shadowplay Posted May 21, 2010 Share Posted May 21, 2010 One thing my ex said to me that really hurt, is that he always just goes with what he's feeling in the moment, even if it's irrational. He basically said that growing up he was taught to always go with what you feel. This meant that when I had an abortion, lost my job and was under a lot of stress, which stressed him out, he dumped me out of nowhere without trying at all to work things out or ever letting me know anything was wrong. Then he used this "go with what's fun" explanation to justify it. Do you guys agree with this idea that you should always go with what you feel? I'm wondering how other people view this attitude. I know that I try to be more balanced and make decisions both on feelings AND rationality. If people always went with what they felt they'd do all kinds of rash crap and end up hurting others. Also, I feel like it's unrealistic to think relationships will always be "fun." Sometimes serious things come up, and the mature thing is to try to work it out before giving up if you genuinely care. Anyone else have an ex who used this attitude as a justification for ditching them? Link to post Share on other sites
BetterOffWithoutYou Posted May 21, 2010 Share Posted May 21, 2010 my ex was taught a lot of f-ed up things by his mom about relationships, one of them being if you're a little unhappy then leave. EXTREMELY UNREALISTIC. He gave me a ton of dumb reasons when he dumped me out of the blue...one being the past few days he didnt feel like coming home to me, and when that happens its over. REALLY? everyone has ups and downs, relationships are not all fun, they are hard work! these type of men are big babies. they want everything on their terms and want everything to fun and easy. they are not mature enough to for a REAL relationship!!! i can truly relate to you. i went through a miscarriage with my ex and became depressed. i also am having money issues too. seems like when you need the man the most their true colors come out. F them. you will be better off with out him. may be hard to realize while you are still hurting but you will find someone who is willing to be there through the good and bad, hard and easy, and everything in between. if you need more support i'm here! also if u want to read my story, it long but may sound a bit familiar, here's my thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t231985/ Link to post Share on other sites
sedgwick Posted May 21, 2010 Share Posted May 21, 2010 Honestly, this guy sounds like a real tool. I knew guys like this in art school, and they're lame as hell. Of COURSE you shouldn't always go with what you feel in the moment; the ability to temper one's desire to do so is what makes one a responsible adult with a life worth living. If all you do is run every time life gets vaguely unpleasant, you'll never grow beyond being a frightened, selfish child. Link to post Share on other sites
SarahRose Posted May 21, 2010 Share Posted May 21, 2010 Of course you just don't do whatever you feel like doing. He sounds like a narcissistic tool. Heck if I followed that advice, I would just quit my job and sit home and watch movies and eat chocolate all day because that is fun. So it you ever meet someone like that, run. Link to post Share on other sites
teanoranges Posted May 23, 2010 Share Posted May 23, 2010 My ex was somewhat like that too. Definitely a narcissist or the closest you can get to being selfish and way too into yourself with a hidden insecurity issue. They spend so much time just agreeing or nodding along so that they don't show their emotion, that they can't take the time to 'talk' through anything. Stupid. So better without them. Link to post Share on other sites
angelaM Posted May 26, 2010 Share Posted May 26, 2010 I had an ex just like this. He used to say that the problem with compromise was that no one got what they wanted. Now my guard goes up a little when I hear someone say "we're put on this earth to have fun." I think there's more to life than that. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted May 26, 2010 Share Posted May 26, 2010 You should have asked him if it's fun to do his parent's taxes or all the things he does for his relatives. Come on shadow. You know people are full of poop when they give their reasons for breaking up, particularly a weak and clueless guy like your ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted May 26, 2010 Share Posted May 26, 2010 Do you guys agree with this idea that you should always go with what you feel? Yes...but only if one has access to the FULL (mature) spectrum of feelings. Which includes feelings/desires towards helpfulness, kindness, caring, understanding, empathy, compassion, a sense of commitment, responsibility, wanting to be supportive, encouraging, etc., etc. As important is to also have the ability to recognize what is an appropriate feeling-response to have in any given situation. (Which, not knowing is part of a psychopathic personality.) What this guy wants to pass off as his "reason" (excuse, justification) to do whatever and whenever the hell he pleases is narcissism, self-obsession, selfishness, irresponsibility, etc., etc. I'm feeling pretty confident that this is NOT AT ALL what his childhood 'teachers' had in mind; he has badly flunked the course in "go with what you feel"! IMHO. Link to post Share on other sites
BetterOffWithoutYou Posted May 26, 2010 Share Posted May 26, 2010 Yes...but only if one has access to the FULL (mature) spectrum of feelings. Which includes feelings/desires towards helpfulness, kindness, caring, understanding, empathy, compassion, a sense of commitment, responsibility, wanting to be supportive, encouraging, etc., etc. As important is to also have the ability to recognize what is an appropriate feeling-response to have in any given situation. (Which, not knowing is part of a psychopathic personality.) What this guy wants to pass off as his "reason" (excuse, justification) to do whatever and whenever the hell he pleases is narcissism, self-obsession, selfishness, irresponsibility, etc., etc. I'm feeling pretty confident that this is NOT AT ALL what his childhood 'teachers' had in mind; he has badly flunked the course in "go with what you feel"! IMHO. wow ronni... i wish all guys could think like you! can we clone you??? LOL Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted May 26, 2010 Share Posted May 26, 2010 wow ronni... i wish all guys could think like you! can we clone you??? LOL There are too many people who think that one of me on this planet is way more than plenty! For the record, though, and without meaning to disappoint. I'm a girl. Link to post Share on other sites
BetterOffWithoutYou Posted May 26, 2010 Share Posted May 26, 2010 omg that makes perfect sense! no wonder you are so emotionally developed! LOL. i was tricked! hahaha Link to post Share on other sites
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