What does it mean when she says I'm not fighting for it?

[aloneinmyhead]

My wife told me last night that she feels like I'm not fighting to keep her. She says it feels like I'm just laying down and waiting for her to kick me. My response was that she is the one who said she needed a break, when I try to give it to her then I'm not fighting hard enough? Of course I'm waiting to be kicked. She is the one that said she may want to end the marriage not me. Why wouldn't I be waiting for the other shoe to drop?

So, ladies in particular, how do I show her that I am fighting for her without overstepping and pushing her away? Have any of you been in this situation and if so what were you looking for from your SO?

[candymoon]

I don't know your full story ... what is it she is needing space from? What's the deal with the marriage breakdown?

 

I've had this feeling before, though. So I'll take a stab at it not knowing the details ...

 

I think in some way she is just waiting for you to prove how much you love her. She feels like the space thing is you waiting to be kicked. Pull out that alpha male in you and take charge, perhaps. She said that she needed space, but you know us women... she wants you to DO something. Romantic gestures and such... meaning don't let the space grow wide enough to drift you two apart.

[You Go Girl]

Your w doesn't really want to end the marriage! Terrific!

 

Take her out on a date, for starters. She doesn't feel dated anymore. She feels like she is just 'the wife'. Make sure she gets a better quality glass of wine.

Later, she is going to need one of those talks, in your best alpha voice, as how you feel that the two of you have invested too much to throw away, and that she could be making a mistake by thinking of that, and that there is too much love between the two of you.

You could have that talk at the restaurant, half-way or more through dinner. Keep it to the point and don't let it go any further than the comments above. Don't let it become some long drawn out conversation that becomes an argument in the restaurant! If she talks, let her vent, but don't encourage venting. Simply try to redirect to something pleasant.

[Woggle]

It means you are denying her the satisfaction of destroying your heart. If you fought for her she would be running the other way and claiming you are smothing her. Don't fall for it. Walkaway wives hate when the seperation process is too easy.

Edited May 25, 2010 by Woggle

[aloneinmyhead]

Thanks for the feedback. I really hope it's because she doesn't want the marriage to end and not just that she wants it to hurt more. She's never been a vindictive person, she really is the better half.