Hi everyone.

[habs53]

I am fighting to get at least 50/50, and some of her behavior through the divorce will really help in achieving that. What I miss is not just the kids, but living as one family. It just seems like anything else than that is so unnatural and unhealthy for the kids, and myself. You're probably going to say it was probably unheathy to stay in the marriage anyways. And you would be right...it just I can't get a handle on what the future will be like. I feel like I have no control at all...a very helpless feeling! It feels like I am going to lose everything I have worked for, and start from square one...it's just very overwheliming at the moment!! Sorry just trying to vent my feelings...and they are all over the place....

No my friend, everyone to there own. It is a helpless feeling like no other. Your life has changed so much its incredable. Hang in there the best you can.

[habs53]

Well its been 3 months. Have not spoke to her other than text in over 2 months.

Got a text from her yesterday requesting we change our weekend schedule with our son so she can start enjoying her life. lol As it stands now she really cant go out at all.

When i asked why she wanted to change the schedule she replyed with this ..... You have your life and all the power to you. I want a life as well.

 

I really dont know what to make of that comment. Makes me think someone has been talking to her about me. Maybe not.

[habs53]

Well a little update. Its now months later and nothing has changed except my son is with me full time.

My poor little guy has only seen his mom twice in 6 weeks. He refuses to go to her place and he resents her for destroying his family.

A government case worker has been assigned to my son to try to help him and try to connect him and his mother.

 

He actually went to see her last weekend. First time in weeks. He ended up staying over nigh and considered staying the next time. He was told by his mother she had plans and was going out with her friends. Unbelievable thing to do for mother that never sees his son.

 

Anyways this week she took off to Montreal for a week without telling anyone. I promptly phoned the case worker and told her everything. She was not impressed. I also told her that i am basically the full time parent and she collects all the child benefits. She is spending all our sons money on herself in other words. Well i filled out an application to have benefits changed to my name. The case worker said she would wright me a letter to verify i was the primary parent. They are going to back date the payments 3 months and make her repay it back and give it to me.

 

Also i am awaiting for a date for mediation. With this note there is 100 percent chance the ex will also be paying child support. He spending spree days a quickly coming to an end.

 

If this went to court my ex as of right now has 0 chance of getting custudy of my son. There relationship is so damaged that the case worker will be present for there upcoming meetings.

 

I hope my ex is very happy choosing her friends over her child. It will be a very costly experience for her real soon.

[habs53]

Ok, i verbally spoke to my ex today for the first time in probably 3 months. I phoned her to ask for a letter to have the family tax credit put in my name.(family allowance)

Well a little bit first to what is happening. My son has been living with me full time since Sept first. He has a bad relationship with his mom right now and doesnt want to go. We have a social worker assigned to us now and is trying to help the relationship between the 2. At first we were doing 50/50 but that has come to a stop.

Well he is going to his moms tomorrow night but only seems to want to stay for a night or so then wants to come home. How long this will last i dont know.

 

Well anyways, when i asked her she doesnt seem to interested in this. She said she doesnt have allot of money as well. I told her im going virtually broke paying for everything.

I now have 3 letters proving that i am the sole provider at this moment. One from the social worker, one from the family doctor and from my sons school. That is all i need to have it changed.

 

Also i have an appt made for mediation for the 2 of us. Im thinking she should be paying child support.

 

Should i do this or will this start a war between us. I dont expect this full time thing to last forever. Although the trend has been that my son will go there for a few days and then wants to come home. The social worker thinks it will take a while for the 2 to be at a point where 50/50 will be acceptable. May happen fast it may not.

 

Also some interesting stuff today. She made a point of telling me she has no boyfriend and not interested in one. I even told her i understand how she felt when she left and i was sorry for being the one that made her unhappy. She then promptly told me i was not the only reason she was unhappy. She then told me she is happy now but not about the son situation.

 

Another odd thing, i posted on facebook the other night about my son seeing a skunk. His mom called tonight and was talking to him. He said to her guess what i seen last night. Guess what, she knew. Keep in mind, she is deleted from my facebook. This is one mixed up woman.

Edited October 27, 2010 by habs53

[just_some_guy]

Ok, i verbally spoke to my ex today for the first time in probably 3 months. I phoned her to ask for a letter to have the family tax credit put in my name.(family allowance)

Well a little bit first to what is happening. My son has been living with me full time since Sept first. He has a bad relationship with his mom right now and doesnt want to go. We have a social worker assigned to us now and is trying to help the relationship between the 2. At first we were doing 50/50 but that has come to a stop.

Well he is going to his moms tomorrow night but only seems to want to stay for a night or so then wants to come home. How long this will last i dont know.

 

Well anyways, when i asked her she doesnt seem to interested in this. She said she doesnt have allot of money as well. I told her im going virtually broke paying for everything.

I now have 3 letters proving that i am the sole provider at this moment. One from the social worker, one from the family doctor and from my sons school. That is all i need to have it changed.

 

Also i have an appt made for mediation for the 2 of us. Im thinking she should be paying child support.

 

Should i do this or will this start a war between us. I dont expect this full time thing to last forever. Although the trend has been that my son will go there for a few days and then wants to come home. The social worker thinks it will take a while for the 2 to be at a point where 50/50 will be acceptable. May happen fast it may not.

 

Also some interesting stuff today. She made a point of telling me she has no boyfriend and not interested in one. I even told her i understand how she felt when she left and i was sorry for being the one that made her unhappy. She then promptly told me i was not the only reason she was unhappy. She then told me she is happy now but not about the son situation.

 

Another odd thing, i posted on facebook the other night about my son seeing a skunk. His mom called tonight and was talking to him. He said to her guess what i seen last night. Guess what, she knew. Keep in mind, she is deleted from my facebook. This is one mixed up woman.

 

 

You should definitely file for the support order. She may not be able to pay it now if she isn't working, but you should get the order on the books and the record for now.

 

Yes, she will follow you on FB, unless you block her. Or someone will keep her filled in.

[habs53]

This is a pretty old post but something interesting happened today.

My son was talking to my ex on the phone, basically telling her how he doesnt like going there and so on. Normal stuff lately.

Anyways while he was talking he stopped and all of the sudden said.....Mom,who is at your house. There was a pause and he was told she was watching a tv program.

 

After the call he told me he heard a mans voice. He did not hear the tv before or after the voice. He said his mother got mad at him for asking and told him that even if she had a man at her house it was none of his business anyways.

Nice thing for a mother to tell her child. lol

 

I tryed to make him feel better by telling him that maybe his mother is telling the truth. I also told him that its none of my business what his mother does. I have no control on what she does.

 

Funny thing is, he reminded me of what he told me a few months back. He said that we will find the truth in a few months daddy. He then said guess what dad, its a few months. I knew mom had a boyfriend, thats why she left. Then i told him that it all would make sense.

 

Keep in mind folks, this boy is only 11 and sees this himself.

 

I would say personally that there is a very strong chance this is happening. I hope cheaters realize that there is a strong chance that you are going to lose the respect of your children. Not only that, you are going to find the grass is not greener and also lose your family in the process.

[whichwayisup]

Your kid is smart, and in one sense, it's great that he can openly talk about this, be so as matter of fact about it all, but I'm sure he's still hurting inside. He's trying to be a big boy. Make sure he knows it's okay to hurt, okay to cry and okay to be angry at his mom. Yet he still needs to know that his mom loves him, even though right now she seems to be too wrapped up in herself and selfishness behaviour, tell him that she does love him but she isn't herself (yet I'm sure he knows that last part anyway.)

[habs53]

He has cryed several times. He is one angry little boy. Very sad for a child to not trust one of his parents.

 

Anyways, i have a question for people on here. I have been taking measures to get her financially. I have a applied for the Children tax credit put in my name instead of her. I am waiting for dates for court mediation because i want her to start paying child support. Also i am waiting for spring so i can divorce this cheater. I have no way to prove it.

 

Should i tell her i am anxiously waiting for spring so i can file for divorce? I have had it with her and the way my son and i have been treated.

[HopelessinDTW]

He has cryed several times. He is one angry little boy. Very sad for a child to not trust one of his parents.

 

Anyways, i have a question for people on here. I have been taking measures to get her financially. I have a applied for the Children tax credit put in my name instead of her. I am waiting for dates for court mediation because i want her to start paying child support. Also i am waiting for spring so i can divorce this cheater. I have no way to prove it.

 

Should i tell her i am anxiously waiting for spring so i can file for divorce? I have had it with her and the way my son and i have been treated.

Habs:

Sorry to hear anout your son. My son is 5 years old, and he broke down a few nights ago and told me how sad he is, and how he cannot understand why "mommy and you can't live together". He said "God brought you and mommy together to have me, and my sister...so why can't you be together"? he was crying and very upset. This is coming from a 5 year old...it was very tough to face him with those questions. All I can say is in time these smart kids will figure things out, you need not tell them any details. Just let them know you love them, and will be there for them no matter what happens...they will figure out the rest.

 

With regard to your other question, I am not sure what the law is in Canada, but I see no reason why you should give her a heads-up on the divorce. In fact, at this time you should document all the stuff she's doing, with evidence if availabel. And you should also document all the things you do with your kids, time spent with them, etc. etc. If you plan on filing, then give her absolutely no clue. You don't want to give her any chance to prepare...unfortunately divorce is war.

[goingstrong]

 

 

Should i tell her i am anxiously waiting for spring so i can file for divorce? I have had it with her and the way my son and i have been treated.

 

 

First, ask yourself "what is the objective of me telling her this?"

 

Second, if there is no purpose, then resist the urge.

 

Don't tell her anything. You owe her nothing, and telling her anything will

 

1. Make it look as if your provoking her.

2. Give her a warning to your objectives and possibly help her defend against it.

 

Let the courts do the talking for you.

[habs53]

You people are correct. Now that i look at it that way, i see no point as well. Im pretty sure asking for child support in mediation is going to start a war with her anyways.

[Too Much]

This is a pretty old post but something interesting happened today.

My son was talking to my ex on the phone, basically telling her how he doesnt like going there and so on. Normal stuff lately.

Anyways while he was talking he stopped and all of the sudden said.....Mom,who is at your house. There was a pause and he was told she was watching a tv program.

 

After the call he told me he heard a mans voice. He did not hear the tv before or after the voice. He said his mother got mad at him for asking and told him that even if she had a man at her house it was none of his business anyways.

Nice thing for a mother to tell her child. lol

 

I tryed to make him feel better by telling him that maybe his mother is telling the truth. I also told him that its none of my business what his mother does. I have no control on what she does.

 

Funny thing is, he reminded me of what he told me a few months back. He said that we will find the truth in a few months daddy. He then said guess what dad, its a few months. I knew mom had a boyfriend, thats why she left. Then i told him that it all would make sense.

 

Keep in mind folks, this boy is only 11 and sees this himself.

 

I would say personally that there is a very strong chance this is happening. I hope cheaters realize that there is a strong chance that you are going to lose the respect of your children. Not only that, you are going to find the grass is not greener and also lose your family in the process.

 

This really ticks me off. And yes, I'm hoping she finds the grass is NOT greener.

[habs53]

This really ticks me off. And yes, I'm hoping she finds the grass is NOT greener.

Well she may be very happy doing what she is doing who knows. But the thought of someone else screwing my wife is not the most pleasant thought in the world. I find this so degrading and hurtful. Even after 5 months i still feel very insulted by this.

 

Shame on cheaters and to anybody on here that supports them. Every marriage goes through bad times, cheating is totally disgraceful.

[whichwayisup]

You people are correct. Now that i look at it that way, i see no point as well. Im pretty sure asking for child support in mediation is going to start a war with her anyways.

 

Write down everything as it happens. In detail. Also, go back to when all this started and write it all out if you haven't already (though it is here on LS)..

 

Another thing to think about, hire a PI.

[dreamingoftigers]

Well she may be very happy doing what she is doing who knows. But the thought of someone else screwing my wife is not the most pleasant thought in the world. I find this so degrading and hurtful. Even after 5 months i still feel very insulted by this.

 

Shame on cheaters and to anybody on here that supports them. Every marriage goes through bad times, cheating is totally disgraceful.

 

Hear, hear!