MizFit Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 I frankly don't see what's "different" about MizFit's si2ation at all. She says she's not refused contact when the BW has had multiple d-days, but didn't answer my question earlier about how can there be any d-days if the BW is aware (and apparently, approving) of the relationship with her H? No, I suspect (she can correct me any time, if I'm wrong) that this is a vanilla affair and that she "justifies" her wrong-doing by at least putting on the appearances of being open and honest about it AFTER EACH D-DAY, for Rice Cake! Denial ain't just a river in Egypt. Tide must be out, because this stinks. -ol' 2long I spoke to her on Dday...she saw thousands of emails that had gone back and forth between us. She called me and I answered. She asked me if I would give up on her husband and I told her that I wouldn't seek him, but if he sought me I would probably become involved again. I gave her my landline number...she already had my address, mobile number and my email address. I told her that she was welcome to call me at any time and I would answer any question she wanted to ask. He knows the conversation happened and he knows that similar conversations have gone on since. What he says to her, I have no idea, but I am completely accessible to her if she wants to ask any questions at all. You're welcome to think what you will 2long...I have no idea to not tell the truth here and if I wanted to sensationalize things I could do a whole lot better than just say the same boring things over and over again. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 Don't remember which definition I posted, but here are a few I found, and they all came up with basically the same words: http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/homewrecker http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Homewrecker&defid=2002585 http://www.definition-of.com/home+wrecker http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/home_wrecker MisFit, what are your long-term plans? How old are you? Are you expecting to marry some day? Link to post Share on other sites
MizFit Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 Don't remember which definition I posted, but here are a few I found, and they all came up with basically the same words: http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/homewrecker http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Homewrecker&defid=2002585 http://www.definition-of.com/home+wrecker http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/home_wrecker MisFit, what are your long-term plans? How old are you? Are you expecting to marry some day? Thanks for that...will take a look in a minute. I looked up Oxford and Dictionary.com and there was nothing in either. I'm 47 and I doubt I'll ever marry again. I do want a long term relationship and that's why I have never stopped dating single men. MM is a complement to my life at the moment, not the be all and end all. He is well aware that if any of the men I date become remotely serious then he'll be gone. I date quite a bit most of the time and even though I love him, I view him as someone I date that will never evolve to anything more. If he ever changed his situation then that would change everything, but he won't so I continue living my life. One day I may feel like he's too much in my heart and leave him...maybe I won't. I have no idea what the future holds. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 Would he be with someone else if I wasn't the OW? I'm pretty sure he'd have some ONS for sure. Is the point of your question to justify sleeping with someone elses husband because if no you, it would be someone else....so why not? If someone asked me to rob a bank because they needed help, I'd be justified in doing so because if it wasn't me, they'd get someone else to help him anyway?? Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 You are absolutely correct, but in the course of the discussion it naturally came up what peoples opinions were. I was responding to that...I don't believe that was exactly threadjacking...you're welcome to if you'd like. The point was valid and it has been discussed for pages. but your assertion is that somehow I would lay all the blame at the feet of the OW...which I do not. Link to post Share on other sites
MizFit Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 Don't remember which definition I posted, but here are a few I found, and they all came up with basically the same words: http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/homewrecker http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Homewrecker&defid=2002585 http://www.definition-of.com/home+wrecker http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/home_wrecker MisFit, what are your long-term plans? How old are you? Are you expecting to marry some day? These are a bit too 'slang' for me, but I will agree with the premise of some of them. Those are saying that the intention of the OW (funny how they never mention the OM-kind of invalidates the whole thing a bit in my mind) is to break up the family...I agree with that. If someone has the intention of insinuating themselves and pulling out all the stops to do whatever, then I would agree they would wear the title co-homewrecker. I still lay the blame at the feet of the WS. I also don't think that most OW/OM are homewreckers...it's my opinion that most are more likely to hope more than tear asunder. I may well be wrong though...but I still would not label the standard OW/OM as homewreckers. Link to post Share on other sites
MizFit Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 but your assertion is that somehow I would lay all the blame at the feet of the OW...which I do not. I realize that...I'm reaching into memory from about 15 hours ago so please bear with me-I believe I responded to your comment because I thought it was saying I basically was changing the tone of the thread. I don't know...almost 11 and I'm about ready to hit the hay...time zones can be such a pain. I'll go back and read the original posts tomorrow morning. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted June 5, 2010 Share Posted June 5, 2010 I also don't think that most OW/OM are homewreckers...lol Of course you wouldn't. You ARE an OW. That would be illogical to lay blame on yourself. At least not while you're actively benefiting from your affair(s). Later, when you have crashed and burned, you may end up rethinking that. *shrug* Who knows? Link to post Share on other sites
MizFit Posted June 5, 2010 Share Posted June 5, 2010 lol Of course you wouldn't. You ARE an OW. That would be illogical to lay blame on yourself. At least not while you're actively benefiting from your affair(s). Later, when you have crashed and burned, you may end up rethinking that. *shrug* Who knows? If you'd care to read the full thread and all of my responses you'd find I was a BS many years before being an OW. When I was a BS it was my husband who wrecked my home, not an OW. My MM is the person making the decisions to keep a life outside his marriage...he is a grown man and more than capable of making his own decisions. He and his W are the only 2 people on this earth who have the capability of wrecking their marriage. From what you are saying it's illogical to lay blame on myself...so when my mother blamed my father solely for his infidelities and when I was a BS we were illogical for blaming the person who stood before us and God and said that for the rest of their life they would protect us and they would pledge their love and fidelity...that was illogical for us to blame the husbands? Sorry...in my M there was 1 person who cheated on me...there was 1 person who cheated on my mother and there is 1 person cheating on MMs W. Again, I will respectfully agree to disagree with you. I also chuckled when I read the sources of your definition...they are slang and contemporary which is fine if that's what you choose to use. When saying only OW they blew it for me. Another point we can happily disagree on. Link to post Share on other sites
luname84 Posted June 5, 2010 Share Posted June 5, 2010 Yes, but the only person you are cheating on is yourself. You don't owe the wife anything, afterall you don't even know the woman. But you owe your self a better man then that.you are worth a better man then that, and if he's lying to her believe me he will lie to you too. Link to post Share on other sites
MizFit Posted June 5, 2010 Share Posted June 5, 2010 Yes, but the only person you are cheating on is yourself. You don't owe the wife anything, afterall you don't even know the woman. But you owe your self a better man then that.you are worth a better man then that, and if he's lying to her believe me he will lie to you too. I appreciate your concern, but I'm not cheating on myself nor am I cheating myself out of anything. I was out for dinner (he cooked) earlier with a lovely and very successful man I've seen a few times...we had a great time and he brought me home and went to see his granddaughter. He's coming into Newcastle one day next week so we can have a wander around the quayside on my lunch hour. I also am going away with MM for a few days next week...I am quite happy with what I have and I don't feel I'm missing out on anything. He has nothing to lie to me about. I know exactly where he stands and he knows the same of me...I'm happy to answer any questions PM, but I think after all the pages of me going on people are getting tired of my story on this thread! If you look at the current thread about MM lying to OW you'll see my responses about his lying there. Take care... Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted June 7, 2010 Share Posted June 7, 2010 Great! Glad it's all so kosher! Let us know what his wife says when you go over for a visit. Link to post Share on other sites
MizFit Posted June 7, 2010 Share Posted June 7, 2010 Great! Glad it's all so kosher! Let us know what his wife says when you go over for a visit. Since neither she nor I have any desire to foster a relationship between us I doubt that'll happen. As far as going to visit him...I've been there, but I wouldn't drop in on his life without his ok any more than he would mine. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted June 7, 2010 Share Posted June 7, 2010 Yes, but the only person you are cheating on is yourself. You don't owe the wife anything, afterall you don't even know the woman. exactly....so to hell with the wife:rolleyes: Link to post Share on other sites
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