Author habs53 Posted June 16, 2010 Author Share Posted June 16, 2010 Well i can tell you, my son hates going there. Hes daddy boy. Her father was visiting from away and my son told her he wanted to go home. That must have made her feel wanted. lol Bitch slapping. Thats a classic. Link to post Share on other sites
Author habs53 Posted June 16, 2010 Author Share Posted June 16, 2010 Well geez, i dont know what to do here. I just had a conversation with my sisters friend about my situation. She said 2 years ago that she was in the same situation and she was my wife. She told her husband she didnt love him and really meant it at the time. No counsiling or nothing. Two months later after she had time to think she found herself thinking that maybe it could work. She told me that i should be calling my wife and telling her that i still love her and will change for her. Buy dont spend to much time on that topic. Basically just see how she is doing and talk very positive to her. Her opinion about the internet thing is that he is making her laugh and like herself. Something that i am not doing right now. Who would she rather talk to, mr negativity or him. Now i am just starting to get over this roller coaster ride and she wants me to get back on it for the sake of my family. She said that someone needs to tell her that the grass is not greener on the other side. That her next relationship will have problems as well and running away is not the answer. She said that one of her fiends told her. Thats what got her thinking. Oh man.......what should i do? Link to post Share on other sites
LifesontheUp Posted June 16, 2010 Share Posted June 16, 2010 Habs..........you cannot compete with the OM in my opinion and your wife needs to cease any contact with him if your marriage is to stand a chance of surviving. Will she give up the OM? If not then I think you have your answer. I'm so sorry. This is one heck of a rollercoaster but you will get through it. You need to look out for you and your son now. Your wifes problems are hers and hers alone.......she clearly isn't thinking of you I'm afraid. Link to post Share on other sites
Author habs53 Posted June 16, 2010 Author Share Posted June 16, 2010 I dont know if she would give it up or not. I could ask her if that would do anygood. Ask her to do it for her son and i. Link to post Share on other sites
LifesontheUp Posted June 16, 2010 Share Posted June 16, 2010 Sorry I thought you may have already asked. Perhaps you could give it some thought, but I believe her reply will be NO. Thats why I went on to tell you to look after yourself and your son. I think what your sisters friend has said has thrown you. But in her case was there an OM? When there are OM/OW involved its a whole different ball game. Link to post Share on other sites
Author habs53 Posted June 16, 2010 Author Share Posted June 16, 2010 Well she will tell me there only friends. There is noting to it. We all know better. The fact is,i wouldnt know if she stopped or not. She doesnt live with me.lol But is do agree, if she doesnt stop, there is no hope. Also my sisters friend told me is that someone besides me had to go talk to her tell her the grass is not greener on the other side. If she carries her marriage problems with her, her next relationship is doomed as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author habs53 Posted June 16, 2010 Author Share Posted June 16, 2010 Well she will tell me there only friends. There is noting to it. We all know better. The fact is,i wouldnt know if she stopped or not. She doesnt live with me.lol But is do agree, if she doesnt stop, there is no hope. Also my sisters friend told me is that someone besides me has to go talk to her tell her the grass is not greener on the other side. If she carries her marriage problems with her, her next relationship is doomed as well. A friend that she confides in or maybe a relative. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 I think you should just file for divorce now. Kick her azz off the damn fence. The minute you stop caring she'll either turn to the OM or turn to you, either way your good. but you need to focus on yourself Forget about this woman.. Your wife is dead! As long as the OM is in the picture you have no chance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author habs53 Posted June 17, 2010 Author Share Posted June 17, 2010 I have to wait a year to file for divorce. That gives her a long time to decide. lol I guarantee it will be me with some one else by then. I got the house, car is in my name. I plan on keeping the house as well. She has nothing but a ****ty apt and her laptop. lol She had the nerve to tell me today that she has not been out of her apt in 2 weeks. She is getting very bored. Guess her internet lover is not satisfying her. haha Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 I have to wait a year to file for divorce. That gives her a long time to decide. lol I guarantee it will be me with some one else by then. I got the house, car is in my name. I plan on keeping the house as well. She has nothing but a ****ty apt and her laptop. lol She had the nerve to tell me today that she has not been out of her apt in 2 weeks. She is getting very bored. Guess her internet lover is not satisfying her. haha She told me that i should be calling my wife and telling her that i still love her and will change for her. Buy dont spend to much time on that topic. Basically just see how she is doing and talk very positive to her. No, part of your wifes consquence of leaving you is SHE LOSES YOU. No calls or talking to her unless it has to do about your son. No small chitchat, about this and that. She needs to see what life is like without you in it. She KNOWS you love her, no need to tell her again.. All that will do is feed her ego and push her away, more into the OM. Get a lawyer and start divorce proceedings. Even if the year is up and you two work it out, atleast if you take control now, your wife will see how serious you are and how f*ckedd up she is. Maybe she'll wake up and get help, show you genuine remorse and get counselling. In the meantime, love your son and do all that you can to protect him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author habs53 Posted June 17, 2010 Author Share Posted June 17, 2010 Well, im thinking i will make an appoinment with a mediator to get this 50/50 child thing in writing. Talk about if i keep the house or sell it. I will mention right there there that she is not willing to give this relationship a chance because her emotions are wrapped up with an internet fling. I cannot afford a lawer paying the house stuff by myself. Does this sound like an ok idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Windsurf66 Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 Well, im thinking i will make an appoinment with a mediator to get this 50/50 child thing in writing. Talk about if i keep the house or sell it. I will mention right there there that she is not willing to give this relationship a chance because her emotions are wrapped up with an internet fling. I cannot afford a lawer paying the house stuff by myself. Does this sound like an ok idea. Good idea! Get it over and done with, with your cheating wife Link to post Share on other sites
Author habs53 Posted June 18, 2010 Author Share Posted June 18, 2010 Well, i sent my wife one final email. I sent her a copy of that (sas) thread and told her she had best give up her internet boyfiend and start listening to her brain not her emotions. I told her i was truly sorry for me neglecting her. I then went on to tell he i am totally prepaired to move on without her. I am gaining allot of confidence in myself and my negativity is fading. I told her i am more than capable of being a good lover and a friend. Then i deleted her from facebook and msn. Some people tell me to be positive with her and she will respond. Some tell me to forget her. Well what i plan to do is completely move on. I will be nice to her when she calls and nothing else. If someday she can get her head out of her ass i may listen to her. Link to post Share on other sites
LifesontheUp Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 Well what i plan to do is completely move on. I will be nice to her when she calls and nothing else. If someday she can get her head out of her ass i may listen to her. I think this is a very good plan. At the moment your wife does not want to work on the marriage with you and is all tied up with her OM. For yours and your sons sake you need to look after yourself and start living life for you and him. If and thats a big IF, at a later date your wife wants to come back,then you can decide what you want to do. At that point, you may not even want her back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author habs53 Posted June 19, 2010 Author Share Posted June 19, 2010 I just posted on Facebook if anyone else has a spouse that is having an internet affair. Gets caught, and does it agian and swears they are only friends. Then i mentioned the OM facebook name and said he must be a really special guy. blowing kisses back and forth. lol At least now all her family and friends will know what she is doing. haha I mentioned i was going to do it before and she almost puked. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 19, 2010 Share Posted June 19, 2010 Exposure is just what the doctor ordered. My thing is i couldnt stand that a woman could be married to you and having sex with someone else. What happens if she gets pregnant? WTF you know you have to pay for OM's baby! wtf kind of **** is that. I'd rather divorce, go Dark and start dating other females. If she aint hell bent on reconciling with you and changing herself for the better then there is no marriage. Your female friend wants you to try again, but how much can a man take? Your doing the right thing. 3 people does not a marriage make. I think you'll be better off. Link to post Share on other sites
Author habs53 Posted June 19, 2010 Author Share Posted June 19, 2010 (edited) Well this person lives in Australia, we live in Canada. I dont think she is going to get pregnant. I just want to feel i tryed everything i could to save this marriage. I have completely no contact with her. Also i am totally prepaired to go on my own, it took awhile to get to this point and i still have bad days. This woman has made a fool of me, and i want everyone to know that. Edited June 19, 2010 by habs53 Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 19, 2010 Share Posted June 19, 2010 When a woman's mind is so focused on a man and apparent fantasy it's hard to break through it. A woman and or man would do anything to get that happiness, like a drug addict,. if they cannot do it on their own their is little hope. She must do it on her own. Time to start focusing on you, hitting the gym, getting new hobbies, dating around. Preparing yourself for a future without her. She know she's damaged goods. You know it. The woman you married is not the woman your divorcing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author habs53 Posted June 21, 2010 Author Share Posted June 21, 2010 Well, it has been a trying 3 weeks to say the best. As my post will tell, it has been an up and down affair. All very confusing to say the least. This is a woman that was prepaired to spend 3000 on our bathroom makeover just a month and a half ago. The fighting between us in the last few weeks basically shoved her right out the door. Now if she returns, who knows. Well my sister and her friend are planning on going to talk to her next week. They both had similar cases where they left there husbands as well with no hope. Both couples are now back together and more happy than ever. They are going to try to explain to her not to give up. The grass is not greener on the other side thing. My sisters marriage was actually way worst than mine. They wouldnt even talk to each other in the last 2 years. Never had sex in 5. They both realize that she has a had a ruff few years with her moms and grandmothers death. They want to tell her that my family still loves her and want her to stay in the family. Im sure she will give them the no hope routine but these 2 have been there and did it. That will not work on them. They both told me this avoiding someone routine is not the correct way. If it was, why is the devorse rate so high? Thats a good point actually. They told me to start calling her with small positive chat. Nothing negative and nothing about our situation. They assure me that she misses me as much as i miss her. They feel she is still on the defensive and is not sure of her future. But she is not ready to say there is hope. In a way, i cannot blame her for feeling that way. Anyways, they will see if she will start counsilling and try to fix this problem and not run away in her condition. We will see how this goes. Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted June 21, 2010 Share Posted June 21, 2010 Did your sister and/or friend have OM in their lives when their M's went sour? Or did their M's go sour because of OM? Link to post Share on other sites
Author habs53 Posted June 21, 2010 Author Share Posted June 21, 2010 My sisters husband had an internet fling going. Her friend im not sure. I think the marriage just went sour after a few years of neglect type of stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted June 21, 2010 Share Posted June 21, 2010 Your W has an internet fling going on, that much is certain right? Do you know any more details of this? Whether they met up or not? Even if they didn't meet up, the EA she is experiencing has stirred up feelings within her that are powerful. You cannot compete with this, don't even bother trying. The chit chats you want to give her and your sister/friend getting involved in this will only make her angry and all the more determined to carry on with her EA or possible PA. Why? Because she will only see it as others trying to take away her fun. She may even enjoy the attention she is receiving from all of you and it will stroke her ego to no end. Did your sister leave her H? How did they end up getting back together? As long as your W has an interest in someone else and has no intention of giving him up and it certainly looks that way, she has left you, the only option is LC. She needs to miss and wonder about you. Calling her for chit chats will make whatever respect she has left for you to be gone completely. No respect equals no love. I know you want to reach out but it is the wrong path to take. Let her be on her own and have her enjoy life without you as much as you enjoy life without her. She is holding all the cards now. The one that cares least has all the power. Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted June 21, 2010 Share Posted June 21, 2010 Internet romances are all the rage these days. A close friend of mine's now exH was having an internet fling with a woman in Australia. She did travel to spend time with him and ended up leaving Australia to be with him. Distance isn't much of an obstacle for some. Link to post Share on other sites
Author habs53 Posted June 21, 2010 Author Share Posted June 21, 2010 Well when she lived her she told me it was nothing more than friends. I dont even know for sure if she still talks to this person. One thing i know for sure, she would never leave her kid here. That im sure of. A few days ago she asked me to change days with our son so she could go to a bbq with her girl fiends. She said she has not a chance to get out of that apartment since she moved there. She was very bored. I said no because i thought she was going on a date. She ended up having some of them come over to her house instead and it was all girls. My son told me that. Maybe i should start taking her word for things. If she is bored, maybe this internet thing to her is over rated by me. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 21, 2010 Share Posted June 21, 2010 Nope you did the right thing, if shes now a single mother she has to work within that paradigm! That's the way it's gonna be from now on. There will be days you have him, and some days she will. When she doesnt have him, then she should go out and do what she wants. But it isnt fair for her to dump him on you, if it's to hang with friends?!!? WTF she's not a teen mom, she's a grown azz woman right? Then she needs to act like it. Dude i hope you are getting your lawyer ready to drop a bomb on her. Stop worrying about her focus on yourself. You did all that you could! Link to post Share on other sites
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