Jackie Posted July 10, 2000 Share Posted July 10, 2000 Please tell me if I am nuts. I live in NY with my boyfriend of 2 years. There are beautiful women everywhere and while consider myself very attractive...heres the problem... When we go out on the streets or to some event, my boyfriend is always staring at other women. He is holding my hand and its not just a passing glance, he is making eye contact with them as they are passing by. It makes feel so ugly...you can't imagine what this does for my self esteen. I have tried to tell him and of course..he denies, denies, denies.... I would never treat him with such disrespect. Its just me and him. I have no family and too embarressed to let my friends know how insecure I am. My boyfriend tells me I am repressed and we argue and he tells me he can't keep his head down whenever we go out. Man...I never said that, just a little respect for the woman you are with. Is that so terrible? Link to post Share on other sites
nina Posted July 10, 2000 Share Posted July 10, 2000 you said you would never do that to him. maybe you should make him see you you feel when he does that. I agree with you that is so disrespectful guys who do that right in front of you and deny it are just one of those guys that give guys a bad name Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 10, 2000 Share Posted July 10, 2000 well heres the thing...i agree with you..he should respect you..but you have to keep in mind that he really is only looking...now if he were to act on that then i can surely see the problem..theres not a cut and dry answer to that...in some sense it is wrong, but in another sense you can't expect him to go through his whole life not looking at beautiful women..you have to remember though if he's looking at these women that you think are beautiful and he thinks that too then can you imagine how he views you since hes actually with you? hes with you and he really doesn't have to be..he MUST think that you are a wonderful beautiful woman, so i wouldn't worry too much...the way that i delt with that with my old girlfriend is that i just said, "if you really need to look at them then go ahead, i can't stop you from doing that. but when you start doing more than that then we have a major problem" ..perhaps you're too afraid of losing him, but if you both feel strongly about the relationship then i wouldn't worry too much. and i always thought that if i could do things to get my girlfriend to want to look at me more then the feeling of looking at other people goes away quickly..for example if she said she liked the way i looked in a sweater or something..i'd wear that out with her knowing that she would look at me in it from across the room...and she knew how to do that too...she used to wear skirts because i loved her legs and i must say that my attention was not on other women when she wore that..things like that will help you out...hope it works out for you...try not to worry too much, but at the same time keep an eye out and let him know how you feel if its really messing things up too much..good luck.. Steve Link to post Share on other sites
billy the kid Posted July 10, 2000 Share Posted July 10, 2000 well you asked sooooo yes you are nuts isp if you are living in NY Link to post Share on other sites
billy the kid Posted July 10, 2000 Share Posted July 10, 2000 and I was just joking. there is nothing wrong with Ny... so don't get upset...I really felt bad aobut my last post, I didn't mean to make it sexest.. (master t will repremand me I am sure) I just choose to make light in bad situations..love is suspose to be fun, and enjoying.. and I could go on for ever...so I if your not in that mood guess what? a very good friend of mine told me way back when that it was called peverted love, nothing sick, just you can not love and hate, dislike, not trust, not believe in, just any of the negatives and still call it true love.. oh well maybe I just have my head on backwords.... Please tell me if I am nuts. I live in NY with my boyfriend of 2 years. There are beautiful women everywhere and while consider myself very attractive...heres the problem... When we go out on the streets or to some event, my boyfriend is always staring at other women. He is holding my hand and its not just a passing glance, he is making eye contact with them as they are passing by. It makes feel so ugly...you can't imagine what this does for my self esteen. I have tried to tell him and of course..he denies, denies, denies.... I would never treat him with such disrespect. Its just me and him. I have no family and too embarressed to let my friends know how insecure I am. My boyfriend tells me I am repressed and we argue and he tells me he can't keep his head down whenever we go out. Man...I never said that, just a little respect for the woman you are with. Is that so terrible? Link to post Share on other sites
april Posted July 11, 2000 Share Posted July 11, 2000 ya know i'm not saying that you have a bad jealousy problem cause i don't know, but i sure do. i went as far as going to counseling for it at my b'f's insistence cause he was ready to leave me. well i found out in counseling that he also had issues that needed to be addressed and one of them was that he intentionally did things to provoke my jealousy! then blamed me for being too jealousy! well i came up with the idea on my own to look the other way, literally, when i saw an attractive woman approaching i looked to the other side, that way i did not and could not see if he even looked at her and if he did i didn't even know it and we went on our merry lit'l way. well guess what, it seemed to take the punch out of his "looking" he really don't look that much anymore, i still look the other way most of the time tho cause i don't want to know if he is looking or not. hope that helps...april Link to post Share on other sites
Queenie Posted July 11, 2000 Share Posted July 11, 2000 Would you like to know what really drives me nuts????? The statement: "really, he is only looking, now if he was acting on it......" That's a COP OUT LINE !!! The guy is looking at other women and for a fraction of seconds he is fantasizing about what it would be like to see her naked and what she would look like in bed. Come on guys - what do you think we are stupid??? And us females are not supposed to think anything of it? At least if your'e going to look don't get caught, if you get caught you PAY THE CONSEQUENCES (and please don't think anything of it!) well heres the thing...i agree with you..he should respect you..but you have to keep in mind that he really is only looking...now if he were to act on that then i can surely see the problem..theres not a cut and dry answer to that...in some sense it is wrong, but in another sense you can't expect him to go through his whole life not looking at beautiful women..you have to remember though if he's looking at these women that you think are beautiful and he thinks that too then can you imagine how he views you since hes actually with you? hes with you and he really doesn't have to be..he MUST think that you are a wonderful beautiful woman, so i wouldn't worry too much...the way that i delt with that with my old girlfriend is that i just said, "if you really need to look at them then go ahead, i can't stop you from doing that. but when you start doing more than that then we have a major problem" ..perhaps you're too afraid of losing him, but if you both feel strongly about the relationship then i wouldn't worry too much. and i always thought that if i could do things to get my girlfriend to want to look at me more then the feeling of looking at other people goes away quickly..for example if she said she liked the way i looked in a sweater or something..i'd wear that out with her knowing that she would look at me in it from across the room...and she knew how to do that too...she used to wear skirts because i loved her legs and i must say that my attention was not on other women when she wore that..things like that will help you out...hope it works out for you...try not to worry too much, but at the same time keep an eye out and let him know how you feel if its really messing things up too much..good luck.. Link to post Share on other sites
Dover Posted July 11, 2000 Share Posted July 11, 2000 Dear April, I am happy that your solution is working for you for now. Sometimes ignorance is bliss. However, I hope you realize there are times to look the other way and times to pay attention. The real art is becoming wise enough to know when to do which. Dover Link to post Share on other sites
Elmer Posted July 13, 2000 Share Posted July 13, 2000 I can only speak for myself, but I find myself looking at women when I feel somewhat distanced from my girlfriend. When things are good I don't look much, when things are really good I don't look at all. Making eye contact when things are good just makes me uncomfortable. Just an opinion, I'm sure not all guys are the same in this matter. Link to post Share on other sites
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