I think I'm falling into a dark, deep hole of depression

[Not the love ace]

For about the past 7 days (an actual week) I have noticed something bad. I have been sleeping a lot more than I ever have in some time. I usually sleep about 4-5 hours the most on a daily basis and for me, that's normal and I never feel sleep deprived. However, I've been sleeping a lot longer, to the point where I wake up late for work. To the point where I feel like sleeping is a way of me escaping all the things in my life that are making me miserable but in actuality sleeping is even a lot worst for me.

 

I try not to sleep but when I'm home and I have time to kill or nothing to do, I lay down in my bed and just think, day dream, imagine and slowly swift into a deep sleep, hoping that will make me feel better.

 

Sometimes I feel even scared to go outside and show my face nowadays. I feel so pathetic at times and like I just want to move away from everyone and cry.

 

Oddly enough, I do go out to some clubs, attend parties and social gatherings, hang out and talk to friends and most my friends seem to like me around and I seem to be okay with the ladies as well. I get some attention from ladies and talk here and there. However, I still feel lonely in the mist and even sometimes I feel as don't I'm inferior to everyone.

 

Even when I work, I don't feel important, I just feel like nothing to no one. I feel as if I always initiate hanging out with friends or sometimes getting people together. My phone never rings, I never get text from any friends unless I text or call them first. The only person who calls me is my mother and its always to bother me about getting her something from the store or to not forget to pick up her stupid medication on the way home.

 

I try so many things. I go to the gym 4-5 days a week, I go out to events by myself if no one can make it, I do plenty of things by myself and have so for a while but I'm getting tired of it. My friends are inconsistent and I just feel so, so, so alone.

 

I'm not trying to complain about my life, because I always look on the bright side of things. I always try to keep a good out look because I DON'T want to be depressed, I DO NOT want to wallow in my depression and become a negative person. I see too many people I know like my mother, who is heavily depressed and I see how it can bring people around you down as well.

 

Its just that I want to feel important, I wanted to feel wanted and even accepted and loved. I just feel like an option to people. I envy some of the people I see who have friends that call and want to hangout with them, friends who desire them, friends who look to them as the "light of the party".

 

I'm not a downer, when I'm around my friends or even family, I hardly or even never complain about my depression. I realize no one wants to hear me cry, or complain. I don't want to be the guy that has issues and I honestly have too much pride to let people see me down, no matter how much I want to fall to the floor and cry sometimes and beg people to listen to me.

 

Ugh, I feel even pathetic letting it all out here, however since no one knows me personally I-of course feel much more secure. I don't know what to do, I really want to be happy and just enjoy myself, enjoy my life. I don't want to be jealous, bitter, unhappy and pissed at the world then get hooked on meds.

 

Anyone ever feel this way?

[quankanne]

Its just that I want to feel important, I wanted to feel wanted and even accepted and loved.

 

you're not pathetic for admitting this, but very, very honest with yourself, and this is a good thing, because it gives you a place to start. You've mentioned doing things socially (i.e., hanging out with people), but it sounds like it's "make-busy" stuff, and that could be why you're feeling this way.

 

maybe it's time to start thinking about the things you loved or enjoyed as a kid, and then finding a way to do them, but in a different sense: As volunteer. Hanging out with animals? Visit a local shelter and offer to play with the animals. Hair, make-up and nails? Why not volunteer at a nursing home or women's shelter, doing little beauty sessions with women – it's a huge pick-me-up just being able to change that one little aspect about your physical appearance, and I'd imagine moreso when you feel like you're overlooked.

 

if you're into church, vacation Bible school season is coming up, and they can always use volunteers, from teaching assistants to behind the scene to prep work. Food pantries always need volunteers, as does the local literacy council and Big Brothers, Big Sisters.

 

you might already have a full plate, but I guarantee, giving of yourself in some way to others helps things come into focus a little better, and you come to realize that your gifts are incredibly important even though you don't immediately see it yourself.

 

I always try to keep a good out look because I DON'T want to be depressed, I DO NOT want to wallow in my depression and become a negative person.

 

oh, honey ... again, you're several steps ahead of the game just by acknowledging how you feel and understanding what it can do to you if it goes unchecked. You're going to be all right, because you're gonna figure out what your special gift is and you'll find a way to utilize it.

 

meanwhile, a hug from me to you to cheer you up some

Edited May 21, 2010 by quankanne

[Not the love ace]

but it sounds like it's "make-busy" stuff, and that could be why you're feeling this way.

 

BING. You're definitely right on that. I hate to do things like that, I feel like I'm just trying to make myself feel good, important and like I have things to do and people to see. Granted, when I am hanging out with people, I have the ability to sometimes be the "life of the party" and even make things interesting. However, I feel like I am just another added addition to the party or gathering to just make it look bigger.

 

 

 

you might already have a full plate, but I guarantee, giving of yourself in some way to others helps things come into focus a little better, and you come to realize that your gifts are incredibly important even though you don't immediately see it yourself.

 

Yeah, that's definitely true. I've done work for a day care center and I realize how good I felt that I was helping the kids. At the end of the day, they would all give me a hug and then always ask me for advice and such. I want to try and make a difference in some peoples life, not just so I can feel good because for me-it feels good to make other people happy even if I can't find happiness in myself.

 

I'm trying so hard not to be envious of people and I usually never was. However, I am starting to feel like everyone is advancing in life and making friends "in higher places" while I feel like no matter how hard I try, I just stay behind. I just don't get it sometimes. I am a very, very social person, I put myself out there, I talk to all types of people and I am understanding but I get put off. Then I see people who don't give people the time of day, who don't put themselves out there much but they get a bunch of friends and do the greatest things and I can tell they are genuinely happy.

 

 

oh, honey ... again, you're several steps ahead of the game just by acknowledging how you feel and understanding what it can do to you if it goes unchecked. You're going to be all right, because you're gonna figure out what your special gift is and you'll find a way to utilize it.

 

meanwhile, a hug from me to you to cheer you up some

 

Hehehe. Thank you, you're too nice! Hugs back!

[quankanne]

ah, ya can't go wrong being around little kids. Or puppies. Because they just lift your spirits

 

I am starting to feel like everyone is advancing in life and making friends "in higher places" while I feel like no matter how hard I try, I just stay behind.

 

kinda like defining what you consider "hallmarks of success" by what others have accomplished. Never a good idea, because they're not you. Finding your own groove is liberating, because you're not trying to live up to ideals that aren't your own, it just drags you down, you know?

 

every once in awhile, I'll get an email from a friend that talks about how many people really love us, and it makes you think: Even when you feel you're some blah person with nothing to offer, someone out there thinks you're incredible because of some little thing you do. So don't ever beat yourself for not being enough or unsuccessful because you never know who is looking (like the kids you'd talked about working with).

 

life of the party ... oh, I totally get you. I was geeky in middle/high school and nearly 30 years later, I still see myself the same way. But, while YOU see yourself a certain way, your friends see you in a whole other light, and thank heavens for that!

[You'reasian]

For about the past 7 days (an actual week) I have noticed something bad. I have been sleeping a lot more than I ever have in some time. I usually sleep about 4-5 hours the most on a daily basis and for me, that's normal and I never feel sleep deprived. However, I've been sleeping a lot longer, to the point where I wake up late for work. To the point where I feel like sleeping is a way of me escaping all the things in my life that are making me miserable but in actuality sleeping is even a lot worst for me.?

 

Worst? Sorry, I got your message - just caught this lil grammar error.

 

Have you had a change in schedule recently? One of my friends does shift work, causes her to want to sleep longer at times. Another is working offsite and goes to work later.

 

I try not to sleep but when I'm home and I have time to kill or nothing to do, I lay down in my bed and just think, day dream, imagine and slowly swift into a deep sleep, hoping that will make me feel better.

 

Sometimes I feel even scared to go outside and show my face nowadays. I feel so pathetic at times and like I just want to move away from everyone and cry.

 

Oddly enough, I do go out to some clubs, attend parties and social gatherings, hang out and talk to friends and most my friends seem to like me around and I seem to be okay with the ladies as well. I get some attention from ladies and talk here and there. However, I still feel lonely in the mist and even sometimes I feel as don't I'm inferior to everyone.

 

Even when I work, I don't feel important, I just feel like nothing to no one. I feel as if I always initiate hanging out with friends or sometimes getting people together. My phone never rings, I never get text from any friends unless I text or call them first. The only person who calls me is my mother and its always to bother me about getting her something from the store or to not forget to pick up her stupid medication on the way home.

 

I try so many things. I go to the gym 4-5 days a week, I go out to events by myself if no one can make it, I do plenty of things by myself and have so for a while but I'm getting tired of it. My friends are inconsistent and I just feel so, so, so alone.

 

I'm not trying to complain about my life, because I always look on the bright side of things. I always try to keep a good out look because I DON'T want to be depressed, I DO NOT want to wallow in my depression and become a negative person. I see too many people I know like my mother, who is heavily depressed and I see how it can bring people around you down as well.

 

Its just that I want to feel important, I wanted to feel wanted and even accepted and loved. I just feel like an option to people. I envy some of the people I see who have friends that call and want to hangout with them, friends who desire them, friends who look to them as the "light of the party".

 

I'm not a downer, when I'm around my friends or even family, I hardly or even never complain about my depression. I realize no one wants to hear me cry, or complain. I don't want to be the guy that has issues and I honestly have too much pride to let people see me down, no matter how much I want to fall to the floor and cry sometimes and beg people to listen to me.

 

Ugh, I feel even pathetic letting it all out here, however since no one knows me personally I-of course feel much more secure. I don't know what to do, I really want to be happy and just enjoy myself, enjoy my life. I don't want to be jealous, bitter, unhappy and pissed at the world then get hooked on meds.

 

Anyone ever feel this way?

 

Sometimes you gotta do your own thing. Enjoy life, alone and appreciate those that you can be with. Do you feel jealous, bitter and unhappy? Perhaps you should talk to a friend about this?

 

Good luck!

[skydiveaddict]

 

 

Yes when I got back from Afghanistan, I was very depressed But I saw a doc, got some meds and it fixed me right up. you should look into it

[Not the love ace]

Yes when I got back from Afghanistan, I was very depressed But I saw a doc, got some meds and it fixed me right up. you should look into it

 

 

I'm really happy for you in that you got fixed with the meds and all and if that helps, that's absolutely great for you. However, I literally am TERRIFIED to take any medication. I know too many people who have gotten so messed up on them and one out of the many is the person whom I live with right now, my mother. Ever since my mother took meds she's gained a considerable amount of weight. She was 5'6 and 125lbs and ballooned to over 200lbs at one point.

 

She got hooked on anti-depressants amongst other medications and she's just miserable for me to be around or even look at sometimes. When she is depressing, she makes everyone around her miserable as well and just becomes just a negative person that its disgusting. Everything she'll say or do is just horrible and its really hard to stomach her when she gets into a slump. On top of that, she just sleeps all the time.

 

The same thing happened to a cousin of mine. She got put on meds and ballooned and had extraordinary weight gain. Some family and friends of mine who were put on medication just never were the same again.

 

I know everyone is different and I am absolutely sure there's people who were put on meds who came out feeling better than ever like yourself, but from my viewpoint I'm too scared to take meds. Especially since I hardly ever take over-the-counter medication or do any sort of drugs as it is.

 

If anything, I would love to see a therapist at least.

[Not the love ace]

kinda like defining what you consider "hallmarks of success" by what others have accomplished. Never a good idea, because they're not you. Finding your own groove is liberating, because you're not trying to live up to ideals that aren't your own, it just drags you down, you know?

 

I definitely understand what you mean and all I do is find my own groove and try to live up to what my personal success are what I'll be happy in succeeding in life. However, I just get jealous that my other friends seem to move on and forget about me and start to have better things to do. I WANT them to succeed and as a friends I'll always root for them. I never throw anything in their face about forgetting about me but sometimes I would like to just be remembered. I always keep my other friends in mine but they seem to just forget about me.

[Not the love ace]

Yes when I got back from Afghanistan, I was very depressed But I saw a doc, got some meds and it fixed me right up. you should look into it

 

 

By the way, I'm really happy you made it out okay out of Afghanistan. Stuff like this makes me feel like I shouldn't complain about whats going on in my life. Though I don't know what you done there but I can only assume that being there wasn't exactly paradise whatsoever.

[skydiveaddict]

If anything, I would love to see a therapist at least.

 

 

I hear what your saying. The therapy is a great idea. I'm just saying that the right meds can do the job. You dont need to suffer those side effects. I'm just asking you to ask your doc before you discount meds

[skydiveaddict]

By the way, I'm really happy you made it out okay out of Afghanistan. Stuff like this makes me feel like I shouldn't complain about whats going on in my life. Though I don't know what you done there but I can only assume that being there wasn't exactly paradise whatsoever.

 

 

Oh, thank you. That means a lot. And you're right, it certainly wasnt paradise.

[Not the love ace]

Sometimes you gotta do your own thing. Enjoy life, alone and appreciate those that you can be with. Do you feel jealous, bitter and unhappy? Perhaps you should talk to a friend about this?

 

I don't feel bitter but I do feel unhappy and jealous. A lot of my friends seem to complain that they have no friends, that they don't do this or that, or they don't have this or that. However, most of them are actually pretty good in life. They have good jobs, a great social circle, been across the world, went to or graduated from great universities etc. They seem to not know how good they have it. I know not all is what it seems sometimes but I know them well enough to know that if they fall financially, they have a plan B in their families, if they have a fallout with one or break up with a boyfriend/girlfriend they have other friends they can depend on to make them happy and feel better about themselves.

 

They have people and resources to fall back on and I am truly glad for them. I am just really envious that they don't see whats in front of them and someone like me, who doesn't have what they have, strives everyday to not complain about life and just appreciate all the small things in life that I have.

 

Sometimes, I just get overwhelmed with being so lonely as of late and having inconsistent friends that it wears me down, it breaks me up, and I just feel like breaking down and crying to get all the frustrations out but I just can't seem to cry.

 

Whatever the case is, I don't want to fall into a deep hole, that's one thing I am trying so hard to prevent but its getting to me. Like the old, cliche, but tried and true saying goes :"What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger." I try to live by this motto everyday.

[FitChick]

Clean up your diet. No alcohol or sugar. Cut down on caffeine. Take 3000 IUs of Vitamin D3 (I get mine from Trader Joe's and take one capsule with every meal). Fish oil has omega 3 -- I love eating salmon so that's how I get mine. Calcium and magnesium. Google natural antidepressants or similar to see what foods to eat. I think dates and bananas have potassium. You would be surprised that simple changes like that can change your mood.

 

Take the free interactive therapy at recreateyourlife(dot)com. You will get weekly links to a great blog with more information.

 

Try NLP or EFT for a quick fix. Google that as well.

 

Stay away from meds. You don't need them.

[skydiveaddict]

Sometimes you gotta do your own thing. Enjoy life, alone and appreciate those that you can be with. Do you feel jealous, bitter and unhappy? Perhaps you should talk to a friend about this?

 

:"What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger." I try to live by this motto everyday.

 

 

I know what you're saying. I live by that motto too. I just want you explore all your options to help you feel better