How to get purely platonic female friends?

[Jerry18]

I think I have a big problem. I want you guys' help for solving it.

 

I'm a single guy who's currently in college. (See this thread if you want more information) I've only recently realized that girls can be friends with guys even without a romantic relationship between them. Back in high school, most of my guy friends only hang out with other guys. Only rarely in situations like group projects do we hang out with girls. It's not that we're afraid of them, but we just don't feel comfortable with being casual friends with girls.

 

Well, after being in college I've realized that many guys hang out with girls just as friends. In fact, I even hang out with them before except none of them are my friends now because I've asked them out.

 

If I hang out with a girl for a while (several months) then it means I like something about her. Maybe it's her personality, maybe it's because I like to do things with her, maybe because she's nice, maybe because she's pretty (honestly this accounts for less than 25% of the cases)... But, it's precisely due to the attraction to her as a friend that I think she'd be a great girlfriend and I ask her out. Usually I don't like her sexually at the beginning. But I just get more attracted as I hang out more often with them.

 

Now, the problem is not about the friend-zone. I'm not looking for advice about how to get a girlfriend. I'm looking for advice on how to get a platonic friendship. I really think that girls can bring different views from guys and that's why I want to be friends with some of them.

 

Do I really need to have a girlfriend to quell my urge to ask girls out?

 

P.S: Sorry if this thread exists somewhere else.

Edited May 22, 2010 by Jerry18

[somedude81]

Wait a second, you're asking how to get into the friendzone?

 

Since I'm a master at unintentionally getting friendzone, perhaps I can help.

 

Regularly talk to them. Mention that you are looking for new friends. In your interactions, keep teasing and flirting to a minimum. Invite them to hang out with you. Keep calling them a friend or a buddy so they get the idea.

 

So why do you want to have platonic friendships with girls?

[Green]

What you want is a lie... First off in your own post you admit that you make friends with girls and then begin to find them attractive so you ask them out... Well would you rather push your feelings down and not ask them out???? I mean you are a single guy in college... Making "friends" with girls shouldn't be you priority...

 

I would also ask yourself why you don't find these girls attractive from the start.... If you do find them attractive from the start it is a confusing thing to become friends and then sudenly ask them out ... You would be better off flirting and asking them out from the get go.

 

For the most part if you are a horny guy you will need to get a gf before you can become friends with women. Then her friends will become your friends... you'll see them at parties... you'll go out on double dates... but you won't call your gf's female friends up on the phone and have long conversations about life.. and you won't go to the movies just you and some random girl... and be like she is my "friend"

 

Hopefuly my post made sense... but to sum it up... .Stop thinking you can become good friends with a girl and have it lead to romance.... If you find a girl attractive be flirty.... ask them out... and KISS THEM... just go in and kiss them before the date is over... don't ask "may I kiss you?"

[Ross PK]

Wait a second, you're asking how to get into the friendzone?

 

Since I'm a master at unintentionally getting friendzone, perhaps I can help.

 

Regularly talk to them. Mention that you are looking for new friends. In your interactions, keep teasing and flirting to a minimum. Invite them to hang out with you. Keep calling them a friend or a buddy so they get the idea.

 

So why do you want to have platonic friendships with girls?

 

I think there's a difference between being friends with a girl and being in the friendzone. As I've heard that most relationships or just casual bf and gf start out with the girl and guy being friends.

[Jerry18]

Wait a second, you're asking how to get into the friendzone?

 

Since I'm a master at unintentionally getting friendzone, perhaps I can help.

 

Regularly talk to them. Mention that you are looking for new friends. In your interactions, keep teasing and flirting to a minimum. Invite them to hang out with you. Keep calling them a friend or a buddy so they get the idea.

 

So why do you want to have platonic friendships with girls?

 

Well I'm in college. Sometimes I want to work on homework with other people or study together. In one of my classes, the only person I know is a girl but I'm about to ruin that by asking her out.

 

Usually I don't find them immediately attractive, but as we become friends I get more attracted and this ends the friendship.

 

How do I stop finding them attractive?

[Green]

Honestly, based off of your demeanor and attitude, which if I can detect hostility through a medium such as online text is not a good sig, I would think that you are just inciting people and giving out false advice in some sort of sick game of screwing up people's perceptions in order to fail in life.

 

College is not a place to just screw girls and move on. You know, some people go to college to meet new people, make friends, and *GASP* get an education!

 

As for your advice on kissing, not ONCE has kissing on the first date ever gotten me to a second date. It wierds the girl out. Unless there is a HUGE (and so huge I mean that it's palpable) amount of 'chemistry' between them, going in for a kiss on the first date is a social faux pas.

 

My advice is that he simply be himself and not try to deny the fact that he finds these woman attractive and asks them out... Nothing to be ashamed at. This goal of having female friends who in actuality he wants to date is FAKE and pointless.

 

AS FOR KISSING... Please any woman will tell you that if a guy just doesn't even try to kiss them on the first date they will wonder a bit... WAS THIS EVEN A DATE... If you go in for the kiss and the girl ducks or moves SO BE IT .. atleast you tried... no need to be offended by that... but you still need to try.... can't base all future experiences on a few negative experiences... I never claim my advice will get you in good with every girl... Thats not the point... The Point of my advice is to be confident in who you are and not afraid to face rejection.

 

Well I'm in college. Sometimes I want to work on homework with other people or study together. In one of my classes, the only person I know is a girl but I'm about to ruin that by asking her out.

 

Usually I don't find them immediately attractive, but as we become friends I get more attracted and this ends the friendship.

 

How do I stop finding them attractive?

 

YOU DON"T STOP FINDING THEM ATTRACTIVE... YOU BE YOURSELF AND YOU ASK THEM OUT SOONER INSTEAD OF PRETENDING TO BE THEIR FRIEND.

 

I understand exactly where you are coming from. My only advice is to just pretend that they have an STD or something. Honestly, I haven't found a way to not find a women attractive.

 

And don't listen to Green, he/she isn't even giving pertinent advice relating to your situation. Which makes me wonder if they even read the entire thread in the first place.

 

Pretend they have an STD thats your great advice.

 

Please do you even have a gf/wife... Do you even have a group of female friends?

 

I have a gf who I currently live with an plenty of female friends and I didn't get there by going around and trying to find people unatractive by imagining they may have STDs... This is silly non-advice

 

My advice is be yourself... and be proud of it... and continue to ask out the girls you want to ask out and don't let rejection get you down.

[somedude81]

Well I'm in college. Sometimes I want to work on homework with other people or study together. In one of my classes, the only person I know is a girl but I'm about to ruin that by asking her out.

 

Usually I don't find them immediately attractive, but as we become friends I get more attracted and this ends the friendship.

 

How do I stop finding them attractive?

I know exactly what you are talking about. There was a girl in my Japanese class who basically had all the same interests as me. She was also the best student in the class. She finished her final 20 minutes before everybody else. She could have been a great person to hang with and I could have really benefited by having her help me in the class. But I was attracted to her, tried to date her and she rejected me. Then we spent the last month in class not talking to each other. I really missed out by being attracted to her.

 

So the question is how do you become friends with a girl and not become attracted to her? The best solution I can come up with is; make sure you are sleeping with somebody else.

 

I'm not sure about your situation, but I know that until my physical needs are being met, I cannot be close friends with a girl. I've had too many good friendships ruined because I wanted to sleep with them. If I had a girlfriend already, then I know I could just be friends with a different girl.

 

The only advice I can give is to not try to be friends with girls until you are actually dating somebody first.

[Green]

I know exactly what you are talking about. There was a girl in my Japanese class who basically had all the same interests as me. She was also the best student in the class. She finished her final 20 minutes before everybody else. She could have been a great person to hang with and I could have really benefited by having her help me in the class. But I was attracted to her, tried to date her and she rejected me. Then we spent the last month in class not talking to each other. I really missed out by being attracted to her.

 

So the question is how do you become friends with a girl and not become attracted to her? The best solution I can come up with is; make sure you are sleeping with somebody else.

 

I'm not sure about your situation, but I know that until my physical needs are being met, I cannot be close friends with a girl. I've had too many good friendships ruined because I wanted to sleep with them. If I had a girlfriend already, then I know I could just be friends with a different girl.

 

The only advice I can give is to not try to be friends with girls until you are actually dating somebody first.

 

You pretty much have to be in a committed relationship with some one else to just be friends with a girl. If you are a single guy and the girl is cool and you are attracted to her there is no way to just turn that off and why would you... if you are single you should risk it and go for the gold.

[somedude81]

It's hard being a single guy. I've been isolated from women for long stretches of time because of it.

 

I found it amazing how girls are able to live life without those urges. They are completely fine being single and having men as platonic friends. I'm a bit jealous too.

 

LOL the irony. The gender that is fine going without sex is also the one that can get it whenever they desire.

[Jerry18]

YOU DON"T STOP FINDING THEM ATTRACTIVE... YOU BE YOURSELF AND YOU ASK THEM OUT SOONER INSTEAD OF PRETENDING TO BE THEIR FRIEND.

 

 

 

I don't find them attractive at the beginning. It's only when I'm friend with them for a bit that I start to find them attractive.

[Green]

I don't find them attractive at the beginning. It's only when I'm friend with them for a bit that I start to find them attractive.

 

Ok well I'm just letting you know that if you are single you shouldn't try to be platonic with women you find yourself attracted to.

 

Yea I understand Jerry, apparently Green doesn't though. I wish I could help but I'm in that same boat right now.

 

Just to reiterate to Green. WE ARE NOT HIDING OUR FEELINGS AND FAKING TO BE FRIENDS TO GET CLOSER. We becomes friends with them genuinely with the sole pupose of being friends, but as you get to know them you start to find them attractive.

 

I don't know how to explain this any other way to you, it's not a hard concept. Honestly, this is where you can tell the posters who don't fully read posts.

 

I don't need to have it explained to me because unlike you I have friends who are girls.... and I have a girlfriend who is also my best friend.

 

Good luck figuring things out as you think you know best.

[Ross PK]

Yea I understand Jerry, apparently Green doesn't though. I wish I could help but I'm in that same boat right now.

 

Just to reiterate to Green. WE ARE NOT HIDING OUR FEELINGS AND FAKING TO BE FRIENDS TO GET CLOSER. We becomes friends with them genuinely with the sole pupose of being friends, but as you get to know them you start to find them attractive.

 

I don't know how to explain this any other way to you, it's not a hard concept. Honestly, this is where you can tell the posters who don't fully read posts.

 

I find it really annoying when people put words into my mouth too.

 

I think there's a decent chance that most posters who do this, actually do do it on purpose to get the other poster annoyed.

 

I wouldn't bother with them, because they've either got to be doing it on purpose, or they really are that unintelligent to be able to understand what you're saying. Either way they're just going to carry on doing it each time you reply to them, frustrating you even more.

[Green]

I find it really annoying when people put words into my mouth too.

 

I think there's a decent chance that most posters who do this, actually do do it on purpose to get the other poster annoyed.

 

I wouldn't bother with them, because they've either got to be doing it on purpose, or they really are that unintelligent to be able to understand what you're saying. Either way they're just going to carry on doing it each time you reply to them, frustrating you even more.

 

Let me guess you are still single?

 

I'm getting ready to go to a private party the likes of you couldn't imagine in your wildest dreams with my beautiful girlfriend.

 

I'm just trying to give people advice if you want to be anoyed by it and not follow it go right ahead.

[somedude81]

I'm getting ready to go to a private party the likes of you couldn't imagine in your wildest dreams with my beautiful girlfriend.

Couples only swinger party?

[alphamale]

Now, the problem is not about the friend-zone. I'm not looking for advice about how to get a girlfriend. I'm looking for advice on how to get a platonic friendship.

the question you should ask yourself is why you're looking for platonic freindships with chicks and not real realtionships with sex and everything

[xpaperxcutx]

Jerry, in another case you can actually blame the girl for falling for you first, but in your case, the situation stems from you. Basically, the only thing you can do is quell your urges as a sexually active man.

 

I have to agree with Green on this one, that it's almost impossible for men to be friends with women if they're single. I say almost impossible because unless you're gay ( which literally means you won't fall in love with the girl) or you're actually in a relationship to start with, you might find yourself attracted to them.

 

Most guys can't help it that that they want to bed almost every single girl that comes their way. It's like being horny and resisting the urge for a release.

 

Yes, you are right that it's easier for girls to be friends with guys because if we friendzone you, most likely you'll stay friendzoned. It's simple as that. We're more logical in the sense that we try not to cross that line and tip the balance.

[ToShyToTellMyNick]

I got the perfect solution. Find a REALY ugly one, but I mean like deformed or something... No but in all seriousness it's pretty hard, eventually one of you will end up liking the other so.. I don't know maybe the ugly idea isn't such a good idea... I don't think u want to have a deformed girl stalking you =P