Ended FWB but feel a little bit crap about it

[colloquialism]

I ended my friends-with-benefits situation today. The second the words came out, I regretted it. I shouldn't regret it, because it was the right decision. I developed feelings. He didn't.

 

And I ended it, but didn't tell him that it was because of feelings. Because I knew that he didn't return them, and didn't really want to open that particular can of worms.

 

He was cool with it ending, but there is this annoying part of me that just wishes I'd kept my mouth shut, despite knowing that it would have been really bad for me to keep it up when I had feelings.

 

I think I just need reassurance that I did the right thing. I know that I did, really I do. But I'm having a little bit of difficulty dealing with the fact that I won't get to have wild crazy sex with him anymore. It was really, really good sex. He's an incredible lover, and I tried so hard to stay detached but it got to the point where it was consuming my every thought, and I just spent all day thinking about it and wishing it was more and hating myself for settling for less.

 

So I did what I had to and walked away, and now what I'm looking for is just a little bit of a firm reminder that doing exactly that - walking away - is something that I will be glad I did sooner rather than later.

 

I hated that I was behaving in a way that was so disrespectful to myself; if casual sex was all I'd wanted it would have been fine, and for the first few months that IS all I wanted. I didn't foresee these feelings developing and once they did I knew I had to end it.

 

Why does it hurt? It wasn't even anything, but I feel so down about not getting to be with him in that capacity again. Yes, there's a part of me that feels like I escaped in the nick of time, but regardless of how RIGHT my brain says it is, I'm still just a bit bummed about the whole thing.

 

Sorry for the rant, just wanting to get it off my chest, and get a bit of reassurance.

 

Hope you're all having a lovely day.

[xpaperxcutx]

No need to feel crappy about it, you honestly did the right thing.

 

No matter how good the sex was, you'll never have his heart, that is what you wanted right?

 

After the whole FWB experience, you actually learned something new about yourself, like that you're capable of falling in love with someone, or that a FWB should never last longer than a couple of months.

[xpaperxcutx]

Oh and from personal experience, after the few fWBs I'd had ( around 3 in total) I can say that despite loving sex alot, I can't really bring myself to sleep around as much as I used to. Most of it were fun, but after the sex, I normally don't really want to be around the guys.

[colloquialism]

Hey, thanks for the reply

 

I know there's no need to feel crappy, which I think is part of why I'm so frustrated that I do! I know I did the right thing, I know it would never become more - I did what I had to do and I don't regret the decision in a way that means I would take it back! I just need to keep my brain occupied while the emotions settle.

 

This is the only FWB situation I've been in, and at the start I honestly didn't think I would develop feelings that were anything but platonic.

 

I don't regret the experience, because it has been very revealing. I know now that I just can't do the casual sex thing, even if I think I won't develop feelings. I've learnt a lot, and really that's all I can ask. I just have to ride out these crappy feelings for a little while.

 

Oh well, you live, you learn.

[sugarmomma]

You did the right thing!!! You don't have to settle for sex when you deserve to be loved and cherished. I would suggest going NC completely and look deeper to find out why you settled for something so meaningless in the first place.

 

You deserve the best. I had to let go of the best sex I ever had as well and guess what? It passed and I moved on to something better. But Ihad to let go of someone that didn't feel the same way I did.

 

Be string because he might try to get back in. Just play the whole tape out and remember what you felt like after he has done his business and gone on his way.

[colloquialism]

I know I did the right thing. But it all kinda hit me today that even though I did the right thing I'm going to miss the intimacy. And that's precisely why it had to end, I know. It was meaning too much, when for him, it really didn't mean anything.

 

I keep wishing stupid things, and I just want to be over it. I was fine the first day, was like "Yeah, I ended it on MY terms, I was the one who walked away first. Glad I cut that off before it got too far!"

 

Then I had that whole "Oh, ****. I wish I hadn't done that." Which I had to fight, obviously! Kept telling myself it was the right decision, over and over again. That annoying hopeful part of me that kinda hoped he missed me a little bit needs to be destroyed, which I am working on.

 

Now I'm kinda just a bit bummed out. Feel a bit used (which I knew going into it, that it was a mutual using of one another. Didn't think I'd be quite so affected by it!) and like I wish I'd never done it. A bit angry that he picked the benefits over the friendship. Annoyed that I can't seem to stop thinking about it.

 

Any tips for this period? I just can't seem to get my mind off it.