donnamaybe Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 Donna? The "I" word? One can only post from their own perspective, no? *I* was technically a cheater. My unmarried affair partner was not. Integrity. Some have it; others not so much. That was the point you made in your post if I'm not mistaken. Link to post Share on other sites
HappyAtLast Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 Thank you for the clarification on the *I* word Donna. *I* was genuinely confused! Link to post Share on other sites
RedDevil66 Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 What I can't understand is those that are so convinced that they are not cheaters and hold no culpability are so very passionate about their innocence. That confuses me. Methinks thou doth protest too much?? I cannot recall the poster, but she said it best in another post, deluded is a good way to describe it Link to post Share on other sites
MizFit Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 What I can't understand is those that are so convinced that they are not cheaters and hold no culpability are so very passionate about their innocence. That confuses me. Methinks thou doth protest too much?? Only as much as those that keep banging on about our guilt. If we didn't come back and offer explanations or debate we'd be called for not standing our corner. Many OW think that BS reconciling are exhalting their new relationships in the same way...it's all a matter of perspective. I'm of the opinion that I'll come in and speak my mind until I start repeating or chasing my tail...then I let it go and go on my way. If I feel attacked then I defend...that's human nature...especially some times of the month... Link to post Share on other sites
HappyAtLast Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 I believe that it is the word "cheater" to which folks object. As I've said, I, being the married one, was a cheater. My affair partner, unmarried, while not technically a cheater did not in any way feel the she was innocent of wrong doing. Link to post Share on other sites
MizFit Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 I cannot recall the poster, but she said it best in another post, deluded is a good way to describe it So I have an opinion and a belief that doesn't match up with yours and that makes me deluded. Gee...I thought it made me opinionated... Link to post Share on other sites
Snowflower Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 Many OW think that BS reconciling are exhalting their new relationships in the same way...it's all a matter of perspective. . Huh, what does this have to do with the original question of this thread? To answer the original question, if the OP is single they are not 'cheating' --that is an inaccurate term. The OP is culpable for their actions but they are not cheating, IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
MizFit Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 Huh, what does this have to do with the original question of this thread? To answer the original question, if the OP is single they are not 'cheating' --that is an inaccurate term. The OP is culpable for their actions but they are not cheating, IMO. If you'd like to put my quote back into context you would see it related to a comment about OW protesting too much. I was making the comment it's about perspectives...so, in response to your question it did not have anything to do with the OP, but it did serve as a direct response to a remark that someone else made. Link to post Share on other sites
RedDevil66 Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 So I have an opinion and a belief that doesn't match up with yours and that makes me deluded. Gee...I thought it made me opinionated... How did my comment become about you?! But since you honed in, yes, I do believe your thoughts about your situation are deluded. It's called affair fog. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 Is one a cheater if they are screwing around with someone elses spouse? No. Unscrupulous homewrecking louse, yes....cheater....no. Link to post Share on other sites
RedDevil66 Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 Is one a cheater if they sleep with someone elses spouse? No. Unscrupulous homewrecking louse, yes....cheater....no. If I said this, the "OW brigade" would be hitting "REPORT POST" over and over and over..... ;-) Link to post Share on other sites
Snowflower Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 If you'd like to put my quote back into context you would see it related to a comment about OW protesting too much. I was making the comment it's about perspectives...so, in response to your question it did not have anything to do with the OP, but it did serve as a direct response to a remark that someone else made. I snipped your quote for brevity, not to take anything out of context. I apologize if that is how it appeared, it was not my intent. Okay, I got it...it's about perspectives. But as long as there is a little dig at the BS...it's a good perspective, I think... Link to post Share on other sites
MizFit Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 If I said this, the "OW brigade" would be hitting "REPORT POST" over and over and over..... ;-) Maybe referring to a group as a 'brigade' gets the defenses up...go figure why anyone would take offense to posts like this. I have never reported anyone on here. If I disagree with someone or don't like what they said I call them on it. If I think they're just being ignorant and stirring things up I just let them get on with it. Link to post Share on other sites
RedDevil66 Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 Maybe referring to a group as a 'brigade' gets the defenses up...go figure why anyone would take offense to posts like this. I have never reported anyone on here. If I disagree with someone or don't like what they said I call them on it. If I think they're just being ignorant and stirring things up I just let them get on with it. I was NOT ref. to you here. Lower your defenses a little, really! Not everything I say is about you Link to post Share on other sites
MizFit Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 I snipped your quote for brevity, not to take anything out of context. I apologize if that is how it appeared, it was not my intent. Okay, I got it...it's about perspectives. But as long as there is a little dig at the BS...it's a good perspective, I think... No, it wasn't a dig...it was showing a perspective. Someone had made the not so nice comment that if OW come into a thread and defend themselves it was a matter of protesting too much...and I used the other example that is often on these threads. I really don't know if there could be another example of perspectives I could have used. That was not a dig...it was a comment. If you care to look at digs just look at the last two pages of this thread...there are enough digs about OW to get us a direct tunnel to China. I don't know if you've noticed, but I don't do shrill and name calling and cackling. I try my hardest to stay as calm and rational as possible. I have a tremendous respect for BS...I remember what it felt to be one. Anyway...it's past 11 here...I'm going to probably disappear in a few minutes and get some sleep. I'm sure the party can go on without me! Link to post Share on other sites
MizFit Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 I was NOT ref. to you here. Lower your defenses a little, really! Not everything I say is about you I didn't say your comment was a reference to me...I simply responded. I have no idea what other OW normally hit report post and since I appear to be the only one here I made comment for myself. My defenses are absolutely fine...you made a cutting remark and I responded. I also noted that I would prefer to sort things with someone directly rather than go and report a post. If you took this as me taking it personally that is your interpretation. As you can well see I've been responding to quite a few people. Link to post Share on other sites
RedDevil66 Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 I didn't say your comment was a reference to me...I simply responded. I have no idea what other OW normally hit report post and since I appear to be the only one here I made comment for myself. My defenses are absolutely fine...you made a cutting remark and I responded. I also noted that I would prefer to sort things with someone directly rather than go and report a post. If you took this as me taking it personally that is your interpretation. As you can well see I've been responding to quite a few people. go get some sleep Link to post Share on other sites
MizFit Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 Is one a cheater if they are screwing around with someone elses spouse? No. Unscrupulous homewrecking louse, yes....cheater....no. Yes...a WS chooses to go outside the marriage for whatever either they, or the M were lacking...they turn their back on their family...they defy the vows made to God and their spouse...and the AP is the homewrecker. Right... Link to post Share on other sites
MizFit Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 go get some sleep I plan to...thanks...have a good night. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 If I said this, the "OW brigade" would be hitting "REPORT POST" over and over and over..... ;-) well, seems that those that do feel they have a license to hurt people in real life, but can't take the truth in an internet forum. Link to post Share on other sites
RedDevil66 Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 well, seems that those that do feel they have a license to hurt people in real life, but can't take the truth in an internet forum. Well the truth is like kyrptonite to a person in denial. I know it was for me when I lived in this "lost" world. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 Yes...a WS chooses to go outside the marriage for whatever either they, or the M were lacking...they turn their back on their family...they defy the vows made to God and their spouse...and the AP is the homewrecker. Right... I don't disagree with you at all. The cheating married person is the real louse. But this thread is about a question of what the interloper is, isn't it? Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 In response to the bolded portion...you can't have an affair, but add a hooker or a ONS and you still have infidelity. In resonse to the italicized portion...she didn't inflict the pain on you, he did. I do understand from previous posts that she did some odd and spiteful things to hurt you and I think that she (and a friend of mine who did similar) is the exception rather than the norm, but at the end of the day your husband made you vulnerable to that. I know you understand this...I don't want to get into a debate with about it. I have tremendous respect to your attitude and effort to your R and to the OW, but I am making a general point about the WS creating the situation. The IC take is quite interesting. As I mentioned I have a friend who did something that may have been similar...she would have given Glenn Close a run for her money in the bunny boiler stakes. I think much of what IC said probably applied to her and it was heartbreaking to see her self destruct and try so hard to take someone with her. Oh, on this we agree! He did make me vulnerable to this mess. But it wasn't like the AP is a total innocent in this situation. Everyone has to believe the same old sorry script that the MM/MW is oh so unhappy at home; that the attraction is/becomes intense between the MM/MW and OM/OW, and that a million steps are taken, no CHOSEN, to fuel that attraction until it becomes an affair. There is a shared culpability between the two affairees to not only minimize the marriage and the unsuspecting spouse, but to mostly keep it all secret and to be complicit in the keeping of secrets, not only from the spouse, but from everyone in the married partner's life; children, friends, extended family, the boss, the co-workers. That's a lot of work and energy and efforts in deception, IMHO. I personally, couldn't do it for love, or money, or lust, or validation. I understand it. But I could not be that person. I'd be cheating myself of my integrity. Link to post Share on other sites
Snowflower Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 No, it wasn't a dig...it was showing a perspective. Someone had made the not so nice comment that if OW come into a thread and defend themselves it was a matter of protesting too much...and I used the other example that is often on these threads. I really don't know if there could be another example of perspectives I could have used. That was not a dig...it was a comment. Okay, fair enough...it was a comment. I've just seen a lot of 'comments' from posters (not all OW) about reconciling BS and if they are happy with how their marriage is recovering, then they are seen as being fake. It's annoying, that's all. If you care to look at digs just look at the last two pages of this thread...there are enough digs about OW to get us a direct tunnel to China. Oh probably...but the OP seemed to kind of set that up with the start of thread. The us against them mentality. It's why I chose to stay off the thread until today. I don't know if you've noticed, but I don't do shrill and name calling and cackling. I try my hardest to stay as calm and rational as possible. I have a tremendous respect for BS...I remember what it felt to be one. No, I have noticed and that is why I was surprised at the comment about BS, at least initially. Anyway...it's past 11 here...I'm going to probably disappear in a few minutes and get some sleep. I'm sure the party can go on without me! Good night! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mombot Posted June 3, 2010 Author Share Posted June 3, 2010 Would he be with someone else if I wasn't the OW? I'm pretty sure he'd have some ONS for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
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