pureinheart Posted May 23, 2010 Share Posted May 23, 2010 I think this is pretty rich complaining about "bullies" while launching barbs of your own. Just sayin'. I think I know what your trying to insinuate, although I need clarity...what does "launching barbs" mean? FTR it's not complaining, it's fact...re-read some of the opening replies on almost recent threads in this forum. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennie-jennie Posted May 23, 2010 Author Share Posted May 23, 2010 Just out of curiousity do threads exist in the Infidelity forum...asking the OW/OM/WS to chill because they are rude, crude and socially unacceptable? Pure, I have never seen a thread like that on the Infidelity forum, asking the OW/OM/WS to chill because of bad manner. Very interesting, since it seems to be a common theme here on the OM/OW forum. Perhaps my original observation holds true that OW/OM rarely post on newcomers' threads in the Infidelity forum? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 23, 2010 Share Posted May 23, 2010 I can name afew. Mattym's thread comes to mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Fieldsofgold Posted May 23, 2010 Share Posted May 23, 2010 Huh? He was already in a relationship at that time with the woman he later married. But we can always rewrite history, can't we? Is this the compassionate support that should be shown, and self-restraint that should be used in not hurling barbs? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennie-jennie Posted May 23, 2010 Author Share Posted May 23, 2010 Is this the compassionate support that should be shown, and self-restraint that should be used in not hurling barbs? No, but then again Anne is not a newcomer. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted May 23, 2010 Share Posted May 23, 2010 No, but then again Anne is not a newcomer. Are you suggesting that it is not OK to attack a new poster but it is OK to attack someone who has been on LS a while? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennie-jennie Posted May 23, 2010 Author Share Posted May 23, 2010 Are you suggesting that it is not OK to attack a new poster but it is OK to attack someone who has been on LS a while? I am suggesting that the discussions sometimes get heated between older members, and having been here for a while we most likely both have pretty thick thin so we can handle it. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted May 23, 2010 Share Posted May 23, 2010 I am suggesting that the discussions sometimes get heated between older members, and having been here for a while we most likely both have pretty thick thin so we can handle it. But when are personal attacks called for? I don't think there is a place for them on LS. Do you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennie-jennie Posted May 23, 2010 Author Share Posted May 23, 2010 I can name afew. Mattym's thread comes to mind. I am confused now. I found 3 threads started by Mattym, two of which were in the Infidelity forum: "My Wife found out about me" from 2007 and "Ended the Affair today (an update from Matt)" from 2008. Are you suggesting that any of these threads are threads "asking the OW/OM/WS to chill because they are rude, crude and socially unacceptable"? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennie-jennie Posted May 23, 2010 Author Share Posted May 23, 2010 But when are personal attacks called for? I don't think there is a place for them on LS. Do you? No, I don't. Anne, it has already been pointed out that our interaction is taking away from the focus of this thread, so I will bow out now. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted May 23, 2010 Share Posted May 23, 2010 (edited) No, I don't. Anne, it has already been pointed out that our interaction is taking away from the focus of this thread, so I will bow out now. I still stand by my view. We all have an opinion and nobody should feel that they should not post in specific forums. I detest censorship. Edited May 23, 2010 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted May 23, 2010 Share Posted May 23, 2010 This is also why afew MM stopped posting too. I'm not making waves, I'm just pointing out that what some OW get upset about BS's, some OW did the exact same thing to MM's who posted threads. Anyway, As I always say, harsh and respectful advice is much different than rude and cruel advice. LS is a public site and anyone can join and put in their 2 cents. Some are BS's, some are OW/OM, some are neither. Advice is advice, like it or leave it, but most (we all know there are trolls that come and go, so excusing them) people who take the time to reply, are trying to help. Even if some don't agree with what's been said. I would even say read a few responses from the OPoster to see where their at as the OP may tell the entire story (which you do). I have never seen you cruel, and your advice has helped me FTR. I was one of the ones that might have chased away MM, my anger was ever present in my replies. I can't take it back, it's there in print until/if LS were to close down. Link to post Share on other sites
LostMe Posted May 23, 2010 Share Posted May 23, 2010 I (former WS) was reading reading reading on LS long before I signed up and made my first post, I think that is the beauty of this forum- so many similar stories, you can usually find what you're looking for without asking... Anyway, i think a lot of people do the same and you come to get to *know* certain posters and their POV and certainly I ended up posting wanting certain people's opinions on my sitch. So I knew what to expect and would not have wanted anyone to regulate themselves in order to make me feel welcome. Nobody here owes me anything after all. I do agree that people's stories can antagonise others to the point that they respond with emotion and not for the benefit of the OP. Fallen Angel advises people to take what is useful and constructive and ignore the rest and I found this to be very good advice Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted May 23, 2010 Share Posted May 23, 2010 I (former WS) was reading reading reading on LS long before I signed up and made my first post, I think that is the beauty of this forum- so many similar stories, you can usually find what you're looking for without asking... Anyway, i think a lot of people do the same and you come to get to *know* certain posters and their POV and certainly I ended up posting wanting certain people's opinions on my sitch. So I knew what to expect and would not have wanted anyone to regulate themselves in order to make me feel welcome. Nobody here owes me anything after all. I do agree that people's stories can antagonise others to the point that they respond with emotion and not for the benefit of the OP. Fallen Angel advises people to take what is useful and constructive and ignore the rest and I found this to be very good advice Not true. Being a "good" person inherently requires being compassionate towards others. Anyone who can not find compassion within themselves for you when you are hurting do not deserve the pedestal upon which they place themselves. You, as a fellow human being, are owed that by the nature of your humanity. P.S. I am not the first person to submit that you must "sift" through responses and take what you can use and leave the rest. And I am certain I will not be the last. It is the way you must deal with people all through your life, as there will always be those who habour ill will in their hearts for you because of their own broken souls. One thing that I have found helpful is to realize that they are speaking in anger from a place of feeling their own pain. By seeing their pain in their unkind and harsh words and judgements I am able to forgive them and move on rather than linger and dwell on it. Link to post Share on other sites
Fieldsofgold Posted May 23, 2010 Share Posted May 23, 2010 As a newcomer myself, when I see personal attacks between posters, it does make me less likely to get involved, or to read the other posts. I was reluctant to post on this thread, and thought kong and hard about what the recoil would be, before I posted. I finally decided that I had a moral obligation to myself to not be afraid to speak the truth as I see it. If I get flamed, so be it. Rudeness and personal attacks between any posters could discourage some of the members from posting. Link to post Share on other sites
bittersweet memories Posted May 23, 2010 Share Posted May 23, 2010 I think this is pretty rich complaining about "bullies" while launching barbs of your own. Just sayin'. Yup, that's what Pure is all about... Link to post Share on other sites
Fieldsofgold Posted May 23, 2010 Share Posted May 23, 2010 Not true. Being a "good" person inherently requires being compassionate towards others. Anyone who can not find compassion within themselves for you when you are hurting do not deserve the pedestal upon which they place themselves. You, as a fellow human being, are owed that by the nature of your humanity. P.S. I am not the first person to submit that you must "sift" through responses and take what you can use and leave the rest. And I am certain I will not be the last. It is the way you must deal with people all through your life, as there will always be those who habour ill will in their hearts for you because of their own broken souls. One thing that I have found helpful is to realize that they are speaking in anger from a place of feeling their own pain. By seeing their pain in their unkind and harsh words and judgements I am able to forgive them and move on rather than linger and dwell on it. FA, that's beautiful. It actually brought tears to my eyes. Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted May 23, 2010 Share Posted May 23, 2010 Yup, that's what Pure is all about... That certainly is NOT what Pure is all about. Anyone who has read Pure's posts knows that. I am shocked to see some people in this thread making comments I never thought them capable of. I am disappointed to say the least. *sigh* Link to post Share on other sites
bittersweet memories Posted May 23, 2010 Share Posted May 23, 2010 That certainly is NOT what Pure is all about. Anyone who has read Pure's posts knows that. I am shocked to see some people in this thread making comments I never thought them capable of. I am disappointed to say the least. *sigh* Then she should practice what she preaches..or don't say anything at all. She's pointing the finger but doing the same exact thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Fallen Angel Posted May 24, 2010 Share Posted May 24, 2010 Then she should practice what she preaches..or don't say anything at all. She's pointing the finger but doing the same exact thing. I agree that the "finger pointing" needs to be stopped on all sides. However, how ironic is it for you to wish her to quit finger pointing while pointing your own in her direction? Do you not see the circle that this creates? Given enough time and enough fingers, we will all be in one big circle each pointing at someone else. A friend of mine once told me that "each time you bend your hand to point a finger at someone else, three of your own fingers are pointed directly back at you." I find this rather profound and so while I am still occasionally guilty of the same, I try hard to remember that when I want to point out someone else's flaws. I am just dissappointed that some of the people who have finger pointed and lashed out at others on this thread are people who for the most part generally impart their wisdom and advice with tenderness and compassion and I expected more from them. That is all... Link to post Share on other sites
Fieldsofgold Posted May 24, 2010 Share Posted May 24, 2010 I agree that the "finger pointing" needs to be stopped on all sides. However, how ironic is it for you to wish her to quit finger pointing while pointing your own in her direction? Do you not see the circle that this creates? Given enough time and enough fingers, we will all be in one big circle each pointing at someone else. A friend of mine once told me that "each time you bend your hand to point a finger at someone else, three of your own fingers are pointed directly back at you." I find this rather profound and so while I am still occasionally guilty of the same, I try hard to remember that when I want to point out someone else's flaws. I am just dissappointed that some of the people who have finger pointed and lashed out at others on this thread are people who for the most part generally impart their wisdom and advice with tenderness and compassion and I expected more from them. That is all... One big circle of finger pointers - Profound and true. Everyone succumbs sometimes to finger pointing, I think. It's so easy to criticize people who do things we personally don't have a problem with. It's actually a form of pride - the thought being that "I'm better than you because I don't do *that*." Of course, we all have our faults, weaknesses and lapses. Some just do more damage than others. Some are easier to avoid than others. Some people work harder to exercise self-control. But we all have our faults and flaws. It is good to keep that in mind when we are tryingto help, here, because I think everyone who posts is basically interested in helping. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted May 24, 2010 Share Posted May 24, 2010 I just love it when posters try to tell other posters what to post and what opinions to form to post about If all you want is sugar coated hugging and kissing then don't ask for an opinion on a web forum, go talk to a friend of yours who can put aside the truth to be your friend... On LS you basically get the unadulterated truth of your situation... The truth is OW are fragile and I don't care. It's wrong, it will lead no where good! But this site isn't wrapped around YOUR definition of support...or mine for that matter. The TOS determines what is acceptable, and what is not. And the moderator is the one who enforces the TOS. If you feel people are violating the TOS, you report them. If you feel the TOS is wrong, you PM the moderator. Posting a thread like this just sparks arguments, not change. If you want change, ask Tony how to make it happen. Ask Tony? ha That's the problem. They can't even go to a friend. They live their life with this big secret. If you have to keep it a secret and can't even talk to a friend then guess what it must not be very good. Hmmmm and why should they be able to go to the internet to get encouragment for something they hide? I have several friends and relatives with whom I talk about my affair. Some of them have themselves been the OW earlier in life, or the BS. I get support from them. Still I find I need the support I get on LS. Here we come for the specific purpose of wanting to discuss extramarital relationships. My friends and I have other things to talk about as well. This is nothing to be proud of I have not read the whole thread.. but, for me, I rarely check in which forum the thread is started... that's why I have a hard time finding it sometimes.. (when I want to go back and read it)... I just hit the 'new posts' all the time and check the subject lines.. then the topics that are interesting me.. I check it out.. sometimes I just put my cursor on the subject line and read the first sentences.. and if I think it's not 'interesting' for me.. I go to another subject line. This is how I work the forum.. but I have to admit that I don't really have time these days.. This is the only way I usualy find these ow threads by hitting the new button Link to post Share on other sites
califnan Posted May 24, 2010 Share Posted May 24, 2010 That certainly is NOT what Pure is all about. Anyone who has read Pure's posts knows that. QUOTE] ------------------- I'll join you on this one FA. (Jennie, your thread has really taken off ) I have seen Pure's responses to always be uplifting, encouraging, comforting to posters. Link to post Share on other sites
Mimolicious Posted May 24, 2010 Share Posted May 24, 2010 Whoa this thread got lenghtly. Have you noticed that threads are posted on both boards at times? Not that anyone would care about what I have to say... everyone jumps down each other's throats here. Let's be for real... it's a cyber world. We have the choice to hit control, alt, delete and it all goes away. Only if we can do that to everything in life. Including these "horrible" marriages, destroyed families, and damaged women and men that we become by being on whatever side of the fence. A's, M's all involved people and feelings, someone ends up hurt. To come to this place and read someone else's dramz is like a wake up call to know that you are not the only person who hurts like this in the real world. I'm sure that we all have felt at one point or another that we are the only one's feeling this bad and hurt. Be blessed. Link to post Share on other sites
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