24 year old hopeless bloke no confidence

[scoops]

Hello im hoping for some advice on what to do about my siutation.

 

I am a 24 year old virgin who finds it very difficult to be remotely intimate with a girl. I have confidence in other aspects of my life, work is going well i have close good friends but not that special someone.

 

I had some things happen to me as a child which kind of knocked my confidence with women, bad things this makes me think irrationally i know that no woman will find me attractive (low self esteem) as i have nothing to offer.

 

Most of my friends are female and i am really close to them but it always ends up being more like a brother sister relationship with them telling me everything about what is going on with them.

 

There is one girl at work which i know is awkward who i like alot and i think she liked me but when i asked her out she said we want different things (i see a future with kids and settling down married etc) she does not want this ( btw i did not corner her and ask her hand in marriage lol, it came up in the many conversations we have had). I know she did like me as all of our female friends told me she confessed to them she did (her best friend included), people always ask if we are together and if not, why not. When i asked the girl in question after i foolishly asked her out she said she thinks she would mess me around and she likes me too much to do that to me. But i swear when we talk there is something there, we get each others sense of humour perfectly, take the mick out of each other and can complete each sentences we are close but i am well confused.

 

I dont know what to do she has no idea i am virgin and have very little experience with girls in fact most of friends have no idea as its not something i like to parade about. The sex thing i dont really care about its the intimacy of getting close to a girl that i am really missing, actaully being in love.

 

Ok i am going to shut up now enough pouring my heart out... appolgies but i want ppl who offer adnvice to know eveything as i am seriously at a loss at how to proceed in general let alone with the girl in question. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

[Ronni_W]

To increase your self-esteem (which, women find high self-esteem and confidence very attractive ), you could try therapy or do self-help. A couple of good, free online resources are: coping(dot)org, and self-esteem-experts(dot)com.

 

To increase your sexual expertise, pick up some books -- education is confidence is power, yes? Try any/all of: (The New) Male Sexuality. How to Make Love All Night Long...and Drive a Woman Wild. The Joy of Sex.

 

The girl at work who has already turned down your invitation for a date...I think you're gonna have to let that one go. I hear you, that you two get along great as friends...and that kinda sounds like where she's comfortable with you.

 

You could try asking her out one more time and if she gives you the same "we want different things" line, you could try some response like, "What? You don't want to eat lunch?" (or "see a movie", or whatever you actually invite her to.) If she still hems and haws, you could try, "Don't worry, Sue. I promise not to kidnap you and keep you barefoot and pregnant in my dungeon."

 

Okay. Those may be lame but the point is to have a witty comeback for either of those possibilities. And if she still says no, then just accept it with good grace. If she still says no, that means that she is not romantically interested in you...and the fact that you two get along so well otherwise is not an indicator of her romantic interest.

 

Best of luck with all of it.

[Green]

What happened in you child hood? Whatever it was you can over come it... Look when that girl said "we want different things blah blah blah" you should have shut her up with a KISS... I'm saying you should have just kissed her mid sentance

[scoops]

Thanks Ronni it helps get an outsiders perspective i am going out on Fri with her as its our mates bday party she cant stay long long as meeting up with her bro hasnt seen in ages.

 

I think your right i need to try and focus my mind on moving on i would rather have her in my life as a friend than not at all.

 

Cheers Green to be honest your not the first person to have said that, her best mate when we stayed at her pretty much told me to get up her bedroom (she was sleeping on the couch) and basically you know, but i wasnt as drunk and the girl i like and thought it may be kinda of not right, i should have mademy move then more than possibly i blew it then.

 

With regards to my youth, i was abused sexually, i have kind of come to terms with it as i was young but it definitely has left a scar that makes it hard to get intimate with girls even kissing them freaks me out. This may sound strange but the girl i like has had similar experience thats why i feel such a strong connection and have been able to open up with her more than any other woman, but maybe that is not what i should be looking for maybe we are supposed to be jst good friends...