Separated one month. Wife gone on two dates

[GFORCE]

My wife left me a month ago cause of things i had done in the marriage i must admit.

She said she needed the trial separation for me to get focused etc. I kinda agreed.

 

We went for dinner saturday and she told me she had been on two dates. One with a classmate at her university and the other with some guy she met at the parking lot at her school.

 

Nothing serious, just dinner. She said she wasnt even trying to figure out anyone and had no tme for that.It was just dinner for socialization purposes.

 

She also says she hasnt had sex with anyone since we broke up and isnt interested. She says she doesnt know if we will get back together but leaves it to God. Howeveer she says i should go out and also date cause the purpose of a separation is to date people and see if you want to be with your spouse.

 

I found in her car, on the passenger side pocket , a receipt for cvs for 11 pm last week , when she was in Dallas. We just moved from Dallas.

But it was in an area of Dallas 30 minutes from our former home where her ex boyfriend( before me) lives.

He giot married after we got married but is now divorced.

 

I am just wondering if there is a connection? A receipt on the passenger side pocket for a prescription to cvs for ten dollars? Meaning someone was in the passenger side of the car at 11 pm with her.

She denied she was in that part of town.

 

 

Anyway what u think

[aeren944]

Personally, I agree with your wife... you need to get focused.

 

Focus on yourself, and don't search for something that may not be there... and don't go through her stuff, or to her facebook page, her blog, her website... Focus on yourself.

 

It will drive you crazy to formulate whatever you can to whatever you find... all is based on speculation and nothing else. This isn't what you want or need to do right now. I'm telling you... no more of that, ok??

[dazzle22]

I would just assume that, yes, it was him. You are separated and she has made it clear she is dating others. This is very difficult to accept, but nonetheless true.

 

You will have to work on yourself and show her you have changed because it sounds like there were some things you did that made her throw in the towel. Being jealous over whether she is dating will only push her farther away from you.

[LucreziaBorgia]

The advice here is good. Focus on yourself. Yes, your wife is seeing someone else and it is probably that guy, and probably was that guy for a lot longer than you think. That is generally how it works unfortunately.

 

Will you get back together? As long as she is dating others, no. A marriage cannot be fixed when only one of you is working on it.

[You Go Girl]

Her belief that a separation is to date others is ridiculous. This woman is letting you down the easy way, thinking you are not smart enough to see what she is doing. Suggesting you date? Your w is trying to get you to detach from her so that she doesn't feel any guilt! Can't you see it?

 

So the guy bought condoms at cvs at 11 p.m. and leaves the receipt like marking his territory, or letting you know he's been there?

Ok, I'm assuming things. Who knows what the receipt was for. Sorry my imagination runs wild.

 

But! The truth of the matter is that she is trying to let you down easy.

We don't know what you have done, but you seem to know yourself that you have crossed some acceptable lines of behavior. I suggest on focusing on why you did those things, and fix it.

She may be too far gone. Not completely your fault, no matter what you did, if she's not being honest and upfront about the truth of this separation.

[carhill]

OP, if you're not in MC, fugetabout who she's dating and serve her up and get that D moving. She's taking your balls and making a necklace for you to wear and twisting you up to make you think it's nice. Stop that.

[Steadfast]

I must agree here. She's giving you all the signs that the train has left the station. The kiss of death is when a woman encourages you to date; which means (as accurately described above) 'I'm dating, and if you were I'd feel less guilt'. No jealousy, no compassion means she's in the fog. Thick fog.

 

Oh, and unless you're pulling everyone's chain, the cvs receipt was for condoms. 11.00 pm is naughty time, meaning it's time for you to file, go NC and do your best to forget about what she's doing and who with.

 

When you feel weak, remember that you must love yourself right now. Don't be twisted and pulled by her moods and emotions. Move on, it's best-

[phineas]

If there are no kids, then go no contact.

 

11pm at a CVS in a part of town she claims she wasn't in?

 

C'mon.

She doesn't want divorce because she is exploring her options.

If her ex says he'll take her she will divorce you.

 

If he uses her for sex & sends her packing she will just keep exploring options until she runs out then decide to just come back to you.

 

Until she has more options.

 

I lived that in my marriage & seperation.

So I know where you are coming from.

except mine pretended the OM was gone & she only wanted me.

That worked for a few months until I had enough.

 

She is lieing to you.

She is most likely sleeping with someone else.

 

why would you want her back?

 

Don't be her safety net.

Pull the rug out from under her.

file for divorce & go NC.

 

She either wants to be married to you or doesn't.

[floridapad]

Gotta agree with the rest of the posters. Do not listen to her when she says she was just socializing. It's pretty sad that she would turn thingws around on you by saying the seperation was meant for you to get youreself figured out. The fact of the matter is she wants to date and you have a long ride aheqad of you.

 

Do not focus on her dating because honestly it will do nothing for your betterment. It will only make your interactions with her worse due to your jealousy. The more jealous you are the further away you will push her. That is GUARANTEED.

 

Is the marriage finished? Yes IMHO. Can a new one be started with her? It's possible but not while you aren't focusing on yourself. Be patient listen to the advice on this forum and that will be your best shot.

[GFORCE]

just lost my job today. They dont have work so gave me a separation notice starting Friday this week.

I had just gotten this new apartment and I dont know where my wife lives.

I cant afford now to pay rent and still survive, so im going to have to move to the shelter in 2 weeks if i dont find a job.

I have told my sife this and she has given me all options that i know like go seek another job and dont be picky etc. As if id be picky now. What is sooooo hurtful at this point is that no MATTER WHAT she would have done to me to make me soooooooo mad, if she lost her job id NEVER EVER let her sleep at the shelter. And it has nothing to do with my Christianity.

Id never let anyone i know sleep in a shelter.

I dont understand how anyone can get so tired of you that they dont care.

I never used drugs, was not an alcholic and I never beat her. Neither did i cheat. BUT I WASNT THE PERFECT HUSBAND.

And oh i worked 2 jobs.

 

 

Its very very hurtful

[GFORCE]

I cant believe im sooooooooooooo overwhelmed im actually sitting here at the Library on this computer and just crying like a lil child. I guess its the feeling of feeling un loved. Its a veryyyyyyyyyyyy painful feeling.

 

That someone( YOUR SPOUSE) can be soooooooooo tired of you and so unmoved that you could sleep in a shelter and they dont care, yet you wouldnt let them sleep there.

 

It makes me wonder about KARMA

[Nomad1]

Sorry to hear about your difficult circumstances. As difficult as things might seem to you, things can only get better. For one, your ex-wife has done you a huge favour by removing herself from your life. You don't need people like that. You did not have to tell her about your job loss. Did you really expect her to help you? C'mon! You are too blind to see. You are so blind that you are blaming yourself!

 

I am not sure how old you are, but time to turn your life around. Go to college or do whatever you are interested in. Stay at the Shelter for a little while, until you can stand back on your feet. Do Not contact your ex-wife. Do not answer her calls. Time to heal and move on.

 

Good luck man

 

Nomad1

[GFORCE]

Well my wife came home with her girlfriend at 6pm. Home as in my house. They met my roomate a guy at the groceries and gave him a ride back to the house.

We ended up going out to a concert at the park and then drove back( all 4 of us) to my place. My wife refused to come to my room, and I respect that so she slept on the couch. Hey girl went to sleep with my roomate in his room.

They left the hse at 530 am cause my roomie was going to work some graduation event at the university and was all dressed up and i guess he needed to get dropped. Then i think my wife and her girl were going back to her girls place( which is only 10 blocks from my hse) to sleep some more.

I dont know where my wife lives by the way.

 

But i was excited to hang out with her. And she has been to my place a few times now for dinner.

 

Just havent heard from her since 530 am.

 

Hope she isnt feeling guilty

[seibert253]

G, here comes a 2X4, prepare yourself

 

Dude, your wife's gone and she ain't coming back. Just because she will hang with you and your roomy, and her friends, doesn't mean she wants you back. She won't even tell you where she's staying.

 

You spending ANY time with her only sets you back. You will not move forward with her coming in and out of your life as she pleases. It's YOUR LIFE, NOT HERS. Take it back.

[Darth Vader]

G, here comes a 2X4, prepare yourself

 

Dude, your wife's gone and she ain't coming back. Just because she will hang with you and your roomy, and her friends, doesn't mean she wants you back. She won't even tell you where she's staying.

 

You spending ANY time with her only sets you back. You will not move forward with her coming in and out of your life as she pleases. It's YOUR LIFE, NOT HERS. Take it back.

 

 

G, yes, your wife is sleeping around on you, I think you know that in your heart also. The Word of God does condone Divorce in cases of Adultry. I suggest that you Divorce this woman before she destroys you and your heart, DON'T take her back EVER! Because she'll come crawling back one day after she's found out that you've moved on with your life without her and after she's gotten her fill of Sin!! She's Blameshifting you for her cheating on you, you don't have to take that crap my Man! She just doesn't want to feel guilty, or face the consequences for her actions!

 

She also sounds like a Cake Eater, so she'll go out, party and screw around on ya, hurt you inmeasureably, after she's had her fun, then expect you to take her back, why? Because you're a Christian?! I don't think so, it doesn't work like that!

 

There's forgiveness, and yes, forgive her, but, you're not to take other peoples abuse over and over again! Get checked for STD's, and whatever you do DON'T HAVE SEX WITH HER!

Edited May 30, 2010 by Darth Vader

[heartbrokensj]

Hi Gforce,

 

sorry to hear about your 1 month separation....i know its hard ..I was separated from my husband for 2.5 months and he just recently came back. We are trying to work things out but its a long road ahead of us....I think the fact that your wife is telling you about her dating others while separated is a good sign of open communication btw you 2 even though its hard to even though its hard to stomach her hanging out with other men...you will get lots of different advice on here but the one piece of advice i say that you should really try to take from all this is use this separation time to work on yourself..Don't trip yourself up in the details of whatever pieces of evidence you may find about what she may or may not be doing...I did this with my husband not to long ago and I feel it did not make me or our situation any better even though my questions, allegations and concerns were legitimate anyone in my shoes would have done the same thing.........I know its hard but really try to use this time to work on you and not put so much emphasis on getting her back....Dig deep and work on you as you look back at what your role that has led up to this point, cry about it, grieve about it, and then do positive things to initiate and ignite the things that you love about yourself and that wish to do to enjoy life even at this stage in your life...If there is a chance of reconciliatation with your wife, show her that you happy and full of life, like you once were when you first met and even if she doesn't or you don't want her back, at least your mind and heart will be in a good place. Also, I think its makes it really hard for a spouse to leave someone who is happy and confident... I know this is hard to even grasp right now..hang in there and use this time to get acquainted with yourself.....

Edited May 30, 2010 by heartbrokensj
typos

[varaski]

Looks like you gonna have to fight yourself to get yourself back.

 

Women leave men only when they have lost respect for them. They are usually the first ones to notice, and men usually are the last.

 

The guy that pulled her years ago is gone, I doubt if you have matured to the poing where all of the good parts of you have left. Go and find your man pants and put them back on, or snatch them away from that emotional lil boy that is holding on to them.

 

Its simple, go and work out, get yourself a real nice man hobby, get on your feet finiacially and don't even think or worry about her.

 

Don't do what 99% of the rest of the brokenhearted guys do on this site and expect good results... Make changes for a woman... That is not genuine and simply can't be kept up. The love you give yourself is the love that you can pass on to your mate. Otherwise thats just cheating and cheaters always get caught.

 

I hope the itnitial shock has worn off and you are able to collect yourself and pull things together, for yourself.

 

You work on you and since you are still connected, she will feel it from the other side of town, don't ask me how, its a mystery.

 

Good luck, may God be with you.

[GFORCE]

Wellim working on myself. My wife was reare ended last friday in Dallas. She is there 3 weeks on school break. Staying with her galfriends.

She informed me about it and I followed up everyday once a day to see how she was doing. Monday she said stop checking on her.

I stopped.

Wednesday she informs via text that she has just come from the chiropractor who said her backs messed up and she now requires 8 sessions. I didnt reply till the next day a simple " sorry. Hope all goes well. Keep me informed"...

 

Now i hear from her friend that her car overheated and wont start and she is looking for a rental car to come back with 4 hr away to our little town this sunday.

 

I asked her via text what doctor said, she responded that she requires 8 more sessions when she gets back. I didnt respond or acknowledge that. Basicially im doing me. Im ignoring her.

 

And somehow maybe the rearending last friday and car overheating is Karma. I dunno. What you think?

[phineas]

I think you need to fall off the face of the earth & stop communicating with her or any of her friends.

 

She doesn't want you as her husband yet your still acting the part.

[just_some_guy]

The more you rescue her, the more she will resent you.

[cavedweller]

GFORCE,

 

Pal, it is over...I suggest you:

 

1..Hit the bricks and get another job ASAP.

 

2..Forget about her and move on..(you can not save your marriage)

 

cavedweller

[GFORCE]

She was rear ended last week and the truck i bought for her last year has been totalled. We owed some money to Title max so Insurance will pay them first before giving her the remainder for what its worth. It was over ten years old. Dont think it will be much.

 

I thank God the accident wasnt worse. So she is using a rental car from the insurance.

 

Life is interesting

[RedDawn]

Go completely dark and do not respond to her. Read up on the 180 and follow it up to the T!

[DadofTwoGirls]

Just curious..would a wife do a 180 to try to get her husband to be more into her?

[just_some_guy]

Just curious..would a wife do a 180 to try to get her husband to be more into her?

 

Because desperation is not attractive.