BubbleFreak Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 One of my best friends met someone from a dating site one week ago. They've chatted online and exchanged photos, but that's all. What irks me is she has agreed to have dinner at his house for a first date. She sent me an email asking me if I would go with her, because she would feel safer with a friend around, because she doesn't really know him yet and has never met him in RL... I replied no way! I told her that it's way too dangerous to meet a stranger for the first time at his house and that instead they should just meet somewhere public. That way it would be much safer and she also wouldn't need a third wheel (me). I said I did not want her ending up like that girl on FB who went missing recently. As a friend, do you think my response was OK? I want to support my friend in her endeavours to find a suitable bf (this will be her first date in a long time) but I wanted to knock some sense into her too.
jthorne Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 Unless he's 12, and meeting at his house means meeting at his mommy and daddy's house, what she's about to do is extremely foolish and dangerous. She's only known the guy a week! Please try to talk her into meeting at a public place. Even if the guy isn't a serial killer, he probably wants to meet there hoping for sex if they hit it off. If she's a hook up on the first date kind of gal, fine. But if not, meeting him at his home sends the wrong message.
phineas Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 Tell her if she goes to his house you want all the clothes she borrowed from you back. just in case. seriously? she doesn't think this is a bad idea? He must be one smooth talker & very good looking if she's even considering this.
Jersey Shortie Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 Well there are three things that could be happening here. 1. This guy is incredibly ackward socially. 2. This guy is just trying to get laid. 3. This guy is a serial killer and/or rapist. As you know, this is a bad idea. If she is dead set on going, and you were smart enough not to agree to put yourself in that situation, ask her to check in via text during her date and call you after to make sure she got home okay. She probably isn't going to change her mind about meeting in public even if she should. I would still try to convince her to change the date. I remember a news story about a young woman who reponded to an ad from craigslist for just a babysitting job and the person that fakely posted the ad ended up killing her. This girl just thought she was going to make some money babysitting.
brainygirl Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 No way. First meeting has to be public. Don't even let him pick you up. don't pick him up. Meet somewhere for coffee or an icecream cone. Get the guy's particulars and google him. Get a since of who he is. And then, maybe, maybe let him pick you up for a second date. Going into a man's house is just a bad bad bad idea. Unless its an arrange hook-up, and then its still not the smartest or safest thing to do.
FitChick Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 A lot of older men say they want to cook dinner for you as a pretext to get you into their place. It's a red flag because it means, to me, that he is cheap or he just wants sex. I happen to love cooking but I'd never invite a man over for a home cooked meal unless we'd been dating a while and I intended to seduce him as dessert.
Ross PK Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 Seems a bit strange for a man to invite a girl that he's met online over to his house for a first date. Something seems a bit up with that. Youre response was great. I would tell her to not go too.
Author BubbleFreak Posted May 24, 2010 Author Posted May 24, 2010 She seems to be avoiding me about the issue. Another friend said she would go with her to the date if I wouldn't go. Gah! I found out some more stuff. The guy claims to be 30 and has 4 kids, but I still don't know his name or address. My friend is 24. She wants a long term relationship and her previous relationship was with an idiot who is now currently in jail. She attracts loonies. I will keep trying to convince her to meet up somewhere public instead. If she insists on going to his house then I will definitely text her during the date and get her to call me afterwards, like another poster suggested. I don't care if she thinks I'm nagging.
stepka Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 You know, this sounds a little extreme, but what she's planning to do is also extreme. Can you call her mother or someone else in her family? Yes it would embarrass her and she might not be your friend for awhile until she grows up more, but at least she'd be safe. I dunno, when I was young I could hitchhike around the country and I'm here to tell you about it, but things have changed a lot since then.
jthorne Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 She seems to be avoiding me about the issue. Another friend said she would go with her to the date if I wouldn't go. Gah! I found out some more stuff. The guy claims to be 30 and has 4 kids, but I still don't know his name or address. My friend is 24. She wants a long term relationship and her previous relationship was with an idiot who is now currently in jail. She attracts loonies. I will keep trying to convince her to meet up somewhere public instead. If she insists on going to his house then I will definitely text her during the date and get her to call me afterwards, like another poster suggested. I don't care if she thinks I'm nagging.Either: He's lying about the family man crap OR lying about his M and doesn't want to be seen in public OR he's too cheap to buy a meal OR he's just looking for sex OR he's a serial something none of these are good.
marsle85 Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 I actually vote with Stekpa... this is a really risky move on her part. I can't see how any normal, genuine guy would ever ASK a woman to come to his place, the first night. I would definitely tell someone, who may have the power to change her mind. This makes me nervous.
Author BubbleFreak Posted May 24, 2010 Author Posted May 24, 2010 She said her mum knows and isn't happy about it. Has no other family she gets along with (she and her mum are the black sheep in the family, unfortunately). Both her mum and I thought her ex was no good either, but my friend didn't listen and learned the hard way. She is very headstrong, sometimes it is a good quality but in this case it's really quite frustrating. The date is planned to be on Friday night, that gives me four days to convince her not to go or for them to plan an alternative. I told her that any decent guy would understand if she wanted to meet in public instead. I think they should postpone his idea until she knows him better.
Author BubbleFreak Posted May 24, 2010 Author Posted May 24, 2010 Oh, and the friend that said she would go with her if I couldn't go... I might call her and see if she can help too. Maybe she needs a few more people telling her how stupid the idea is, before it sinks in. I'm also determined to get his name and address just in case.
marsle85 Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Oh, and the friend that said she would go with her if I couldn't go... I might call her and see if she can help too. Maybe she needs a few more people telling her how stupid the idea is, before it sinks in. I'm also determined to get his name and address just in case. ... Try to convince her to message him with this: "Hey! Ok, i'm really in a bind. My friend just told me she'll be in town on Friday. I really want to see you, but do you think we could meet her for a drink before dinner?" That way, she gets to feel him out- if he's not a total nutcase, she can take it from there...
Author BubbleFreak Posted May 24, 2010 Author Posted May 24, 2010 OMFG I just talked to her then and again she brushed me off, said she's busy but told me his first name (no surname), and what suburb he lives in. I know it's wrong to judge on location, but it's one of the absolute worst parts of town... It's where I used to investigate child abuse cases (I used to work in child safety with the government). It's also the suburb right next to where they plan putting all the child sex offenders, because no other neighbourhood will take them.
FitChick Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Print out this thread and give it to her to read. Otherwise, write her off. You don't need friends like this who go from one disaster to another. She doesn't believe she deserves better so picks one loser after another to prove that what she believes is correct. We all know people like that.
BeautifulMan Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Hahahaha I don't know what to say. Your friend is naive. I don't know why but this reminds me of an episode of "Always sunny in Philadelphia" where a brother and sister go to a run down area of Philadelphia in their Range Rover to buy crack and they were completely clueless how dangerous the situation was.
Mary3 Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Well there are three things that could be happening here. 1. This guy is incredibly ackward socially. 2. This guy is just trying to get laid. 3. This guy is a serial killer and/or rapist. As you know, this is a bad idea. If she is dead set on going, and you were smart enough not to agree to put yourself in that situation, ask her to check in via text during her date and call you after to make sure she got home okay. She probably isn't going to change her mind about meeting in public even if she should. I would still try to convince her to change the date. I remember a news story about a young woman who reponded to an ad from craigslist for just a babysitting job and the person that fakely posted the ad ended up killing her. This girl just thought she was going to make some money babysitting. She must have a death wish. This seemingly charming man could hack her to pieces in about 5 minutes and that would be the end of your friend. ALOT more Craigs List and Face Book tragedys than we ever hear about. How about the * near misses * ? Meet in Public ONLY ! Then you can hopefully tell he is a creepy loser or a wonderful guy. Once he has you in his house you are on HIS turf. All bets are off...
Author BubbleFreak Posted May 24, 2010 Author Posted May 24, 2010 She just won't listen to me. I have emailed, called, texted her, FB messaged her about this. Only thing I haven't done is see her in person (as she was at work when I wasn't, and when she was free I was at work). I never knew a girl could be so desperate to meet a man. She either won't tell me or doesn't know his full name and address. She keeps changing the subject when I bring it up. I have told my other friend (who agreed to go to the strange guy's house with the friend I'm posting about) that I think it's a bad idea, and she is also ignoring me now about the issue. It's as if they are angry with me for not agreeing to go along with the plan. I fail to see how I could protect her if I went along with her to his house anyway. I'd probably just end up a victim too. It seems so obvious to me and all of you that her meeting him for the first time at his house, after only talking to him online for a week, is A BAD IDEA. She will not compromise with me about it, I've asked her to meet him in public countless times and she just ignores me. Perhaps she thinks I am trying to sabotage her attempts to be happy. I think she may be jealous of me because I am in a wonderful LTR and maybe this is why she won't listen to me, because she thinks I know nothing about being lonely. What am I doing wrong? What else can I do? My friend is being totally stupid.
Mary3 Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 She just won't listen to me. I have emailed, called, texted her, FB messaged her about this. Only thing I haven't done is see her in person (as she was at work when I wasn't, and when she was free I was at work). I never knew a girl could be so desperate to meet a man. She either won't tell me or doesn't know his full name and address. She keeps changing the subject when I bring it up. I have told my other friend (who agreed to go to the strange guy's house with the friend I'm posting about) that I think it's a bad idea, and she is also ignoring me now about the issue. It's as if they are angry with me for not agreeing to go along with the plan. I fail to see how I could protect her if I went along with her to his house anyway. I'd probably just end up a victim too. It seems so obvious to me and all of you that her meeting him for the first time at his house, after only talking to him online for a week, is A BAD IDEA. She will not compromise with me about it, I've asked her to meet him in public countless times and she just ignores me. Perhaps she thinks I am trying to sabotage her attempts to be happy. I think she may be jealous of me because I am in a wonderful LTR and maybe this is why she won't listen to me, because she thinks I know nothing about being lonely. What am I doing wrong? What else can I do? My friend is being totally stupid. You are right. Why should you go over there with her and risk your life then you have two missing women instead of one... One thing I do : This is if I am going over to see a rental I call someone and tell them the location , the persons license plate number and so forth. That way if they never see me again , at least they have a starting point to look for me. Dating Online : If I am going to do that I will meet in Public and STILL call a friend and say I am meeting at Corkys Restaurant , such and such , that way someone knows where I last was... Your friend is acting fatalist....
Mary3 Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 If she owes you any money, better get it now... Wow ! lol........
Mimolicious Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 This is not even funny. There was a video going around FB of a chick that met a guy online, meet him at her house or his (don't remember which way it went) then the video turns into her pictures at the morgue. So disturbing! People are crazy and so fricking needy nowadays (sorry, it actually pisses me off). WHY THE HELL would your friend want to go meet this dude at his house????! AGH! If she is going to go ahead and meet this guy, she should meet him at the nearest Starbucks. Even then, he can always follow her home and do something. I dont understand why people do this whole online dating crap??!! It's the perfect playground for predators.
Mary3 Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 This is not even funny. There was a video going around FB of a chick that met a guy online, meet him at her house or his (don't remember which way it went) then the video turns into her pictures at the morgue. So disturbing! People are crazy and so fricking needy nowadays (sorry, it actually pisses me off). WHY THE HELL would your friend want to go meet this dude at his house????! AGH! If she is going to go ahead and meet this guy, she should meet him at the nearest Starbucks. Even then, he can always follow her home and do something. I dont understand why people do this whole online dating crap??!! It's the perfect playground for predators. And even moreso for Scammers. The Rapists and Predators have just found a different way to stalk their Prey.....
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