"Better to marry a man who loves you more than you love him"

[Woggle]

 

This is another case of men's actions and words not lining up. Most men, when presented with a woman who busts her butt to love him full throttle, don't take well to it. I say this as a passionate individual who in the past has given my all to relationships. Men have responded much better across the board when my actions indicated that I wasn't as invested, that I could take him or leave him. When women go all in and love with all their heart, men often get "scared", or bored, or begin to take it for granted.

 

You must have had some bad experiences because most men I know would love to find a woman like this. Women respond much better to men who couldn't care less as well. Be honest if these men you gave all to loved you back just as much would you have still been as interested?

[Ruby Slippers]

You must have had some bad experiences because most men I know would love to find a woman like this. Women respond much better to men who couldn't care less as well. Be honest if these men you gave all to loved you back just as much would you have still been as interested?

Of course. My best relationship by far was with a guy who treated me like a queen every day. We lavished each other with love, and there was this glow around us whenever we were together. We turned heads and got sappy comments all the time, and it just kept getting better.

 

He was a little more into me, by the way, and he knew it and loved it. From the moment we met, he treated me like his dream girl, and he took his time convincing me he was my dream guy.

 

Unfortunately, he had a crazy, controlling, dysfunctional family, and the more we pushed back against them meddling in our life, the crazier they got, and he couldn't really deal with it. It is something he has struggled with his whole life.

 

That breakup totally broke my heart. I really thought he was it. But I got over it the best I could. We are good friends now, and we'd be there for each other no matter what.

[hats]

I think this is true because women are generally needier than men.

[Woggle]

Of course. My best relationship by far was with a guy who treated me like a queen every day. We lavished each other with love, and there was this glow around us whenever we were together. We turned heads and got sappy comments all the time, and it just kept getting better.

 

He was a little more into me, by the way, and he knew it and loved it. From the moment we met, he treated me like his dream girl, and he took his time convincing me he was my dream guy.

 

Unfortunately, he had a crazy, controlling, dysfunctional family, and the more we pushed back against them meddling in our life, the crazier they got, and he couldn't really deal with it. It is something he has struggled with his whole life.

 

That breakup totally broke my heart. I really thought he was it. But I got over it the best I could. We are good friends now, and we'd be there for each other no matter what.

 

I am sorry to hear about that. I understand your cyncism because I get that way in my darker as you all know but I know deep down the tit for tat thing is not good fo any relationship. It should be based on mutual love and respect and not keeping score. This board is filled with examples of what happens when a man loves a woman more and it is not pretty.

 

Men know all too well what happens when we are more into them.

[Ruby Slippers]

I think this is true because women are generally needier than men.

Exactly! I have a bisexual friend who has had relationships with both women and men, and she told me that women need constant attention and care. "But men," she said, "are like low-maintenance house plants. You can neglect them for weeks and they don't even notice."

 

I am sorry to hear about that. I understand your cyncism because I get that way in my darker as you all know but I know deep down the tit for tat thing is not good fo any relationship. It should be based on mutual love and respect and not keeping score. This board is filled with examples of what happens when a man loves a woman more and it is not pretty.

Thanks. And I understand what you're saying. I believe that when/if I meet the right guy, the dynamic will be pretty easy and effortless. It was with the guy I mentioned above. If not for his wacko family, I think we could have been happy together for a lifetime.

 

However, I maintain that relationships work best when the man is just a little more into the woman. There are numerous biological and sociological reasons for this, and I have read up on the subject pretty extensively. Essentially, men like to feel they have a treasure, and women like to feel that they are treasured. This becomes more important when they start creating a family.

 

I think what you see commonly on this site is men complaining about their problems with women where the investment of energy is WAY off kilter, not where the man is doing just a little more moving toward the woman than the other way around.

[homersheineken]

I think it's absolutely true. I know that in the relationships where the guy was slightly more into me than I was him, we were both much happier. Legitimate studies have backed up this fact, too.

What happens when the woman is a little more into the man is that she is perceived as nagging him in making the futile attempt to balance the distribution of energy. And that sucks for everybody.

 

Such as????

[FoxMulder]

Ahhh, that makes this OP's statement make a bit more sense - he gets it from a TV show. He has already admitted he HAS NO EXPERIENCE with women at all to say what they do or don't do let alone what is common for women.

 

But what is the weirdest part of all this is that we have a bunch a guys on here that say awful things all the time about women as a whole and when taken to task, defend themselves with "I only fee this way because an evil, evil woman did it to me".

 

All while never thinking that a woman would have to have been real heartbroken to come to this conclusion. No, no men never hurt anyone. Women are just born to this mindset genetically.

 

And to you grown men on here - what the haynay? You have a high school boy here making claims about things he has no first hand experience to base it on and yet you're acting like he just brought down a some new chapter of the man bible from on high. He has never had a girlfriend to have experienced being mistreated or dumped callously. Shame on you for being such sheep.

 

Yet several women have said that they think this way.

[FoxMulder]

There is no such thing as "fully in love". Love is subjective, and if it's in any way quantifiable, it's quantifiable by the proportion of energy that someone puts into the relationship. In my experience, relationships work much better when the man is putting in slightly more love/energy than the woman. Not tons more -- a little bit more.

 

Think about the women you are attracted to. Are you more attracted to a woman who inspires you to want to hang the moon for her, or one who does all the work and lets you be lazy?

 

 

This is another case of men's actions and words not lining up. Most men, when presented with a woman who busts her butt to love him full throttle, don't take well to it. I say this as a passionate individual who in the past has given my all to relationships. Men have responded much better across the board when my actions indicated that I wasn't as invested, that I could take him or leave him. When women go all in and love with all their heart, men often get "scared", or bored, or begin to take it for granted.

 

I would be most attracted to a woman who puts in just as much effort in the relationship as I would, shows just as much love and takes just as much initiatives as I would... Women who does all the work and let's me be lazy are not attractive but women who thinks that I should do all the work are not attractive either.

 

You have to understand that far from all men appriciate that kind of behaviour. I would never want to be with a woman who wasn't fully invested in the relationship or could take me or leave me... You don't really love your man if you feel that you could take him or leave him.

 

I think women who thinks that way probably couldn't care less if the boyfriend/husband just left.

[FoxMulder]

Exactly! I have a bisexual friend who has had relationships with both women and men, and she told me that women need constant attention and care. "But men," she said, "are like low-maintenance house plants. You can neglect them for weeks and they don't even notice."

 

 

Thanks. And I understand what you're saying. I believe that when/if I meet the right guy, the dynamic will be pretty easy and effortless. It was with the guy I mentioned above. If not for his wacko family, I think we could have been happy together for a lifetime.

 

However, I maintain that relationships work best when the man is just a little more into the woman. There are numerous biological and sociological reasons for this, and I have read up on the subject pretty extensively. Essentially, men like to feel they have a treasure, and women like to feel that they are treasured. This becomes more important when they start creating a family.

 

I think what you see commonly on this site is men complaining about their problems with women where the investment of energy is WAY off kilter, not where the man is doing just a little more moving toward the woman than the other way around.

 

I think women don't want the man to feel loved, they only want the man to make them feel loved.

[callingyouuu]

However, I maintain that relationships work best when the man is just a little more into the woman. There are numerous biological and sociological reasons for this, and I have read up on the subject pretty extensively. Essentially, men like to feel they have a treasure, and women like to feel that they are treasured. This becomes more important when they start creating a family.

 

I'm really curious about this concept, mostly just because I'm still not sure why it can't be the other way around. Aren't both men and women kind of a blend of both having a treasure and feeling treasured? I just don't understand why men/women would invariably be more one way than the other, as evidenced by the variety of relationships that can function with either the male or the female putting a greater deal of effort into a relationship.

 

I do agree that one side likely has to put a bit more into the relationship than the other side to strike a balance, just because two people are very unlikely to have exactly the same needs. I just don't think that always has to be the man.

[You Go Girl]

Here comes another twisted slated for disaster thread! Gotta love'em!

 

Get REAL. BE REAL.

 

Love shouldn't become marriage unless it's equal, period. Each partner balance things out with their strengths, without letting the other partner slack in some area you have strength in.

 

I don't want to be 'princess-ized'. If I ever get married again, it will be to some guy who will tell me, 'whew! your breath stinks!' and then go on to kiss me anyway.

Anytime the love is off-balance, somebody is going to get used. That would be the person loving more.

Some of you are jaded whiners, it shows...geesh. just get real, be real, and find another real person.

Only time I was 'princess-ized' I was suspicious of it, and rightly so it turned out, because when the test came for realness, he failed. What does 'princess-izing' show about how a man feels about a woman? He's either clueless as to how to be real and have a relationship, or he's playing her as stupid and not respecting the realness of her.

[donnamaybe]

I think women don't want the man to feel loved, they only want the man to make them feel loved.

 

SOME women. Please don't generalize like that.

[Ruby Slippers]

I'm really curious about this concept, mostly just because I'm still not sure why it can't be the other way around. Aren't both men and women kind of a blend of both having a treasure and feeling treasured?

It boils down to biology. In short, it is women's biological role as a gender to create and nurture life, and this burden is primarily women's to bear.

 

We carry the child, go through labor and give birth, endure the strain and physical effects of pregnancy and birth, nurse the infant, and provide primary nurturing and mothering until the child can take care of himself.

 

Being the gender to create and nurture life with your body is both a great power and a tremendous burden.

 

All the man has to do to produce life is have an orgasm and inseminate an ovulating woman. But if he sticks around, the chances of nurturing a healthy, thriving child are highest.

 

So a woman needs to know the man is invested in her, to ensure the greatest likelihood of propagating her genes and the species. She needs to feel confident that he will stick by her, even when she's pregnant, bloated, and hormonal, even after she may experience physical trauma and damage during labor and birth (many women will tell you their bodies are never the same after childbirth -- it is very likely to affect the muscle tone of the abdomen, condition of the breasts, cause stretch marks, and so on), even as she is going through the very necessary sacrifices of motherhood and caring for the offspring.

 

Only a man who truly loves a woman and is committed to her will stick by her through all this. And a smart woman understands that a man who is lukewarm about her, who does not love her deeply, will never endure it.

 

Not everyone wants to have children, but you can't circumvent those evolutionary forces that have been honed for hundreds of generations of humanity.

[CLC2008]

I don't necessarily agree that either gender **should** love the other more.

 

My aunt and I were talking the other day, and somehow the topic of dying came up. She has been a nurse for 40+ years and has had her share of being alongside 100's of dying patients.

 

She said out of all those patients, there were maybe a handful, where it was the man by the woman's side dying.

 

So, just something to consider, at least from a biological standpoint.

[callingyouuu]

So a woman needs to know the man is invested in her, to ensure the greatest likelihood of propagating her genes and the species. She needs to feel confident that he will stick by her, even when she's pregnant, bloated, and hormonal, even after she may experience physical trauma and damage during labor and birth (many women will tell you their bodies are never the same after childbirth -- it is very likely to affect the muscle tone of the abdomen, condition of the breasts, cause stretch marks, and so on), even as she is going through the very necessary sacrifices of motherhood and caring for the offspring.

 

Only a man who truly loves a woman and is committed to her will stick by her through all this. And a smart woman understands that a man who is lukewarm about her, who does not love her deeply, will never endure it.

 

I agree with all of your points, especially the ones in bold. Lack of commitment on the male end is definitely a large reason why relationships fail. I just don't see how that idea illustrates why there needs to be a slight imbalance. Is a man not able to show the necessary love and commitment to make a relationship work unless his SO stays a few steps behind?

[donnamaybe]

I agree with all of your points, especially the ones in bold. Lack of commitment on the male end is definitely a large reason why relationships fail. I just don't see how that idea illustrates why there needs to be a slight imbalance. Is a man not able to show the necessary love and commitment to make a relationship work unless his SO stays a few steps behind?

But it doesn't have to be a lopsided caring as in the man HAS to love the woman more.

 

There should be a mutual wishing the best for each other in all aspects of life/love/etc.

[FoxMulder]

I agree with all of your points, especially the ones in bold. Lack of commitment on the male end is definitely a large reason why relationships fail. I just don't see how that idea illustrates why there needs to be a slight imbalance. Is a man not able to show the necessary love and commitment to make a relationship work unless his SO stays a few steps behind?

 

Yes... but obviously not according to women. I think what it all comes down to is basicly that women are selfish and don't really care about making the man feel loved, they only want the man to make them feel loved.

[donnamaybe]

Yes... but obviously not according to women. I think what it all comes down to is basicly that women are selfish and don't really care about making the man feel loved, they only want the man to make them feel loved.

 

Um, do you read any of MY posts? Or is this every woman but me you're talking about?

[SteveC80]

It boils down to biology. In short, it is women's biological role as a gender to create and nurture life, and this burden is primarily women's to bear.

 

We carry the child, go through labor and give birth, endure the strain and physical effects of pregnancy and birth, nurse the infant, and provide primary nurturing and mothering until the child can take care of himself.

 

Being the gender to create and nurture life with your body is both a great power and a tremendous burden.

 

All the man has to do to produce life is have an orgasm and inseminate an ovulating woman. But if he sticks around, the chances of nurturing a healthy, thriving child are highest.

 

So a woman needs to know the man is invested in her, to ensure the greatest likelihood of propagating her genes and the species. She needs to feel confident that he will stick by her, even when she's pregnant, bloated, and hormonal, even after she may experience physical trauma and damage during labor and birth (many women will tell you their bodies are never the same after childbirth -- it is very likely to affect the muscle tone of the abdomen, condition of the breasts, cause stretch marks, and so on), even as she is going through the very necessary sacrifices of motherhood and caring for the offspring.

 

Only a man who truly loves a woman and is committed to her will stick by her through all this. And a smart woman understands that a man who is lukewarm about her, who does not love her deeply, will never endure it.

 

Not everyone wants to have children, but you can't circumvent those evolutionary forces that have been honed for hundreds of generations of humanity.

 

You could have just saved the trouble and said i want to be treated special plus ive been burnt in the past by giving my love so i cant get hurt again and will use this as a defense mechanism..

 

Love should be as close to equal as possible plus id hope if you truly loved a guy it would be becasue hes a real good guy who also adores you as much as him..Is it the other persons fault if you are more infauted then him or her over trivial things like hes good at sex or has money/status rather then more important reasons..

[FoxMulder]

Um, do you read any of MY posts? Or is this every woman but me you're talking about?

 

Ok, but the majority of women still thinks the same way as "Ruby Slippers" who don't really care about making the man feel loved. Women who think like "Ruby Slippers" probably couldn't care less if their husband/boyfriend left and don't really love their SO that much. But thats just my oppinion.

[donnamaybe]

Ok, but the majority of women still thinks the same way as "Ruby Slippers" who don't really care about making the man feel loved. Women who think like "Ruby Slippers" probably couldn't care less if their husband/boyfriend left and don't really love their SO that much. But thats just my oppinion.

Every woman I call my friend feels the way I do. So do my female family members.

 

Trust me, there are plenty of women who feel the same way I do.

[Ruby Slippers]

I agree with all of your points, especially the ones in bold. Lack of commitment on the male end is definitely a large reason why relationships fail. I just don't see how that idea illustrates why there needs to be a slight imbalance. Is a man not able to show the necessary love and commitment to make a relationship work unless his SO stays a few steps behind?

As I said earlier, love is measurable only by the amount of energy one invests into a relationship. So yes, I think it is important than the man invest slightly more energy.

 

The best example I can think of is a couple that I know and have been friends with for years. I think he is more into her, in that he has seen her more as The One all along. The more time they spend together, the more she sees him that way, and at this point, she wouldn't want to live without him, I'm pretty sure.

 

She is a very smart, capable, appealing woman who has had her choice of partners. Like many men, for most of his 20s and early 30s, he had the tendency to shuffle his feet on commitment, not wanting to "grow up" and do all the things that entails. In fact, for most of her 20s, he was following her around the globe as she earned her degree, worked abroad, and so on. He was very aware that she had plenty of options, so this kept his fire lit to prove himself as the best mate.

 

Because he was a little more into her than she into him, he felt this urgency to secure a commitment and do his part in that. And he continues to view her as a prize, so that feeling of urgency and need to do his part persists, which motivates him to keep being a good partner. And the better he is as a partner, the more secure she is and the more energy she has to give.

 

In general, women are all about working on the relationship, contributing time and energy to making it strong, and so on. This is because our biology drives us toward that end. Men, on the other hand, have a different set of biological imperatives to deal with. If they want a stable relationship, family, and all that entails, they often have to make themselves "grow up" and make that commitment to one woman.

 

Being highly invested in the female is a great motivator to help this process along. If he's not very into her, and, in fact, not a little more into her than she is him, the undertaking will be all the more difficult.

[FoxMulder]

You could have just saved the trouble and said i want to be treated special plus ive been burnt in the past by giving my love so i cant get hurt again and will use this as a defense mechanism..

 

Love should be as close to equal as possible plus id hope if you truly loved a guy it would be becasue hes a real good guy who also adores you as much as him..Is it the other persons fault if you are more infauted then him or her over trivial things like hes good at sex or has money/status rather then more important reasons..

 

I defenitley agree. I just can't see how it can be healthy for a relationship if the man loves more than the woman because that means the woman will always have the upper hand and the advantage in the relationship, and a woman who wants that is very selfish imo.

[CLC2008]

As I said earlier, love is measurable only by the amount of energy one invests into a relationship.

 

I can see the truth in this.

 

OP, if you don't mind me asking, what has been your longest LTR?

[Ruby Slippers]

You could have just saved the trouble and said i want to be treated special plus ive been burnt in the past by giving my love so i cant get hurt again and will use this as a defense mechanism.

Who doesn't want to be treated special? Only a fool, or a masochist.

 

And anyone who's done any living whatsoever has probably been burned. A smart individual will learn from those mistakes and make wiser choices about how to invest their energy in the future.

 

Women who think like "Ruby Slippers" probably couldn't care less if their husband/boyfriend left and don't really love their SO that much. But thats just my oppinion.

This is just laughable. I love body and soul, and I delight in making my man as happy as possible. No man who has been with me would argue with that.

 

The thread is degenerating because of the fears of some insecure men who repeatedly distort what others are saying -- a common devolutionary process on LS.