Meet the Neighbours

[NoChance]

I suffer from social anxiety and the past few years have taken a turn for the worse, and need help as its gotten to the point I hide out in my house all day only leaving when I really have to. I realize this post is long, but I would really appreciate any help from LS. I have tried to edit it to make it as easy of a read as possible.

 

I live in a city where I do not know anyone, and am taking only one summer university course, so I have a lot of free time that has left me bored out of my mind. The only reason I have not gone completely insane is because of a sweet Rottie rescue who is great company.

 

I recently moved into a townhouse complex that is very open in that there is a big general shared backyard space area, parking area, and pathway leading to entrances. With all the big windows, even if you are not trying, its pretty easy to know what my neighbors are up to. Everyone knows one another and is friendly, and a lot of the residents are students at my university.

 

When I moved in this winter, the townhouse on one side of me was empty and on the other was a young guy about my age who goes to my university and was very friendly. He came over and introduced himself the first day and on a couple of times the first few weeks invited me over for a beer. Both times I turned him down (one time was on meds and other time had a final next day), and from there we were pretty much just small talk when we ran into each other for the rest of the summer. From small talk and seeing what he`s upto daily, I can tell he`s a good student, but also has a really good social life, a lot of friends, a great girl, pretty much the life I dream of.

 

Well now spring came, and this university town is dead. Well I thought it was, but my neighbor has friends over, BBQ daily. Every sunny day they are out in the open space tossing around a Frisbee with a few beers. On top of that, in the empty townhouse on the other side, 3 college girls all a bit younger moved in (all cute). I missed the chance to introduce myself when they were moving in, and the few times I`ve run into them on the pathways, I`ve barely been able to force a weird smile, so now it is kind of awkward between me and the college girls.

 

One weekend its beautiful weather, popular neighbor guy is having a bbq on one side of my and sees cute girls on other side having a drink on their balcony and he invites them to join. Both popular guy and cute girls invite friends over and have a 2 day bbq party that seemed amazing while I sheepishly hide inside, bored and jealous out of my mind.

 

I was trying to convince myself to go out and introduce myself, at least take the one neighbor up on his beer offers, but I wussed out. Out of 20 plus people, I would only know one really, and I shyed away. I really regret not getting to know neighbor guy better now, as he has probably written me off as anti social, and the girls on the other side as weird quiet guy, and I doubt I`ll ever get an invite now.

 

So on both sides of me, I`m hearing people have a great summer. They are all my age, my university and into the same things. I want in, but I`ve always been anti social and dont even know how to approach it now that I missed the chance for the initial hellos. How do I go over and introduce myself now. They saw me on my balcony and out and about but no one invited me so I dont see any more of those coming after I passed on the first two.

 

I realize to some of you, this will be almost laughable, but I`m tired of living my life like this and want to make a change. How do I approach them now. I keep telling myself they are neighbours it should be easy being friends with so much in common, but then a voice tells me they`ve writen me off as a werid guy and its too late now.

 

Tips, suggestions, advice. How do I go introduce myself now, and how do I get out of this anti social rut I am stuck in.

[JaneDoe35]

Your male neighbour is your best option in my opinion. Next time you know he is having people over - grab a six pack of beer and head on over. 'Hey there, can I join you'? is all you will have to say. He sounds like a nice guy and should be fine with another person willing to have some fun showing up. Try it & good luck.

[magda]

It might be easier for you if you catch neighbor guy alone one day and invite HIM over for a beer, ask him how his semester was, neighbor gossip, whatever. After all you declined twice, I only ask people two times also before I assume they aren't interested, unless they reach out to me. Just catch him going by or across the way and say, "Hey man, nice day! wanna beer?" You can just be sitting outside with a cooler or whatever and get him to come by for awhile. If it goes well he's sure to reciprocate, tell you about his next party and say that you should swing by.

 

You might feel better about it if you have some sort of excuse for having been a hermit lately. I might say something has been going on that I've been working on or dealing with just so they hopefully won't think too hard on it. You can say, man I just finished this massive project, or whatever, can't wait for summer.

 

If you go in like a champion committed to just being easy-going, people won't take you as awkward since you're not being it. Just remember, sometimes I get awkward, and the worst thing you can do is get too hung up on yourself while you're around them. Ask them questions, and take a genuine interest even though you're worried about how they're taking you. Try to get all their names and find out what they're about. they'll be distracted by their favorite topic and think you're a great guy.

 

I hope you have a great summer.

Edited May 21, 2010 by magda

[Ross PK]

I totally feel for you, it must be really hard living somewhere like that.

 

In fact the place where you live sounds pretty strange to me, as most places I've lived in or been to, the neighbours may sometimes say hi to each other but apart from that they pretty much mind each others business.