bunnycare Posted January 26, 2004 Share Posted January 26, 2004 I have been in this relatioship with a guy who has been divorced for about 1.5 yrs , but still going through legal hassles with his ex. We have been together for about 8mths. He calls daily, helps me in many ways, wants me to do stuff with him all the time. talks to me on the phone every night sometimes 3-4 times a day. He is always there to help me and show real concern toward me. Some would say he acts like he cares for me very much if not loves me. The problem: He does not want to have sex. Maybe once a month if that. He has problems with keeping an erection. He told me he doesn't want to because he doesn't want to start a relationship with me when he still has so much emotional stuff going on with the ex because of the kids. He says he doesn't want me to be in the middle. I can't understand why he calls me constantly, makes plans with me, does very nice things for me......when he doesn't want a relationship??? As far as I am concerned we have a great relatiohsip except for no sex. I've thought he just wants to be my friend maybe or needs a friend but he kisses me hello and goodbye always. I love him and do not want to just be his friend. I have no problem waiting for him to trust more to have sex, but i dont' want to wait in vain. He had serious problems in the trust area with his ex. She was doing things he never knew about. Taking money etc.... He does look at me like he loves me sometimes. He doesn't want me to be with anyone else, but he did say he wouldn't blame me considering his situation now. I feel like he is still married, but i did see the divorce papers, and he has been to court many times since with other issues. He has also asked me to marry him a few times,but then stopped talking about it. He then acted like he never asked. I am wondering if he is gay. Help. Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted January 26, 2004 Share Posted January 26, 2004 In what kind of shape is he in? When you are fit, keeping that erection is a lot easier, simply because sex is not strenous an a lot more enjoyable, for both partners. In what kind of shape are YOU in....? You should try and take charge of your sex life - give him little glances with a finger beween your lips, for example, and then OBVIOUSLY, DELIBERATELY stare at his crotch like it's something you really really want. While you cuddle up in bed, always keep your hand on his johnson, all the time. While he's doing the laundry, tiptoe behind him and gently grab him from behind. When he's watching TV, rush up, rub it, and then rush off. Tease him relentlessly... I know this sounds silly, but the goal is to reinforce the connection in his mind between his penis and sex. Trust me, an assault like this upon his resolve will make him a raging bull in bed. You might have to deal with very quick orgasms and ejaculation, but in time this will pass as he grows comfortable with your body and the sexual relationship between your body and his. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted January 26, 2004 Share Posted January 26, 2004 If the emotional and financial strain of a divorce is still present....that could be one REAL factor in that stress is keeping a lid on his libido. Another factor could be physical...there are some drugs available for that. Beyond that.....it could be a whole myriad of things which have nothing to do with being gay. Link to post Share on other sites
Sasha_P Posted January 27, 2004 Share Posted January 27, 2004 Although physical intimacy is important in relationship, without emotional intimacy there often is no real relationship. You identified that your boyfriend has trust issues with his ex-wife. That certainly has to carry over into any post-divorce relationship. Additionally, you said that he has only been divorced 1.5 years, and he hooked up with you after only being divorced 7 months. Most experts say it takes a good 3 to 5 years to really get over a divorce - it sounds like he hasn't taken adequate time to really grieve the end of the relationship. Maybe part of his lack of interest might be his unconscious way of telling you that he doesn't want you to think he's too connected to you (and that doesn't mean he doesn't care about you - it might just mean that he's afraid to get too connected to anyone right now). My two euros worth: try to give the man some space, enjoy his hugs and kisses and attention, but don't pressure him into having sex. foster an environment where he doesn't feel unmasculine just because he doesn't put out and eventually you'll experience the kind of intimacy with him that you never knew possible. if you are so horny that you can't see straight, then I suggest a good vibrator or a different boyfriend... ;-) Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts