how do I do this?

[fooled once]

It's done.....he said he'd block me & didn't know what else to say. I can now stick a fork in this.

 

I would have liked to have had goodbye sex, except for my mental health. Just thought I'd throw that out there tho since the sex to me was primary, he's the one who wanted to stop.

 

Back to withdraw., which won't be so bad since I haven't seen him in at least 3 months & his few emails weren't enough to reel me back in.

 

 

It is really good and healing for you to finally admit this. I really do think you are on your way to putting this behind you - once and for all.

[JustJoe]

Heather, if you put the same amount of energy and desire into your M as you did your A, you cannot fail. Now, go get H and plan something nice to do this weekend:D:D

[Heather1]

I'm going to need some time to think about my M & if I want to be in it at all. This might have been an exit A for me? Partly showing me that I can still attract someone at all, let alone be with someone who shares my interests & I can laugh & have fun w/. I hadn't had "fun" in a long time before I met OM, if ever, w/ my H.

 

I think OM's A w/ me was your typical crime of opportunity. I think he's happy @ home and that's why he felt so guilty. I think he ripped the rug out from under me so that if he did get caught, he could tell his wife he treated me like crap. Luckily, I was only with him that one last time once I figured out his sucky "boundaries" with me.

[jthorne]

Sweetpea,

WHO CARES why he had an affair with you!?!?! That's HIS problem! Sucky boundaries are probably just the tip of the iceberg, but that's between him and his wife now. He's her's to deal with; leave them be, even if it's just in your mind.

 

YOU take care of YOU.

 

Exit affair? Entirely possible. The fact that your H said he's not leaving the M no matter what probably has something to do with it too. My xMM said that his W always worried about him having A's, but said she said she wouldn't leave him if he did. He said it made him feel really trapped. Something to consider.

[Heather1]

He certainly held firm boundaries w/ me!! Except for sex. He wouldn't even bring them up until I already crossed the line.

 

I know what you mean about feeling trapped. It's like covert jealousy or something? He's not very angry, has been saying I could do what I want, etc. As a matter of fact, I told him when I was first attracted to OM that I needed to stay away from him & he thought it would be good for me to flirt, etc.. So I had warning lights going off all over the place, and he never said anything.

 

I'm usually home from 4pm on w/ the kids, or driving them around. I don't have friends, except @ work, so I think I suffer from like a night time depression? Once I'm home, I don't talk to anyone & can barely function. He tells me to stay out & do stuff until later in the night. So the other day, I did something SO fun, then went to the gym & was standing in line for dinner @ he calls to tell me he's leaving the house but has something in the oven, so I need to get home. I think he'd rather have me home and depressed than not have me at all. This can't possibly be me!! But I do feel trapped out of guilt & that if we got D he'd tell the kids what I did. My son's friends parents are splitting from A's, and the BS has no problem telling the kids. The kids now can't stand the WS. Here's the thing though, the kids are doing better in school, etc., than my kids? They're all going off to college, and my boy is staying here.

[bittersweet memories]

He certainly held firm boundaries w/ me!! Except for sex. He wouldn't even bring them up until I already crossed the line.

 

I know what you mean about feeling trapped. It's like covert jealousy or something? He's not very angry, has been saying I could do what I want, etc. As a matter of fact, I told him when I was first attracted to OM that I needed to stay away from him & he thought it would be good for me to flirt, etc.. So I had warning lights going off all over the place, and he never said anything.

 

I'm usually home from 4pm on w/ the kids, or driving them around. I don't have friends, except @ work, so I think I suffer from like a night time depression? Once I'm home, I don't talk to anyone & can barely function. He tells me to stay out & do stuff until later in the night. So the other day, I did something SO fun, then went to the gym & was standing in line for dinner @ he calls to tell me he's leaving the house but has something in the oven, so I need to get home. I think he'd rather have me home and depressed than not have me at all. This can't possibly be me!! But I do feel trapped out of guilt & that if we got D he'd tell the kids what I did. My son's friends parents are splitting from A's, and the BS has no problem telling the kids. The kids now can't stand the WS. Here's the thing though, the kids are doing better in school, etc., than my kids? They're all going off to college, and my boy is staying here.

 

Isn't he also having/had affairs?

[jthorne]

So the other day, I did something SO fun, then went to the gym & was standing in line for dinner @ he calls to tell me he's leaving the house but has something in the oven, so I need to get home. I think he'd rather have me home and depressed than not have me at all.

This looks like a premeditated attempt to control your behavior.

 

Heather, I don't know what to say about telling the kids. I think it would probably be better if there is a D, that YOU tell your son, rather than have your H tell him his version of it. The fact that you can come clean to your son and be willing to accept whatever happens says something.

[Heather1]

My H's never had an A (that I know about).

 

I can't tell my boys, I just can't. I have to trust he'd never tell them. My H was married before w/ no kids & they still don't really know that, it's never come up. I don't think my H would say anything. My psych 101 makes me think my H is manic & passive/aggressive. He's been in superhero mode lately, people think he's just the greatest @ my expense.

 

My dream, when I got m, was to have what I have now & be surrounded by friends & family. I have a really hard time connecting to people, REALLY hard!! I just thank God for my kids, they're the loves of my life & are the greatest.

 

There's a lot to consider besides my "happiness."