jmargel Posted January 26, 2004 Share Posted January 26, 2004 About a year ago my gf told me at the time (while she was living w/ her mom & step dad) that when she was home alone, her step dad did some weird things. She's 26 & i'm 29. He's in his late 40s. When she would come home by herself, he would be in the house total naked. It got to the point where she was going to have a nervous breakdown, she feared coming home by herself. She would shower, and she forgot something in her room. So she put on a towel & opened the door. It surprised him, and she found him standing by the bathroom door totally nude again. He has his own bathroom attached to his bedroom, but there have been times where he would go & use the bathroom she used right after she's used it. Especially if she were to take a bath, he would jump in right after she was done. Totally disgusting to have a stepdad do this to you. He's also asked her to massage him, which she refused. She moved out & things seemed to be ok. She & her mom are close, but she knows her mom adores this guy. She's afraid that her mom might not believe her, or that she'll cause problems in the family. I told her that I would support her, no matter what she decides. But I don't think he's treating my gf's mom right. No guy should ever do this. Well she's been moved out for about a year, and last night my gf's biological dad asked us about this guy. Asked if we 'heard' anything about him. Both her & me looked at each other & she asked why. It took him awhile to say, but he said he heard through another guy that her stepdad was telling him how 'hot' she was, and how he would like to sleep with her. I wanted to kill this guy before but now I truly do. So does my gf's real dad. All she told her dad was that he did somethings that were uncomfortable, but didn't tell him the details. Her dad is very protective of her, and if he knew, I know he would kill him. Thing is now, what does she do? She won't goto the house if she knows it's just him. I don't trust him. What I told her was to ask her mom how are those two doing. If she is hestitant about saying they are doing good, or she starts talking about some problems, then to bring up what he did. I mean, how can you tell a parent that your step-dad has done these things & you now heard from a third party that he wants to sleep with you? I also fear that this guy is using her mom for financial reasons only. He even got her to sign a statement when they bought the house together that she owes him money for the labor he did to get the house up! What bs! I need some advice on how to help her approach this matter with her mom. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted January 26, 2004 Share Posted January 26, 2004 Wow! That is horrible! Thank goodness your gf is with you now and isn't living in that situation anymore. It's important to avoid hurting her mom, but I feel it's as important or even more important to get this guy to stop what he's doing. Get your gf's OK first, of course. I would suggest you take him aside, and tell him everything you know, especially about his come-ons to your gf and the sleazy talk he's engaging in now. Let him know that if you hear of him putting one toe out of line in the future, the whole story is going to get told to your gf's mom. Then follow through. Your option on whether to involve her dad in this discussion. If he becomes violent, that's not the right solution. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted January 26, 2004 Share Posted January 26, 2004 I've heard so many stories like that.....especially living where I do in 'no morality town'.....that it's part of the reason I don't do the 'boyfriend' thing. Unless I was in a long term relationship....and knew that I knew that I knew he was beyond it.....I wouldn't have ANY man hanging around my 14 year old daughter!!! She deserves to always feel safe in her own home. When you have a man in his boxers and a half-woman in her night clothes in the same house.....I think you can really be opening yourself up for a problem. He should be shot.....but without her being any relation to him.....crap just happens. I'm sorry this happened to your girlfriend. No girl should have to go thru that. I partially blame the Mom's in these cases. They want a MAN so badly in their home....they don't put the welfare of their children FIRST! Link to post Share on other sites
doniker Posted January 26, 2004 Share Posted January 26, 2004 The mother may stick up for the step dad thinking you guys are causing trouble. Have your girlfriend go there alone with a hidden tape recorder and get some evidence on tape and let Mom hear it. Link to post Share on other sites
doniker Posted January 26, 2004 Share Posted January 26, 2004 Originally posted by Arabess .....that it's part of the reason I don't do the 'boyfriend' thing. Unless I was in a long term relationship....and knew that I knew that I knew he was beyond it.....I wouldn't have ANY man hanging around my 14 year old daughter!!! She deserves to always feel safe in her own home. This is another reason why I don't divorce my wife and suffer in this unhappy marriage; I fear my wife could hook up with some freak who could abuse my daughter. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted January 26, 2004 Share Posted January 26, 2004 Originally posted by doniker The mother may stick up for the step dad thinking you guys are causing trouble. Have your girlfriend go there alone with a hidden tape recorder and get some evidence on tape and let Mom hear it. That may world.....IF she will believe it when she hears it. You KNOW how people have a tendency to only believe what they want to believe. It sounds like her Mom has got herself a real creep. Is SHE that dense and esperate....or does she really have no clue?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jmargel Posted January 26, 2004 Author Share Posted January 26, 2004 I know but her mom has NO idea that this has happened. Personally I dont know her mom well enough to make a judgement call, on what she would do if she was told. I would hope she would kick him out. She is confused on what to do. Its not easy to bring something like this up. But I need to show her that its not her fault. Its kinda like how sexual abuse victims are scared, and feel ashamed to tell anyone. They learn to accept it & move on. But, there was a situation where her mom had a party, and my gf's 6 year old niece went downstairs in the family room to play. She went down by herself, and that guy soon followed. My gf was wise enough to bolt downstairs so that there was no 'alone' time between this guy & this little girl. Her mom needs to know, its just a matter of how to bring the subject up. That's what i'm having problems with. Link to post Share on other sites
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