He needs space...and is friends with his ex

[brenem]

Hello, I've got a relationship problem (or two) that I'd really appreciate some advice on.

 

I've been dating a man for three months now. We've actually been good friends for over five years, but when a romantic relationship finally emerged between us, it was initially full of that dizzy, heady love that can be the sign of the start of something wonderful. But now, only a few months later, he's looking for space and our physical intimacy is almost nonexistent.

 

He says that if we saw less of each other, he could get more excited about being with me when we actually are together. I feel like this is very soon for him to be needing space and pulling away; shouldn't we still be in the "reckless love" stage? I don't really enjoy suppressing all these loving feelings I have for him, but I certainly don't want to smother something potentially great before it even really develops.

 

Actually, this is a two-parter. This man is kind and loving; unfortunately, these traits also extend to his ex-girlfriends. Specifically, he's had two long-term relationships (of two years or more), and he still hangs out alone with both of these girls, e-mails them and talks with them on the phone, and gives them each birthday and Christmas presents. The icing on the cake is that neither of these girls likes or respects me, and neither of them would ever want to hang out with my boyfriend if I was also to be present.

 

He insists that they're both good people, and that he's mature enough to be able to continue a friendship with someone he once dated. I don't want to have a relationship in which I'm giving ultimatums and dictating what my boyfriend does. He knows how I feel, but says he doesn't understand it, and that he does not see the need to cut two good friends out of his life. Am I just being jealous, or is this a sign of a serious relationship flaw? I believe in choosing one's battles, but I'm not sure that this is something I can just "let slide."

 

To his credit, I am very in love with this man and I could see myself spending the rest of my life with him...if only I could get over these two issues. He has told me that he thinks I could be "the one," and speaks often of our future together. I don't want to mess up what could be the best thing in my life; but I also don't want to feel the way I do now forever. Please help.

[jmargel]

I'm gonna be kinda blunt here.. Sounds like he's playing you. Spending 'alone' time with them, buying them gifts?? Come on.. Apparently he's a pretty sweet talker. It must be like a full time job for him to have 3 gfs. Yes, I said gfs. No guy who loves, respects & wants to be with you would do this. Him saying he needs 'alone' time is him saying 'I need alone time from you, so I can be with them more'.

 

This is the point in the relationship where you DO give an ultamatium. Otherwise he'll keep sweet talking his way into your pants as well as the two others (if not more). Its one thing to talk to them rarely on the phone, but what he's doing is overstepping his boundaries.

 

Take a step back & see what he's doing. I'm sure others will give you the same advice. It might not be something you want to hear, but you need to protect yourself now from getting hurt worse later.