Someone with No dating experience.

[BlankSlate]

Ok, well thats not exactly right, I've been on One official date about 6 months ago, and a kinda unsure if it was a date or not date about 5 months ago.

 

I'm 22, I've had one girlfriend, if you could call her that, who royally messed with my head. (trying to kill her self, cheating on me, etc), I was 16.

 

I've always had few friends, and no female friends other than friends girlfriends or friends sisters.

 

I've been working my ass off for about a year getting myself comfortable with people. And I have kinda, but not as much with girls.

 

I pretty much raised myself, didn't talk to my family, rarely saw most of my family and when I did it was always negativity. I was rarely if ever hugged growing up, never comforted. I've literally gone a year without touching anyone, even by accident. My last 3 years of high school was self taught home school.

 

I'm wonderful with people. I know lots of things, I've done things, been places that most people my age haven't.

 

I'm even wonderful with getting girls interested in me, and/or wanting to sleep with me (though I never take them up on it)

 

I'm just absolutely horrible at letting people get close to me. And physical touch, even tho it's no where near as bad as it used to be, is alien to me and always startles me, makes me uncomfortable even though I want it.

 

I've had serious thoughts trying to determine if I'm gay, but I have absolutely no physical attraction to guys. Girls turn me on.

 

Right now I have a temp job, and me and my boss have hit it off really well. Largely because I've been so relived and focused on work that I let my guard down.

 

It's a temp job, and I want to wait till it's over, but another guy is encroaching on her. I'm really not worried about loosing my job. Largely worried about her loosing hers, or loosing respect or what not from everyone because she's 19 and the boss.

 

I have absolutely no natural instinct when it comes with women and people. I'm hugely afraid of hurting her in some way, main thing is mental/emotional hurt. I'm not a physical guy at all even though I'm naturally built like GI Joe.

 

So far the only thing that's kept it going is literally forcing myself to stop thinking and just go with things.

 

Honestly I have everything going for me, but I have absolutely no idea how to deal with people on a personal level.

 

I want a girlfriend, I want to let someone in for once in my life. I'm tired of Always being the guy without one, and really just tired of being alone. I'm lonely as hell.

 

Not really sure what I'm looking for as a reply. Maybe some pointers or encouragement. Really just honest opinions. Constructive criticism is welcome.

 

Thanks