Not alone but still confused

[sd]

Hello eveyone,

Well this is my first post so I hope I make some sence out of my babblings. First off I am 31 and my wife will be 30 this year. I seem to have the same problem alot of you have but I am not srue how to handle it. MY wife and I used to make love 4-5 times a week when we met and untill 2000 I was always pretty happy with her she was willing to try new things sexualy. I shoudl first say making love to me is anything from oral to the use to ties and toys we are still sharing ourselves in a very intimate mater. (she does nto agree as I will find out mot o you wil not either I am guessing) So in 2000 we didhave a life changing thing happen we lost our first born during delivery to cord rap but since then have given birth to a wonderful 21 month old son.

 

I guess I am trying to say we are very happy everyway but sexualy, well again let me refraze that sheis happy I am not 1 a month is normal for us these days. I don't know what to do she says she is in love with me but does not love me WTF is that to me it means I am staying with you because I am not because I have feelings for you but because it is easier.

 

 

I guess I am hoping someone will read this and help me to decifer thi mess I wil answer anyquestions to help and I have had a very sexual past ompared to her tht she does know about but I have never cheated or even looked at nother woman that way. I hope to hear form someone soon thank you in advane SD

[Stone]

Losing a child is such a horried loss for the both of you, and i am sorry for your loss, people greive diffrently than others and it might be taking her longer or effecting her diffrently to move on. It probably wouldn't hurt both of you if you got some type of group and independant therapy to help cope with your loss. and maby get some temporary medication of her depression. She isn't feeling like she did a year ago, but you must support eachother and I hope your relationship will improve with time. when some people are coping with a loss they shut their partners and loved one's out of their life. THis might be the case here.

 

Hope everything works out

[peakey]

There's lots of things that can affect a woman's sex drive:

 

1) I had a miscarriage about five years ago, and I can tell you that losing a baby can scar you for a long, long time. It's hard to feel sexual when you are mourning the loss of a child.

 

2) I now have two children, 3 1/2 yrs old and 3 months old. And having children can also dampen your sex drive. Especially early on (by which I mean the first few YEARS, not just months!). It's hard to explain. But early on, some women still feel like they want to get their body back before giving it to someone else. After all, you've had someone "inhabit" your body for nine months, and as lovely as that is, it can be a relief to have your body back. But if you breastfeed, then you're still having demands on your body, and you can feel overwhelmed. Not to mention being totally exhausted.

Right now, our oldest child has trouble getting to sleep, and staying asleep, so most nights, I'm in bed by midnight, kept awake half the night, and have ZERO energy for anything else. Unless you are a mother, it is hard to imagine how totally exhausting motherhood can be. For a long, long time. And it's hard to feel sexual when you are completely exhausted.

 

3) Also, for many women (and men too), your sex drive just diminishes with time, the longer you're with someone. It's normal. Totally normal. But maybe people don't know that. Maybe for some people it slows down faster than for others, but there's things you can do about it.

 

4) Health problems

 

5) Being unhappy about your marriage. Even (or I should say especially) being unhappy about who does the housework and stuff like that. I know in my case my H didn't do much around the house, even though we both worked full time, and I got to feeling resentful. It's hard to feel sexual when you're resenting your partner!

 

Anyway, the upshot of all this is, open up the lines of communication. Ask if there's anything bugging her. Keep asking. Don't take "nothing" for an answer. And truly, see a therapist or marriage councellor, together and maybe apart, before it's too late.

 

And best of luck.