 12, 2004 Share Posted February 12, 2004 Hope I'm not cutting in....my ex told me some stuff at the beginning of our relationship that put me at ease....'accepting people for their faults/flaws and learning to live together as we are'. In the end, cause I now think she's with someone else, she didn't want my faults (which were just some quiet moments/shyness...) and accepted all of hers cause I did *gulp* love her. Link to post Share on other sites
dario Posted February 12, 2004 Share Posted February 12, 2004 P.S. I think I'm the actual Trampoline Man...in that all me ex's have come out of bad r/s or times in their life and then they meet me...get back on their feet and move on! What gives? Link to post Share on other sites
texastapper Posted February 12, 2004 Share Posted February 12, 2004 sounds bad my friend, then if you know this is the case and you meet a girl and she tells you she just got out of a relationship, then gentle turn around and go the other way. If your luck wont change on its own then you have to make it change! People dont realize that 99% of the things they do are mental, if you think something bad is going to happen then it is, if you think positive about something then something positive will happen. ITs all in your attitude. In other words quit looing down upon your last relationships, instead us it as a stepping stool and move forward, you are as strong as you let yourself be!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
dario Posted February 12, 2004 Share Posted February 12, 2004 Yep, I sometimes can see the inevitable and I just continue knowing that it will come...and I think, 'Hey, when it comes I'll deal with it...' and when it does come - THUMP! Bad thinking on my part, I know. Link to post Share on other sites
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