Kay Posted January 26, 2004 Share Posted January 26, 2004 When was the last time you and your wife went out on a date? A real date; not just out for a burger or to see a movie? Maybe in order for your wife to feel attractive you need to "court" her again. Get a babysitter, take extra care to look and dress nicely and go somewhere quiet and romantic. Then spend the evening as if you were newlyweds or first-dating. Really listen to her. Smile, laugh and be charming. Complement her. Help her remember how she felt when the two of you first met and what drew her to you in the first place. Then (and this is the hard part), come home, give her a nice massage and that's it. No sex. At least not right in the beginning. Go on a few more special dates. It doesn't have to be expensive. You could take a romantic drive, stop and picnic or take a walk and pick her some flowers. You get the picture. Then, little by little, after you have shown her that you do not expect her to reciprocate by jumping into bed, it might become easier for her to do so. Particularly if she feels valued, desired and appreciated. Okay, okay. I just know I'm going to be slammed by posters who think this is too simplistic or unrealistic. It's true, I'm an incurable romantic who just happens to think that too often, we lose sight of the reasons why we married our spouses in the first place. Take care and I wish you the best. Kay Link to post Share on other sites
Author animo Posted January 26, 2004 Author Share Posted January 26, 2004 No need for a babysitter if you dont have children We go out on dates all the time, whenever we have time that is ofcourse but generally its a pretty solid marriage. I do not think we lack romance in our lives since we are both fairly romantic people. Link to post Share on other sites
Kay Posted January 27, 2004 Share Posted January 27, 2004 SO sorry about the dumb suggestion regarding a babysitter ... I realized what I did just after I hit the button to submit the post! Glad to hear that you try to keep the spark ignited in the romance department. Take care of yourself and I wish you well. Kay Link to post Share on other sites
Author animo Posted January 27, 2004 Author Share Posted January 27, 2004 Me and my wife had a rather heated discussion about our mutual (yeah right) problem today and i must say it was possibly the most pointless conversation to date.. At the point where i felt like my head was going to explode i just stopped talking and breathing instead. Everything is settled again now since im shutting up We did however get to a sertain point which kind of salvaged the conversation a bit and that is when i told her that i did not want to have children or build on our future TOGETHER while the situation was the way it is and i think i have gotten her to realize that there is a problem. I am however still get zero effort from her side to 'work the problem'. Her opinion pretty much is that if i don't like it the way it is i should just leave her but i knew this would come up since she has been using that doge line since two years now In any case. My wife is getting reasigned at work to a less demanding project this summer so after this summer she should be alot less busy and under pressure from work and so, half-way through our conversation i decided to just shut up and try and give it my absolute best to make it work without putting any pressure on her....atleast till this summer, i think i can do that So il be doing my ultimate best to make her feel very comfortable now and not think abut myself and my 'needs' anymore untill she gets reasigned to her less stressfull project, in the hopes that once the stress backes off i will be seeying my wife again the way she was when i married her. Il post here if i see any improvements in our relationship. I really do hope things will get better, i really can't go on like this. If i have to go on like this for a few more years i will seriously consider having my testicles amputated Link to post Share on other sites
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